1
00:00:02,577 --> 00:00:03,544
Previously...
2
00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:08,591
All I know is some stiletto-heeled
Mexicunt screeches at you,
3
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,343
and suddenly the marriage is off.
4
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,679
They want me to have this baby totally
off the grid, no birth certificate.
5
00:00:14,197 --> 00:00:17,975
If I disappear, if the baby disappears,
nobody knows, it's Rosemary's Baby.
6
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,823
We gotta go to Dr. Lehman's.
I have to have this baby right now.
7
00:00:21,908 --> 00:00:23,561
- My boob.
- Deal with it.
8
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:30,154
I need to ask you a question.
Are you a closer or a loser?
9
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:33,171
You're Pretty! will front you
all the products that you need
10
00:00:33,296 --> 00:00:35,409
to put yourself on the road
to financial freedom.
11
00:00:35,737 --> 00:00:38,954
Very impressive.
Thanks for involving me, dickhead.
12
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,123
- You're fucking jinx.
- You're a douchebag.
13
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,951
- Everybody down!
- Shit.
14
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:45,294
- Is this a joke?
- No, it's no joke, fat-ass.
15
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,088
You have the right to remain silent.
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00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,548
I need you to get the baby out of me
as soon as possible.
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00:00:49,918 --> 00:00:51,759
You're two days away
from your due date.
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00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:54,136
The father is a drug kingpin,
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00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,180
which could pose a problem
if he decided
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to kill its mother
the minute she gives birth.
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00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:00,866
He has your eyes.
22
00:01:15,481 --> 00:01:17,504
Weeds 508
A Distinctive Horn
23
00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:23,108
By the Fumistes team.
lesfumistes[at]gmail.com
24
00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:42,601
This is a very handsome boy.
25
00:01:43,331 --> 00:01:45,521
You must have a very beautiful life.
26
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,941
- Do you want...
- What the fuck are doing?
27
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,777
Don't interrupt me, Nancy.
28
00:01:52,588 --> 00:01:53,571
It's impolite.
29
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:56,365
And breaches in etiquette
make me want to
30
00:01:57,241 --> 00:01:58,200
throw things.
31
00:01:59,489 --> 00:02:01,579
Right, mi rey pequeño?
32
00:02:04,753 --> 00:02:07,084
Do you want to know
why I've never had children?
33
00:02:07,957 --> 00:02:10,969
Because you'd eat them
and children are super fattening?
34
00:02:11,094 --> 00:02:12,673
Children are inconvenient.
35
00:02:13,018 --> 00:02:14,912
They complicate
even the simplest things.
36
00:02:15,037 --> 00:02:17,133
And they want, and they want,
37
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,264
and if you let them,
they'll take everything you have.
38
00:02:21,346 --> 00:02:23,851
This little milk ball was a mistake.
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00:02:24,341 --> 00:02:27,905
A mistake that would end the career
of a very promising politician.
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00:02:28,387 --> 00:02:31,192
I am here to correct that mistake.
41
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,904
You can help me,
or you can try to stop me.
42
00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:37,972
Which do you think would be better
for the handsome man
43
00:02:38,097 --> 00:02:39,575
in your beautiful life?
44
00:02:52,007 --> 00:02:54,057
Raylene, I need to talk to you.
45
00:02:54,182 --> 00:02:55,897
There is a Q&A after the seminar,
46
00:02:56,022 --> 00:02:57,885
I'm sure it'll answer
all your questions.
47
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,970
No one is buying this shit.
48
00:03:03,096 --> 00:03:04,806
I'll be just a minute.
49
00:03:06,493 --> 00:03:09,696
It's like the depression out there,
all right?
50
00:03:10,126 --> 00:03:13,036
Women are pinching
their cheeks for blush.
51
00:03:13,161 --> 00:03:15,142
Trannies,
they're staining their lips
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00:03:15,267 --> 00:03:16,705
with plum juice.
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00:03:17,015 --> 00:03:18,978
I cannot sell makeup
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00:03:19,839 --> 00:03:22,243
when civilization is collapsing.
55
00:03:23,653 --> 00:03:25,150
Cee-Cee!
56
00:03:25,275 --> 00:03:28,387
Economic downturns
are great for beauty.
57
00:03:28,697 --> 00:03:30,626
Poor people wear the most makeup.
58
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,810
Then they're stealing it,
because I can't move anything.
59
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,257
And it's Celia.
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00:03:36,812 --> 00:03:39,274
Well, I'm not interested in Celia.
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00:03:39,399 --> 00:03:40,928
I'm interested in Cee-Cee.
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00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:42,596
See, Celia
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00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:43,890
is a quitter.
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00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,101
But Cee-Cee, she sells a life style.
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00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:50,187
Cee-Cee sells self-esteem
in small doses,
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00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:53,272
a positive reflexion
in a floor-length mirror,
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00:03:53,616 --> 00:03:56,527
confidence, happiness, sex.
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00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,689
Well, bully for Cee-Cee.
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00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:02,236
I am returning your shit product.
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00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,119
I will pay for what I used.
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00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:07,443
Doesn't work that way.
72
00:04:07,568 --> 00:04:09,096
You signed a contract.
73
00:04:09,221 --> 00:04:13,043
Meaning you owe for what you have
and you owe for the deliveries
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00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,189
you'll be receiving
for the next 12 months.
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00:04:15,314 --> 00:04:18,226
If you break the contract,
if you do not pay what you owe,
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00:04:18,351 --> 00:04:20,494
then you will go to jail
for defrauding our company.
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00:04:20,619 --> 00:04:23,095
- Is that you want?
- I will not go back there.
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00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,431
I will die first.
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00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,309
No, you will sell cosmetics first.
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00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:31,437
Come on! You just need
81
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,397
to remind Cee-Cee
that she is selling
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00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,207
the You're Pretty! dream,
83
00:04:35,332 --> 00:04:38,132
so that Celia doesn't have to live
84
00:04:38,459 --> 00:04:41,007
the "You're ugly and behind bars"
nightmare.
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00:04:44,706 --> 00:04:45,980
Who's pretty?
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00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:47,564
You're Pretty!
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00:04:53,848 --> 00:04:54,668
I am
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00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:56,765
the father of this child.
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00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,141
Not according
to your dear friend Pilar.
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00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,300
And the birth certificate.
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00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,910
She's jut protecting
my public image.
92
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:05,971
And she has a point.
93
00:05:08,199 --> 00:05:10,368
Did you break an ankle
backpedaling that fast?
94
00:05:10,493 --> 00:05:12,603
She threatened our son, your son.
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00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:18,434
We can leave the father's name blank
96
00:05:18,559 --> 00:05:20,225
until after the election.
97
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:23,280
- Then...
- Another election and another election.
98
00:05:23,651 --> 00:05:25,658
- I will speak to her.
- She was very clear.
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00:05:26,079 --> 00:05:29,328
Your name will not appear
on that birth certificate.
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00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,103
There'll be no public record
linking you to me,
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00:05:32,228 --> 00:05:33,415
to your son.
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00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,408
I will not allow
another man to sign this.
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00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:36,585
Then you sign it.
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00:05:36,955 --> 00:05:38,832
Tell that cunt to eat shit and die.
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00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,173
We'll live happily ever after,
the end.
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00:05:41,587 --> 00:05:42,800
It's not that easy.
107
00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:45,574
Because she owns you.
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00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:50,119
But you love me.
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00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:53,018
And I love you.
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00:05:53,736 --> 00:05:55,688
- I'll have Cesar...
- That's okay.
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My family's coming.
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I'll go with them.
113
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,530
- I...
- Okay then, Mrs. Botwin.
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00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,152
I've got your discharge paperwork
all set up for you.
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00:06:08,277 --> 00:06:10,930
Just need a few scribbles
on a few dotted lines.
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00:06:13,599 --> 00:06:14,599
Hi, there.
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00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,797
I'll get you a wheelchair up here.
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00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,391
No, I don't...
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00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:28,052
I don't need
a wheel... thing... chair.
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00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:31,265
Now... Hospital policy, you know.
121
00:06:32,356 --> 00:06:35,746
Did you get that birth certificate form
all filled out for me?
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00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,169
Fuck it.
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00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,386
Great, thank you, baby.
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00:06:55,357 --> 00:06:56,749
Why the hell should I help you?
125
00:06:58,093 --> 00:07:00,794
As opposed to the many multinational
corporations you represent?
126
00:07:01,351 --> 00:07:02,796
Business has been just fine.
127
00:07:03,287 --> 00:07:06,050
Customers from the tea place next door
been wandering in here by accident?
128
00:07:06,575 --> 00:07:08,807
- Suck it.
- Mr. Hodes, please help us.
129
00:07:08,932 --> 00:07:11,699
We can't get our weed back
without a court order.
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00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:15,225
My rate is $500 an hour.
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00:07:16,191 --> 00:07:17,561
That better include a rim job.
132
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:21,065
Look, when we're back in business,
we'll lay a couple ounces on you.
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00:07:23,871 --> 00:07:26,350
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
134
00:07:26,475 --> 00:07:27,738
and fuck you.
135
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,522
I know what this is about.
You're pissed off
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00:07:30,647 --> 00:07:33,237
because I did not cut you in
on the pot club.
137
00:07:33,362 --> 00:07:35,662
But that's just
'cause you're cursed with schmuckness.
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00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:39,541
- You're an asshole.
- Okay, look...
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00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:41,710
The truth of the matter is,
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00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,214
you're cursed with schmuckness.
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00:07:49,172 --> 00:07:51,178
You want my help?
Is that what you want?
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00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,180
Fine, I will help you.
143
00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:54,723
My gosh! Thank you.
144
00:07:55,139 --> 00:07:58,852
After I slam his dick
in this drawer.
145
00:08:01,371 --> 00:08:04,358
- Let's go, he's not gonna help.
- No, I will.
146
00:08:04,847 --> 00:08:05,984
Seriously.
147
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,514
But first, his dick, this drawer...
148
00:08:09,461 --> 00:08:10,197
slam.
149
00:08:12,988 --> 00:08:14,827
- And then we get the pot back?
- Guaranteed.
150
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:19,336
- This is bullshit.
- No, it's cool. I can do this.
151
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,657
- Are you out of your fucking mind?
- If I'm hard, it won't be so bad.
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00:08:23,985 --> 00:08:26,002
- Give me a second.
- Take your time.
153
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:29,550
In the meantime, Silas, I need you
to sign this power-of-attorney form.
154
00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:42,521
Great, I will go
see the judge tomorrow.
155
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:43,897
Now...
156
00:08:47,669 --> 00:08:48,694
Ready.
157
00:08:53,884 --> 00:08:54,992
Right up in there.
158
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,258
You're good?
Okay, here we go, one...
159
00:08:58,273 --> 00:08:59,306
two...
160
00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,721
Nice job baby-proofing, Shane.
161
00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:16,045
I got the diapers
just like you asked.
162
00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:17,681
They're eco-friendly.
163
00:09:18,581 --> 00:09:19,683
It got a name yet?
164
00:09:20,716 --> 00:09:22,352
It's a he and for right now,
165
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,417
he's still baby boy Botwin.
166
00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:27,274
- Do you want to hold him?
- No.
167
00:09:27,682 --> 00:09:30,736
- He's your brother, get used to it.
- I thought you said it wasn't an it.
168
00:09:31,163 --> 00:09:33,195
Fine, get used to him. I gotta...
169
00:09:34,287 --> 00:09:35,819
take a fucking shower.
170
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:44,875
- He's kind of cute.
- Who cares?
171
00:09:45,391 --> 00:09:47,127
He's probably gonna
want to play soccer.
172
00:09:57,752 --> 00:10:00,265
I've to reclaim
my territory, Superfly.
173
00:10:02,039 --> 00:10:03,595
You mean the piece of land
174
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,104
that my grandmother
left to my thieving father
175
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,649
to whom I am now
the closest living relative?
176
00:10:09,395 --> 00:10:11,271
You in my house, lady.
177
00:10:13,561 --> 00:10:14,821
I have a baby.
178
00:10:15,352 --> 00:10:18,575
There's a lovely empty bedroom
just across the hall.
179
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,498
With your name on it.
180
00:10:21,407 --> 00:10:22,746
Funny you should say that.
181
00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:25,249
- What do you mean?
- It means...
182
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,897
I just got an interesting call
183
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,220
a little while ago,
from a lady at the hospital.
184
00:10:31,496 --> 00:10:34,424
Phoned me to tell me
about their new daddy classes,
185
00:10:34,877 --> 00:10:36,422
perhaps I should check them out.
186
00:10:36,547 --> 00:10:39,221
I was of course confused.
Asked her if she had the right person.
187
00:10:39,775 --> 00:10:41,738
"Is this Andrew Botwin," says she.
188
00:10:41,863 --> 00:10:43,115
"Why, yes!" I reply,
189
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,352
as I usually do
to that particular question.
190
00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:47,688
So, riddle me this.
191
00:10:48,264 --> 00:10:51,740
Why would some lady from the hospital
you were just discharged from
192
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:55,153
be under the impression
that I'm a new daddy?
193
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:58,615
I couldn't put Esteban's name
on the birth certificate.
194
00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:00,367
So you put my name on it.
195
00:11:01,555 --> 00:11:02,812
Congratulations.
196
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,080
A little presumptuous,
don't you think?
197
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,736
No, you're always talking
about how you want to...
198
00:11:08,721 --> 00:11:10,891
carry on the Botwin name.
199
00:11:11,016 --> 00:11:12,754
Mazel tov, you're a father.
200
00:11:13,163 --> 00:11:14,420
No, I'm not.
201
00:11:14,919 --> 00:11:17,050
And I'm not signing a fucking thing.
202
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,052
What is the big deal?
It's a piece of paper.
203
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:23,202
It's not a piece of paper.
It's a fucking birth certificate.
204
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,851
The kid's first I.D.
205
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:29,938
You want to make it a fake one.
Way to start him off on a life of crime.
206
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:31,481
Come on.
207
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,650
I'm through playing
baby-daddy to your kids.
208
00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,487
Andy, I don't have anybody else.
209
00:11:40,681 --> 00:11:42,159
Whose fault is that?
210
00:11:54,605 --> 00:11:57,132
You gotta get me
out of this contract.
211
00:11:57,498 --> 00:11:59,718
- Is this thing scented?
- Jesus, Dean!
212
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,817
Isabel would like to go to college.
213
00:12:01,942 --> 00:12:04,931
You can't be spending
the last dime you have on weed.
214
00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,226
No, that belongs to a client.
215
00:12:09,194 --> 00:12:13,137
This contract is signed,
countersigned and notarized.
216
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,443
- Looks like you're fucked.
- Isn't there something you can do?
217
00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:18,028
I can get you high.
218
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,322
No, I'm clean.
Do you have any booze?
219
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,330
I got some scotch.
220
00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:25,035
Don't... Come on. God.
221
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:33,835
So tell me, who is this client?
222
00:12:34,239 --> 00:12:36,546
I can't divulge
privileged information.
223
00:12:36,976 --> 00:12:38,757
But it rhymes
with "drug" and "hilas."
224
00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:41,694
Their "pop" club got "rusted."
225
00:12:41,984 --> 00:12:45,222
They need me to get their "schmarijuana"
back from the "grolice."
226
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,642
Of course, they have
a roomful of "shmarijuana"
227
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,644
and I have a roomful
of You're Pretty!.
228
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,397
I'm so fucked. I sell a product
229
00:12:53,957 --> 00:12:55,524
that nobody wants.
230
00:12:55,937 --> 00:12:57,211
And you,
231
00:12:57,934 --> 00:13:00,947
you have all of this pot
232
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,702
that belongs to fucking...
233
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:05,742
assholes.
234
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,833
Hilas is not an asshole.
He's a nice kid.
235
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,719
Really, he is?
236
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:14,421
What did Silas pay you
237
00:13:14,546 --> 00:13:16,920
for all of your valuable
legal advice, Dean?
238
00:13:17,712 --> 00:13:19,506
- I'm smoking it.
- Tell me something.
239
00:13:19,829 --> 00:13:23,135
Are you a closer or are you a loser?
240
00:13:23,892 --> 00:13:25,594
I like to close drawers.
241
00:13:26,335 --> 00:13:29,725
Well, close the drawer then
and open your mind.
242
00:13:30,553 --> 00:13:31,935
I could sell
243
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,600
a lot more makeup
244
00:13:34,295 --> 00:13:37,149
if I give a free gift with purchase.
245
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,694
I... I can't steal their weed.
246
00:13:41,164 --> 00:13:44,072
Just tell them that you got
ripped off by black people.
247
00:13:44,395 --> 00:13:47,200
- They won't buy that.
- They will when they see the bruises.
248
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,327
What bruises?
249
00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:53,415
Putz.
250
00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:56,416
You know, I admire you.
251
00:13:56,915 --> 00:13:57,919
Go away.
252
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,309
This is my spot.
253
00:13:59,928 --> 00:14:02,373
Despite the backwards nature
of your convictions,
254
00:14:02,498 --> 00:14:04,263
you're tenacious and that bespeaks
255
00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:06,928
a certain something of something,
so bravo.
256
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,932
- Which side are you on?
- On the side of sticking to one's guns.
257
00:14:11,245 --> 00:14:12,898
I finally said no to her.
258
00:14:13,257 --> 00:14:14,115
Oh, God!
259
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,939
The wave of relief that washed over me,
weird protestor guy.
260
00:14:18,536 --> 00:14:19,441
I'm buoyant.
261
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,626
I'm a buoy.
262
00:14:22,107 --> 00:14:23,737
Bluebirds on my shoulders.
263
00:14:25,909 --> 00:14:28,283
- How's Nancy? Is the baby okay?
- Baby murderer.
264
00:14:28,591 --> 00:14:29,701
25 feet, Gayle.
265
00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:34,341
The baby's fine.
A thousand suns in those chubby cheeks.
266
00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:37,092
You're wearing armor.
267
00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:39,711
- You can never be too careful.
- And you're smoking.
268
00:14:40,365 --> 00:14:42,363
Sometimes you can be too careful.
269
00:14:43,155 --> 00:14:44,857
Can I help you with something?
270
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:48,762
You want to go out?
I'll buy you dinner. I shaved.
271
00:14:49,695 --> 00:14:51,723
- When?
- Just now, right before I came.
272
00:14:52,364 --> 00:14:53,892
When do you want to go out?
273
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,311
Tonight.
274
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,067
Pick me up here at 7:00.
275
00:14:59,686 --> 00:15:02,526
- How will I know your car?
- It has a distinctive horn.
276
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,592
You're in the cross hairs
of the righteous.
277
00:15:05,717 --> 00:15:08,191
Ignore the dark warnings
at your own peril!
278
00:15:08,590 --> 00:15:11,964
Take a Claritin, Gayle.
Today's pollen count is off the charts.
279
00:15:13,273 --> 00:15:15,247
- I'll see you at 7:00.
- Yes.
280
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:18,833
She likes me.
281
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,221
She's gonna burn in hell
for all of eternity.
282
00:15:22,444 --> 00:15:24,714
I'd rather laugh
with the sinners, Gayle.
283
00:15:25,370 --> 00:15:26,386
For now.
284
00:15:37,722 --> 00:15:39,479
Lupita, thank you.
285
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,902
Good timing!
286
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:44,734
William Moris just merged with Endeavor
and Mr. Kaplan, out on his ass.
287
00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:50,031
Look like a dyke bar.
288
00:15:50,378 --> 00:15:54,119
- I haven't had time to redecorate yet.
- So where is my bedroom?
289
00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:56,733
We're a little short on bedrooms.
290
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,876
Upstairs, your bedroom's upstairs.
I'm sleeping on the couch.
291
00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:04,963
I had my last baby when I was 52.
292
00:16:05,461 --> 00:16:07,966
The women in my family
bleed forever.
293
00:16:09,353 --> 00:16:10,802
- How old are you?
- 37.
294
00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:12,846
So, the baby?
295
00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:15,849
- One-night stand?
- A little more complicated than that.
296
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,685
- Maybe he leave his wife.
- Even more complicated.
297
00:16:19,232 --> 00:16:21,062
Good to see you, Nancy.
298
00:16:21,470 --> 00:16:23,189
You pay me cash, you feed me,
299
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:24,983
I no work on Sundays
300
00:16:25,309 --> 00:16:27,319
or when Secretos Houston is on TV.
301
00:16:27,703 --> 00:16:29,237
- Done.
- No cleaning,
302
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:30,739
no laundry, just baby.
303
00:16:32,298 --> 00:16:35,535
- Done.
- I like it, this is nice.
304
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,496
Ocean...
Maybe I start surfing again.
305
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,292
Dios mío! Shane!
306
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,461
- So tall!
- Hi, Lupita.
307
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:45,962
- You surf too?
- No.
308
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,505
- I teach you.
- Okay.
309
00:16:47,956 --> 00:16:50,467
- Surfing lessons extra.
- Of course they are.
310
00:16:55,843 --> 00:16:57,358
- Oregon.
- Yeah.
311
00:16:57,788 --> 00:16:59,559
And then West Germany.
312
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,077
And then Uruguay.
313
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:02,953
You?
314
00:17:03,236 --> 00:17:04,389
Tarzana.
315
00:17:04,514 --> 00:17:07,367
And then, the other side of Tarzana.
316
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,946
What did you want to be
when you were a kid?
317
00:17:11,338 --> 00:17:13,239
Jane Goodall. You?
318
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,407
A dog.
319
00:17:15,171 --> 00:17:17,254
This is fun. I'm having fun.
320
00:17:22,301 --> 00:17:25,210
It's getting kind of late.
I think I should go soon.
321
00:17:25,555 --> 00:17:26,555
What?
322
00:17:26,881 --> 00:17:29,205
Haven't even gotten
our Combo Platos yet.
323
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,323
- Are you feeling okay?
- Yeah, I'm great.
324
00:17:31,448 --> 00:17:34,263
I... Just considering my options
for the rest of the evening.
325
00:17:34,388 --> 00:17:37,931
And my PJ's and the Friday Night Lights
box set is winning hands down.
326
00:17:42,906 --> 00:17:44,604
We're having a great date.
What's wrong?
327
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,023
Nutshell? I'm past you.
328
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,150
- Past me in what?
- In life.
329
00:17:49,748 --> 00:17:52,320
Look, Andy.
I know there are plenty of girls
330
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,358
that would be dazzled
by $2 taco night at Borracho's
331
00:17:55,483 --> 00:17:58,268
and the fact that you can balance
a salt shaker on the bridge of your nose
332
00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:01,005
but honestly you lost me
about 15 minutes in.
333
00:18:03,201 --> 00:18:05,233
This is stunning. I'm stunned.
334
00:18:05,358 --> 00:18:06,501
Stunned? Really?
335
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:07,987
You're unemployed,
336
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,019
you're closer to 40 than 30,
337
00:18:10,144 --> 00:18:12,102
you drive a car from a TV show
338
00:18:12,502 --> 00:18:14,157
and your greatest recent
accomplishment
339
00:18:14,282 --> 00:18:16,803
was beating the upside-down
kill screen in Ms. Pac-Man.
340
00:18:17,403 --> 00:18:20,881
I didn't beat it, I just got to it.
Died almost immediately.
341
00:18:21,191 --> 00:18:22,934
The thing's upside down.
342
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,811
You're a frozen margarita, Andy.
343
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,896
I happen to like slushy beverages.
344
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,455
And I'm a doctor.
345
00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:35,113
Fine, you're a doctor.
346
00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:36,823
I play doctor.
347
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,747
Why did you even agree
to go out with me?
348
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,859
'Cause my mother always said
that "if they feed you, go."
349
00:18:46,984 --> 00:18:50,199
I'm starting to realize
my mother gave me lots of bad advice.
350
00:18:50,888 --> 00:18:52,589
Thank you for the drink.
351
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,010
- I'll drive you home.
- No, it's all right.
352
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,546
I'll find my own way.
353
00:18:59,114 --> 00:19:01,369
Preferably in a car
with the doors open.
354
00:19:01,748 --> 00:19:03,108
Good night, Andy.
355
00:19:12,681 --> 00:19:14,371
This baby sleep too much.
356
00:19:14,715 --> 00:19:16,178
It probably just wants
357
00:19:16,303 --> 00:19:18,193
to wake up when it's all over.
358
00:19:18,503 --> 00:19:20,741
Shit, now I'm calling it an it.
359
00:19:21,051 --> 00:19:22,051
Him an it.
360
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,428
Him a him.
361
00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:25,747
I need to name this baby.
362
00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:27,604
I go surf now.
363
00:19:28,086 --> 00:19:31,085
I like Bernardo,
like in West Side Story.
364
00:19:31,751 --> 00:19:35,131
Bernardo Botwin.
I'll think about it.
365
00:19:36,037 --> 00:19:38,237
Bernardo?
He gets killed by Tony.
366
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,429
On the birth certificate,
he'd be Andy Jr.
367
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:45,058
That's what I call my penis.
Wait, no, God!
368
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,143
I need to stop playing doctor
and be a doctor.
369
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,730
- What?
- I wanna be the father.
370
00:19:51,371 --> 00:19:52,915
- Really?
- Really.
371
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,526
But I mean really, really.
372
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,617
If my name is
on this child's birth certificate,
373
00:19:56,742 --> 00:19:59,447
then I will be its father.
And we will raise it together.
374
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:00,573
- Him.
- Him.
375
00:20:00,847 --> 00:20:02,885
50% ownership.
Half the voting shares.
376
00:20:03,010 --> 00:20:04,911
And I'm on the bimah
at the bar mitzvah.
377
00:20:05,347 --> 00:20:06,579
He's Jewish now?
378
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:07,875
Reform, but yeah.
379
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,124
And just so you know,
I'm not doing this for you.
380
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,043
This is for me.
381
00:20:12,558 --> 00:20:16,562
I want something that matters.
I want to be a substantial human being.
382
00:20:16,745 --> 00:20:18,967
You know what I mean?
Substantial.
383
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:21,980
Substantial.
384
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,504
He's substantially wet.
385
00:20:27,629 --> 00:20:29,519
I think you should change him, papa.
386
00:20:32,948 --> 00:20:33,948
All right.
387
00:20:34,987 --> 00:20:36,151
What's up?
388
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,785
All right, come on, little buddy.
389
00:20:38,910 --> 00:20:41,239
Let's see what you're packing
downstairs.
390
00:20:42,814 --> 00:20:46,202
Let's see what's going on down here.
391
00:20:46,699 --> 00:20:48,179
I know it.
392
00:20:49,629 --> 00:20:51,173
Bun's still on the hot dog.
393
00:20:51,298 --> 00:20:53,164
Right, that.
I got to take care of that.
394
00:20:53,289 --> 00:20:55,352
- Next checkup.
- Checkup?
395
00:20:55,696 --> 00:20:58,997
A briss with a mohel and a Rabbi.
396
00:20:59,122 --> 00:21:02,305
Yeah, bagels and whitefish.
Those are my demands.
397
00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:05,330
- Demands?
- That's right. 'cause I'm the papa.
398
00:21:06,283 --> 00:21:07,433
I'm the papa.
399
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,768
- Tradition.
- Oy.
400
00:21:22,564 --> 00:21:24,342
Who are all these people?
401
00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:26,054
The Rabbi brought them.
402
00:21:26,179 --> 00:21:29,871
You need 10 Jews to watch him
lose his dick head or it's not official.
403
00:21:36,881 --> 00:21:39,006
That's it.
Mazel tov.
404
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,257
Let's name this baby and eat.
405
00:21:52,015 --> 00:21:53,068
Nice work, Rabbi.
406
00:21:53,193 --> 00:21:55,104
Well, thank you.
I've been at it a while.
407
00:21:55,362 --> 00:21:57,815
- What do you practice on?
- Goyim.
408
00:21:58,473 --> 00:22:00,818
I think it's a barbaric ritual.
409
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:04,155
Well, it represents a covenant
between our people and God.
410
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,158
- It decreases pleasure.
- Paid for my summer house.
411
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,060
Oh, excuse me.
412
00:22:12,519 --> 00:22:13,915
Will you look at this.
413
00:22:14,230 --> 00:22:17,240
A professional woman,
a doctor no less,
414
00:22:17,365 --> 00:22:19,671
playing a juvenile video game.
415
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,340
It's just so immature...
For a doctor.
416
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,717
I had no idea
this game was so awesome.
417
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,191
So, clearly,
418
00:22:26,316 --> 00:22:28,721
you're open to looking
beyond first impressions.
419
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,289
I didn't say that.
420
00:22:30,479 --> 00:22:31,808
Damn, I just died.
421
00:22:33,768 --> 00:22:35,310
You are here
422
00:22:35,987 --> 00:22:37,939
'cause you like me, aren't you?
423
00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:40,357
I'm here because Nancy invited me.
424
00:22:40,653 --> 00:22:42,443
And I am fascinated by how
425
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,644
this is gonna play out
with the gangster baby-daddy.
426
00:22:44,769 --> 00:22:46,669
I'm obsessed with the drama.
427
00:22:47,731 --> 00:22:50,760
- You were mean.
- I was honest. That's not mean.
428
00:22:50,885 --> 00:22:53,111
It was harsh.
It was a snap judgment.
429
00:22:53,236 --> 00:22:55,668
I'm almost inclined
to not ask you out again
430
00:22:55,793 --> 00:22:57,750
just to show you how wrong
you are about me.
431
00:22:58,282 --> 00:22:59,544
- Almost?
- Almost.
432
00:23:00,610 --> 00:23:01,713
Almost.
433
00:23:05,091 --> 00:23:07,844
All right. Whitefish?
434
00:23:09,341 --> 00:23:11,264
Dimes go in the lipsticks.
435
00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:13,808
Eighths go in the compacts.
436
00:23:14,486 --> 00:23:17,061
Half ounces in the eye-shadow kit.
437
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,203
This is exciting.
438
00:23:19,328 --> 00:23:21,841
When are you gonna break
the news to Doug and Silas?
439
00:23:22,914 --> 00:23:24,449
I'm working up to that.
440
00:23:24,574 --> 00:23:27,280
Well, you better do it soon
before that swelling goes down.
441
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,324
You fractured my cheekbone.
442
00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:31,617
There's some old gym equipment
in the garage.
443
00:23:32,027 --> 00:23:33,119
I've been lifting.
444
00:23:33,497 --> 00:23:34,746
You look good.
445
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,400
Thank you.
446
00:23:46,689 --> 00:23:48,839
- From a drawer?
- That's right.
447
00:23:49,081 --> 00:23:51,054
- Can you fix it or not?
- Go see a doctor.
448
00:23:51,648 --> 00:23:52,981
I don't have any insurance.
449
00:23:53,106 --> 00:23:55,683
I've been taping it to a popsicle stick,
and it's turning blue.
450
00:23:56,075 --> 00:23:57,473
Try cherry.
451
00:24:02,099 --> 00:24:03,799
What are you looking at?
452
00:24:11,171 --> 00:24:12,533
I did not approve this.
453
00:24:13,159 --> 00:24:14,869
Now he looks like his daddy.
454
00:24:15,977 --> 00:24:18,414
And you, too, from what I hear.
But slightly smaller.
455
00:24:19,278 --> 00:24:21,209
My son is not Jewish.
456
00:24:21,977 --> 00:24:23,477
Oh, yeah, he is now.
457
00:24:23,724 --> 00:24:25,380
It's an ancient
and scholarly religion.
458
00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:27,840
Disproportionate numbers
of nobel prize winners.
459
00:24:28,386 --> 00:24:31,761
- Meet my son... Avi Melech.
- That's his Hebrew name.
460
00:24:32,566 --> 00:24:35,260
"Avi" means "my father."
"Melech", the king.
461
00:24:35,385 --> 00:24:36,307
That's my boy.
462
00:24:37,244 --> 00:24:39,942
In english, it's Steven Ray Botwin.
463
00:24:40,195 --> 00:24:41,245
Stevie Ray.
464
00:24:41,694 --> 00:24:44,144
Would you like a bagel
with whitefish?
465
00:24:46,459 --> 00:24:48,986
I'm gonna have to speak
with you privately.
466
00:25:02,255 --> 00:25:03,751
This is unacceptable.
467
00:25:04,809 --> 00:25:06,701
My son, our son,
468
00:25:06,978 --> 00:25:09,674
will be baptized
by a priest in a church.
469
00:25:10,749 --> 00:25:12,448
Sorry, he's Jewish.
470
00:25:12,759 --> 00:25:13,809
Snip, snip.
471
00:25:14,170 --> 00:25:16,305
Eat fish.
Start saving for law school.
472
00:25:16,544 --> 00:25:18,558
I am his father.
I choose his life.
473
00:25:18,863 --> 00:25:20,533
You had your chance to choose.
474
00:25:20,658 --> 00:25:21,908
You walked out.
475
00:25:22,380 --> 00:25:23,888
I have to think about the baby now.
476
00:25:24,013 --> 00:25:26,482
You think about yourself.
Don't pretend that's a mother's love.
477
00:25:26,826 --> 00:25:29,986
From the man who refused to put his name
on his own son's birth certificate!
478
00:25:30,296 --> 00:25:32,280
My son's not gonna be raised
by that pendejo!
479
00:25:32,540 --> 00:25:34,365
That pendejo sticks around.
480
00:25:35,613 --> 00:25:38,494
He fights for what he loves.
And he's not a coward.
481
00:25:44,222 --> 00:25:46,210
Get out.
482
00:25:46,571 --> 00:25:48,296
My son won't grow up to be like you.
483
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,091
He won't see you.
He won't know you.
484
00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:57,180
He is mine.
485
00:25:57,348 --> 00:25:58,472
No, you lost him.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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