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Weeds 506
A Modest Proposal
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By the Fumistes team.
lesfumistes@gmail.com
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Previously on Weeds...
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Ignacio will watch over you for now.
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You helped Shane rob his teacher?
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I am so sorry
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that I exposed him
to the world of criminal activites
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for the first time.
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I wanna open a store.
Medical marijuana.
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I want my cut.
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Can we have a second?
We're new to this extorsion thing.
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I have nowhere to go.
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Do you think that you could allow me
to stay in your garage
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while I figure out
what the fuck I'm doing with my life?
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- Two days.
- I own a house here in Santa Playa.
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- Did you just ask me to live with you?
- There's plenty of room.
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Even room for him.
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- I'm good.
- Me too.
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I'm not sure
what I'm supposed to do.
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I got the money. There is a lot.
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- What? How?
- It doesn't matter.
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We could be more,
I would like to try.
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- Esteban...
- Write him a note.
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- A note?
- Leave him a note.
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Like the olden times.
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Break his heart in ink.
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He will understand
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if he loves you.
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These are terrible names.
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Percy.
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Clifford.
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Who would name a son Humphrey?
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Mr. and Mrs. Bogart.
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Still a bad name.
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It's true.
You always hear "Bogie and Bacall."
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You never hear...
"Humphrey and Lauren."
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I've decided that...
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we will get married.
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That is a prized family heirloom.
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"Reyes" means "kings".
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I don't know what "Botwin" means.
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This just isn't
how I pictured this going down.
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Well, I am sorry to disappoint you.
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Purple.
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Did you like the ring?
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It's hideous.
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That's the championship ring
of the soccer team I own.
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I'm gonna want that back.
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Are you really asking me?
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Where was that?
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We're not children anymore, Nancy.
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We're not playing house.
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I ask
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that you give yourself to me
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to be mine forever.
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Mrs. Esteban Reyes.
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Would that make you
Mr. Nancy Botwin?
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I'll take a bowl of the best thing
you got on the menu, s'il vous plaît.
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I'm trying to run a legitimate business.
You don't have a prescription.
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Fine, I'll take it myself,
boy scout.
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No, don't give me that look.
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I do the same thing at Pretzel Time.
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Come on, let's get faded.
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Blitt and I need to close early.
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For inventory, well...
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What's left ot it, right?
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Right.
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Right, so...
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Can you get faded somewhere else?
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I'm hurt that you don't want
to smoke with me, Silas.
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But I get it.
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What really hurts though
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is that you've been light
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these last couple months.
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Happens again,
we're gonna have a serious problem.
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Bitch-ass bitch.
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See ya.
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My name is in this book.
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"Shane: a feeling of guilt."
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Was I an accident?
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Who can remember?
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Honestly, I was hammered.
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- You should get to pick your own name.
- At what age?
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If I'd given you that freedom at 3,
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your name would be
Count Chocula Botwin.
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Notice anything different?
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About my hand?
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He said he was gonna ask you.
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He told you?
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We had an hombre to hombre talk.
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Mucho respect. I'm cool.
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You're cool?
And you're guzzling coffee?
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Ignacio says it puts hair
on your chest.
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Spinach gives you instant muscles
and an anchor tattoo.
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Time for summer school.
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Escuela de verano.
Vámonos, muchacho.
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Señora Reyes.
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Felicidades.
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Did Esteban tell everybody?
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Everybody except for Andy.
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You might want
to take care of that one yourself.
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You wanna buy a Fresca
with a credit card?
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Qué estupidez!
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Estupidez, but es on the quiz.
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School doesn't teach you
nothing useful.
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You wanna learn español útil?
I teach you.
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Lesson number one...
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Common business transaction.
Repeat after me.
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- What does that mean?
- That means,
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pay up, motherfucker, or I crack
your head open with an ice pick.
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Nice.
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- All-purpose.
- Sí.
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Can we ditch school?
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- We don't need no stinking school.
- Yeah.
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- What's up?
- My score.
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That's what.
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312,000
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and counting.
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Look out, Abdner Ashman.
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Coming to get you.
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- Who's Abdner Ashman?
- Guy from Queens.
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Holds the record
Ms. Pac-Man high score.
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I'm only behind him, like,
600,000 points, give or take.
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- Look out.
- Silas.
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I know I've got a ways to go.
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I'm in this for the long haul.
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It just...
It feels right, you know?
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She gets me. We're in sync.
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No words,
just a gentle touch of my hand.
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I move left, she moves left.
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I move right, she moves right.
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Should I be worried here?
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Yes! Power pellet.
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Die, Inky. Die, Blinky!
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Come here, Sue,
you filthy little ghost whore.
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I'm worried here.
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Don't worry about me.
Worry about you.
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I'm worried about both of us.
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You, because...
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you're cracking up.
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And me, because the cop
extorting money from me is cracking up.
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- How much you got left?
- Of what?
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Uncle Yitzhak's lost fortune
which fell miraculously into your hands.
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Right, that's how it happened.
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How much do you have left?
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A couple thousand maybe, if that.
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What? I thought...
You said there was like 180 grand.
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Was. Look, look around you.
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Geez...
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You blew all that money
on this crap?
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This crap
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and General Lee.
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- Fuck's sake.
- Please, step away from the car.
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Please, step away from the car.
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Dammit.
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Why do I have to do this?
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Because you're the only one
I could trust not to get turned on.
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Doug, thank God you're still here.
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I need a ride to the mall.
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No can do. Gotta dry.
If I smudge, people know it's fake.
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Yeah, that's how they'll know.
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Ask Andy.
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I did.
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Conflicting engagement
with Ms. Pac-Man.
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Have a nice walk to the bus stop.
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Christ, I need a car.
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My fucking feet are killing me.
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If you actually wore
your sneakers to work,
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instead of changing
into them there...
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Sneakers are the footwear
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of my corporate oppressor, Isabel.
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I just thought
you might as well be confortable.
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Do you think it's comfortable for me
to work at Super Sneakers?
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Well, it's not.
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But I will suffer for my beliefs.
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You want to know who else did that?
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Jesus.
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I thought Jesus wore Birkenstocks.
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Is she gone?
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Make sure you get it even.
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Hi, Andy. It's me, Nancy.
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I thought maybe you'd...
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pick up this time,
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but you're probably really busy.
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I gotta say, I think it kind of sucks
that you've been avoiding me
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because I miss you,
despite what you might think,
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and I hoped that maybe by now
you'd understand that...
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I'm doing the best I can
to deal with everything.
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Maybe that's asking too much.
190
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Oh, yeah, guess what?
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Esteban asked me to marry him.
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I know, right?
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No more Nancy Botwin.
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Mrs. Esteban Reyes.
Mrs. Somebody... else.
195
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Isn't that weird?
196
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:30,234
This is the part
where I thought you'd laugh
197
00:11:30,359 --> 00:11:32,379
and make a joke
about outlaws and in-laws
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and a fajita bar at the wedding.
199
00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:36,417
Anyway... call me.
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Come and see me.
201
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:40,935
I hope you're good.
202
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,120
And please don't have
a scraggly moonshiner beard,
203
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unless you plan on starting a cult,
in which case...
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00:11:48,768 --> 00:11:50,077
go, beard.
205
00:12:04,788 --> 00:12:05,788
Bye.
206
00:12:18,519 --> 00:12:19,519
Fuck.
207
00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:29,873
- Do I look even to you?
- What?
208
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,294
I'm working on my tan.
209
00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:34,324
I found this George Hamilton
autobiography in the shitter.
210
00:12:34,789 --> 00:12:37,495
This guy's a fucking genius.
You know he doesn't live anywhere?
211
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,757
His rich friends put him up
wherever he goes.
212
00:12:40,077 --> 00:12:43,219
And he's constantly banging, like,
Britt Ekland or Anita Ekberg.
213
00:12:43,389 --> 00:12:45,805
And you know what, Silas?
I want to be like this.
214
00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:48,804
And to be like the "G. Ham",
I need the tan, man.
215
00:12:48,929 --> 00:12:51,686
I need the deep, dark, savage tan.
216
00:12:52,023 --> 00:12:53,271
C.P. came by today.
217
00:12:53,659 --> 00:12:55,959
He threatened us
because his take's been light.
218
00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:58,783
Of course it's been light,
the fucking guy's always hanging around.
219
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,196
No one's gonna want to buy weed
in frond of the bacon.
220
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,811
Skeeves people out, like midgets.
221
00:13:06,221 --> 00:13:07,561
He pulled a gun on me.
222
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:09,746
Just messing around, but still...
223
00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:11,263
What a douche.
224
00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:15,335
Power corrupts, Silas.
We need to fight the power.
225
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,081
Great. How do you propose
we do that?
226
00:13:18,913 --> 00:13:20,308
We ask ourselves...
227
00:13:21,548 --> 00:13:24,787
- "What would george hamilton do?"
- What? Why?
228
00:13:25,802 --> 00:13:28,960
The man slept with his stepmother
when he was 12 years old.
229
00:13:29,735 --> 00:13:31,309
Clearly, he can do anything.
230
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,431
Next lesson.
Greetings and salutations.
231
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:50,855
Repeat after me.
232
00:13:52,973 --> 00:13:55,375
Means "go fuck yourself in the ass."
233
00:14:05,129 --> 00:14:06,229
This is fun.
234
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,640
Hey, fuck you, man.
235
00:14:12,026 --> 00:14:14,038
No, this is fun.
236
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,200
You with the fucking names.
237
00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:47,844
Yeah, new name.
238
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:51,605
Comes with a prize.
239
00:14:52,861 --> 00:14:53,725
You like it?
240
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,192
Turns out you were wrong.
241
00:14:56,317 --> 00:14:59,163
It wasn't "miss dead puta whore"
after all.
242
00:14:59,288 --> 00:15:02,132
It was Mrs. Esteban Reyes.
243
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:06,027
Though, I might hyphenate...
Botwin-Reyes...
244
00:15:06,465 --> 00:15:09,908
Just to keep my old self alive,
being a modern woman and all.
245
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:12,550
I'm impressed, blanca.
246
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,753
You know,
you remind me of my cat, Rosita.
247
00:15:17,852 --> 00:15:20,452
I used to throw her
off the porch, and...
248
00:15:20,811 --> 00:15:24,730
Damn if that little bitch
didn't land on her feet every time.
249
00:15:25,701 --> 00:15:29,018
Of course, then I threw her
off the roof,
250
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,850
and she went splat.
251
00:15:32,763 --> 00:15:34,363
So, why you come here?
252
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,226
Invite me to the wedding?
253
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,659
I wanted to share something
with you.
254
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,029
The other day, my fiancé...
255
00:15:44,855 --> 00:15:48,017
He said the funniest thing.
We were eating breakfast.
256
00:15:48,142 --> 00:15:50,490
He has brioche made for me.
It's my favorite.
257
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,535
And he said, "Mi amor,
258
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:57,257
"do you know
that I would do anything for you?
259
00:15:57,382 --> 00:16:00,132
"Do you know
that I would even kill for you?"
260
00:16:05,189 --> 00:16:06,439
He just kicked.
261
00:16:08,564 --> 00:16:10,135
And you know what I said?
262
00:16:11,073 --> 00:16:14,346
Maybe you asked him to kill
some loco DEA agent?
263
00:16:15,986 --> 00:16:17,017
Did you do that?
264
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:18,892
'cause if that was you...
265
00:16:19,332 --> 00:16:20,572
Gee, thanks.
266
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,030
You did me a solid.
267
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:27,192
Maybe soon we won't have
this glass between us no more.
268
00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:32,656
You're not going anywhere.
269
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,717
We had some fun
at the driving range yesterday!
270
00:16:51,185 --> 00:16:52,469
What do you wanna do today?
271
00:16:53,081 --> 00:16:54,081
Tennis?
272
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,295
Wait! Wait!
273
00:17:08,156 --> 00:17:09,156
Shit!
274
00:17:11,335 --> 00:17:12,734
Fucking shoes!
275
00:17:57,181 --> 00:17:58,481
Love your shoes.
276
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,245
Thank you.
277
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,457
I may work in casual,
but my heart is in couture.
278
00:18:05,343 --> 00:18:06,876
Honey, I've been there.
279
00:18:07,423 --> 00:18:08,475
Raylene Reynolds.
280
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,650
Regional sales director,
you're pretty! Cosmetics.
281
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,012
Nice to meet you.
282
00:18:17,921 --> 00:18:19,014
Hop in, darlin'.
283
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,973
You look like you could use a ride.
284
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,339
How much weight can that thing hold?
285
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,645
If that fucking fat-ass
costs us our security deposit...
286
00:18:37,770 --> 00:18:40,235
Growing up, young George
lived by one rule...
287
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,801
- Do the dumbest thing possible.
- What?
288
00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:44,788
Time and again,
he'd get himself into trouble
289
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,332
just for the thrill
of weaseling his way out of it.
290
00:18:48,202 --> 00:18:49,613
I want to be that weasel.
291
00:18:51,071 --> 00:18:52,964
- Wait, no. Wait.
- Get out of my store.
292
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,382
Right now! Get out of my store!
293
00:18:56,159 --> 00:18:58,094
I've had enough of you
driving my customers away,
294
00:18:58,262 --> 00:18:59,511
and skimming my profit.
295
00:18:59,636 --> 00:19:01,798
Don't care if you're the heat.
Don't take it in the back.
296
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,974
Not from you. No more.
I'm not gonna take it anymore.
297
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,487
You're making a big mistake, Wilson.
A big!
298
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:09,481
You know what else is big?
My Johnson. And you can suck it!
299
00:19:12,954 --> 00:19:13,985
Shit!
300
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:16,945
What would George Hamilton do now,
you asshole?
301
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,073
You gonna put on a Zorro mask
and fuck him?
302
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,436
Oh, there you are.
303
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,807
I was gonna take a walk.
304
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,209
I made it from the bedroom
to the patio.
305
00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:32,169
God! I'm huge!
306
00:19:33,543 --> 00:19:35,043
Not for much longer.
307
00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:38,347
Soon I'll be a new mommy...
308
00:19:38,472 --> 00:19:39,472
Again.
309
00:19:40,098 --> 00:19:42,203
And married... Again.
310
00:19:43,035 --> 00:19:45,197
Again again, actually.
311
00:19:47,198 --> 00:19:48,895
And you are ecstatic.
312
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,063
Ecstatic.
313
00:19:50,908 --> 00:19:51,731
And huge.
314
00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:53,694
And beautiful...
315
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,972
And radiant.
316
00:19:58,156 --> 00:19:59,506
What does this...
317
00:20:00,145 --> 00:20:03,747
Mrs. Esteban Reyes do?
318
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:07,497
Whatever she wants.
319
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:08,915
I'm pregnant and hormonal.
320
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,325
I just keep thinking
this Mrs. Esteban Reyes person
321
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:15,171
is going to kill Nancy Botwin.
322
00:20:16,070 --> 00:20:19,717
Why must you always think
someone's trying to kill you?
323
00:20:22,348 --> 00:20:23,698
It's just a name.
324
00:20:24,476 --> 00:20:26,276
I'm not marrying the name.
325
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:27,975
I'm marrying you.
326
00:20:28,637 --> 00:20:30,787
If you want to be Nancy Botwin...
327
00:20:31,736 --> 00:20:32,897
Keep your name.
328
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,150
Really?
329
00:20:40,418 --> 00:20:42,532
I'm still going to brand you,
of course, but...
330
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,285
... sure.
331
00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:49,398
Time to go fence.
332
00:20:49,609 --> 00:20:51,159
Have fun, d'Artagnan.
333
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:56,821
See you next time.
334
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:01,759
This is...
335
00:21:02,465 --> 00:21:04,138
You got a pool and everything, huh?
336
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,808
No peacocks, but I suppose
they could be roosting.
337
00:21:09,682 --> 00:21:11,394
You don't look so good, my friend.
338
00:21:13,068 --> 00:21:14,068
Right on.
339
00:21:14,701 --> 00:21:19,042
Well, Ignacio said he thought
Nancy might be down here, but...
340
00:21:19,503 --> 00:21:20,503
she's not.
341
00:21:21,662 --> 00:21:23,065
You fence, huh?
342
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,199
Tool.
343
00:21:24,529 --> 00:21:25,729
I fence a bit.
344
00:21:26,843 --> 00:21:27,702
You?
345
00:21:28,614 --> 00:21:31,850
I have no formal training,
346
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,302
per se,
347
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:35,427
but...
348
00:21:37,302 --> 00:21:39,839
I was Ren Mar JCC
349
00:21:40,481 --> 00:21:42,342
lightsaber battle champ
350
00:21:44,014 --> 00:21:45,734
'79 to '82.
351
00:21:52,942 --> 00:21:54,992
That brings back some memories.
352
00:22:06,012 --> 00:22:07,659
So, congratulations.
353
00:22:08,364 --> 00:22:09,364
Thank you.
354
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:13,331
You're a lucky man, Esteban.
Just thought I'd come down,
355
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,291
give you and Nancy my blessing,
356
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,335
say there's no hard feelings.
357
00:22:18,521 --> 00:22:20,964
Hard feelings? About what?
358
00:22:22,159 --> 00:22:23,609
Nothing. Forget it.
359
00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:35,645
Tell me, what is that strange sound
you're making?
360
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:39,357
That's not how it's done in Mexico?
You guys don't have sound effects there?
361
00:22:40,415 --> 00:22:42,515
If you care for a friendly bout,
362
00:22:43,149 --> 00:22:45,780
I will show you
how it's done in Mexico.
363
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,293
En garde.
364
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:17,187
Okay.
365
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,942
God damn it!
366
00:23:34,970 --> 00:23:36,270
What's going on?
367
00:23:38,209 --> 00:23:40,779
Andy is giving us his blessings.
368
00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:58,303
So...
369
00:23:59,310 --> 00:24:00,813
You and Esteban tying the knot,
370
00:24:01,253 --> 00:24:03,723
taking the plunge, buying the cow.
371
00:24:07,353 --> 00:24:09,960
- Seems kind of sudden.
- Well, it's not,
372
00:24:10,085 --> 00:24:13,034
which you would know if you ever
called me back. Did you get my messages?
373
00:24:13,519 --> 00:24:15,137
I got your note.
374
00:24:15,262 --> 00:24:17,412
Said everything I needed to hear.
375
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,517
A note, Nance, seriously?
376
00:24:21,438 --> 00:24:22,438
A note?
377
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,354
So, is this what you want?
378
00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:35,264
Should've known.
You always seem to get what you want.
379
00:24:35,736 --> 00:24:38,705
No, I wanted Judah to outlive me.
380
00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:43,564
So, my blessing. You want that, too?
381
00:24:45,294 --> 00:24:49,194
- You don't have to. I mean...
- No. Great and careful work, Nance.
382
00:25:03,486 --> 00:25:06,148
I know the "God" part.
What's the rest?
383
00:25:07,437 --> 00:25:10,058
"Blessed are you
who has kept us alive,
384
00:25:10,183 --> 00:25:14,187
"sustain us, and enabled us
to reach this season."
385
00:25:21,356 --> 00:25:23,606
I'm sorry, Andy. I'm sorry that...
386
00:25:24,991 --> 00:25:26,816
- everything...
- Don't, okay?
387
00:25:27,254 --> 00:25:28,254
Don't.
388
00:25:32,450 --> 00:25:33,751
God bless.
389
00:25:34,263 --> 00:25:35,746
But when Esteban dies,
390
00:25:35,871 --> 00:25:38,897
which in his line of work will probably
be sooner rather than later,
391
00:25:39,022 --> 00:25:43,230
when he dies and you're once,
twice, three times a widow...
392
00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:48,296
don't expect uncle Andy
to stop by and make pizza eggs,
393
00:25:49,473 --> 00:25:52,133
'cause I won't do it.
You know what I'll do?
394
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:53,985
Send a note.
395
00:26:04,605 --> 00:26:07,530
- What the hell are you doing?
- Trying to get this damn tan off.
396
00:26:07,655 --> 00:26:09,066
Fuck George Hamilton.
397
00:26:09,819 --> 00:26:11,995
He can "love at first bite" me.
398
00:26:13,495 --> 00:26:15,587
You are a sad, sad man.
399
00:27:13,202 --> 00:27:14,852
What the fuck was that?
400
00:27:18,888 --> 00:27:20,304
We cannot get married.
401
00:27:22,012 --> 00:27:23,140
Excuse me?
402
00:27:23,850 --> 00:27:25,350
Things have changed.
403
00:27:27,353 --> 00:27:28,353
I'm sorry.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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