1 0-1:59:59,234 --> 00:00:00,823 Previously on Weeds. 2 00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:02,038 Conrad, this is Celia. 3 00:00:02,130 --> 00:00:04,553 I fucked a black man. Conrad. 4 00:00:04,644 --> 00:00:05,764 Where's Conrad? 5 00:00:05,856 --> 00:00:08,579 Hey, I've been meaning to ask: is Conrad a popular name in the 6 00:00:08,669 --> 00:00:10,075 African-American community? 7 00:00:10,118 --> 00:00:12,511 You don't get it. This is Princeton. 8 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:15,703 I can't get into Princeton. I'm not deaf. 9 00:00:15,795 --> 00:00:17,715 Did you just say what I think you've said? 10 00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:19,299 Megan and I broke up, okay? 11 00:00:19,389 --> 00:00:21,459 Basically, my whole life has been leading up to this, 12 00:00:21,544 --> 00:00:22,720 to here, to the rabbinat. 13 00:00:22,813 --> 00:00:24,876 I think you're full of shit. 14 00:00:24,965 --> 00:00:27,024 Are you letting me in? 15 00:00:27,118 --> 00:00:28,330 Provisionally. 16 00:00:28,425 --> 00:00:30,624 You should run for City Council. 17 00:00:30,768 --> 00:00:32,259 Doug would lose his mind. 18 00:00:32,354 --> 00:00:36,105 I have a dead plant and a check for $80,000. 19 00:00:36,209 --> 00:00:37,558 You need to find a grow house. 20 00:00:37,656 --> 00:00:39,146 Where the hell did you get that kind of money? 21 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,828 Sanjay burned the bakery down. 22 00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:42,742 What do you do exactly? 23 00:00:42,847 --> 00:00:44,475 I'm a DEA agent. 24 00:00:44,572 --> 00:00:46,071 Don't ever call me 25 00:00:46,165 --> 00:00:47,935 or contact me again. 26 00:00:48,128 --> 00:00:50,329 I know you're a drug dealer. 27 00:02:10,186 --> 00:02:12,195 So stupid. 28 00:02:13,776 --> 00:02:15,304 Come on, Nancy. 29 00:02:15,959 --> 00:02:17,080 Let's talk. 30 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:25,672 There are only 400 DEA agents in the entire world. 31 00:02:25,776 --> 00:02:27,025 Stupid. 32 00:02:27,130 --> 00:02:30,596 And it's our job to go after every single drug dealer. 33 00:02:30,689 --> 00:02:32,090 So stupid. 34 00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:34,343 Crystal meth labs in Colorado, 35 00:02:34,448 --> 00:02:36,444 heroin exporters in Afghanistan, 36 00:02:36,539 --> 00:02:38,040 cocaine growers in Colombia. 37 00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:40,234 So unbelievably fucking stupid. 38 00:02:40,339 --> 00:02:43,384 So when I come accross a suburban widow dealing dime bags 39 00:02:43,475 --> 00:02:46,381 to bored housewives, I like to flatter myself by thinking 40 00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:49,193 that I have more important things to do with my time. 41 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,067 Professionally speaking. 42 00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:55,045 No offense, Nancy, but you're way below my radar. 43 00:02:55,137 --> 00:02:59,129 Small patatoes, teeny tiny fish in a deep narcotic sea. 44 00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:02,460 So, I'm thinking, if you're well enough, 45 00:03:02,505 --> 00:03:03,813 we grab a bite to eat, 46 00:03:03,908 --> 00:03:05,308 get a nice bottle of wine, 47 00:03:05,951 --> 00:03:08,389 try to figure this whole thing out. 48 00:03:12,271 --> 00:03:14,330 You could be trying to set me up. 49 00:03:14,424 --> 00:03:16,393 - I'm not. - How do I know that? 50 00:03:16,486 --> 00:03:17,650 You just have to trust me. 51 00:03:17,742 --> 00:03:18,855 Trust you? 52 00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:21,196 You're a DEA agent. 53 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:22,870 Natural enemies. 54 00:03:23,383 --> 00:03:27,656 We're like that story, the scorpion and the turtle. 55 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,997 - The scorpion and the frog. - Turtle. 56 00:03:30,121 --> 00:03:31,523 Turtles have hard shells. 57 00:03:31,617 --> 00:03:33,636 How can the scorpion sting through a hard shell? 58 00:03:33,769 --> 00:03:35,549 Sting 'em in the neck. 59 00:03:35,643 --> 00:03:36,855 Repeat. 60 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,680 Stop being cute. 61 00:03:40,579 --> 00:03:43,622 How long have you known? 62 00:03:43,715 --> 00:03:46,533 After we first met, when you blew me off. 63 00:03:46,755 --> 00:03:50,470 I sort of snooped into your life, sorry. 64 00:03:50,566 --> 00:03:53,520 Wasn't hard to figure out. It is my job after all. 65 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,052 Are you wearing a wire? 66 00:03:57,063 --> 00:04:00,137 How do I check for a wire? 67 00:04:00,371 --> 00:04:03,745 Oh God! I love your chest. 68 00:04:05,783 --> 00:04:10,621 God! I'm completely freaking out. 69 00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:17,908 I love this wine. Don't you love this wine? 70 00:04:18,602 --> 00:04:21,038 You're adorable when you're looped. 71 00:04:21,183 --> 00:04:22,912 I'm not looped. 72 00:04:23,324 --> 00:04:29,957 The alcohol flushes me. It gives a natural blush. 73 00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:31,643 All girls look better with blush. 74 00:04:31,737 --> 00:04:33,605 At least, that's what my sister told me. 75 00:04:33,701 --> 00:04:34,724 Jill? 76 00:04:35,556 --> 00:04:37,474 You're good. 77 00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:41,231 Okay, let's say I quit. 78 00:04:41,325 --> 00:04:44,229 Quit everything and got a job at Nordstroms. Would you let me go? 79 00:04:44,324 --> 00:04:45,777 I don't wanna let you go. 80 00:04:45,872 --> 00:04:48,497 Can't you just pretend you don't know what I do? 81 00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:52,793 - Yeah, I could. - No, you couldn't. Scorpion. 82 00:04:53,814 --> 00:04:56,959 What if this is all an act you put on to nail dealers? 83 00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:59,490 Take them to dinner and profess my love? 84 00:04:59,626 --> 00:05:02,339 That's how I took down the Santiago brothers. 85 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,762 Still no way I can trust you ever. 86 00:05:04,857 --> 00:05:06,306 Never ever. 87 00:05:06,404 --> 00:05:08,222 Never say never. 88 00:05:08,763 --> 00:05:11,859 I've had a little time to think this out. 89 00:05:11,954 --> 00:05:12,787 And? 90 00:05:12,881 --> 00:05:14,711 I am a man with a plan. 91 00:05:14,805 --> 00:05:16,953 A man. A plan. 92 00:05:17,047 --> 00:05:19,813 A canal Panama. 93 00:05:19,918 --> 00:05:22,204 - What? - It's a palindrome. 94 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:25,963 It's the same backwards as forwards like Madam I'm Adam. 95 00:05:26,338 --> 00:05:28,204 We're going to Panama? 96 00:05:29,039 --> 00:05:32,273 We're going to make this work. 97 00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,564 Rise and shine, little girl. 98 00:05:42,373 --> 00:05:43,244 What? 99 00:05:44,496 --> 00:05:46,086 School is not till 8. 100 00:05:46,181 --> 00:05:48,856 Yes, but boot camp is at 6. 101 00:05:49,232 --> 00:05:50,530 Boot camp? 102 00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:53,721 Yeah, you don't wanna be the fattest girl at fat camp this summer. 103 00:05:53,815 --> 00:05:55,027 Do you? 104 00:05:55,627 --> 00:05:59,381 Okay, you guys, we begin now! 105 00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:01,257 Feel it in the chest! 106 00:06:01,401 --> 00:06:02,800 Left arm, pull! 107 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,483 Feel it in the back! 108 00:06:04,619 --> 00:06:06,539 Yeah, I'm gonna be in the car. 109 00:06:06,682 --> 00:06:08,928 Okay, okay, here we go. Jump! 110 00:06:09,024 --> 00:06:12,528 Uno, dos, three, four, ... 111 00:06:14,277 --> 00:06:15,818 Do you want to join us? 112 00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,985 - Me? - Just you. 113 00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:22,277 Not, it's not for me. It's for my daughter. 114 00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:25,135 I have a tape that I do at home. 115 00:06:25,282 --> 00:06:27,708 No looky lose, just dooey does. 116 00:06:27,811 --> 00:06:29,960 Yes, well, I've only paid for her. 117 00:06:30,143 --> 00:06:32,821 So, go into your stuff. 118 00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:35,142 Muy bien. 119 00:06:35,936 --> 00:06:38,792 I've seen your posters. 120 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:39,808 What? 121 00:06:39,952 --> 00:06:42,577 You know de... campagna. 122 00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:45,748 - My campaign posters? - Yes. 123 00:06:45,882 --> 00:06:48,849 And to be winner, you must be thinner. 124 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,432 I don't have time for this. 125 00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:53,193 And at $40 an hour, neither do you. 126 00:06:55,969 --> 00:06:57,420 Talk to the muscles! 127 00:06:57,554 --> 00:06:58,865 Yeah, fuck my muscles. 128 00:06:59,007 --> 00:07:01,344 You'll live to be 110 years old. 129 00:07:01,441 --> 00:07:04,446 I'm 75 and I look 21! 130 00:07:04,721 --> 00:07:07,108 I just had this outfit drycleaned. 131 00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:10,467 - You okay, mom? - Yeah, I'm fine. 132 00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:16,646 - He bullied me into this! - No Ricardo's fault. 133 00:07:16,741 --> 00:07:18,039 I went through chimo. 134 00:07:18,276 --> 00:07:20,431 - Oh, I went through chimo! - Oh, me too! 135 00:07:20,526 --> 00:07:21,788 Yeah, well, I had radiation. 136 00:07:21,882 --> 00:07:23,610 - I had radiations. - So did I. 137 00:07:23,705 --> 00:07:24,918 Plus I'm low blood sugar. 138 00:07:25,013 --> 00:07:26,929 - Type 1 diabetis. - Type 2 for me. 139 00:07:27,026 --> 00:07:28,753 Oh, fuck you both! 140 00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:32,543 Sweetheart, don't worry. Your mom is gonna be just fine. 141 00:07:32,874 --> 00:07:35,590 Please... That bitch will outlive us all. 142 00:07:35,685 --> 00:07:37,038 - I heard that. - Good. 143 00:07:37,182 --> 00:07:38,810 Alright! We're here to exercise. 144 00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:41,159 We're not here to stand around. Come on! 145 00:07:50,294 --> 00:07:52,546 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. 146 00:07:52,779 --> 00:07:54,084 We're encoutering some turbulence. 147 00:07:54,226 --> 00:07:56,940 We'd like you to return to your seat and fasten your seatbelt. 148 00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:57,677 Thank you. 149 00:08:20,845 --> 00:08:23,425 Hey, shalom! Hi. 150 00:08:23,656 --> 00:08:26,750 I'm doing an article for the school paper. 151 00:08:26,848 --> 00:08:28,528 Mind answering a few questions? 152 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:30,072 We don't have a school paper. 153 00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:32,065 No, it's more of a prototype really. 154 00:08:32,758 --> 00:08:36,280 Anyway, you're married? Dating? Living in sin? 155 00:08:36,693 --> 00:08:39,221 Not since my lover was killed. 156 00:08:39,366 --> 00:08:40,664 Dead lover you say. 157 00:08:40,910 --> 00:08:43,667 He was my commanding officer in the Israeli army. 158 00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:47,990 Fucking Hamas suicide bomber piece of shit blew him up in a pizza parlour. 159 00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:52,585 That is so awful. The whole Middle East thing, I mean... why? 160 00:08:52,691 --> 00:08:55,267 Anyway, since hunting down Zev's murderer, 161 00:08:55,361 --> 00:08:57,700 I've sort of been concentrating on my studies. 162 00:08:57,844 --> 00:09:00,141 Well, grief takes us strange places. 163 00:09:00,237 --> 00:09:02,435 You've lost someone close to you as well? 164 00:09:02,898 --> 00:09:08,204 My brother Judah dropped dead while jogging with his young son. 165 00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:11,383 We were really close. We were like brothers. 166 00:09:11,756 --> 00:09:14,244 Judah... it's a beautiful name. 167 00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:16,396 It means the praised one. 168 00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:18,173 What's the story behind Yael? 169 00:09:18,316 --> 00:09:19,897 It's from the Book of Judges. 170 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,084 Yael invites a leader of the enemy army into her tent, 171 00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:26,325 gives him milk to drink, when he falls asleep, 172 00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:29,752 she hammers a tent stake through his skull. 173 00:09:30,115 --> 00:09:31,616 I love judges. 174 00:09:31,712 --> 00:09:34,050 Guess my parents expected big things from me. 175 00:09:34,145 --> 00:09:36,061 In that case, how about I take you out to dinner some time? 176 00:09:36,156 --> 00:09:37,698 No milk, a little wine maybe. 177 00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:39,431 To say thanks for everything you've done. 178 00:09:39,575 --> 00:09:41,396 I have a policy never to date students. 179 00:09:41,489 --> 00:09:44,115 - Just commanding officers, huh? - I was following orders. 180 00:09:44,259 --> 00:09:46,029 Come on, I just... 181 00:09:46,123 --> 00:09:48,180 I just wanna say thanks... 182 00:09:48,325 --> 00:09:50,294 for saving me from being a victim of a 183 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:53,155 road side bomb in downtown Baghdad. 184 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:56,235 Okay. 185 00:09:57,946 --> 00:09:58,825 Fine. 186 00:09:58,952 --> 00:09:59,682 Fine. 187 00:10:19,942 --> 00:10:23,227 Hi, everyone! Sorry I'm late. 188 00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,078 Rough day at the office, dear? 189 00:10:25,174 --> 00:10:26,905 I had some stuff to take care of. 190 00:10:27,049 --> 00:10:29,056 - Stuff? - What kind of stuff? 191 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,101 What do you do now that the bakery is gone? 192 00:10:31,245 --> 00:10:32,684 I'm looking for a small 193 00:10:32,829 --> 00:10:35,127 business to invest in, I look. 194 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,292 Today, I looked. I might look again tomorrow. 195 00:10:39,437 --> 00:10:41,257 You make this big deal about family dinner 196 00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:44,307 and then you show up late after disappearing all day. 197 00:10:44,398 --> 00:10:47,076 Yeah, well, I'm here now so... 198 00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:48,522 give me a break. 199 00:10:48,676 --> 00:10:50,634 Do we have any aspirin? 200 00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:54,662 Too many aspirin can give you bleeding ulcers. 201 00:10:54,714 --> 00:10:58,140 Thanks for the tip, Shane. What's for dinner? 202 00:10:58,284 --> 00:11:02,696 Lamb and couscous and ratatouille. Why don't you pull up a seat? 203 00:11:04,632 --> 00:11:07,778 Goddamn plumbing! This house is built like crap. 204 00:11:07,871 --> 00:11:10,018 It's gonna cost me a fortune. 205 00:11:18,794 --> 00:11:20,426 So how was everyone's day? 206 00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:22,349 - Okay. - Okay. 207 00:11:22,394 --> 00:11:23,374 Okay. 208 00:11:23,469 --> 00:11:26,236 ...that's okay in Hebrew. 209 00:11:26,332 --> 00:11:28,100 How was your day, Nancy? 210 00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:32,486 Okay. It was okay. 211 00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:57,414 I fucking miss you. 212 00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:00,982 I miss you too. 213 00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:04,081 Are you going to stop being an asshole? 214 00:12:05,829 --> 00:12:10,202 If we only have a few months together, I wanna make them count. 215 00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:12,392 Really count. 216 00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:17,584 I want us both to remember this time for the rest of our lives. 217 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:20,487 Starting now. 218 00:13:06,897 --> 00:13:08,207 Fucking pipes! 219 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,894 Anyway, someone's been flushing socks down your pipes. 220 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,845 Socks? What kind of socks? 221 00:13:14,939 --> 00:13:17,378 Tube socks. Those with the stripes. 222 00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:19,997 You have a son, say around 11 or 12 years old? 223 00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:22,659 He's probably been flushing his jerk socks down the toilet. 224 00:13:22,755 --> 00:13:23,776 Jerk socks? 225 00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:26,875 He make the man salsa in the sock then flush. 226 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,472 I never went through this with Silas. 227 00:13:28,604 --> 00:13:31,472 Silas used T-shirts and then tied them 228 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,372 at the bottom of the laundry. 229 00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:35,429 You or your husband oughta talk to him. 230 00:13:35,522 --> 00:13:37,060 Otherwise I'll be back here in a couple of days 231 00:13:37,157 --> 00:13:39,552 to snake out your pipes all over again. Thanks. 232 00:13:39,828 --> 00:13:41,508 Me or my husband... 233 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:46,021 If only Shane would have started whacking when Mr. Judah was alive! 234 00:13:49,577 --> 00:13:52,719 What have we done? Peter. 235 00:13:59,094 --> 00:14:01,479 So what was it you wanted to talk about? 236 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,685 You know how the... 237 00:14:04,745 --> 00:14:09,812 plumbing's been screwed up in the last few days? 238 00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:10,599 Yeah. 239 00:14:10,705 --> 00:14:13,183 Turns out uh... 240 00:14:13,276 --> 00:14:15,294 Someone's been... 241 00:14:15,431 --> 00:14:18,572 flushing their socks down the toilet. 242 00:14:18,698 --> 00:14:20,289 - Socks? - Socks. 243 00:14:20,383 --> 00:14:21,024 Oh. 244 00:14:21,122 --> 00:14:24,406 Any idea who might be doing that? 245 00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:25,621 Lupita? 246 00:14:25,803 --> 00:14:27,534 Why would Lupita flush her socks? 247 00:14:27,629 --> 00:14:29,975 'Cause she's too lazy to wash 'em? 248 00:14:30,071 --> 00:14:33,167 Shane, have you been flushing your socks? 249 00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:33,914 No! 250 00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:42,346 It's okay if you have. 251 00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:43,412 I haven't. 252 00:14:44,614 --> 00:14:49,171 Shane, have you noticed any changes in your body recently? 253 00:14:49,266 --> 00:14:50,807 What tiny changes? 254 00:14:50,903 --> 00:14:54,425 - You know, changes. - I'm getting taller. 255 00:14:54,569 --> 00:14:59,068 - No, down there changes. - Down there? 256 00:14:59,163 --> 00:15:02,807 With your penis, Shane. Have you noticed any changes with your penis? 257 00:15:02,871 --> 00:15:04,133 What's wrong with my penis? 258 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,575 Nothing, that's just it, it's perfectly natural. 259 00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:07,832 What's perfectly natural? 260 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:11,121 Stuff that comes out when you rub it. 261 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:12,426 I have to go to school. 262 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,214 Go. 263 00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:18,994 - Talk to Shane about jerking off. - I'm all over it. 264 00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:34,701 What am I looking at? 265 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,703 Gated community. Ain't no cops driving by. 266 00:15:37,807 --> 00:15:39,006 Now discreet exterior, 267 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,589 decent square footage, access to power lines. 268 00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:43,819 We trust the landlord? 269 00:15:43,967 --> 00:15:45,884 We trust him to stay far away. 270 00:15:45,977 --> 00:15:47,938 Mr. Avakian has been a client of mine for years. 271 00:15:48,043 --> 00:15:49,393 Retired to Arizona. 272 00:15:49,536 --> 00:15:52,015 As long as we pay rent on time and swear we're not Turkish, 273 00:15:52,109 --> 00:15:54,168 - we are golden. - Not Turkish? 274 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:57,975 Armenians hate Turks. Some Armenian genocide thing or something. 275 00:15:58,050 --> 00:16:00,346 Just never order Turkish coffee in an Armenian restaurant, 276 00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:01,930 they'd fucking take your head off. 277 00:16:02,037 --> 00:16:05,311 That's a great tip considering all the fine Armenian dining I do. 278 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,788 Don't knock it. Nice Pastrami sandwich, some fattoush salad. 279 00:16:08,883 --> 00:16:10,282 It's nothing to sneer at! 280 00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:11,919 Now you been eating some weird shit. 281 00:16:12,021 --> 00:16:13,979 That's right, I heard you guys ain't adventurous eaters. 282 00:16:14,077 --> 00:16:15,338 No, that's just not true. 283 00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:17,020 'Cause real men eat the sushi. 284 00:16:17,116 --> 00:16:19,412 Okay, I don't need to be a part of this conversation. 285 00:16:19,506 --> 00:16:21,096 I just don't eat nothing called "fat tush". 286 00:16:21,193 --> 00:16:22,823 I'm sure you've had "fat tush" before. 287 00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:24,414 No, see another stereotype. 288 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,191 Wait, wait, wait, I know there's a joke here. 289 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:29,429 Enough! Call Mr. Avakian and tell him we'll take the house. 290 00:16:30,352 --> 00:16:31,703 It's really happening. 291 00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:33,385 - It sure is. - I feel good. 292 00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:35,647 I'm not scared. 293 00:16:35,785 --> 00:16:37,703 Don't make sense not to be just a little scared. 294 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,230 Well, I'm not. Not even a little. 295 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:43,542 Baby... 296 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,263 do you know about the evil eye? You need to stop talking like that. 297 00:16:46,357 --> 00:16:48,565 Good, good. Good, good, good. 298 00:16:48,662 --> 00:16:50,947 Avakian wants to know if he has to paint. 299 00:16:51,232 --> 00:16:53,269 Negative on the paint. 300 00:16:55,079 --> 00:16:56,430 It's ours. 301 00:16:56,565 --> 00:16:58,295 Listen up, people. 302 00:16:58,389 --> 00:17:00,595 Now that we're stepping up, we gotta watch our shit. 303 00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,111 Growhouses get busted for like 304 00:17:02,256 --> 00:17:03,496 girlfriends who want revenge, 305 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,461 ex-wives who don't get their alimony check. 306 00:17:05,555 --> 00:17:08,609 It's fucked up personal shit that will get you popped everytime. 307 00:17:08,702 --> 00:17:11,420 So we tell no one... 308 00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:13,295 about this place. 309 00:17:13,389 --> 00:17:14,411 We're clear? 310 00:17:14,503 --> 00:17:15,956 Sorry, I'm late. 311 00:17:16,259 --> 00:17:17,421 What did I miss? 312 00:17:17,563 --> 00:17:20,142 Uh, Conrad just said something. 313 00:17:22,081 --> 00:17:23,289 Conrad... 314 00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:25,880 Here. 315 00:17:26,484 --> 00:17:27,605 What's this? 316 00:17:27,789 --> 00:17:30,137 Filed papers for my campaign. 317 00:17:30,231 --> 00:17:32,410 Notarize them, send them in. 318 00:17:32,505 --> 00:17:35,182 Charge it to the office Fed Ex account, save everyone a few bucks. 319 00:17:35,276 --> 00:17:37,285 Yeah. Sure. 320 00:17:39,741 --> 00:17:42,359 You're the Conrad who fucked my wife. 321 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:44,422 Oh, terrific! 322 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,521 Um... 323 00:17:48,769 --> 00:17:51,587 Look, man, I don't have to say I... 324 00:17:52,418 --> 00:17:53,578 Alright, you know what... 325 00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:56,401 No, no, fair is fair. Fair is fair. Fair is fair. 326 00:18:01,517 --> 00:18:04,522 You get one free shot. 327 00:18:14,754 --> 00:18:15,688 Wait! 328 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,287 I need time to plan. 329 00:18:18,383 --> 00:18:19,831 What the fuck! 330 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,781 Yo! Ain't no planning. 331 00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:26,392 You hit me now or the offer is off the table. 332 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,886 I never hit a man before. 333 00:18:27,991 --> 00:18:28,961 And... 334 00:18:29,057 --> 00:18:31,116 I'm not good under pressure. 335 00:18:31,298 --> 00:18:32,801 You have to let me take a raincheck. 336 00:18:33,035 --> 00:18:36,128 You're taking pussy to a whole new level right now. 337 00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:37,423 Please... 338 00:18:37,757 --> 00:18:40,047 you did bang my wife. 339 00:18:40,749 --> 00:18:44,879 Fine. Just no sucker punches to the stomach. 340 00:18:44,973 --> 00:18:47,690 That's how Houdini died and I ain't going out like that. 341 00:18:49,488 --> 00:18:50,652 Jesus! 342 00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:54,039 I'm surrounded by the fucking Lost Boys. 343 00:18:54,594 --> 00:18:56,740 Alright listen closely, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. 344 00:18:58,551 --> 00:19:01,404 Your little body is changing, it's all good, believe me. 345 00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:02,810 Problem now is... 346 00:19:02,906 --> 00:19:04,445 everytime we jerk the gherkin, 347 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:08,900 we end up with a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? 348 00:19:09,005 --> 00:19:11,393 Right! So, first order of business... 349 00:19:11,488 --> 00:19:12,976 No more socks. 350 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,116 They're expensive, gumming up the works plumbing-wise. 351 00:19:16,259 --> 00:19:18,418 You might be thinking to yourself "but Uncle Andy, 352 00:19:18,513 --> 00:19:19,862 what do I do with all that pearl jam 353 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,826 if I can't spew it in the mystery sock?" 354 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:22,715 Glad you asked. 355 00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:25,903 You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning. 356 00:19:25,978 --> 00:19:28,327 That eliminates the need for a goo glove. 357 00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:31,226 But the day is long, masturbation's fun, 358 00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:34,065 so unless we wanna take 4 or 5 showers everyday, 359 00:19:34,162 --> 00:19:35,940 we're gonna need some other options here. 360 00:19:36,064 --> 00:19:37,506 So let's start with the basics. 361 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:42,907 Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that creamy italian. 362 00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:45,957 It can be rough and dry on such soft sensitive skin, 363 00:19:46,082 --> 00:19:49,036 not to mention that can stick to your dick head like a fucking band-aid. 364 00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:49,686 Aouch! 365 00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:53,304 From there we move on to more lubricated ***, 366 00:19:53,397 --> 00:19:55,594 specifically bananas. 367 00:19:55,641 --> 00:19:57,230 Step 1: peel the banana. 368 00:19:57,323 --> 00:20:00,846 Step 2: slip the peel over your Andy Johnson, 369 00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:02,045 start pitching. 370 00:20:02,139 --> 00:20:04,666 Now for extra credit, warm up the peal in the microwave... 371 00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:05,831 Not too hot! 372 00:20:05,925 --> 00:20:07,048 Serious yowza. 373 00:20:07,142 --> 00:20:09,151 Also olive oil, moisturizer, 374 00:20:09,296 --> 00:20:11,961 honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner and vaseline 375 00:20:12,054 --> 00:20:13,593 can all be used for lube. 376 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,428 In my opinion, the best lube... 377 00:20:15,522 --> 00:20:16,307 is lube. 378 00:20:16,402 --> 00:20:18,836 So save your allowance. Invest in some soon. 379 00:20:18,934 --> 00:20:19,815 Alright, moving on. 380 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,450 When you tug your Thomas on the toilet... 381 00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:23,703 shoot right into the bowl. 382 00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:27,310 In bed, soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy handtowel 383 00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:30,179 if you're very horny and you don't mind tossing after tossing. 384 00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:34,167 There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. 385 00:20:34,311 --> 00:20:37,686 It reduces stress. It enhances immune function. 386 00:20:37,831 --> 00:20:39,939 Also: practice makes perfect 387 00:20:40,034 --> 00:20:42,371 so work on your control now while you're a solo artist. 388 00:20:42,512 --> 00:20:45,650 You'll be playing some long happy duets in the future. 389 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,481 Alright, class dismissed. 390 00:20:48,483 --> 00:20:49,358 Hey! 391 00:20:51,165 --> 00:20:52,845 Homework. 392 00:20:59,118 --> 00:21:00,847 Still using that anti-bacterial soap? 393 00:21:00,944 --> 00:21:02,062 It's good for the baby. 394 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,978 Fucks up the baby's immunities. 395 00:21:04,073 --> 00:21:05,662 It don't fuck up the baby's immunities. 396 00:21:05,756 --> 00:21:08,383 Girl, that child needs to get germs and bacteria 397 00:21:08,436 --> 00:21:10,398 so he can fight 'em off and develop antibodies. 398 00:21:10,582 --> 00:21:14,204 Keep killing everything around him and his immune sytem is gonna be for shit. 399 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,356 Wind up living in a fucking bubble. 400 00:21:16,451 --> 00:21:19,544 Actually, she's right. Overuse of anti-bacterials can lead to... 401 00:21:19,642 --> 00:21:21,747 Not your baby, stay out of this. 402 00:21:21,794 --> 00:21:24,180 Yeah, stay out of it. I've got this. 403 00:21:24,277 --> 00:21:26,743 Trying to turn my grandbaby into a bubble boy! 404 00:21:26,837 --> 00:21:27,908 And I ain't having it. 405 00:21:29,161 --> 00:21:32,810 Ooh! Lord! It's him. That's him. Quick, give me that weed. 406 00:21:32,915 --> 00:21:33,890 What's going on? 407 00:21:34,033 --> 00:21:35,432 The prince of pies. 408 00:21:35,529 --> 00:21:37,676 - What? - It's him. He's here. 409 00:21:37,819 --> 00:21:39,220 I said get rid of it. 410 00:21:39,594 --> 00:21:41,175 Time to melt Snowflake. 411 00:21:41,319 --> 00:21:43,048 - What? - Alright. 412 00:21:43,191 --> 00:21:44,352 That's her. 413 00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:45,898 The money. 414 00:21:50,759 --> 00:21:51,728 Good afternoon. 415 00:21:53,161 --> 00:21:56,163 Hi. I'm Nancy. 416 00:21:56,769 --> 00:21:57,790 Okay. 417 00:21:58,602 --> 00:22:01,797 I brought you a bean pie, Heylia. 418 00:22:02,399 --> 00:22:06,061 Oh, Joseph! Aren't you lovely! 419 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,123 I've never had a bean pie. 420 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,457 Lucky you! 421 00:22:11,988 --> 00:22:14,422 So, how much do I owe you? 422 00:22:14,607 --> 00:22:16,717 That will be $24. 423 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,465 Do you have any more? I'll buy one. 424 00:22:19,562 --> 00:22:20,345 I'm out. 425 00:22:22,102 --> 00:22:23,595 Best be going now. 426 00:22:24,475 --> 00:22:27,289 You know, I was just about to take my exercise 427 00:22:27,386 --> 00:22:30,330 so why don't I walk next door with you. 428 00:22:30,524 --> 00:22:32,154 That would be lovely. 429 00:22:32,806 --> 00:22:34,248 Nice meeting you, Joseph. 430 00:22:34,623 --> 00:22:35,791 Okay. 431 00:22:38,747 --> 00:22:39,908 What was that about? 432 00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:42,013 That was about the mountain coming to Mohammad. 433 00:22:42,157 --> 00:22:43,469 He barely acknowledged my presence. 434 00:22:43,602 --> 00:22:46,230 You're the white devil girl. He's Nation Of Islam. 435 00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:48,190 Y'all two ain't never having coffee. 436 00:22:48,426 --> 00:22:50,256 Now, do me a favor. 437 00:22:50,351 --> 00:22:52,717 Please take some of his fucking little pies with you. 438 00:22:55,899 --> 00:22:57,301 What's in a bean pie anyway? 439 00:22:57,395 --> 00:22:59,224 Ground up white babies and nutmeg. 440 00:22:59,321 --> 00:23:00,898 Hmm. My favorite. 441 00:23:24,786 --> 00:23:25,948 What happened to you? 442 00:23:26,081 --> 00:23:28,699 Pulled a muscle in my cooze in bootcamp. 443 00:23:28,790 --> 00:23:30,572 Alright? Happy you asked. 444 00:23:30,626 --> 00:23:33,812 So, what brings you by, Celia? 445 00:23:33,905 --> 00:23:36,253 I know that you're depressed, I'm here for you. 446 00:23:37,033 --> 00:23:37,778 Me? 447 00:23:37,851 --> 00:23:39,821 I am here to pull you out of it. 448 00:23:39,964 --> 00:23:41,692 - I'm not depressed. - Bullshit! 449 00:23:41,817 --> 00:23:43,028 Your business burned down. 450 00:23:43,166 --> 00:23:45,363 Kids... busy with their lives of their own. 451 00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:48,411 Brother-in-law feeds off of you like a parasite. 452 00:23:48,558 --> 00:23:50,665 You haven't been laid in God knows how long. 453 00:23:50,850 --> 00:23:54,412 And you haven't been to PTA in over a month. 454 00:23:54,556 --> 00:23:55,679 What are you doing? 455 00:23:55,813 --> 00:23:57,593 I'm fine, Celia. 456 00:23:58,245 --> 00:23:59,834 So what do you do all day? 457 00:24:01,442 --> 00:24:03,312 - Things. - What things? 458 00:24:03,488 --> 00:24:05,307 Okay, you didn't hobble over here 459 00:24:05,422 --> 00:24:08,645 with your icky vagina just to chase my blues away. 460 00:24:08,739 --> 00:24:09,901 What do you want? 461 00:24:09,994 --> 00:24:12,104 Please, work on my campaign. 462 00:24:12,199 --> 00:24:15,673 Please! Doug is a turd, Pam is an idiot. 463 00:24:15,856 --> 00:24:19,328 You just keep me company. I don't even care who you vote for. 464 00:24:19,425 --> 00:24:20,495 I have a broken crotch, 465 00:24:20,591 --> 00:24:22,985 you need to get out of the house, it's win-win. 466 00:24:23,402 --> 00:24:24,471 Please! 467 00:24:24,666 --> 00:24:28,889 Just say yes. You know if you don't, I'll never stop harrassing you. 468 00:24:28,981 --> 00:24:29,625 Fine. 469 00:24:29,910 --> 00:24:30,880 Fine. 470 00:24:31,574 --> 00:24:34,480 - Hi, Mrs. Hodes. - Hello, Shane. 471 00:24:34,813 --> 00:24:36,961 How do you get your kids to eat fruit? 472 00:24:37,104 --> 00:24:39,023 Shane's been on this whole banana kick lately, 473 00:24:39,117 --> 00:24:41,265 maybe he needs potassium, I don't know. 474 00:24:42,107 --> 00:24:46,188 Well, I'm gonna go home and ice my beaver. 475 00:24:48,777 --> 00:24:50,644 See you next Tuesday. 476 00:24:56,389 --> 00:24:57,172 Hello. 477 00:24:57,417 --> 00:24:58,389 Hey there. 478 00:24:59,430 --> 00:25:03,232 Just thinking about where we were less than 24 hours ago. 479 00:25:08,679 --> 00:25:11,027 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. 480 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,452 We're encoutering some turbulence. 481 00:25:12,547 --> 00:25:15,262 We'd like you to return to your seat and fasten your seatbelt. 482 00:25:15,458 --> 00:25:16,149 Thank you. 483 00:25:16,385 --> 00:25:19,152 We'll get you something to wear when we land. 484 00:25:21,828 --> 00:25:24,164 No one but us has to know about this. 485 00:25:24,248 --> 00:25:25,042 Our secret. 486 00:25:25,175 --> 00:25:27,322 - Strictly business. - Strictly business. 487 00:25:28,536 --> 00:25:30,634 This means they can't make you testify against me? 488 00:25:30,727 --> 00:25:33,264 They can not make me testify against you. 489 00:25:33,905 --> 00:25:35,637 And I get to hang on to the certificate. 490 00:25:35,740 --> 00:25:38,644 The certificate is all yours to do with it what you will. 491 00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:41,488 Anything else? 492 00:25:41,621 --> 00:25:44,295 I need to be home in time for family dinner. 493 00:25:44,949 --> 00:25:46,580 Howdy, people! 494 00:25:46,763 --> 00:25:50,237 Y'all are gathered here today to join these two... 495 00:25:50,752 --> 00:25:51,962 hound dogs 496 00:25:52,086 --> 00:25:53,436 in holy 497 00:25:53,859 --> 00:25:55,958 matrimony! 498 00:25:56,561 --> 00:25:58,342 Do you trust me know? 499 00:25:58,433 --> 00:26:01,860 When you did this with the Santiago brothers, did they wear white? 500 00:26:03,260 --> 00:26:06,842 Synchro/Transcript: Travis www.forom.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net