1 00:00:06,179 --> 00:00:07,603 Previously on Weeds... 2 00:00:07,696 --> 00:00:09,167 She said your check didn't clear. 3 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,495 You don't have any money in your checking account? 4 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,104 You no pay me last week. 5 00:00:13,197 --> 00:00:13,808 I'm broke. 6 00:00:13,901 --> 00:00:16,566 I've been working on setting up a front to launder money through. 7 00:00:16,612 --> 00:00:19,231 Could my cover business eventually become my real business? 8 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,702 Good luck! Small business is fucked! 9 00:00:21,796 --> 00:00:24,270 You want weed on credit, you gotta leave some collateral. 10 00:00:24,368 --> 00:00:25,733 How about I hold on to that nice rock? 11 00:00:25,782 --> 00:00:27,255 I need more inventory. 12 00:00:27,449 --> 00:00:28,573 Leave your car instead. 13 00:00:28,673 --> 00:00:29,514 My car? 14 00:00:29,705 --> 00:00:30,743 I'm leasing it. 15 00:00:30,848 --> 00:00:32,501 Then you're really gonna wanna get it back. 16 00:00:33,996 --> 00:00:35,512 I'm so screwed. 17 00:01:27,856 --> 00:01:30,842 This is Janet Yamamoto live from West Hills. 18 00:01:30,978 --> 00:01:32,020 In the past few days, 19 00:01:32,115 --> 00:01:34,870 wildlife officials have been swamped with hundred of phone calls 20 00:01:34,968 --> 00:01:39,683 from Agrestic residents who have reported seeing a large tan mountain lion. 21 00:01:39,777 --> 00:01:40,913 I haven't seen Chester... 22 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,050 that's my cat... 23 00:01:42,148 --> 00:01:43,040 in two days. 24 00:01:44,176 --> 00:01:47,890 I don't know though. Would a big cat eat a smaller cat? 25 00:01:47,997 --> 00:01:49,943 I mean, isn't that cat cannibalism? 26 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,601 Department fish and game officials have been called in 27 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,311 but so far they've had no success in capturing the animal. 28 00:01:55,457 --> 00:01:58,401 In the meantime, a dangerous predator runs free. 29 00:01:58,775 --> 00:02:01,770 Agrestic... a community living in fear. 30 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,623 Back to you and the studio, Joany. 31 00:02:03,715 --> 00:02:04,703 Thank you, Janet. 32 00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:07,130 I'm going to the market. Any request for dinner? 33 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:08,171 Steak! 34 00:02:10,655 --> 00:02:12,411 You've been sneaking food! 35 00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:14,061 I haven't! 36 00:02:15,186 --> 00:02:16,080 I swear! 37 00:02:16,408 --> 00:02:18,212 Well, then congratulations... 38 00:02:18,947 --> 00:02:20,481 you must be pregnant. 39 00:02:22,686 --> 00:02:24,441 I have to go get dressed for school. 40 00:02:25,438 --> 00:02:26,630 We can't cut into the art program. 41 00:02:26,738 --> 00:02:29,112 Kids need drawing and shit, good for motor skills. 42 00:02:29,256 --> 00:02:31,340 No! Hell, no! We're not cutting into football for it! 43 00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:32,573 Screw the pansy art fags! 44 00:02:32,698 --> 00:02:35,833 Let 'em paint banners for the football team. Kill two birds with... 45 00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:39,361 Listen, I got somebody here, we'll finish this up in the next counsellor meeting. 46 00:02:39,836 --> 00:02:41,252 Your turn to bring the vodka. 47 00:02:41,675 --> 00:02:43,050 Okay, you too. 48 00:02:43,668 --> 00:02:45,602 Yes, yes, I fucked your wife. 49 00:02:45,987 --> 00:02:47,450 Yes, I fucked your mother. 50 00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:48,852 Okay, bye. 51 00:02:49,928 --> 00:02:50,823 Nancy! 52 00:02:51,295 --> 00:02:54,761 I'm such a phaser. I totally forgot you were coming. 53 00:02:55,147 --> 00:02:56,851 Don't smoke it all at once. 54 00:02:58,256 --> 00:02:59,720 What? What's wrong? 55 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,040 I'm flush. 56 00:03:01,238 --> 00:03:02,130 What do you mean you're flush? 57 00:03:02,228 --> 00:03:04,933 I'm cool, I'm stocked, fat, no needy more weedy. 58 00:03:05,127 --> 00:03:08,451 I only sold you a quarter last week you couldn't possibly have any left the way you smoke. 59 00:03:08,546 --> 00:03:10,490 I burnt through that days ago. 60 00:03:10,635 --> 00:03:11,861 Check this out. 61 00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:14,863 What is this? 62 00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:16,521 My medical marijuana card. 63 00:03:16,717 --> 00:03:18,901 I got a note from a clinic doc for a hundred bucks, 64 00:03:18,996 --> 00:03:21,272 went down to the pot store and, mamma, 65 00:03:24,557 --> 00:03:25,782 I was houm! 66 00:03:26,986 --> 00:03:29,380 It's a weed wonderland, Nancy. 67 00:03:29,756 --> 00:03:30,991 It's like Amsterdam, only better 68 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:34,700 because you don't have to visit the Anne Franck house and pretend to be all sad and stuff. 69 00:03:35,406 --> 00:03:36,782 See this lollipop? 70 00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:37,531 It isn't... 71 00:03:37,626 --> 00:03:41,050 Yes, I'm getting high right now. You can't even tell. 72 00:03:41,336 --> 00:03:42,802 How is this possible? 73 00:03:42,947 --> 00:03:44,793 The genius of prop 215: 74 00:03:44,986 --> 00:03:46,932 medical marijuana for sick people. 75 00:03:47,347 --> 00:03:50,250 And seriously, who couldn't use a little medicating, right? 76 00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:52,532 My friend's friend's friend gave me the address of the clinic 77 00:03:52,586 --> 00:03:54,672 and I went down there and I loaded up. 78 00:03:54,815 --> 00:03:55,750 God! 79 00:03:55,948 --> 00:03:57,501 I love California. 80 00:03:57,646 --> 00:03:59,261 I can't wait to tell the poker guys about it. 81 00:04:00,148 --> 00:04:02,672 The one buzz killer is you can only buy 8 ounces a visit. 82 00:04:02,956 --> 00:04:04,652 That's half a pound! 83 00:04:04,757 --> 00:04:06,363 Well, they allow you to make 2 visits a day but 84 00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:09,792 you know, with all the traffic on the 110, it's practically impossible. 85 00:04:10,957 --> 00:04:12,722 Are you fucking with me? 86 00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:15,572 No, no, it's all true. I don't kid about my weed. 87 00:04:16,276 --> 00:04:17,412 I need the address. 88 00:04:17,546 --> 00:04:18,631 Nanc', you're a pot dealer. 89 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:21,431 Why would you take advantage of a medical provider when you already have the connections? 90 00:04:21,488 --> 00:04:22,090 This is greedy! 91 00:04:22,186 --> 00:04:23,280 Douglas! 92 00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:24,311 Okay, fine. 93 00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:26,573 As long as you're braving the traffic, 94 00:04:26,627 --> 00:04:29,143 Would you mind picking up a dozen more lollipops for me? 95 00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:30,832 Wild cherry. 96 00:05:04,758 --> 00:05:05,603 Hi there! 97 00:05:05,695 --> 00:05:07,300 Welcome, I'm Craig X 98 00:05:07,635 --> 00:05:10,973 and you are at the Bodhi Sativa caregivers club. 99 00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:11,960 How can we care for you? 100 00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:12,663 Hi. 101 00:05:12,836 --> 00:05:13,591 I'm... 102 00:05:13,778 --> 00:05:16,191 kind of new at this. 103 00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:19,093 A virgin! Don't worry I'll be gentle on you. Come on this way. 104 00:05:20,035 --> 00:05:22,462 The first thing you wanna do when you come to the club is check out the big board. 105 00:05:22,607 --> 00:05:24,933 On the big board here, we have all the prices and strains 106 00:05:25,027 --> 00:05:26,110 and they do change daily. 107 00:05:26,256 --> 00:05:27,720 Hey, Billy, how's the anxiety? 108 00:05:27,818 --> 00:05:28,710 Alright, cool. 109 00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:30,121 What was I saying? 110 00:05:30,308 --> 00:05:31,632 The big board. 111 00:05:31,728 --> 00:05:32,480 I got spaced. 112 00:05:32,578 --> 00:05:34,610 And on this big board, we got two specials today. 113 00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:37,470 This week, you wanna check out the Grand Daddy Perp. It's actually purple. 114 00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:40,400 Indica sativa blend, the flavor is... belissima. 115 00:05:40,637 --> 00:05:42,491 Second, we got the Here's Johnny. 116 00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:43,453 The king of late night. 117 00:05:43,748 --> 00:05:47,022 You don't wanna be messing with this before the sun goes down, it will knock you out. 118 00:05:47,117 --> 00:05:48,342 In the other room, we got the clones... 119 00:05:48,486 --> 00:05:50,810 Hey, how is it going? I see the arthritis is getting better, huh? 120 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:51,813 Yeah, you know it, man. 121 00:05:51,945 --> 00:05:52,600 Oh cool. 122 00:05:52,745 --> 00:05:53,911 Huh... what was I saying? 123 00:05:54,015 --> 00:05:54,381 Clones. 124 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:58,361 Oh yeah, you hear that dial tone? My clones are off the hook, check this out. 125 00:05:59,847 --> 00:06:01,442 We have the most beautiful clones. 126 00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:04,672 They're 10 dollars a piece and ours are guaranteed female. 127 00:06:04,815 --> 00:06:06,093 Should get you started. 128 00:06:06,187 --> 00:06:07,733 And over here we've got the food section. 129 00:06:07,838 --> 00:06:09,912 Hey, Mrs. Rapapor, nice to see you. 130 00:06:10,015 --> 00:06:12,591 You look beautiful, we got your sponge cake in back, okay? 131 00:06:12,718 --> 00:06:13,600 Go ahead and get that. 132 00:06:13,746 --> 00:06:14,512 Thanks. 133 00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:15,721 She's got diabetes. 134 00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:17,841 We make her spleen and steady sugar. 135 00:06:17,997 --> 00:06:18,833 What was I saying? 136 00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:19,502 Eatables. 137 00:06:19,555 --> 00:06:21,533 Eatables! Okay, look at all this great stuff we have: 138 00:06:21,587 --> 00:06:26,062 infusions, goo's, kifs, kif oils, hash oils, hemp oils,... 139 00:06:26,377 --> 00:06:28,080 You look a little overwhelmed. 140 00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:29,361 Where does all this come from? 141 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:32,831 A combination of our patients themselves and some very compassionate farmers 142 00:06:33,075 --> 00:06:34,061 doing God's work. 143 00:06:34,155 --> 00:06:35,193 And it's all legal? 144 00:06:35,332 --> 00:06:39,815 Well, we operate under the guidelines of Health and Safety code 11362.5. 145 00:06:39,919 --> 00:06:41,903 Douglas! 146 00:06:42,273 --> 00:06:43,714 I just couldn't stay away! 147 00:06:43,796 --> 00:06:45,992 It's the beauty of this place: you don't have to, man. 148 00:06:46,076 --> 00:06:47,020 Welcome back! 149 00:06:49,738 --> 00:06:51,772 I love it here! So much! 150 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,432 He's suffering from depression. 151 00:06:54,376 --> 00:06:55,070 Nanc'! 152 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,460 Hey, any more Steven Hawking? I wanna be wheeled out of here. 153 00:06:58,565 --> 00:07:00,171 Oh yeah, I'll hook you up, come on, let's go. 154 00:07:01,257 --> 00:07:02,832 What did I tell you, Nanc'? 155 00:07:02,968 --> 00:07:04,430 You sold me shit! 156 00:07:04,575 --> 00:07:06,320 I ain't here to sell you flowers! 157 00:07:06,607 --> 00:07:07,603 Let me rephrase: 158 00:07:07,698 --> 00:07:10,552 you sold me bullshit! 159 00:07:11,438 --> 00:07:12,861 Skunk weed! 160 00:07:13,336 --> 00:07:14,653 And I can't move it. 161 00:07:14,798 --> 00:07:16,221 And I want a refund. 162 00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:19,480 And I want an ass like Beyonce's. 163 00:07:19,628 --> 00:07:21,571 And neither of us getting what we want. 164 00:07:21,856 --> 00:07:26,951 I just went to this place, this store. It was like the whole foods of pot. 165 00:07:27,045 --> 00:07:28,181 Listen to her. 166 00:07:28,338 --> 00:07:30,892 By everything, she discovered the cannabis club. 167 00:07:30,998 --> 00:07:32,503 Welcome to the party, baby! 168 00:07:32,605 --> 00:07:35,601 It isn't a party, it's a nightmare. How can I compete with that? 169 00:07:35,837 --> 00:07:38,213 Well when you figure it out, you let me know. 170 00:07:38,328 --> 00:07:41,283 Fucking weed boutique sent my business off... how much business off again? 171 00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:42,121 17%. 172 00:07:42,217 --> 00:07:43,541 17%! 173 00:07:43,737 --> 00:07:45,823 What's the world coming to when they legalize weed? 174 00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:47,343 Ain't no goddamn morals left! 175 00:07:47,438 --> 00:07:50,052 So don't come crying to me 'cause I've got my own troubles. 176 00:07:50,896 --> 00:07:52,552 Anything else you want from me? 177 00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:56,682 I want everything on this list. 178 00:08:01,885 --> 00:08:04,542 Yeah, we got the Blue Miss and the White Widow but huh... 179 00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:06,541 you're gonna have to wait on OG Kush. 180 00:08:06,635 --> 00:08:08,492 That shit sold out quick. 181 00:08:08,628 --> 00:08:11,952 Can't believe you've been selling me schoolyard crap this whole time. 182 00:08:12,057 --> 00:08:14,340 Get what you ask for. 183 00:08:14,618 --> 00:08:17,241 And you never knew enough to ask for the Cold Brain. 184 00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:18,842 Well, those days are over. 185 00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:23,562 We got ourselves a regular Pablo Escobar up in here. 186 00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:30,491 What's wrong? 187 00:08:31,107 --> 00:08:33,580 Serious shit calls for serious cash. 188 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,060 And your cash got a sense of humor. 189 00:08:37,776 --> 00:08:39,112 But that's all I got. 190 00:08:42,428 --> 00:08:44,903 Then that's all you get. 191 00:08:46,207 --> 00:08:47,873 You can use that skunk to cook. 192 00:08:50,515 --> 00:08:52,441 Then it is skunk. 193 00:09:39,518 --> 00:09:40,872 Here, kitty, kitty! 194 00:10:07,146 --> 00:10:11,660 So Julie googled "how to give a blowjob" 195 00:10:11,746 --> 00:10:15,232 and she came across this website that teaches girls to deep throat. 196 00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:18,031 Oh yeah, deaf Megan can do that. 197 00:10:19,248 --> 00:10:24,880 Denis Kling says her mouth is like a dirt devil. 198 00:10:26,475 --> 00:10:27,702 Daredevil? 199 00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:29,943 He's blind, not deaf. 200 00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:32,271 I don't think he sucks dick at all. 201 00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:33,613 He's a superhero. 202 00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:36,151 You're done. 203 00:10:42,146 --> 00:10:43,183 Hey, Megan! 204 00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:45,161 Can you hear me? 205 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:47,963 Megan! 206 00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:50,451 Hey! Come on! 207 00:10:51,627 --> 00:10:53,130 Hello? 208 00:10:54,168 --> 00:10:55,210 Megan! 209 00:10:56,008 --> 00:10:56,750 Megan! 210 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:00,692 It's funny! 211 00:11:02,858 --> 00:11:03,793 Hey, hey, hey! 212 00:11:04,138 --> 00:11:05,011 Come on! 213 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,292 The fuck are you doing? 214 00:11:36,088 --> 00:11:36,692 Megan! 215 00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,350 What kind of crazy bitch are you? 216 00:11:41,915 --> 00:11:43,911 I don't think I've put enough in the popcorn balls. 217 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,281 You got enough TLC in them balls to keep Stevie Wonder in. 218 00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:49,733 Thanks for talking me through this. 219 00:11:49,838 --> 00:11:50,583 You know what? 220 00:11:50,675 --> 00:11:54,063 Gives me real sense of accomplishment working with over-privileged white women. 221 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,351 You enter in a whole new level. 222 00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:58,872 We're talking about bigger buyers, 223 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,622 that means bigger risks, right? 224 00:12:01,745 --> 00:12:02,453 Hm-mmh. 225 00:12:02,718 --> 00:12:05,373 Thing is, I like you. 226 00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:08,930 And I really don't wanna see you end up dead, you know what I mean? 227 00:12:09,026 --> 00:12:09,590 Dead? 228 00:12:09,686 --> 00:12:11,250 Relax, I'm just fucking with you. 229 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,243 Adorable. 230 00:12:12,347 --> 00:12:13,711 No, seriously, how you doing? 231 00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,411 Well, the popcorn is taking forever but... 232 00:12:15,557 --> 00:12:17,071 No, no, fuck the popcorn. 233 00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:18,491 How you doing? 234 00:12:18,636 --> 00:12:19,530 Me? 235 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:24,391 If this doesn't work out, I could end up being the oldest Gap employee in Southern California but... 236 00:12:24,488 --> 00:12:26,302 You're a hustler you're gonna do just fine. 237 00:12:26,475 --> 00:12:28,563 I wish I shared your confidence. 238 00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:31,822 God! That smells amazing! 239 00:12:31,896 --> 00:12:33,703 That means it's ready. Take it out! 240 00:12:33,815 --> 00:12:34,360 Now? 241 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:35,152 Take it out right now! 242 00:12:35,257 --> 00:12:36,961 If you don't take it out now, it's gonna burn, I'm serious. 243 00:12:37,058 --> 00:12:37,901 Oh... Bye! 244 00:12:39,128 --> 00:12:39,631 Yo? 245 00:12:42,787 --> 00:12:43,481 Ow! 246 00:12:47,006 --> 00:12:48,313 Shit! 247 00:12:52,526 --> 00:12:56,201 Mom! I did it! I shot the mountain lion! 248 00:12:56,286 --> 00:12:57,083 Great! 249 00:12:57,507 --> 00:12:59,121 Go get ready for bed! 250 00:13:07,336 --> 00:13:08,132 Fuck! 251 00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:11,280 God! 252 00:13:11,938 --> 00:13:12,881 Shit! 253 00:13:13,356 --> 00:13:16,892 Now begin your cut-and-paste collage and remember no dirty words. 254 00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:29,713 Mrs. Heimler! 255 00:13:30,596 --> 00:13:31,601 Yes, Isabelle? 256 00:13:31,736 --> 00:13:33,351 I have to go to the bathroom. 257 00:13:33,628 --> 00:13:35,852 Well, when Billy comes back from the bathroom, you can go. 258 00:13:40,726 --> 00:13:41,711 Mrs. Heimler! 259 00:13:42,135 --> 00:13:42,800 Yes. 260 00:13:43,377 --> 00:13:45,583 I have to go to the bathroom now! 261 00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:47,731 Well, you know the rules, Isabelle. 262 00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:49,412 But please! 263 00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,252 Very well. Go! 264 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,300 I tried! 265 00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:45,853 It's cool. It's all cool. 266 00:15:48,226 --> 00:15:49,582 Honey, you couldn't help it. 267 00:15:50,548 --> 00:15:51,752 These things happen. 268 00:15:52,738 --> 00:15:55,453 Hopefully, not too often, but they happen. 269 00:15:58,635 --> 00:16:01,750 One day, you are gonna look back on this and... 270 00:16:02,856 --> 00:16:05,473 well, it will still be painfully embarrassing but... 271 00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,931 it will make for a terrific story. 272 00:16:09,396 --> 00:16:13,782 I had to throw my underpants into the woods. 273 00:16:15,547 --> 00:16:17,513 They call me "shit girl" now. 274 00:16:19,188 --> 00:16:21,862 And that's part of the story! 275 00:16:23,576 --> 00:16:24,520 Good night, sweety. 276 00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:26,821 Good night, dad. 277 00:16:32,256 --> 00:16:33,290 I'm worried about Isabelle. 278 00:16:34,397 --> 00:16:35,782 Maybe we should take her to the doctor tomorrow, 279 00:16:35,817 --> 00:16:37,821 make sure she doesn't have some kind of stomach flue. 280 00:16:37,906 --> 00:16:39,560 Please, she's perfectly fine. 281 00:16:40,038 --> 00:16:42,662 She shit herself in school. How is that perfectly fine? 282 00:16:43,255 --> 00:16:46,163 She shit herself because she's a little piggy. 283 00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:51,062 And the truth is I found a chocolate stash in her room the other day. 284 00:16:51,155 --> 00:16:54,001 So I just switched it out with laxatives. 285 00:16:55,416 --> 00:16:57,023 What? It was a good plan. 286 00:16:57,365 --> 00:16:59,113 I mean, maybe next time she'll think twice about 287 00:16:59,205 --> 00:17:01,821 scarfing down a entire bag of chocolates. 288 00:17:02,197 --> 00:17:05,730 I mean, come on, I eat the same laxatives everyday in reasonable amounts 289 00:17:05,815 --> 00:17:07,931 and I don't shit over myself. 290 00:17:08,097 --> 00:17:10,021 I mean, look, I don't mean for this to happen, 291 00:17:10,087 --> 00:17:13,500 I was just hoping for some nice, loose duties. 292 00:17:13,596 --> 00:17:15,622 Clean the girl out a bit, you know. 293 00:17:15,996 --> 00:17:18,012 Are you out of your fucking mind? 294 00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:19,843 What? Calm down. 295 00:17:19,937 --> 00:17:22,261 This is absolutely child abuse. 296 00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:25,123 You should be arrested. I should call child protective services 297 00:17:25,216 --> 00:17:26,611 and have you arrested. 298 00:17:26,777 --> 00:17:28,411 Don't be such a drama queen! 299 00:17:28,495 --> 00:17:30,301 They called her shit girl! 300 00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:32,091 Lot better that fat girl. 301 00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:34,302 How could you even imagine doing such a thing? 302 00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:35,353 You know, excuse me, 303 00:17:35,508 --> 00:17:38,430 excuse me, for wanting my daughter to be thin 304 00:17:38,577 --> 00:17:41,013 and attractive so that the world is her oyster. 305 00:17:41,286 --> 00:17:43,153 I know that you think she's beautiful, Dean 306 00:17:43,235 --> 00:17:44,602 but this is America, 307 00:17:44,717 --> 00:17:48,083 it is cold and cruel out there for fat girls. 308 00:17:48,226 --> 00:17:52,030 No, no, no, no. 309 00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:56,032 I hope our children survive you. 310 00:17:57,678 --> 00:18:00,101 That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. 311 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,893 Isabelle! Breakfast! 312 00:18:18,035 --> 00:18:19,410 Coming! 313 00:18:31,395 --> 00:18:32,593 Feeling better, sweety? 314 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,123 I am now, daddy. 315 00:18:46,967 --> 00:18:49,773 You really should lock your front door. 316 00:18:50,257 --> 00:18:52,243 I do lock it but Lupita leaves it open 317 00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,531 so she doesn't have to dig for her keys. 318 00:18:54,616 --> 00:18:55,931 Drives me insane. 319 00:18:56,077 --> 00:18:59,083 Their subtle revenge for having to clean our toilets. 320 00:18:59,178 --> 00:19:01,402 I still say we've got the better end of that deal. 321 00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:02,820 Here. 322 00:19:03,347 --> 00:19:05,002 I'm posting these in the neighborhood. 323 00:19:05,737 --> 00:19:07,180 Tell you, I have a good mind 324 00:19:07,255 --> 00:19:09,872 to stay in a hotel until they catch that cougar. 325 00:19:10,837 --> 00:19:13,160 A little part of me is hoping that it will mow Dean 326 00:19:13,308 --> 00:19:14,832 and I wouldn't wanna miss that. 327 00:19:16,038 --> 00:19:18,410 "What to do if you meet a mountain lion." 328 00:19:18,506 --> 00:19:20,411 Give the mountain lion some room. 329 00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:22,350 Don't make eye contact. 330 00:19:22,678 --> 00:19:24,793 Talk to the lion softly. 331 00:19:25,045 --> 00:19:27,381 Are you sure this isn't "what to do if you date a mountain lion?" 332 00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,743 I have a lot to do, Celia, so... 333 00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:32,733 Have you ever had sex with a woman? 334 00:19:33,436 --> 00:19:34,463 Excuse me. 335 00:19:34,557 --> 00:19:36,080 I think I'd like to try it. 336 00:19:36,406 --> 00:19:37,260 With who? 337 00:19:37,337 --> 00:19:38,101 Anyone. 338 00:19:38,415 --> 00:19:40,523 I don't care. I'm sick of men. 339 00:19:41,398 --> 00:19:42,380 Maybe I missed my calling. 340 00:19:43,037 --> 00:19:45,480 What if I was supposed to be a dyke? 341 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,743 Just made a wrong turn by mistake. 342 00:19:47,885 --> 00:19:49,783 It would explain the hell of a lot. 343 00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:51,340 Here's the thing. 344 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,681 I really wanna fuck around on Dean. 345 00:19:53,816 --> 00:19:56,712 But the thought of having to put one more cock 346 00:19:56,768 --> 00:19:59,351 into my mouth is just too depressing. 347 00:19:59,427 --> 00:20:02,260 I'm not sure a vagina would be any kind of improvement for you. 348 00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:03,512 Maybe you're right. 349 00:20:03,588 --> 00:20:04,892 Truth is, pussy... 350 00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:06,583 really skeeves me out. 351 00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:10,953 That whole mirror investigation thing we did when we were young, 352 00:20:11,037 --> 00:20:13,323 truly a rude awakening. 353 00:20:14,378 --> 00:20:15,722 Speaking of pussy... 354 00:20:16,056 --> 00:20:19,001 somebody killed the Holderman's cat 355 00:20:19,058 --> 00:20:20,903 and it was not the mountain lion. 356 00:20:21,708 --> 00:20:23,221 Alyson is losing her mind. 357 00:20:23,385 --> 00:20:27,102 She thinks it's somebody trying to send her messages or something. 358 00:20:27,177 --> 00:20:29,061 It's probably just the kids though. 359 00:20:32,235 --> 00:20:33,171 How did the... 360 00:20:33,697 --> 00:20:34,873 How did the cat die? 361 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:36,012 I'm not sure. Why? 362 00:20:39,216 --> 00:20:41,280 I think I might know the kid who did it. 363 00:20:42,548 --> 00:20:44,110 Friend of Silas'. 364 00:20:44,206 --> 00:20:47,142 You know, I read somewhere that killing small animals 365 00:20:47,255 --> 00:20:49,681 is the first sign of psychotic behavior. 366 00:20:49,727 --> 00:20:51,391 You should really tell the parents 367 00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:53,872 so they can rush that little sociopath into therapy 368 00:20:53,947 --> 00:20:56,280 before he starts tooling around Agrestic in a white van 369 00:20:56,377 --> 00:20:58,291 with blacked out windows. 370 00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,561 I really have to get going. You have to go. 371 00:21:00,647 --> 00:21:02,501 Have you ever had sex with a woman? 372 00:21:02,597 --> 00:21:04,263 - None of your business. - Come on, tell me! 373 00:21:04,358 --> 00:21:06,052 Okay, I slept with a woman in college... 374 00:21:06,138 --> 00:21:07,900 - How was it? - It was boring. 375 00:21:08,546 --> 00:21:10,132 Well, maybe you didn't do it right. 376 00:21:10,925 --> 00:21:13,502 She said I was the best she'd ever had. 377 00:21:13,756 --> 00:21:15,371 What are you doing friday night? 378 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,453 These will satisfy your munchies 379 00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:24,971 and give you a long lasting, all body high at the same time. 380 00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:26,020 Not to mention the fact, 381 00:21:26,105 --> 00:21:27,293 you're saving your lungs. 382 00:21:27,525 --> 00:21:30,280 There's no residual odour for your wife to smell. 383 00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:32,751 So you're saying that everything in there is loaded with... 384 00:21:32,786 --> 00:21:33,682 It sure is. 385 00:21:33,838 --> 00:21:35,002 But it's not all I'm offering. 386 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:37,003 For all of you old school smokers in the room, 387 00:21:38,126 --> 00:21:39,343 I've also brought 388 00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:41,511 some wild and wonderful 389 00:21:41,626 --> 00:21:43,262 Indica Sativa blends. 390 00:21:43,526 --> 00:21:45,260 Organic or hydroponic. 391 00:21:45,407 --> 00:21:48,503 Hairy, sticky, delicious! 392 00:21:48,595 --> 00:21:49,311 To smoke. 393 00:21:49,957 --> 00:21:50,833 Here. 394 00:21:50,945 --> 00:21:52,652 Help yourselves to some samples. 395 00:21:59,625 --> 00:22:00,522 So? 396 00:22:01,877 --> 00:22:03,362 Fuck me! 397 00:22:03,607 --> 00:22:05,072 That is awesome! 398 00:22:05,347 --> 00:22:08,393 I think I could exist off nothing but this for the rest of my life. 399 00:22:08,477 --> 00:22:09,532 I'm glad you like it. 400 00:22:10,358 --> 00:22:12,542 So, here's my final pitch, guys: 401 00:22:12,788 --> 00:22:14,001 the clubs are fun and all. 402 00:22:14,148 --> 00:22:14,872 But with me, 403 00:22:15,048 --> 00:22:17,891 you get great shit right here in town. 404 00:22:18,007 --> 00:22:19,221 I know what you like, 405 00:22:19,467 --> 00:22:21,053 make sure it's there when you want it. 406 00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:23,020 you don't have to schlep into the city to get it. 407 00:22:23,127 --> 00:22:23,973 But most of all, 408 00:22:24,206 --> 00:22:25,822 I don't Xerox your driver's license 409 00:22:26,008 --> 00:22:28,293 and put your name in a state controlled databank. 410 00:22:29,038 --> 00:22:29,792 What? 411 00:22:31,005 --> 00:22:32,061 I'm in a databank? 412 00:22:32,235 --> 00:22:33,083 You sure are. 413 00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:35,441 So when your wives find out and divorce you, 414 00:22:35,925 --> 00:22:37,583 they'll get custody of your children 415 00:22:37,738 --> 00:22:40,060 'cause their over-priced attorneys will be able to prove 416 00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:43,371 you're nothing but a bunch of irresponsible potheads that can't be trusted. 417 00:22:43,628 --> 00:22:44,772 I'm in a databank? 418 00:22:44,867 --> 00:22:46,943 Celia would have a field day with that. 419 00:22:47,098 --> 00:22:48,512 I'm in a databank? 420 00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:50,682 I'm up for counsellor re-election. 421 00:22:50,807 --> 00:22:53,072 I cannot be linked to any pot clubs. 422 00:22:53,247 --> 00:22:56,113 Any of you guys know any good hackers? 423 00:22:56,246 --> 00:22:57,822 Maybe you should have thought of that sooner? 424 00:22:58,506 --> 00:23:00,573 I'm ready to take your orders. 425 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:01,840 Fuck it! 426 00:23:01,936 --> 00:23:03,073 I'll take it all! 427 00:23:18,276 --> 00:23:21,560 MY MAID THINKS I FUCKED A SMURF. 428 00:23:41,797 --> 00:23:43,521 Your bullet don't look right. 429 00:23:43,616 --> 00:23:44,643 It's sage. 430 00:23:47,258 --> 00:23:49,033 Don't smell like sage. 431 00:23:49,158 --> 00:23:51,922 Obviously, menopause's affected your sense of smell. 432 00:23:52,856 --> 00:23:54,782 I don't smell with my coochy. 433 00:24:00,077 --> 00:24:01,060 No! 434 00:24:01,195 --> 00:24:02,450 It's got raw eggs in it! 435 00:24:02,575 --> 00:24:03,350 So? 436 00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:06,280 Salmonella is on the rise so no. 437 00:24:07,128 --> 00:24:09,122 Listen, there's something I wanna talk to you about. 438 00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:10,552 Am I in trouble? 439 00:24:12,038 --> 00:24:13,672 The mountain lion you shot. 440 00:24:15,665 --> 00:24:18,583 Did it have a collar around its neck? 441 00:24:19,577 --> 00:24:20,263 No. 442 00:24:21,428 --> 00:24:24,801 Did it make kind of a miaowing sound? 443 00:24:25,857 --> 00:24:28,493 It kind of yelped when I shot it but... 444 00:24:28,686 --> 00:24:32,061 mountain lions don't miaow, mom, they kind of sound like... 445 00:24:37,588 --> 00:24:38,510 Shane... 446 00:24:38,848 --> 00:24:40,951 Did you shoot the Holdermans cat? 447 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:41,472 What? 448 00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:42,483 No! 449 00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:45,411 I shot the mountain lion. Right in the eye. 450 00:24:46,345 --> 00:24:47,363 Why? 451 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:49,431 Because that's what dad would have done. 452 00:24:58,017 --> 00:24:58,981 Come here. 453 00:25:04,455 --> 00:25:06,670 I'm very 454 00:25:07,118 --> 00:25:08,612 fond of you. 455 00:25:08,786 --> 00:25:10,722 I'm very fond of you too. 456 00:25:13,077 --> 00:25:14,453 I want 457 00:25:14,947 --> 00:25:16,271 the BB gun. 458 00:25:17,027 --> 00:25:18,561 But I need it for protection! 459 00:25:18,646 --> 00:25:19,412 No. 460 00:25:20,638 --> 00:25:23,252 I think I'm gonna take over that role for a while. 461 00:25:23,645 --> 00:25:26,672 But if you play your cards right, 462 00:25:26,827 --> 00:25:29,770 you might get it back by the time you graduate law school. 463 00:25:30,827 --> 00:25:32,152 This sucks! 464 00:25:33,227 --> 00:25:34,123 Yeah. 465 00:25:35,998 --> 00:25:38,443 But imagine how the mountain lion feels. 466 00:25:40,387 --> 00:25:42,921 Go watch Telemundo with Lupita. 467 00:25:57,945 --> 00:25:59,163 The hell are you doing? 468 00:25:59,257 --> 00:26:00,253 I'm a little backed up. 469 00:26:01,466 --> 00:26:02,662 A lot backed up. 470 00:26:03,638 --> 00:26:05,730 I haven't shit in 3 days. 471 00:26:06,426 --> 00:26:07,473 I'm like... 472 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:10,691 a bloated African famine baby. 473 00:26:10,788 --> 00:26:11,282 Wow! 474 00:26:11,377 --> 00:26:14,013 Could it be Newton's third law of motion? 475 00:26:14,117 --> 00:26:15,611 Or lack of motion in your case. 476 00:26:15,755 --> 00:26:17,941 Illustrated right here in our bathroom. 477 00:26:18,097 --> 00:26:22,563 For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. 478 00:26:23,486 --> 00:26:25,110 What are you talking about? 479 00:26:25,345 --> 00:26:26,582 Karma, baby. 480 00:26:26,956 --> 00:26:28,990 Fuck you and your karma. 481 00:26:29,747 --> 00:26:31,643 Fine, shit on my theory. 482 00:26:31,728 --> 00:26:34,970 Oh but wait, you can't so I guess that makes me right, huh? 483 00:26:37,395 --> 00:26:42,361 It takes care of last week's buy, this week's buy, my ring, my Rover. 484 00:26:42,876 --> 00:26:44,540 You surprise the shit out of me, girl. 485 00:26:44,817 --> 00:26:46,522 I thought for sure you was gonna end up broke. 486 00:26:46,745 --> 00:26:47,991 Living in a trailer park. 487 00:26:48,085 --> 00:26:51,443 Having to score sack for your kids, put food on the table. 488 00:26:51,557 --> 00:26:53,683 So, I see somebody got their bling back. 489 00:26:54,027 --> 00:26:55,623 Does that mean we're doing alright? 490 00:26:57,917 --> 00:26:59,500 Car keys, please. 491 00:27:01,256 --> 00:27:02,873 What? I said "please"! 492 00:27:03,465 --> 00:27:04,350 Yes. 493 00:27:05,075 --> 00:27:07,220 You are very polite, Snowflake. 494 00:27:07,367 --> 00:27:10,070 But your scratch only covers last week's buy and the ring. 495 00:27:10,398 --> 00:27:13,053 You're still short for all the shit you're gonna wanna take this week. 496 00:27:13,678 --> 00:27:16,203 Looks like you've got yourself a business decision to make. 497 00:27:16,898 --> 00:27:18,080 The strange... 498 00:27:18,665 --> 00:27:19,822 or the Range? 499 00:27:23,787 --> 00:27:24,882 I'll be back. 500 00:27:28,948 --> 00:27:31,721 Don't let the dog eat your cute little ass on the way out! 501 00:27:32,607 --> 00:27:34,063 Thanks for everything, Conrad. 502 00:27:34,255 --> 00:27:38,341 That cornbread recipe you gave me really saved my cute little ass. 503 00:27:43,508 --> 00:27:47,090 You gave away my cornbread recipe? 504 00:27:47,405 --> 00:27:49,532 And she put weed in it? 505 00:27:49,625 --> 00:27:53,023 Oh hell no! You don't put weed in my cornbread! 506 00:27:53,115 --> 00:27:54,260 No, no, no, hold up now! 507 00:27:54,347 --> 00:27:55,960 Get your ass here to take an ass-whooping. 508 00:27:56,058 --> 00:27:57,582 You know ain't nobody scared of you. 509 00:27:57,666 --> 00:28:00,342 You're a dumbass motherfucker if you ain't scared of me! 510 00:28:38,568 --> 00:28:39,940 Bitch! 511 00:29:15,018 --> 00:29:20,513 Transcript and synchro: Travis - www.forom.com - 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net