0 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked) by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew 1 00:00:49,429 --> 00:00:53,456 My career had reached new heights, literally. 2 00:00:53,533 --> 00:00:56,934 An editor at New York magazine thought I would be the perfect person... 3 00:00:57,003 --> 00:00:59,471 to write about the ultimate challenge for swingers. 4 00:00:59,606 --> 00:01:00,868 The flying trapeze. 5 00:01:01,575 --> 00:01:05,238 Wouldn't you rather be at Geoffrey? They're having a sale on stripes! 6 00:01:05,579 --> 00:01:07,774 That's not supportive! 7 00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,681 Step on up. Good. That's good. 8 00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:14,281 Come around to my side. 9 00:01:15,389 --> 00:01:19,257 We'll take off your climbing lines and strap on your safety harness. 10 00:01:19,326 --> 00:01:22,659 Please strap on anything that'll keep me from plummeting to my death. 11 00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:24,162 Toes over the edge. 12 00:01:24,231 --> 00:01:26,825 Feet shoulder-width apart, just a little bit more. 13 00:01:27,567 --> 00:01:31,594 That's good. Head up. Now put your right hand out in front of you. 14 00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:35,098 I've got you. Good. Are you ready to grab the bar? 15 00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:38,002 I'm ready to go to the bar. Does everyone say that? 16 00:01:38,078 --> 00:01:41,070 Pretty much. Okay, hold the bar in one hand. 17 00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:44,777 - You're queen of the world. - You're queen of the world. 18 00:01:45,252 --> 00:01:48,483 All right. That's good. Keep your head up. 19 00:01:48,555 --> 00:01:49,886 Don't look down. 20 00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:52,885 Are you ready? And... 21 00:01:59,966 --> 00:02:01,263 Swing out, sister. 22 00:02:02,302 --> 00:02:04,634 Two hours later, I was hooked. 23 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,268 Are you watching? I'm about to try a catch. 24 00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:12,436 Maybe you should quit while you're alive. 25 00:02:12,512 --> 00:02:13,945 You can totally do this. 26 00:02:14,114 --> 00:02:16,776 Just listen to me and trust me. 27 00:02:19,419 --> 00:02:20,909 All right. Legs up. 28 00:02:22,489 --> 00:02:24,457 Take your hands off and reach for me. 29 00:02:25,559 --> 00:02:28,153 This time you got it. Let go. 30 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,259 Let go. 31 00:02:31,398 --> 00:02:32,558 No. 32 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,332 That day I didn't get caught... 33 00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:40,072 but Samantha's zipper did. 34 00:02:58,658 --> 00:03:01,684 This is one of the frustrating things about living alone. 35 00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:05,253 There's not always somebody around to rip your clothes off. 36 00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:18,538 Hey, Smith, wanna come over and do me? 37 00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:24,747 What she meant was "undo me." But two birds with one stone. 38 00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:27,452 And in Central Park... 39 00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:32,049 a photographer attempted to catch two lovebirds sitting on a stone. 40 00:03:33,493 --> 00:03:36,462 Honey, a little less teeth. Just relax your lips. 41 00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,821 No, now you're squinting. 42 00:03:38,932 --> 00:03:42,265 A lesser man might have told Charlotte to take a flying leap... 43 00:03:42,636 --> 00:03:44,331 but Harry loved her too much. 44 00:03:44,871 --> 00:03:48,864 - I thought the point was to look natural. - That's what I'm trying to get you to do. 45 00:03:49,142 --> 00:03:53,738 One might ask, how natural is it to be sitting in Central Park in a suit? 46 00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:57,146 I read the wedding section religiously... 47 00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:00,482 and I know what they're looking for. Not all pictures are selected. 48 00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:02,112 And I really want there to be... 49 00:04:02,188 --> 00:04:05,385 a York-Goldenblatt announcement of our wedding in the Sunday Times. 50 00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,291 So, please, just a little less teeth. 51 00:04:08,562 --> 00:04:12,498 Charlotte York, I cannot wait to marry you. 52 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:16,159 - That's perfect. That's it. - I was having a moment. 53 00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:20,001 Lipstick! 54 00:04:20,907 --> 00:04:24,536 Wait! No, sorry, no kissing pictures. It's tacky. 55 00:04:24,611 --> 00:04:26,238 And speaking of tacky... 56 00:04:26,313 --> 00:04:30,340 Cute, huh? Debbie bought it for him over at the Sixth Avenue flea market. 57 00:04:32,018 --> 00:04:33,576 Did you wash it first? 58 00:04:35,221 --> 00:04:37,189 She also got something for you. 59 00:04:39,659 --> 00:04:41,286 It's aromatherapy. 60 00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:49,023 You know, I was thinking, maybe we should figure out a time... 61 00:04:49,169 --> 00:04:50,500 for the two of you to meet. 62 00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:52,331 What? Why? 63 00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:56,270 She's around Brady. I know you're not comfortable with that. 64 00:04:56,343 --> 00:04:59,835 I'm completely comfortable. I don't need to meet her. I trust you. 65 00:05:01,548 --> 00:05:04,108 She bought me a fucking candle. 66 00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:09,111 And it was an aromatherapy candle, for serenity and calm. 67 00:05:09,189 --> 00:05:12,750 I was much more serene and calm before the fucking candle. 68 00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:16,694 Women with candles replace women with cats as the new sad thing. 69 00:05:17,097 --> 00:05:19,657 And get this: He thinks I should meet her. 70 00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:22,433 I sense that he wants us to become friends. 71 00:05:22,502 --> 00:05:27,030 Forget it. You do not need to become friends with the new girlfriend. 72 00:05:27,107 --> 00:05:30,076 It's unnatural, uncomfortable, insincere... 73 00:05:30,143 --> 00:05:32,475 and rife with ulterior motive. 74 00:05:32,545 --> 00:05:35,742 - Has this happened to you? - No, I'm just being supportive. 75 00:05:35,815 --> 00:05:38,443 - But there is a baby involved. - Exactly. 76 00:05:38,518 --> 00:05:42,579 She's using Brady to get to me, and I am not falling for it. 77 00:05:43,356 --> 00:05:47,952 Speaking of falling, I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing. 78 00:05:48,028 --> 00:05:50,997 I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights. 79 00:05:51,064 --> 00:05:52,725 I do not. You've seen my shoes. 80 00:05:52,799 --> 00:05:55,461 So did you fly through the air with the greatest of ease? 81 00:05:55,535 --> 00:05:57,935 At first, but then I couldn't do a catch. 82 00:05:58,004 --> 00:06:02,304 I had to let go and reach for the guy, who was very cute, and I still couldn't do it. 83 00:06:02,375 --> 00:06:07,005 You are insane for getting into a harness without even a hope of an orgasm. 84 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,480 - Hello, ladies. - Hi, honey. 85 00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:12,146 - Hey, Harry. - Hi, Howie. 86 00:06:12,385 --> 00:06:16,378 Everyone, this is Harry's best friend Howie Halberstein, in from Portland. 87 00:06:16,623 --> 00:06:19,649 We're not crashing. I'm just here to drop off the photo proofs... 88 00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:20,920 and the seating chart. 89 00:06:20,994 --> 00:06:24,395 We're gonna have a quick bite to eat, then I'm taking the place cards... 90 00:06:24,464 --> 00:06:25,988 to the calligrapher. 91 00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:29,832 After that, we're gonna go around the corner and try to find our balls. 92 00:06:31,071 --> 00:06:33,835 Yes, Harry knows how to show a guy a good time. 93 00:06:33,907 --> 00:06:38,401 Howie, this is Samantha and Miranda and Carrie. 94 00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:39,672 - Hi. - Hi, how are you? 95 00:06:39,746 --> 00:06:41,213 - Good. - Good. 96 00:06:41,347 --> 00:06:44,646 Good guy. You two, I see it happening. 97 00:06:48,221 --> 00:06:52,920 So, Carrie, I was thinking maybe you might show Howie around a little later. 98 00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:55,653 Unless Harry needs me to ice a cake or something. 99 00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:04,669 I'm kind of busy because I have to do a flying trapeze thing. 100 00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:08,900 That is so weird. I have a lion-taming thing tomorrow, so that's out for me. 101 00:07:09,943 --> 00:07:14,346 But, you know, if you change your mind, I'll give you my business card. 102 00:07:15,915 --> 00:07:17,815 - There you go. - Thank you. 103 00:07:17,884 --> 00:07:21,843 All my lines are on there. Call me, I'll be waiting by the phone. 104 00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:28,194 - What's wrong with you? - He was funny and cute. 105 00:07:28,261 --> 00:07:31,628 Yeah, and in town for a week. What's the point? 106 00:07:31,698 --> 00:07:32,995 That is the point. 107 00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:36,763 It's the best possible scenario, because you know he's leaving. 108 00:07:36,836 --> 00:07:41,569 But it's like whatever happens, there's an expiration date. 109 00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,437 - It's expiration dating. - It isn't dating. It's sex. 110 00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:47,944 It's fun. It's a fling. 111 00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:52,348 Please, I'm too old for a fling. I can barely do a swing. 112 00:07:52,519 --> 00:07:54,885 If you'll excuse me, I have to go home... 113 00:07:54,954 --> 00:07:57,684 so I can write about the fact that I couldn't do a catch. 114 00:07:57,757 --> 00:08:00,726 - He is a catch. - You should do him. 115 00:08:02,829 --> 00:08:06,162 When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. 116 00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:09,861 Then you grow up and learn to be cautious. 117 00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,865 You could break a bone or a heart. 118 00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:17,034 You look before you leap, and sometimes you don't leap at all... 119 00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:20,136 because there's not always someone there to catch you. 120 00:08:20,313 --> 00:08:22,873 And in life there's no safety net. 121 00:08:24,717 --> 00:08:28,380 When did it stop being fun and start being scary? 122 00:08:29,055 --> 00:08:33,719 I decided it was time to leave fear behind and have some fun. 123 00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:41,398 Okay, legs up. 124 00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:46,469 - That's good. Let go and reach for me. - I can't. 125 00:08:46,539 --> 00:08:50,066 All right, this time. Let go. 126 00:08:50,844 --> 00:08:52,141 I can't. 127 00:08:54,647 --> 00:08:58,083 Don't tell me you can't. I want nothing but lilies on the chuppah. 128 00:08:58,151 --> 00:08:59,550 The theme is Yentl Chic. 129 00:08:59,619 --> 00:09:01,052 Don't forget the candles. 130 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,351 This isn't the first wedding I've planned. You're worse than me! 131 00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:06,119 We want candles, candles, candles. 132 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,922 And I don't want short, stubby, broken-up dick candles. 133 00:09:08,995 --> 00:09:11,054 I want long tapers. 134 00:09:11,831 --> 00:09:14,527 - All right, call me right back. - Ta-da! 135 00:09:15,935 --> 00:09:19,769 - It's okay? - Okay? You're Audrey Hepburnowitz! 136 00:09:19,939 --> 00:09:22,169 I'm so excited about this wedding. 137 00:09:22,242 --> 00:09:24,403 We're doing everything according to tradition. 138 00:09:24,477 --> 00:09:28,436 We're going to smash the glass, and the signing of the ketubah. 139 00:09:28,548 --> 00:09:29,537 The hora. 140 00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:32,282 Be careful. God forbid you fall off the chair. 141 00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,252 Oh, the horror! The horror! 142 00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:37,821 - Maybe we won't do the chair thing. - You have to. That's the big finish. 143 00:09:37,891 --> 00:09:41,054 Remember, when you're up there, pretend you're having a good time... 144 00:09:41,127 --> 00:09:44,426 hang on for dear life, and for fuck's sake keep your legs together. 145 00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:46,590 Nobody wants to see the bride's beaver. 146 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,664 Don't say that in front of my dress. 147 00:09:51,704 --> 00:09:53,262 Hello. York residence. 148 00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:56,599 Yes, we have a minute. It's The New York Times fact checker. 149 00:09:56,676 --> 00:10:00,339 Yes, Goldenblatt has two "T"s. Sure. 150 00:10:01,314 --> 00:10:02,747 Fax it over! 151 00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:05,145 We're in, we're in! 152 00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:07,486 This calls for a hora! 153 00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:12,822 Hey! 154 00:10:13,026 --> 00:10:15,961 Oh, my God! What're you doing here? Don't look at me! 155 00:10:16,763 --> 00:10:18,628 Jesus Christ, Char, my ear. 156 00:10:18,698 --> 00:10:22,862 You're not supposed to see me in my dress. This is bad luck, very bad luck! 157 00:10:22,936 --> 00:10:25,734 Close your eyes. Keep them closed! 158 00:10:25,805 --> 00:10:28,740 Oh, no, this is so bad. 159 00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,101 Are all brides like that? 160 00:10:32,178 --> 00:10:36,239 That's nothing. I once had a girl in Long Island give herself a stroke. 161 00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:39,115 She pulled it together for the big day, though. 162 00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:47,186 Hopefully I'll get cell reception down in Mexico. 163 00:10:48,294 --> 00:10:50,956 Samantha, a fan of expiration dating... 164 00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:54,295 was about to enjoy one of the benefits of dating an actor. 165 00:10:54,534 --> 00:10:56,434 Location, location, location. 166 00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:58,732 It's gonna be cool working with Gus Van Sant. 167 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,735 Here. Let me. 168 00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:08,805 I can't believe we don't get to spend my last night together. 169 00:11:08,881 --> 00:11:11,111 - Are you dying? - No. 170 00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,476 Then it's not your last night. 171 00:11:15,388 --> 00:11:16,377 There. 172 00:11:18,491 --> 00:11:20,288 I'm gonna miss you, Samantha. 173 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,956 Save that performance for Mr. Van Sant. It's just two weeks. 174 00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:26,696 It's a long time. 175 00:11:26,766 --> 00:11:29,792 Would you get out of here already? I'm late as it is. 176 00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:31,634 Yeah, yeah. 177 00:11:32,238 --> 00:11:36,174 And listen, when you're on location don't do anything I wouldn't do. 178 00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:39,006 - What does that rule out? - There are things. 179 00:11:41,481 --> 00:11:44,211 Karaoke. I don't do that. 180 00:11:58,097 --> 00:12:01,123 - This is it. - It's a very nice building. 181 00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:02,525 Miranda! 182 00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,593 I can't find my keys. 183 00:12:04,670 --> 00:12:06,570 - Magda! - You still have keys? 184 00:12:06,639 --> 00:12:08,197 - I'm not home. - Because of Brady. 185 00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:09,866 Do you understand? 186 00:12:09,942 --> 00:12:12,502 I'm already at Charlotte's. 187 00:12:12,578 --> 00:12:15,138 I am not home. 188 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,985 - Is Miranda here? - She is not home. 189 00:12:25,391 --> 00:12:28,622 That's too bad. I was really looking forward to meeting her. 190 00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:30,628 She is not home. 191 00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:34,157 - Magda, this is Debbie. - Nice to meet you. 192 00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:38,364 All right, we just need to grab some things out of Brady's crib. 193 00:12:38,438 --> 00:12:42,306 The last time I forgot Mr. Elephant, Brady acted like a big baby. 194 00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:44,400 Didn't you, B-Boy? 195 00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:46,845 He is a big baby. 196 00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:53,981 But I have not cleaned in room yet. 197 00:12:54,053 --> 00:12:55,452 That's okay. 198 00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:02,622 This is a nice room. She has nice taste. 199 00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:05,459 - Yeah. I helped build the crib. - Really? 200 00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:14,597 What's wrong, Brady? Did you drop your Binky? 201 00:13:15,074 --> 00:13:16,735 Where's your Binky? 202 00:13:17,844 --> 00:13:19,277 It's right there. 203 00:13:21,147 --> 00:13:23,240 Here you go, Bradylicious. 204 00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:27,348 Hey, wanna go to Blockbuster and rent a tape or something? 205 00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:30,082 Okay, but this time I get to pick. 206 00:13:32,658 --> 00:13:33,989 - Bye. - Bye, Magda. 207 00:13:42,235 --> 00:13:44,567 There's a lot of dust down there. 208 00:13:45,071 --> 00:13:48,268 You really should vacuum under... 209 00:13:54,213 --> 00:13:57,808 That night we all gathered at Charlotte's casual rehearsal dinner. 210 00:13:57,884 --> 00:14:01,183 You're like a lint tray. What's happening back here? 211 00:14:01,254 --> 00:14:03,814 That Debbie is crazy. 212 00:14:04,323 --> 00:14:07,292 She came to my apartment with Steve and totally ambushed me. 213 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,885 I had to hide under the bed to avoid them. 214 00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:12,396 - Seriously? - Maybe. 215 00:14:12,932 --> 00:14:16,265 - Did you see her? - Just her shoes and her nails. 216 00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:18,166 - And? - Both acrylic. 217 00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:21,229 Maybe you should just meet her and get it over with. 218 00:14:21,307 --> 00:14:22,831 I don't want to meet her. 219 00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:26,675 If I meet her, she's real, and that means Steve has an actual girlfriend. 220 00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:30,113 Apparently I wasn't the only one who had trouble letting go. 221 00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:32,447 Hey. What's happening there? 222 00:14:32,518 --> 00:14:35,954 Oh, you know. Bride, bride, bride. Blah, blah, blah. 223 00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:40,555 I just saw your fling go into the bathroom. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. 224 00:14:40,626 --> 00:14:41,718 Still no. 225 00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:44,223 It's just casual sex. 226 00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:48,324 Nothing's casual anymore. Not even when it says so on the invitation. 227 00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:51,529 Just go in there and see what happens. 228 00:14:51,604 --> 00:14:54,835 Worst comes to worst, you could always hide under the bed. 229 00:14:57,910 --> 00:14:59,468 I decided they were right. 230 00:14:59,545 --> 00:15:01,911 It was time to get back in the swing of things. 231 00:15:08,187 --> 00:15:09,711 - Good to see you. - See you later. 232 00:15:09,789 --> 00:15:12,417 Hey, how are you? 233 00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:16,589 Wow, this is kind of uncomfortable. 234 00:15:16,829 --> 00:15:20,492 Look, would you please stop calling me? I don't have time to chat. 235 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,659 I've got boutonnieres on my mind. 236 00:15:22,735 --> 00:15:24,202 I'm sorry I never called. 237 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,500 No, I understand, you're busy. That time of year. 238 00:15:26,572 --> 00:15:30,099 Final exams for Clown College or something. 239 00:15:30,209 --> 00:15:32,074 What would that entail, you think? 240 00:15:32,144 --> 00:15:36,171 The seating arrangements in the little car, walking in the floppy shoes... 241 00:15:36,249 --> 00:15:38,308 Squirting flower and nose application. 242 00:15:38,384 --> 00:15:40,978 ...continual pieing, the cloud-kissing... 243 00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:45,251 Maybe I would have a fling. After all, how bad could it be? 244 00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:55,765 That night Howie and I had sex like we were teenagers again. 245 00:15:56,202 --> 00:16:01,105 Meaning he had no idea what he was doing, and I didn't say anything. 246 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,113 Meanwhile, Samantha was banging around as well. 247 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,884 You have one new message. 248 00:16:18,724 --> 00:16:22,626 Hey, I'm here. It's pretty cool. You miss me yet? 249 00:16:25,197 --> 00:16:27,427 That's the thing about getting used to a man. 250 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,229 There's always a catch. 251 00:16:33,506 --> 00:16:35,633 It's here! 252 00:16:35,708 --> 00:16:38,871 Not just her wedding day, but The New York Times. 253 00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:45,779 Oh, my God! 254 00:16:46,719 --> 00:16:48,311 I have a moustache. 255 00:16:49,855 --> 00:16:54,622 It's an ink stain. But look at me. Now, that is a terrific smile. 256 00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:56,423 This is a nightmare! 257 00:16:56,829 --> 00:16:59,059 It's probably just our paper. 258 00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:01,629 Anyway, who cares? We're getting married today! 259 00:17:01,701 --> 00:17:03,498 I look like Hitler! 260 00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:06,231 I'm having a Jewish wedding and I look like Hitler! 261 00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:07,294 Hello? 262 00:17:07,773 --> 00:17:10,003 In your paper do I have a moustache? 263 00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:11,367 What? 264 00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:14,607 In your wedding section, does it look like I have a moustache? 265 00:17:15,715 --> 00:17:17,148 Hang on a minute. 266 00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:21,811 As I feared, my fling had become a pain in the neck. 267 00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:24,213 You do not look like Hitler. 268 00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:26,954 Frito Bandito, maybe. 269 00:17:27,426 --> 00:17:29,519 The bad luck is starting already. 270 00:17:33,999 --> 00:17:35,057 Yeah. 271 00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:37,466 There's a little something... 272 00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,761 but maybe it's just my paper. 273 00:17:40,373 --> 00:17:41,840 And your paper. 274 00:17:41,907 --> 00:17:43,204 I have to go. 275 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:46,972 Clearly, Charlotte was bent out of shape, and so was I. 276 00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:50,743 Come on, granny. I'll take you to the Early Bird Special. 277 00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:53,610 Oh, God, don't make me laugh. 278 00:17:54,153 --> 00:17:55,142 It hurts. 279 00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:57,815 Is this still from your days as a Flying Wallenda? 280 00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:01,291 That's my official story, and it's partially true. 281 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,723 But this is a sex-sprain. 282 00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:08,464 - Good for you. - No, it was not good for me. 283 00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:12,061 It was jackrabbit sex. You know, pound, pound... 284 00:18:12,138 --> 00:18:16,507 - Are straight men still allowed to do that? - No, they aren't. It's bad. 285 00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:20,078 It's basically masturbating with a woman instead of your hand. 286 00:18:20,146 --> 00:18:21,773 I don't enjoy it. 287 00:18:22,214 --> 00:18:23,772 Carrie, you made it! 288 00:18:25,184 --> 00:18:26,173 Hi. 289 00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:29,579 The jackrabbit? 290 00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:32,315 - I better... - Hop to it. 291 00:18:40,699 --> 00:18:42,667 You look hot! 292 00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:45,292 Thanks. 293 00:18:47,373 --> 00:18:48,931 - Guess what? - What? 294 00:18:49,141 --> 00:18:54,101 I got a suite at The Mercer for later. King-size bed. Huge tub. 295 00:18:54,213 --> 00:18:56,204 We can have breakfast before I leave... 296 00:18:56,282 --> 00:18:59,217 unless, of course, we're busy doing something else. 297 00:19:03,489 --> 00:19:05,081 I don't know. 298 00:19:05,391 --> 00:19:07,791 I'm pretty tired from last night. 299 00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:12,160 I'm only gonna be in town for another day, and I want to get to know you better. 300 00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:17,627 Okay, we'll see. 301 00:19:18,571 --> 00:19:19,902 We'll see? 302 00:19:21,307 --> 00:19:24,105 I know what "we'll see" means. It means "see you." 303 00:19:24,176 --> 00:19:25,165 No. 304 00:19:26,111 --> 00:19:27,635 No, the thing is... 305 00:19:28,714 --> 00:19:32,275 you're just visiting, so... 306 00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:42,222 I figured it was a one-night kind of thing. 307 00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:44,657 Just fun. 308 00:19:50,603 --> 00:19:54,972 If I'd known you were just using me, I wouldn't have made love to you like that. 309 00:20:01,313 --> 00:20:06,012 We are here today to celebrate the union of two very special people: 310 00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:09,116 Harry Goldenblatt and Charlotte York. 311 00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:13,624 It's important for everyone here to be a witness to this moment... 312 00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:17,526 for the Jewish wedding ceremony has two parts. 313 00:20:18,464 --> 00:20:21,399 The first designates to the community... 314 00:20:22,401 --> 00:20:24,665 that the kallah, bride... 315 00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:26,970 and the chatan, groom... 316 00:20:27,506 --> 00:20:29,565 are for one another alone. 317 00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:34,944 And the second part gives them to one another. 318 00:20:35,814 --> 00:20:39,375 It's a gift and a huge responsibility. 319 00:21:00,406 --> 00:21:03,204 As one man slipped a ring on... 320 00:21:03,275 --> 00:21:06,301 one woman was still trying to slip a bracelet off. 321 00:21:16,121 --> 00:21:19,113 Sorry. It's a back spasm. I'm sorry. 322 00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:45,683 It seemed to Charlotte that the wedding had gone from Jewish law to Murphy's Law. 323 00:22:03,402 --> 00:22:04,391 Mazel tov. 324 00:22:14,747 --> 00:22:16,612 Charlotte, are you okay? 325 00:22:17,383 --> 00:22:20,147 This is a disaster. It's the worst wedding in history. 326 00:22:20,219 --> 00:22:21,846 That's not true. 327 00:22:22,588 --> 00:22:25,785 Although I only saw most of it from here down. 328 00:22:26,458 --> 00:22:29,359 Harry never should've walked in on me wearing my wedding dress. 329 00:22:29,428 --> 00:22:32,295 - Now we're cursed. - You're not cursed. 330 00:22:33,165 --> 00:22:36,601 You're married. You just got married. 331 00:22:36,669 --> 00:22:37,966 I know... 332 00:22:38,437 --> 00:22:40,701 but I wanted everything to be perfect. 333 00:22:40,773 --> 00:22:43,298 Okay, you have to stop with the tears. 334 00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,104 You already had the perfect wedding... 335 00:22:45,177 --> 00:22:48,408 and the marriage, not so perfect. 336 00:22:49,114 --> 00:22:50,877 I think this is a good sign. 337 00:22:50,949 --> 00:22:54,316 I think the worse the wedding, the better the marriage. 338 00:22:54,853 --> 00:22:57,686 - I have a stain on my dress. - That's good! 339 00:22:58,257 --> 00:22:59,918 That's a good sign! 340 00:22:59,992 --> 00:23:02,222 You're just trying to make me feel better. 341 00:23:02,294 --> 00:23:06,628 No, I'm trying to get you to open your eyes, because you're missing it. 342 00:23:06,832 --> 00:23:08,697 - What? - Everything! 343 00:23:08,801 --> 00:23:11,031 You're missing your wedding. 344 00:23:11,103 --> 00:23:14,470 You have a wonderful man who loves you... 345 00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:18,437 who'll be there to catch you when you fall. Do you know how special that is? 346 00:23:18,510 --> 00:23:22,207 I would love to find a man who's strong enough to catch me. 347 00:23:24,683 --> 00:23:28,779 So let's get to that reception, so you can fall on a cake or something. 348 00:23:30,255 --> 00:23:31,347 Okay. 349 00:23:35,494 --> 00:23:38,122 - Okay? - Perfect still, of course. 350 00:23:40,199 --> 00:23:41,564 Oh, Christ! 351 00:23:49,074 --> 00:23:50,302 Are you okay? 352 00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:53,242 Yeah. I'm just feeling a little sad. 353 00:23:53,579 --> 00:23:55,547 It was just so beautiful. 354 00:23:55,614 --> 00:23:58,014 - The ceremony? - My bracelet. 355 00:24:03,789 --> 00:24:06,314 Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please? 356 00:24:06,391 --> 00:24:09,724 God, it's time for the toast. Top me off, I'm next. 357 00:24:09,795 --> 00:24:12,025 I would like to raise a glass... 358 00:24:13,298 --> 00:24:15,459 to Harry and Charlotte... 359 00:24:16,502 --> 00:24:20,734 because they found each other despite all the bullshit. 360 00:24:24,877 --> 00:24:28,938 It's tough out there. I mean, people don't care like they used to. 361 00:24:30,282 --> 00:24:32,273 People leave you hanging. 362 00:24:32,851 --> 00:24:34,011 People... 363 00:24:34,853 --> 00:24:36,252 are a bitch. 364 00:24:36,989 --> 00:24:38,786 Is this a toast or a roast? 365 00:24:38,857 --> 00:24:40,449 So here's to love! 366 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,422 And love means never... 367 00:24:45,631 --> 00:24:46,825 ever... 368 00:24:47,866 --> 00:24:49,356 having to say.' 369 00:24:51,436 --> 00:24:53,529 You used me for sex! 370 00:24:55,674 --> 00:24:57,835 Thanks, Howie. That's nice. 371 00:25:01,046 --> 00:25:03,571 It was a Mazel Tov cocktail. 372 00:25:05,818 --> 00:25:09,720 Carrie said, "The worse the wedding, the better the marriage." 373 00:25:09,822 --> 00:25:12,916 Then I think Howie just got us to our Silver. 374 00:25:16,829 --> 00:25:17,853 Hi. 375 00:25:18,864 --> 00:25:20,331 Hello. Great. 376 00:25:23,535 --> 00:25:25,400 I would like to congratulate... 377 00:25:25,470 --> 00:25:28,837 my very brave friend, Charlotte... 378 00:25:30,042 --> 00:25:32,135 who knows what she wants... 379 00:25:32,344 --> 00:25:34,107 and who goes for it. 380 00:25:35,380 --> 00:25:37,371 Not everyone can do that. 381 00:25:38,951 --> 00:25:41,351 Especially when it comes to love... 382 00:25:42,521 --> 00:25:44,580 some of us can't even... 383 00:25:45,524 --> 00:25:47,014 say the words. 384 00:25:47,659 --> 00:25:48,853 But... 385 00:25:55,734 --> 00:25:58,134 Sorry, hon. Good speech, though. 386 00:25:59,605 --> 00:26:02,005 Maybe Miranda just got us to our Gold. 387 00:26:43,815 --> 00:26:45,806 He's certainly acrobatic. 388 00:26:46,051 --> 00:26:49,646 Oh, yeah. He's the regular Jerk du Soleil. 389 00:26:53,258 --> 00:26:55,590 Do you think everyone knows I slept with him? 390 00:26:55,661 --> 00:26:58,562 Yes. And they all think you're a big whore-ah. 391 00:27:06,204 --> 00:27:08,468 - I don't like this. I'm afraid! - Of what? 392 00:27:08,540 --> 00:27:11,668 What's the worst that can happen? We'll live happily ever after? 393 00:27:23,422 --> 00:27:26,755 And, of course, this being a wedding, there was one more catch to go. 394 00:27:26,825 --> 00:27:30,317 Okay! Who's ready to catch the bouquet? 395 00:27:30,963 --> 00:27:33,955 Not me. I've lit myself on fire. 396 00:27:34,599 --> 00:27:37,693 I've showed emotion in public. I think I'm done. 397 00:27:38,103 --> 00:27:41,539 - Oh, you were fabulous. - I believe you mean flammable. 398 00:27:46,478 --> 00:27:48,309 Okay, now you're done. 399 00:27:48,447 --> 00:27:50,472 It wasn't a perfect catch... 400 00:27:59,257 --> 00:28:01,282 and neither was mine. 401 00:28:02,427 --> 00:28:06,295 But I survived because I have a good safety net. 402 00:28:23,000 --> 00:29:08,000 Ripped by RavyDavy part of the [RL] Crew