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NARRATOR:
Previously on Angel:
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Who am I?
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FRED:
You might have some kind of amnesia.
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Cordelia's shacking up
with your hell spawn.
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You're going back to him,
aren't you?
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FRED: It was Professor Seidel.
He sent me to Pylea.
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00:00:13,225 --> 00:00:15,102
- He's gonna pay.
- He's gonna die.
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Back out if you think Gunn's right.
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Charles doesn't have it in him.
It's what I love about him.
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00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:22,975
Fred, no!
You kill him, I'm gonna lose you.
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00:00:27,145 --> 00:00:28,976
- The professor?
- It's taken care of.
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Were we in love?
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[SINGING "THE WAY WE WERE"]
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Youth, is there anything
more magical?
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A time of first loves, great discoveries.
Let's face it, youth is it.
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It's a national obsession, crazy cats.
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But somewhere, people all forget
what a mess youth is.
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It's a time of magic, all right.
And there's nothing more unreliable...
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...or annoying than magic.
Let me tell you a little story.
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It starts with a kid.
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LORNE:
No, actually, it really starts here.
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Were we in love?
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Hm.
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- Were we?
- What?
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In love.
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With each other?
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- lf you start giving me the runaround...
- I'm not. I'm not!
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- Then tell me the truth.
- I don't know.
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- You don't know?
- Well, I'm not sure.
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I think that's the sort of thing
I'd remember.
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Hey, maybe you wrote it down
somewhere. A note on the fridge maybe?
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I had feelings for you.
And I thought that maybe you...
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But you never told me.
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You asked me to meet you to talk...
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...and I never saw you again.
- And you think I wanted to tell you...
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...I was in love with you.
- I don't think you're ready...
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Or maybe I was gonna
tell you to back off, buddy.
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Maybe you were coming on
too strong.
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Harassing me in the workplace.
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Maybe I had a red-hot
restraining order in my mitts.
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- You ever think of that?
- It was never in the workplace. I...
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Well, there was that one time
with the ballet...
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...and the stripping and the roundness,
but that was a spell!
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And we were meeting on the bluffs.
That's a romantic restraining order!
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You're yelling at me!
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I'm not.
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See, this is why I don't
wanna answer questions...
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...I don't have the answers for.
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All I know is that
you were my dearest friend.
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And I hope that...
I just... I want that back.
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That much, at least.
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You have no idea how much
this is killing me.
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I know my ABC's, my history.
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I know who's president,
and that I sort of wish I didn't.
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I know the name of every shoe store
in the Beverly Center...
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...but I don't...
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I don't even recognize
the sound of my own name.
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We'll get you back,
no matter what.
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Look, I promise you
we will get you back.
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Who is "we," paleface? I'm the one
out there doing all the legwork.
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Well, it's really more lap-work,
because guess what just fell into it.
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- What?
- A memory spell...
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...provided by one of my clients,
guaranteed to bring our Cordy back...
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...to the way she was.
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- Guaranteed?
- No pain, no side effects.
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I'm telling you, swingers,
there's no way this can fail.
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So I'm an idiot.
What are you, perfect?
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Spin the Bottle
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Well, I had every reason
to believe this spell would work.
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And it did, after a fashion.
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What happened during it...
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...and what came after...
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Ooh.
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I'm gonna need a bigger drink.
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But the spell was legit, straight up.
I had it off this wraith. Sweet girl.
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Not overly tangible, but she deals
in memory spells professionally.
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And she swears
that with the right mix...
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...we can stop this talking
and cut to the Cordelia Chase...
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...in two ticks of a ticking thing.
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I don't know.
Spells, I don't trust them.
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And I don't care.
I'm in!
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- Cordy, can we just...?
- I don't care.
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Pain, side effects,
this thing turns me into moussaka...
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...I'm happy, as long as I can
remember I'm moussaka.
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Don't worry, princess.
I've got all the ingredients lined up.
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As soon as we gather the six,
we'll be good to go.
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The six what?
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Tell Emil, if it tests all right
in the field...
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[PHONE RINGING]
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...he'll be hearing from me again.
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Yeah, okay.
He'll be thrilled.
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Price here.
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Yes.
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Lorne, I said yes.
I'll be there right away.
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If it works, it's worth doing.
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All right.
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Is everything...?
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Uh, is everyone there?
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No.
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No, I was just wondering if...
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...everything was all right with Fred.
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[KNOCKING]
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What do you want?
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Oh, good, symbols on the floor.
That always goes well.
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Check your sarcasm at the door,
pouty-britches. This is for Cordy.
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I just don't want no portals opening
around here. Had enough of that crap.
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Sorry, Lorne.
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We really have had
a whole lot of that crap.
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Yeah. Well, my parade
is rain-proofed, baby doll.
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My first reading
since my head got drilled...
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...and I find a spell that's going to bring
our little Cordy right back to us.
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[SPEAKING PYLEAN]
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WESLEY:
Did I miss the spell?
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Did English go away?
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LORNE:
No, it's Pylean, crumpet.
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I said, "I may be prepared
to shout a joyful chant."
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And I said,
"May your words please the gods."
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Are you all right?
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Did you...?
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It's done.
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First, she didn't say,
"May your words please the gods"...
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...so much as, "May you orally
please the gods," which is a slight...
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Inflection's very crucial in our...
God bless her.
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It's always nice to hear
the mother tongue.
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As long as it's not
from my mother.
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Is this on?
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Secondly...
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...I didn't know a couple hours ago
Fred tried to kill her professor...
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...by opening a portal.
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Gunn didn't know
that Wesley had helped her.
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And Wesley didn't know Gunn
had killed the guy to save Fred...
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...from becoming a killer.
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And Fred didn't know that
Gunn was right then figuring out...
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...that Wesley had helped her try.
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So you can see, I didn't have
all the facts when I started this.
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It's my job to read people, but nobody
in this clan was exactly singing.
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And me?
Hey, I was thinking about Cordelia.
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ANGEL: Hey.
- Oh.
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Oh, sorry.
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I wanted to clean up.
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Connor and I,
not exactly staying at the Mondrian.
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- How is he?
- He's 18.
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He's a mess.
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There's a lot of pain in him.
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I think it helps, having me there.
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Good.
That's good.
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We're almost ready.
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I'll be downstairs.
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So you're perfectly okay with just
wandering into my room any old time?
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That fits the "we were in love" theory
and the "harassment" theory...
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...pretty much equally.
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Well...
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...hopefully that'll
all be answered soon.
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GUNN:
So I guess I'm the muscle, huh?
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Sorry?
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Angel's the man on the card.
It's his world.
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Not a leader no more.
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00:10:01,865 --> 00:10:05,141
Don't got that champion's heart like
Cordy. The brains, that was you.
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So that leaves muscle.
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What about Fred?
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Well, that's the question, isn't it?
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She's pretty brainy too.
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Maybe you two are kindred souls.
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Maybe that's why she went to you for
help getting revenge on that professor.
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Killing takes brains.
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I did what you weren't
prepared to do.
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You have no idea what I've...
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00:10:36,225 --> 00:10:37,863
What I would do for her.
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00:10:38,025 --> 00:10:40,220
Is there some reason
I should need to know?
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You think I don't smell this
a mile off?
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You think I don't know
why you keep coming back here?
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Because you keep needing my help.
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I'm gonna say this once.
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00:10:51,945 --> 00:10:54,903
You move on Fred,
and I'm gonna put you down hard.
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00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:58,378
I'm glad to see you have such faith
in your relationship.
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- Keep pushing.
- You think you could get out of my way?
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00:11:01,345 --> 00:11:02,824
No, what if...?
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Not all of us have muscle
to fall back on.
179
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:16,775
What happened to you, man?
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00:11:18,825 --> 00:11:22,340
I had my throat cut
and all my friends abandoned me.
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LORNE:
Okay, eyes on the bottle.
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00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:33,616
We come in supplication and hope.
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00:11:34,265 --> 00:11:36,779
Bring her back.
184
00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:56,220
What's going on?
185
00:11:57,265 --> 00:11:59,574
I feel a little...
186
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:21,820
What's happening to us?
187
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:29,500
This is important.
188
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It's so beautiful.
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[RETCHES]
190
00:12:40,985 --> 00:12:44,341
We'll just wait to see
if there are any side effects.
191
00:12:50,905 --> 00:12:52,816
What's happening?
192
00:12:53,585 --> 00:12:55,894
We can't just...
We have to...
193
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:57,817
No!
194
00:13:04,465 --> 00:13:05,944
Okay...
195
00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:08,300
...what the hell is going on here?
196
00:13:08,465 --> 00:13:09,784
What's your name?
197
00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:11,862
I'm Cordelia Chase, dumb-ass.
198
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:15,461
And if this is some sort of sophomore
hazing prank, where I get doped up...
199
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:17,536
...and left
with a bunch of proto-losers...
200
00:13:17,705 --> 00:13:20,697
...then my parents are suing
all of Sunnydale. Comprende?
201
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:23,015
What the hell are you talking about?
202
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:26,143
It's called kidnapping a minor,
Hair Club for Men.
203
00:13:26,345 --> 00:13:28,859
If you think for a second
I'm putting up with this...
204
00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:31,340
...well, you don't know Cordelia...
205
00:13:32,665 --> 00:13:33,780
Cordelia.
206
00:13:35,345 --> 00:13:38,337
Hello, salty goodness.
207
00:13:44,465 --> 00:13:46,899
WESLEY: All right, hang on.
You're Cordelia Chase...
208
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:50,097
...you're a high-school student,
you live in Sunnydale?
209
00:13:52,185 --> 00:13:53,777
Right.
210
00:13:54,505 --> 00:13:57,338
- So who are you?
- The guy that's gonna be kicking ass...
211
00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:00,105
...somebody don't tell what's going on.
- For short?
212
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:02,819
Does anyone here recognize anyone?
213
00:14:03,025 --> 00:14:08,053
Um, I'm Fred Burkle.
I'm also in school, in San Antone.
214
00:14:08,385 --> 00:14:11,138
Oh, we're both in school.
215
00:14:11,305 --> 00:14:14,422
Oh, gosh, let's be best friends
so I can lose all my cool ones!
216
00:14:14,585 --> 00:14:16,223
WESLEY:
There's no call to be snippety.
217
00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:19,179
This is a clarion call for snippety,
Princess Charles.
218
00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:21,945
It's Wesley, thank you,
Wyndam-Price.
219
00:14:22,105 --> 00:14:25,700
I am from the Watcher's Academy
in southern Hampshire.
220
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,299
In fact, I happen to be head boy.
221
00:14:28,465 --> 00:14:30,695
Gee, I wonder how
you earned that nickname.
222
00:14:30,905 --> 00:14:33,465
A lot of effort, I don't mind saying.
223
00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:36,216
- Gunn.
- Where?
224
00:14:36,425 --> 00:14:38,939
Me, that's my name.
The short version.
225
00:14:39,785 --> 00:14:40,774
WESLEY:
Ah.
226
00:14:41,785 --> 00:14:43,696
What school do you attend?
227
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:50,139
So we've heard from the socially
handi-capable. What's your story?
228
00:14:50,345 --> 00:14:52,097
Mad.
229
00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:53,863
You're all mad.
230
00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:57,097
These clothes.
Your speech.
231
00:14:58,185 --> 00:15:00,574
This place.
What land is this?
232
00:15:00,785 --> 00:15:03,538
- Where's it supposed to be?
- Where do you hail from, friend?
233
00:15:03,745 --> 00:15:06,817
I'm not your friend, English pig.
We never wanted you in Ireland.
234
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:08,657
We don't want you now.
235
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,816
- You Irish?
- You don't sound Irish.
236
00:15:11,025 --> 00:15:13,141
I most certainly... I sound exactly...
237
00:15:15,065 --> 00:15:17,215
Something wrong with my voice.
238
00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:18,864
Well, what's your name?
239
00:15:20,225 --> 00:15:21,783
Liam.
240
00:15:21,985 --> 00:15:25,660
Great, we've all got names.
Bye now.
241
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:28,620
I wouldn't be so quick, Miss Chase,
to leave.
242
00:15:28,825 --> 00:15:33,819
Clearly, we're all the victims
of some nefarious scheme.
243
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,261
I'll lay odds that door is bolted shut.
244
00:15:36,465 --> 00:15:40,094
- And who knows what peril lies outside.
- English pig.
245
00:15:40,265 --> 00:15:42,301
- English pig.
WESLEY: Before we do anything...
246
00:15:42,465 --> 00:15:45,298
...I suggest we gather
as much information as we can.
247
00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:49,902
- And I suggest we gather some cops.
- Whoa! I don't want no heat near me.
248
00:15:50,065 --> 00:15:52,260
I don't think we should call
the police anyhow.
249
00:15:52,425 --> 00:15:53,858
They're probably involved.
250
00:15:54,025 --> 00:15:56,095
- In what?
- Don't y'all think this is some...
251
00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:58,620
...government conspiracy?
My friend Levon says...
252
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:01,822
...the government's always taking
kids and experimenting on them.
253
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:05,935
Did anybody else have to take
a personality-disorder test recently?
254
00:16:06,145 --> 00:16:10,184
They ask you about politics, your bowel
movements, if you want to be a florist.
255
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:13,582
Okay, Scarlett O' please-shut-me-up.
Does anyone sane have a theory?
256
00:16:13,785 --> 00:16:16,015
There's conspiracies,
y'all don't even know.
257
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:18,824
I got no problem with the idea
the man is messing with us.
258
00:16:19,025 --> 00:16:21,414
The important thing is to start
with the facts.
259
00:16:21,745 --> 00:16:24,817
We're all from different cities.
We're all of an age...
260
00:16:25,825 --> 00:16:28,862
Judging from the facial hair I've grown,
we've been unconscious...
261
00:16:29,025 --> 00:16:33,780
...at least a month.
- Oh, God. Oh, God! My hair. My hair!
262
00:16:34,585 --> 00:16:38,942
- The government gave me bad hair!
- No, no, it's nice!
263
00:16:39,105 --> 00:16:42,063
- Yes, it's just the thing.
- Are you sure?
264
00:16:42,225 --> 00:16:45,615
It's very attractive.
But a clue, nonetheless.
265
00:16:45,785 --> 00:16:49,016
- Perhaps the point of this is hair.
- I vote he's not in charge.
266
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:52,342
It's the devil.
It's the devil.
267
00:16:52,505 --> 00:16:53,699
My hair?
268
00:16:53,865 --> 00:16:58,063
My father said I was a sinner,
that I'd come to a bad end.
269
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:02,864
- Now I've come to hell.
- Well, hell's a lot nicer than my place.
270
00:17:03,185 --> 00:17:04,504
[CORDELIA MOANS]
271
00:17:04,705 --> 00:17:06,900
It appears to be some sort of hotel.
272
00:17:07,065 --> 00:17:10,944
Well, maybe it's Motel Hell.
273
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,784
Well, let's get the lay of the place.
274
00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:18,664
Don't be giving me orders.
I run my own crew.
275
00:17:18,825 --> 00:17:22,340
I'm sure your seafaring adventures
are interesting, but I have experience...
276
00:17:22,505 --> 00:17:27,260
...of things you couldn't imagine.
I'm not head boy for nothing.
277
00:17:27,465 --> 00:17:31,424
- You're about to be headless boy.
- Intimidation.
278
00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:32,654
Points for effort.
279
00:17:33,545 --> 00:17:37,697
Perhaps a little karate technique
will put you in your place.
280
00:17:44,505 --> 00:17:45,824
[GASPS]
281
00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:51,501
What the hell is that?
282
00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:55,305
- A clue!
- That a wooden stake you got?
283
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,376
Apparently, yes.
284
00:17:57,545 --> 00:18:00,343
Which changes the scenario
quite a bit.
285
00:18:03,705 --> 00:18:05,502
I didn't get one.
286
00:18:05,665 --> 00:18:07,576
Nobody got one except English here.
Why?
287
00:18:07,785 --> 00:18:10,743
I don't know. I suggest we look about
for weapons of some kind.
288
00:18:11,385 --> 00:18:13,694
Yeah, that part works.
289
00:18:17,105 --> 00:18:18,424
[FRED GASPS]
290
00:18:19,785 --> 00:18:21,343
[SCREAMING]
291
00:18:21,505 --> 00:18:24,303
All right, nobody scream!
292
00:18:24,465 --> 00:18:26,899
- Or touch my arms.
- Well...
293
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,977
...I think I found another clue.
GUNN: She's not wrong.
294
00:18:30,145 --> 00:18:32,579
CORDELIA:
Okay, this is even less funny.
295
00:18:33,465 --> 00:18:35,695
What the hell is that?
296
00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:38,543
ANGEL:
I knew it.
297
00:18:38,705 --> 00:18:40,696
It's the devil.
298
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:43,818
Why is the devil sleepy?
299
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,378
- This ain't your business, kid.
CONNOR: No.
300
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,537
This is my bad mood.
301
00:19:05,225 --> 00:19:07,056
This is my business.
302
00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:12,579
Are you hurt?
303
00:19:12,745 --> 00:19:15,578
They were gonna kill me.
Bastards.
304
00:19:15,745 --> 00:19:18,259
- Well, you're safe now.
- Whoa, whoa!
305
00:19:19,145 --> 00:19:22,103
Hey, baby...
306
00:19:22,305 --> 00:19:25,934
...you saved my life.
Don't you want your reward?
307
00:19:27,105 --> 00:19:31,781
I can give you a nice reward.
308
00:19:32,185 --> 00:19:33,504
Uh...
309
00:19:36,145 --> 00:19:38,295
Yeah, okay.
310
00:19:38,985 --> 00:19:40,498
You got 50 bucks?
311
00:19:40,665 --> 00:19:42,303
What for?
312
00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:45,461
You got nothing.
313
00:19:45,665 --> 00:19:49,180
- Wait! Hey, I saved you.
- You still don't ride free, junior.
314
00:19:49,385 --> 00:19:52,661
Why don't you run home to Mama?
Maybe she'll give you a treat...
315
00:19:52,865 --> 00:19:54,856
...for being such a good boy.
316
00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:57,776
LORNE:
Classy girl.
317
00:19:57,945 --> 00:20:01,017
And poor Connor.
Engine revving and stuck in park.
318
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,224
Well, enough about him.
319
00:20:03,385 --> 00:20:05,216
Meanwhile, guess what I'm doing
for fun?
320
00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:08,019
I say we cut his head off.
321
00:20:08,185 --> 00:20:10,574
He may have information we need.
When he wakes up...
322
00:20:10,745 --> 00:20:13,942
We don't know if this tape is gonna
hold him. I say, cut his head off.
323
00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:16,255
- Thank you, Marie Antoinette.
- What'd you call me?
324
00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:20,498
Hey, hey. You two wanna pause
the homoerotic, buddy-cop session...
325
00:20:20,665 --> 00:20:22,496
...Iong enough to explain this?
326
00:20:22,665 --> 00:20:25,225
Wooden stakes,
a guy with horns.
327
00:20:25,865 --> 00:20:29,699
And neither of you seems that surprised
when things just keep getting weirder.
328
00:20:29,865 --> 00:20:32,459
They really are.
329
00:20:33,145 --> 00:20:35,534
Have you got any weed?
330
00:20:35,945 --> 00:20:40,097
All right, I'm going to let you
all in on something...
331
00:20:40,265 --> 00:20:43,416
...you may
have trouble comprehending.
332
00:20:43,585 --> 00:20:46,099
- But I assure you that however...
- Vampires are real.
333
00:20:46,305 --> 00:20:48,375
- I was telling!
- Vampires are all over L.A.
334
00:20:48,545 --> 00:20:50,615
I been fighting them my whole life.
335
00:20:51,745 --> 00:20:54,578
- That creature's a vampire?
- No, never seen nothing like that.
336
00:20:54,745 --> 00:20:56,098
I have!
337
00:20:56,265 --> 00:20:59,337
It's a demon.
338
00:20:59,985 --> 00:21:03,864
Probably of the
Karathmamanyuhg family.
339
00:21:04,025 --> 00:21:06,459
You see, some of us have slightly
broader experience...
340
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:08,422
How do you kill it?
341
00:21:09,545 --> 00:21:14,300
Well, I know this breed is nocturnal
and feeds on roots...
342
00:21:14,465 --> 00:21:17,457
...or possibly human effluvia.
343
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:19,217
And...
344
00:21:19,385 --> 00:21:22,218
...it's a horned race...
- So you know jack.
345
00:21:22,385 --> 00:21:24,580
- They're nocturnal.
- I'm gonna get me an ax.
346
00:21:24,745 --> 00:21:26,417
- Hold on.
- Don't matter what it is.
347
00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:29,822
- It looks wrong, it dies.
- Not till we find out...
348
00:21:30,025 --> 00:21:31,743
Oh! Quit it!
349
00:21:31,905 --> 00:21:34,942
- Ow! Get off my...
- Watch the arms! Watch the arms!
350
00:21:35,145 --> 00:21:36,339
Are you gonna stop them?
351
00:21:36,505 --> 00:21:40,418
About time the English got
what's coming. I'm rooting for the slave.
352
00:21:42,345 --> 00:21:44,540
I know I'm still unconscious
during this part...
353
00:21:44,705 --> 00:21:46,423
...but can you believe these mooks?
354
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,502
[GRUNTING]
355
00:21:48,665 --> 00:21:49,939
Enough, okay?
356
00:21:50,585 --> 00:21:53,975
If head cheese here has a theory,
then let's hear it!
357
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:03,298
There are stories
at the Watcher's Academy of a test...
358
00:22:03,465 --> 00:22:07,174
...a secret gauntlet which only
the most cunning can survive.
359
00:22:07,345 --> 00:22:09,301
You're locked in a house
with a vicious...
360
00:22:09,465 --> 00:22:12,138
...deadly vampire,
and you have to kill him...
361
00:22:12,305 --> 00:22:13,977
...before he kills you.
362
00:22:16,145 --> 00:22:18,659
- It's been done in the past with slayers.
- Slayer?
363
00:22:18,865 --> 00:22:19,934
The band?
364
00:22:20,905 --> 00:22:22,338
No, it...
365
00:22:22,985 --> 00:22:26,455
The point is, this could be a test.
366
00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:30,061
The weapons, the maze-like locale,
the innocent civilians...
367
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:33,701
...and a mysterious
Karathmamanyuhg demon.
368
00:22:34,945 --> 00:22:36,537
- It's a test!
- I ain't a civilian.
369
00:22:36,745 --> 00:22:40,294
- I been killing vamps since I was 12.
- Which only supports my theory.
370
00:22:40,945 --> 00:22:43,220
You must be here
in an advisory capacity.
371
00:22:43,425 --> 00:22:45,734
I think I'm here in
a chop-that-head-off capacity.
372
00:22:45,905 --> 00:22:48,977
- I don't give a damn about no test.
- Are you always this grouchy?
373
00:22:49,145 --> 00:22:52,342
When I wake up with insane white folks
trying to tell me what to do.
374
00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:56,299
The day I take orders
from guys like you is the day I...
375
00:22:56,465 --> 00:22:57,454
Not even gonna happen.
376
00:22:57,945 --> 00:23:00,618
CORDELIA: Keep explaining
why we're not walking out that door.
377
00:23:02,505 --> 00:23:04,700
Because they did something to us.
378
00:23:07,105 --> 00:23:08,902
They changed us.
379
00:23:09,945 --> 00:23:11,901
You mean this is about my hair?
380
00:23:12,065 --> 00:23:13,737
I sort of see his point.
381
00:23:13,945 --> 00:23:16,823
Not one of y'all
looks exactly 17.
382
00:23:17,025 --> 00:23:22,861
It's like time's been pushed forward,
like we missed a bunch of years.
383
00:23:24,265 --> 00:23:26,062
I kind of have filled out even more.
384
00:23:26,265 --> 00:23:27,698
And...
385
00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:30,459
...I apparently ain't gonna.
386
00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:35,584
I feel cold inside.
387
00:23:35,785 --> 00:23:39,221
This is so unfair!
I'm a craggy 20-something?
388
00:23:39,385 --> 00:23:40,864
What about prom?
389
00:23:41,025 --> 00:23:43,334
Could be that demon
put a whammy on us.
390
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:46,861
So you think if we kill this vampire,
they'd take off the spell whammy...
391
00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:49,016
...and we can go back
to being ourselves?
392
00:23:49,225 --> 00:23:52,183
- And never see each other again?
- We can go about our business.
393
00:23:52,385 --> 00:23:54,296
- And never see each other again?
GUNN: Great.
394
00:23:54,505 --> 00:23:56,461
So we go vamp hunting.
395
00:23:56,625 --> 00:23:58,695
This place looks pretty big.
I say two groups.
396
00:23:58,865 --> 00:24:02,824
Great. I'm going with tall, dark and
"slightly less pathetic than you two."
397
00:24:02,985 --> 00:24:05,135
- We'll try the rooms.
- We'll look downstairs.
398
00:24:05,305 --> 00:24:08,661
But remember, if you find the vampire,
it's a vicious animal.
399
00:24:08,825 --> 00:24:11,737
Just try to draw him toward us.
400
00:24:11,945 --> 00:24:14,903
Don't worry.
We'll win this day, I assure you.
401
00:24:15,065 --> 00:24:18,421
I'm ready.
I'm okay.
402
00:24:19,265 --> 00:24:22,575
It'd be cooler if we could
score some weed, though.
403
00:24:27,545 --> 00:24:30,662
God, there's like a million rooms.
404
00:24:30,865 --> 00:24:32,856
[MUSIC PLAYING FROM RADIO]
405
00:24:35,385 --> 00:24:37,216
Minstrels.
406
00:24:48,465 --> 00:24:50,023
How did...?
407
00:24:50,185 --> 00:24:52,938
You stopped the tiny men
from singing.
408
00:24:53,105 --> 00:24:55,858
You really are far from home,
aren't you?
409
00:24:58,745 --> 00:25:03,216
I tell you, if I get through this,
I'm gonna have a great cup of ale.
410
00:25:03,385 --> 00:25:05,945
I don't care what Father says
it does to you.
411
00:25:08,025 --> 00:25:13,258
Maybe we should just sit tight and let
the vampire experts deal with this thing.
412
00:25:13,905 --> 00:25:16,373
I'm sorry for acting so...
413
00:25:16,545 --> 00:25:18,854
...womanish.
- Oh, you're not...
414
00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:23,581
- Really not womanish.
- And you're very sweet.
415
00:25:24,665 --> 00:25:26,895
You don't know the half of it.
416
00:25:28,025 --> 00:25:31,984
What is it about danger
that makes...
417
00:25:33,065 --> 00:25:35,499
Makes your blood just...
418
00:25:37,105 --> 00:25:38,936
What's wrong?
419
00:25:39,225 --> 00:25:41,056
Nothing.
Excuse me.
420
00:25:51,825 --> 00:25:55,101
- I'm invisible.
- No, you're not.
421
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:57,176
Oh, excuse me.
422
00:26:20,665 --> 00:26:24,214
- What's going on?
- I'm almost finished.
423
00:26:30,385 --> 00:26:32,216
I'm a vampire.
424
00:26:33,505 --> 00:26:35,257
They're gonna kill me.
425
00:26:41,585 --> 00:26:44,418
Well, those were some
exciting products. Am I right?
426
00:26:44,585 --> 00:26:46,576
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
427
00:26:46,945 --> 00:26:50,381
Mm. Let's all think about
buying some of those.
428
00:26:50,625 --> 00:26:53,537
But if I can bring it down a moment.
429
00:26:55,145 --> 00:26:59,775
Is there anything worse than
feeling like you're all alone?
430
00:26:59,945 --> 00:27:02,937
Like you're the only person in the
world who thinks how you do...
431
00:27:03,105 --> 00:27:05,255
...and if anyone else found out
they'd drive...
432
00:27:05,425 --> 00:27:08,144
...a pointy wooden thing
through your heart?
433
00:27:08,985 --> 00:27:11,215
And as for our fearless
vampire killers...
434
00:27:17,585 --> 00:27:22,022
I just don't think we should be
ruling out the idea of aliens.
435
00:27:23,465 --> 00:27:28,220
I mean, he is a greenish
sort of fella.
436
00:27:28,625 --> 00:27:31,822
And us being asleep all that time.
437
00:27:32,025 --> 00:27:34,255
I mean, think about it a minute.
438
00:27:34,465 --> 00:27:36,899
They could have been doing
heaven knows what.
439
00:27:37,545 --> 00:27:41,458
I can just see myself lying on a table...
440
00:27:41,665 --> 00:27:46,375
...no clothes, no will,
while they probed and explored...
441
00:27:46,545 --> 00:27:51,460
...and did whatever they wanted
to my naked, helpless body.
442
00:27:52,145 --> 00:27:55,740
- It's horrible.
- Horrible, yes.
443
00:27:56,945 --> 00:27:58,856
But I assure you,
this is demonic work.
444
00:27:59,505 --> 00:28:03,896
And they're not nearly
so exploratory.
445
00:28:05,145 --> 00:28:06,783
Don't be afraid.
446
00:28:06,945 --> 00:28:09,413
Ain't nothing here.
It's getting old.
447
00:28:09,585 --> 00:28:12,179
Well, let's not give up probe.
448
00:28:15,105 --> 00:28:17,380
Hope, give up hope.
449
00:28:17,585 --> 00:28:19,382
We're not...
450
00:28:28,865 --> 00:28:31,698
- Any luck?
- Saw no vampires of any kind anywhere.
451
00:28:32,225 --> 00:28:35,297
WESLEY: Did you check every room?
- The ones that wanted turn-down service.
452
00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:37,774
There's five floors. My feet hurt.
453
00:28:37,945 --> 00:28:39,776
- You finish.
- This is a waste of time.
454
00:28:39,945 --> 00:28:42,220
I agree.
There's nothing here.
455
00:28:42,385 --> 00:28:46,663
This place is evil. I think that
I should leave now because of the evil.
456
00:28:46,825 --> 00:28:49,623
- Don't be a fool!
- Good luck, all.
457
00:28:51,505 --> 00:28:53,655
- So we're all locked in, huh?
- Excuse me.
458
00:28:53,825 --> 00:28:58,615
Did I just get the brush off?
Did a guy just bail on me?
459
00:28:58,865 --> 00:29:01,174
There really is
some sort of horrible spell.
460
00:29:01,385 --> 00:29:03,057
Do you think Liam's okay out there?
461
00:29:03,225 --> 00:29:05,944
Something's eating him,
at least he ain't as bored as me.
462
00:29:06,105 --> 00:29:07,697
Joke all you like.
463
00:29:08,425 --> 00:29:11,940
Liam, right now, may be facing horrors
he's never even imagined.
464
00:29:13,505 --> 00:29:15,621
[HORNS HONKING]
465
00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:26,459
FRED:
Liam!
466
00:29:26,625 --> 00:29:28,343
- Demons!
- Really?
467
00:29:28,545 --> 00:29:29,660
Told you.
468
00:29:29,865 --> 00:29:33,335
- How many?
- Hundreds, screaming.
469
00:29:33,545 --> 00:29:36,264
- Will they try to get in?
- I don't think they saw me.
470
00:29:36,425 --> 00:29:38,495
I guess we really better
solve this puzzle.
471
00:29:39,185 --> 00:29:42,302
- What type of demons, would you say?
- Shiny.
472
00:29:44,065 --> 00:29:46,181
Yep, I still got it.
473
00:29:46,385 --> 00:29:49,263
So we gotta check the rooms?
Because I'm bored just saying it.
474
00:29:49,465 --> 00:29:51,820
Wouldn't the vampire
be coming after us anyhow?
475
00:29:52,025 --> 00:29:53,299
Aren't we vittles?
476
00:29:53,505 --> 00:29:55,177
WESLEY:
And he should be starving.
477
00:29:55,825 --> 00:29:59,295
But I also happen to think that further
searching would be pointless.
478
00:29:59,465 --> 00:30:02,218
I think the council has been
far cleverer than I imagined.
479
00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:05,218
- Ooh. How?
- Yeah, speech, speech.
480
00:30:05,385 --> 00:30:09,424
Five people, each unknown
to each other, far from home...
481
00:30:09,625 --> 00:30:12,093
...trapped together at night.
482
00:30:12,265 --> 00:30:16,816
I submit that the bloodsucking fiend
may be closer than we dared suspect.
483
00:30:17,025 --> 00:30:18,663
- It may be...
- I'll search the rooms.
484
00:30:18,865 --> 00:30:21,902
- I was getting to the good part!
- Can't just wait for the vampire.
485
00:30:22,065 --> 00:30:24,977
- I'll just flush him out and...
- That it may be one of us!
486
00:30:25,185 --> 00:30:27,824
- Ugh. You're kidding.
WESLEY: Would that I were, Miss Chase.
487
00:30:28,025 --> 00:30:29,856
But the simple fact is...
488
00:30:30,065 --> 00:30:33,455
...the fiend has been
under our noses the entire time...
489
00:30:33,625 --> 00:30:35,695
...waiting for the moment to strike!
490
00:30:38,785 --> 00:30:42,983
See? The English is stupid.
Let's have a different theory.
491
00:30:43,185 --> 00:30:44,618
I'm not quite finished.
492
00:30:46,865 --> 00:30:49,379
I think it's only fair
that everyone has a turn.
493
00:30:49,545 --> 00:30:53,424
The cross obviously doesn't affect me
or our friend the pugilist.
494
00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:57,100
Oh, your ass better pray
I don't look that word up.
495
00:31:01,745 --> 00:31:03,064
[SIGHS]
496
00:31:16,105 --> 00:31:19,461
See? No vampire here.
I'm just like the rest of you.
497
00:31:19,665 --> 00:31:21,223
[SMOLDERING]
498
00:31:22,425 --> 00:31:25,303
- Does anyone else here...?
- Look, the devil's awake!
499
00:31:27,945 --> 00:31:28,934
[GROANING]
500
00:31:29,105 --> 00:31:30,743
Don't get too close!
501
00:31:31,665 --> 00:31:36,136
Oh, guys. Hey, that was quite
a whammy.
502
00:31:36,305 --> 00:31:40,218
A trip through the transitive nightfall
of diamonds, if you know what I mean.
503
00:31:40,385 --> 00:31:43,582
- It speaks madness.
- Hey, here's a funny sidebar.
504
00:31:43,745 --> 00:31:46,976
I'm tied to a chair, again!
What the hell's going on?
505
00:31:47,145 --> 00:31:50,217
We were hoping you would
enlighten us, spawn of evil.
506
00:31:50,425 --> 00:31:56,022
Oh, dear. I'm starting to suspect my
sure-fire, hit spell closed out of town.
507
00:31:56,305 --> 00:31:59,741
Did anything go right? Anything?
Did Cordy at least get her memory back?
508
00:31:59,905 --> 00:32:02,624
Just tell us
where the vampire is, fiend.
509
00:32:02,785 --> 00:32:05,777
What are you talking about?
There aren't any vampires here.
510
00:32:07,185 --> 00:32:08,982
Well, I mean,
except for our boy here.
511
00:32:10,705 --> 00:32:12,457
Lying devil-man.
512
00:32:12,625 --> 00:32:14,980
Oh, like my spell made you
not a vampire anymore?
513
00:32:15,625 --> 00:32:18,014
- My magic isn't that...
- Shut your mouth!
514
00:32:20,345 --> 00:32:21,539
Ow!
515
00:32:28,265 --> 00:32:32,178
- It's not... He just...
- Well, a mystery solved.
516
00:32:32,385 --> 00:32:35,138
Explains the lame-ass cover story
about being Irish too.
517
00:32:35,345 --> 00:32:38,781
Is this a convenient time to point out
you left me alone with him, genius?
518
00:32:38,985 --> 00:32:41,783
- Well, I never touched her.
- So clearly, deviant.
519
00:32:41,985 --> 00:32:46,501
- I'm not!
- Vampires are all the same, my friend.
520
00:32:46,705 --> 00:32:49,617
- There's nothing human about them.
- Right. You ain't a person.
521
00:32:49,825 --> 00:32:52,020
- Just dust.
- I don't wanna hurt anyone.
522
00:32:52,225 --> 00:32:55,854
- What do we do?
- Don't fear. It's under control.
523
00:32:56,065 --> 00:32:57,464
Are you sure?
524
00:32:57,625 --> 00:32:58,694
[GRUNTS]
525
00:32:58,905 --> 00:33:01,214
Sorry.
I mean, ha!
526
00:33:07,665 --> 00:33:09,462
ANGEL:
You want a vampire, then?
527
00:33:09,665 --> 00:33:11,417
I guess I'm your man.
528
00:33:11,585 --> 00:33:15,624
I guess I'll start feeding
on your corpses, starting with the girls.
529
00:33:16,385 --> 00:33:19,900
So who's gonna be the first course?
Hard to choose between you two girls.
530
00:33:20,105 --> 00:33:21,777
What do you mean, it's hard?
531
00:33:23,345 --> 00:33:25,859
I mean, she's the tasty one.
532
00:33:26,065 --> 00:33:28,943
Look at her.
Half of her is neck!
533
00:33:29,545 --> 00:33:33,174
Miss Chase, Miss Burkle...
534
00:33:34,585 --> 00:33:36,018
...run.
535
00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:48,820
ANGEL:
It baffles me.
536
00:33:49,185 --> 00:33:54,543
You liked me so much before.
Now I can't even get a little kiss?
537
00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:01,297
I can see you.
538
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:07,543
I seem to be strong too,
and fast!
539
00:34:07,745 --> 00:34:09,417
It's not so bad, this vampire thing.
540
00:34:09,625 --> 00:34:12,617
Well, I've got a super power
of my own, hotshot.
541
00:34:13,025 --> 00:34:14,219
What's that now?
542
00:34:14,425 --> 00:34:16,416
[SCREAMING]
543
00:34:24,185 --> 00:34:26,096
That really is inhuman.
544
00:34:26,305 --> 00:34:29,217
But what good do you really think
that could...?
545
00:34:30,425 --> 00:34:32,541
Yes, that one!
546
00:34:33,425 --> 00:34:35,541
Kill that one, please!
547
00:34:47,225 --> 00:34:50,900
- Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
- Why did he attack you?
548
00:34:51,105 --> 00:34:52,299
Well, who wouldn't?
549
00:34:52,505 --> 00:34:56,703
Look, you're a wee bit chess club
for my usual beat...
550
00:34:56,905 --> 00:34:59,738
...but you kill that freak
and you're getting a big reward.
551
00:35:01,745 --> 00:35:04,623
- You mean it?
- Hoo doggy.
552
00:35:26,665 --> 00:35:29,054
I'm a bit tired of being bullied.
553
00:35:40,425 --> 00:35:41,744
[GASPS]
554
00:35:44,905 --> 00:35:48,420
LORNE: Um, sweetie?
- Huh?
555
00:35:49,145 --> 00:35:52,660
Can I take a minute of your time?
We have a huge problem.
556
00:35:52,865 --> 00:35:55,584
- But I can solve it.
- Why should I trust you?
557
00:35:56,225 --> 00:35:58,022
Because we're buddies, Freddikans.
558
00:35:59,025 --> 00:36:01,983
We did a spell, it went wrong,
but we can make it right.
559
00:36:02,145 --> 00:36:06,935
Is the bottle still there?
On the floor, in the circle?
560
00:36:07,105 --> 00:36:10,142
You mean those bitty bits
of broken glass?
561
00:36:10,345 --> 00:36:14,418
Oh, balls. Well, we can still do it,
maybe one at a time.
562
00:36:14,625 --> 00:36:16,741
You just gotta untie me first.
563
00:36:17,705 --> 00:36:19,058
I don't know.
564
00:36:19,985 --> 00:36:21,623
Oh, Fred.
565
00:36:21,825 --> 00:36:24,100
Look into your heart.
566
00:36:24,305 --> 00:36:26,102
Am I evil?
567
00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:40,743
You're stronger than the rest.
Are you not a vampire yourself, then?
568
00:36:40,905 --> 00:36:43,214
- You don't remember?
- I remember waking up here...
569
00:36:43,385 --> 00:36:46,934
...in this madhouse
with that fine lot of hypocrites.
570
00:36:47,985 --> 00:36:49,862
- Hypocrites?
- I'm supposed to be evil...
571
00:36:50,025 --> 00:36:53,984
...but they attack me without cause.
Gang up on me because I'm different.
572
00:36:54,185 --> 00:36:57,461
- They're as bad as my father.
- Fathers...
573
00:36:59,585 --> 00:37:02,383
...don't they suck?
- Say one thing, then:
574
00:37:02,545 --> 00:37:04,775
"Be good. Fear God.
Do as you're told!"
575
00:37:04,945 --> 00:37:07,584
And the whole while, I know
he's had his share of sinning.
576
00:37:07,785 --> 00:37:09,980
Sounds kind of like my father.
577
00:37:10,185 --> 00:37:13,973
- Is he a self-righteous bastard?
- You'd be amazed.
578
00:37:17,705 --> 00:37:21,220
- You're afraid to fight me?
- Truth to tell, I'm not much for fighting.
579
00:37:21,425 --> 00:37:24,417
I'd rather be satisfying my sinful urges
with the Chase girl.
580
00:37:24,625 --> 00:37:28,538
- You keep the hell away from her.
- Oh, the girl's yours, then?
581
00:37:29,185 --> 00:37:30,618
That's right.
582
00:37:30,785 --> 00:37:32,855
She never did mention you
when we were alone...
583
00:37:42,025 --> 00:37:43,743
Hurry up, I'm nervous.
584
00:37:45,025 --> 00:37:47,095
Okay, okay.
585
00:37:53,465 --> 00:37:55,421
Oh, Lord.
586
00:37:55,625 --> 00:37:57,980
- Well, did it work?
- Wait!
587
00:38:25,865 --> 00:38:28,015
Are you happy now?
588
00:38:29,145 --> 00:38:31,181
I didn't ask for this.
589
00:38:32,425 --> 00:38:35,258
I didn't ask to be attacked.
590
00:38:35,465 --> 00:38:38,218
I didn't ask to be a freak.
591
00:38:39,465 --> 00:38:42,457
Hell, I didn't even ask to be born.
592
00:38:45,505 --> 00:38:47,097
Wait.
593
00:38:49,505 --> 00:38:52,065
What do you want?
Another beating?
594
00:38:52,705 --> 00:38:54,184
Oh, I so almost had you.
595
00:38:55,585 --> 00:38:58,418
- Not in a dream.
- Hold it!
596
00:38:59,145 --> 00:39:02,262
Nobody kill anybody!
Please?
597
00:39:19,265 --> 00:39:22,018
So all's well that ends well,
right, kiddies?
598
00:39:34,985 --> 00:39:39,024
But since nothing ended all that well,
I guess I gotta say that, well...
599
00:39:39,185 --> 00:39:41,380
...nothing was well.
600
00:39:42,945 --> 00:39:44,424
See, none of us knew it then...
601
00:39:44,585 --> 00:39:48,214
...but the sequence of events
was a little different than we thought.
602
00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:49,818
It went more like this.
603
00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:08,504
Well...
604
00:40:08,665 --> 00:40:11,782
...it's been a long night for everyone.
605
00:40:12,425 --> 00:40:15,622
I hope you've enjoyed my tale so much
that you tip your waitresses...
606
00:40:15,785 --> 00:40:19,300
...with obnoxious abandon.
MAN: Finish it!
607
00:40:20,185 --> 00:40:24,178
Always leave them wanting more, kiddo.
That's the rule.
608
00:40:25,225 --> 00:40:27,864
Anyway, I've got no more to tell.
609
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:30,175
Applause, applause.
610
00:40:30,345 --> 00:40:34,020
I got a Sea Breeze that's gonna leave
with someone else if I don't get to her.
611
00:40:35,385 --> 00:40:40,539
So you kids be good and go home,
hug your families while you can.
612
00:40:41,065 --> 00:40:43,101
And stay away from the magic.
613
00:40:43,265 --> 00:40:44,539
Trust me.
614
00:40:48,105 --> 00:40:49,697
Cordy.
615
00:40:52,025 --> 00:40:53,424
I can't.
616
00:40:54,545 --> 00:40:56,661
Angel, I'm sorry.
617
00:40:56,825 --> 00:40:58,463
You remember.
618
00:41:00,065 --> 00:41:02,181
I remember all of it.
619
00:41:04,465 --> 00:41:06,057
All of it.
620
00:41:06,225 --> 00:41:08,659
And I have to be alone.
621
00:41:08,865 --> 00:41:10,457
Please.
622
00:41:11,185 --> 00:41:13,858
For a while.
It's too... I...
623
00:41:14,225 --> 00:41:15,897
Cordelia.
624
00:41:22,025 --> 00:41:23,856
Were we in love?
625
00:41:27,305 --> 00:41:29,102
We were.
626
00:42:34,305 --> 00:42:35,294
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
627
00:42:35,465 --> 00:42:36,454
[ENGLISH SDH]