This year the unemployment rate in Portland hit 12%.
12% of us are out of work.
That's one in eight.
Two in sixteen.
Seven and...
fifty-six.
Every politician has...
a plan, but nothing...
seems to work.
Work.
We need to work.
Work.
We need to...
work.
But now there's hope.
Imagine a Portland
with 100% employment.
One hundred percent
employment.
Employment.
A Portland where
we all have jobs...
completing...
each other's...
sentences.
Sentences.
Some of us get paid
to start a sentence.
And the others...
get paid to finish it.
Get paid to finish it.
To finish it.
Kids.
Couples.
Grandfathers.
Musicians.
Cyclists.
Artists.
Stupid-heads.
Crumbums.
Dweebs.
Sluts.
Soccer cousins.
Idiots.
People... who are
not good at r-reading.
Not good at r-reading.
Everyone...
paid to be in a commercial...
where all we have...
to do is...
com...
plete each...
other's sent...
ences.
Complete...
each other's...
sentences.
Complete...
each other's...
sentences.
Complete...
each other's...
sentences.
Complete...
each...
other's...
complete each other's...
no.
I don't need to do that.
You just have to
complete the sentence, sir.
I don't have
to complete anything.
I'll give you $500.
Finish your own sentence.
Ah, damn it.
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Maybe I'll get a little
bit of some of that cake.
Those look good.
I think I'll get a bagel.
Ah, you know, you can get
it with cream cheese in it.
Hey, Fred!
Carrie!
I think I'll get
one of those.
Hey, Fred.
Hi.
Hey, how are you?
How are you?
Hi, Mr. mayor.
Hey, I just got back
from Baltimore.
Great... that's a great city.
It's a great city.
Mayor Rawlings-Blake took me
to an orioles baseball game.
Unbelievable!
What did he say?
A baseball game?
He said baseball.
That's so great.
That's great.
Wow!
Congratulations.
Yeah, great.
Hey, you know what
we need in this city?
A baseball team.
Oh... hi.
A major league baseball team.
Great.
We should t one.
Yeah, go for it.
I want you guys to help me
put it together.
Wait, Fred and I?
Us?
Yeah, I trust you.
You guys know
what Portland needs.
We don't know
anything about how...
well, when I saw you,
it just hit me,
and I thought, "yes."
I saw the baseball game
in Baltimore, I thought
of you guys, and it was
like here we are again.
It's perfect.
Yeah... yeah.
Right
sure.
And I think we-we
communicate well together.
Heather, can I get a bagel?
I mean, don't you think
we communicate well together?
Yeah.
Look at us... look at us.
Then let's do this.
All right.
Thanks, Heather.
All right.
Thank you, mayor.
Bye.
How are we gonna do that?
I have no idea.
I mean, I don't even
know where to start.
That's like
super tall order.
Yeah.
We could do it, I guess.
Oh, Fred... Carrie.
I just thought of
the name for the team.
The Portland thinkers.
Wow, clever.
That's great.
Where'd he go?
Hey.
We need to find some athletes.
So you've got to go out
and find out what's...
who's out there.
For baseball.
Oh, yeah.
Can they hit, catch...
hit, catch, throw, yeah.
And it doesn't
matter right or left.
Okay, male?
Right?
That's what the mayor says.
Males, okay.
It's got to be dudes, huh?
Can I get a bagel, Heather?
Okay, good.
I'm on it.
And I noticed,
when I was watchin' the game,
a lot of standing around.
Good standers.
Okay.
Good standers.
Bus stops and stuff.
Yes!
Atm lines.
Yeah, yeah.
Good... good... yes.
Heather, could I get a bagel?
Thanks, Heather... this is great.
Okay.
All right.
You guys are gonna be great.
Oh, so we're doing it?
I'm so excited.
It's on.
Come by the office next week.
Oh, we'll do that.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you, mayor.
See you later.
Bye.
How are we gonna do that?
I don't know.
Hi, can we have
some warm water, please?
Hello, I'm Robert Wilson.
These are my handcrafted,
these are my handcrafted,
handmade light bulbs.
The glass I use
is very brittle.
You got to be real careful
when you screw them in.
You might ask yourself,
why buy handcrafted light bulbs?
Is it the price?
No... these are $68 each.
Will they last forever?
Is that why they're
so expensive?
No, they burn out after
a couple of days.
A couple of days.
I ordered Robert's artisanal
light bulbs about 14 months ago,
and they have yet to arrive.
And they have yet to arrive.
I know it takes a very long time
to get them just right,
but my eyes have adjusted.
I don't always predict this,
ah, flickering.
It should be a little bit
more of one flash of light.
I have one employee.
That's D'arbie.
She's wonderful.
Are you sick?
Do you wanna go home?
On her first day she got sick,
and she stayed sick.
So D'arbie's had a cold
for about five years.
D'arbie, I think
the-the mucus affects...
I sent Robert
a few emails, ah, over
the course of the last year.
He hasn't returned my emails.
I don't know if he's on email.
He might be against email.
This one's green.
A little more green
than I wanted it to be.
In fact, I wanted it to be
a kind of orange, but, um,
some mistakes were made.
How's it going, d'arbie?
I specifically said, "okay,
"just get the orange glass."
And it's kind of more
important to me.
Are you talking
about me right now?
These wonderful bulbs
that we make from hand.
I feel like she's more concerned
with working at a cool place.
Are you talking about me?
I-I'll finish those, d'arbie.
You know, when I first started,
one of the first
ones I made...
you all right?
You're still sick?
What did you say about me?
Okay, you'll be all right.
That's like the third time
she's done that this week.
"Don't run up
"those damn stairs."
"Her feet were
"clipping and clopping
"and stomping around.
"Please, Margaret, don't.
"Don't run up
"those damn stairs."
"You keep running up
"those stairs,
"and it is driving me bananas."
Margaret is cadence's parent.
"There's a toe
"circling a moon.
"The toe is wearing a ring.
"I was part woman, part woman."
"Me, noodle and critter
"were all at heart tart.
"Basket was gonna be there
"so I wore something sexy.
"My leg tattoos were showing,
"which was something basket
"always loved about me.
"'I want to feel your pedals, '
"she would say,
"and when we
"locked the cats out..."
hi, can we help you?
Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
I'm here for
the journaling class?
Oh, our journaling class
starts at 6:00 P.M.
I can go is...
no, no, no.
We'll find you a chair.
Thank you so much.
Ah, we've all already gone.
We've done our journals.
Um, hers was abysmal.
She refuses
to contribute anything.
And ours, of course,
I think we won this round.
I'm a little nervous
'cause it's my first class,
but okay.
"My boyfriend, Chad,"
s the most amazing boyfriend
"that anyone has ever had.
"I'm so in love with him.
"We have just started
"our tantric sex experiments,
"and he worshipped
"my yoni for two hours.
"I have never felt
"this good in my entire life.
"Thank you, universe."
You're thanking
the universe for that?
Sounds like you-you should
thank the online dating service.
Yeah, I feel like
it was a brag journal.
And um, what a journal should
be is a document of misery.
But if you really feel happy
and you really love
your boyfriend is it - is it
so wrong to-to write that?
It is so wrong
to write that.
But isn't better
to be honest about what
you are going through
so you're been authentic.
No, there's that old saying,
"honesty is not always
"the greatest thing to do."
It should be painted more as,
"Chad, what is his problem.
"I just don't get that guy."
But he always just makes
breakfast for both of us.
Like, every morning
he makes me breakfast.
Wh-what... just to let
you know how we're feeling.
We're this close to
jumping up on these tables,
kicking everything off,
throwing pencils in
the eyes of everybody here,
slapping each other,
then me grabbing her hand
and slapping everyone's face.
Wow!
You want to take these books
and just light them on fire.
Why?
We're slightly
offended at all this.
Slavery of the penis.
Okay.
Um, um, what's
your name again?
Heather.
Let's talk a little bit
about, um, your boyfriend,
what's his name again?
Chad.
Well, what would it be like
if we heard Chad's journal?
You know, Chad's journal
would be very like,
"I'm a guy,
"and today I went down
"to the billiards hall.
"And my buddy said,
"'hey, did you read the newest
'issue of "playboy"?'"
"And he said, 'yeah',
"and then we'd go down to the
"bowling alley and have beers,
"and say, 'why don't we get
"'some more tattoos
"'all over our necks.
"'Boy, I'm gonna get my wrench
"and fix every engine
"on the block."
"Every single car and truck."
You know what I mean?
I mean, guys with trucks,
it's like...
where are they going?
What's up?
You smell like an antelope.
Um, I do a lot
of canning of jams,
and I would like to can you.
I'd love to try one
of your jams sometime.
Between the two of us,
we have four breasts.
Do you know what that means?
I think I understand.
I feel like you have
a unicorn inside you.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh, thank you.
I love unicorns.
Their just, um...
oh, just...
und it.
Are you all right?
I'm so good.
Um, thanks, guys,
for coming to the, uh,
baseball team tryouts.
Baseball team tryouts.
Portland is trying to put
together a national team.
Do your best.
We want to see what you have.
Good luck, gentlemen.
We'll see you on the field.
All right.
Uh, number one.
Who is this guy?
What's your name again?
Tim.
How did we find you.
I saw an ad.
We assume you saw an ad.
Yep.
What's this?
That's, ah...
It's a baseball.
Yeah, I'm lookin'
for a metaphor here.
It's, ah... it's, ah...
this is life.
Let me see you swing
without the bat.
I... I... lose the bat
for a minute... just drop it.
Let me see you
swinwithout it.
Do the sound effect for it.
What-what would that sound like?
Whoosh!
Back and forth,
like I'm sort of at an edit bay.
Whoosh... whoosh.
Great.
Go take a break.
Hang out... have fun.
Okay.
Yeah.
See you in the showers.
Thanks.
All right.
Number two, please.
Next up, sir,
please take the field.
We got a guy on second.
Got a guy on third.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna hit a home run.
You haven't been thrown
a pitch yet.
That's what baseball is.
Wait until the ball is thrown.
I'm gonna play the part
of a steroid salesman.
Uh-huh.
I wanna see
you turn him down.
Hey, you want some steroids?
Ah, no.
Come on.
Everyone does it.
Want some steroids?
Naw, no, not-not really.
I don't want any.
It's free.
Free?
You don't have to pay a dime.
Ah, no.
Nice job, buddy.
Strong constitution.
Ah, number three
step up, please.
You do know in baseball
that sometimes it's gonna
require stealing, don't you?
Do you know this song?
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum...
I don't know the song.
I'm just seeing if you do.
All right... next.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, no.
No.
Next.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
You can step up to the plate
in a quick manner.
First of all, we like you.
We're just gonna throw
a couple of balls at you.
And I'm just gonna be part
of the crowd, taunting you.
We want to see if that
fazes you at all, okay?
Don't take it personally.
You look so stupid out there!
You're pathetic!
You can't play ball!
Um, let's see.
Ah, you're the worst!
Or maybe something
along the lines of...
get outta here!
That kind of thing.
Next.
Hi.
It says here that you
are an office manager
at a photography studio.
Is that fun?
I bet.
Next.
Ah, turn around to the crowd
and say, "I'm gonna
"run to first base,
"and after that, second base.
"And after that,
"you know the rest."
Just like a little speech
like that so we know
what's gonna happen once
you're out there on the field.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Can you hear this okay?
What ma'am?
I'm sorry.
What was that?
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Gentlemen...
Congratulations.
Your Portland's first
national baseball team.
You made the cut.
Ah, let's get in there
a little close, you guys.
Tall guys in the back.
Say, "play ball."
Play ball.
With a hanger steak.
That might be good.
Do we have enough pork belly?
Ah, sorry.
Markus and Anna?
Oh, hi.
Hi, I'm Keith,
from the Portland dining guide.
We were gonna take
some-some pictures today.
Is now a good time?
Yeah.
Sure... yeah.
All right.
Ah, wherever you want
to stand, and we'll...
great.
And we'll snap off a few
shots and call it a day.
Okay.
And, here you go.
Okay, interesting.
Let's-let's do another one.
Okay, you don't, uh...
It's typically not necessary
to-to pout.
Okay, we'll be fine.
Okay.
I wonder if we just kinda...
yeah, what if we were
just up a little higher.
All right.
We can maybe get a few
of the - of the pots in.
Okay.
Keith, check this out.
We're an audience,
and we're applauding.
All right, the snow.
Do you like that, Keith?
Okay, let's keep going.
A-all right.
I'm gonna tiger
towards the camera.
Tiger toward... all right.
Are we skinny?
Make us look skinnier.
Yeah.
Okay.
Is that cool?
That'll be a-a fun
littlelooper reel.
Let's try another one.
Make it look like a mirror
and I'm putting on lipstick.
I'm just gonna do
a line of flour.
I'm totally on coke!
She's on coke!
Kind of like interviewing
her on the news.
So I'll dip the microphone
in something like...
"hey, what do you think?"
I don't know!
People packing up
to go home.
The end of a long day.
Bye, Keith.
I hope we have
more customers next week.
What if we're ghosts?
Dude, that is intense,
so invisible me out.
Do it.
Snap.
Keith, isn't that sexy?
Gotcha.
You know what?
Let's bring real models.
Oh, yeah... Keith hold on.
Our waitresses
are really pretty.
Crystal... Cora?
Do we look like
we're the Beatles.
How's this look like?
Do you like it?
That looks all right,
doesn't it?
Snap it... you have to sna...
do a little body right here.
Don't use my real body.
You have to promise me not to.
Okay, now the audience
is booing us.
What... what did we do wrong?
Keith, get this, all right?
Keith.
Milk all over us.
Do it.
Put it on the cover!
What do you think, Keith?
Keith.
Keith, did that look good?
Does that...
do you think that could
be on a place for the...
All right.
What time is it?
Uh, I don't know.
It's maybe just around 8:00.
I just...
when does this thing start?
I think it's supposed
to start at 8:30?
Hurry up.
People are getting ahead of us.
I know, but I don't
want them to show
anything before 8:15.
Right.
Last time it started
at 8:15... right at 8:15.
Oh, excuse me.
Excuse us.
Hi, this is usually our spot
'cause we have more stuff.
Yeah, we need
like a 20 by 10 area.
Yeah.
Great... appreciate it.
Thank you.
How many feet
you got over there?
Ah, I've got about 20.
Why don't you just put it
right down there.
Twenty on the diagonal.
Fifteen on the diagonal.
All right, let me stake it.
Great, sweetie.
This we can use here.
You know what?
I-I don't like
how plain that is.
I'm just gonna
drape something over it.
Gotta keep the riff-raff out.
No offense, everybody.
Dave... Dave.
We can use this as a shelf.
Good.
This might fall.
Just so you know.
It'll be okay.
It might.
I didn't say it's going to,
it just might.
It's weird no one else
brought a hot plate.
You don't want broccoli again?
No, I definitely
want broccoli again.
Okay, 'cause I just
brought enough, I think,
for at least both of us.
I am gonna make you
the salsa that you love.
This look good?
Great.
You've done it again.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Young lady, come on in.
The last time we were here,
according to my watch,
the movie started
at 8:30 about...
well, if it's not completely
dark then you can't see.
Just for next time,
that's all.
It's just that last-last time
it ran a little bit differently.
Yeah.
We were here
for the muppet movie.
"Muppets take Manhattan."
Yeah, that's great.
I think I remember seeing you.
You know,
just something to note.
If you're gonna be late
put that on your website.
People run their lives
around seeing these movies,
so just let people know.
Hey, if we have any talkers
during the movie, we would just,
like, greatly appreciate it,
like, not so much.
You know what I mean?
I-I mean, I don't care.
It's not me.
It's just like for
everybody else, that's all.
To outdoor film.
I can't...
I'm sorry, can you speak up?
We can't hear you.
Next week is what?
It's tootsie what?
Hi... no sound.
No sound.
Come on, movie,
make it start!
Come on, movie,
make it start!
You-you have a good
singing voice... you sound great.
You know what?
If we leave right now,
we could like
beat the whole crowd.
Traffic's gonna be crazy.
You're right.
Get outta here?
Yeah.
Sorry, everybody,
if you're trying to watch.
There's the team.
The Portland thinkers.
Yeah.
They have, like, real
baseball gloves and bats.
We're playing
with the-the diamondbacks,
and I think we have the Phillies
the following week.
I think they're
gonna be ready to go.
And if they don't win,
at least we're in there
and we're getting some place,
and we're representing
Portland, and...
we just gotta figure out
how to market this team,
and how-how we're gonna sell
this to the city.
You know what I'm thinking
is, look at that guy
holding the bat.
Right.
What if - what if the bat
was a little bit of a character,
like a mascot?
Yeah, you have those
great scoreboards with all
the lights on 'em, and the bat
would come like dancing in...
dun, dun, dun, dun.
And sing a little song.
They can decide that later.
But I think once we get,
ah, someone for first base,
we'll know.
This guy could actually
be like... we could sort of
animate him, too.
Yes.
Right?
What do you mean animate him?
He could be like
the nordic batsman.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Roving with the bat.
Then it turns into a bat,
and suddenly we start playing.
When... during a game?
Think about this animated.
Think about these characters.
Batty Batterson.
That's what the bat's called.
That-that's a good name,
Batterson.
Right?
Yeah.
For what?
When would this happen?
The mascot.
This is all part of, like,
in between all the stuff.
You know, like...
the game?
The game's important.
And that's why I'm saying
that-that's why we have
to start training them
so we know who's gonna be
best at what position.
Um, I'm glad you guys
are being creative about it,
but, like, a bat has
nothing to do with Portland.
It's just a stepping off
point... the bat.
I mean, from there we can
go to any number of places
around Portland.
Okay, what if there was
like a mitt, mitty Mitchell.
What is this for?
I love that idea.
For what?
Let's just make this show...
show?
We can set it in Portland.
Kids are gonna love it.
I mean, are-are we
talkin' about a baseball team?
No, no, no.
We've moved beyond the team now.
We're gonna animate
each one of the players,
and turn it into a whole
like a cartoon kind of show.
When?
It's something we're...
we're working
on it right now.
Working on it right now.
This is the brainstorm.
This is happening right now.
We're coming up as we think.
I'm thinking of an episode
where there's batty Batterson,
mitty Mitchell.
Mitty Mitchell,
great character.
There's an old, kind
of ornery umpire, grumpire.
Grumpy grumpire.
This is fantastic.
Who's gonna finance
making a cartoon?
Cartoons don't
cost very much.
Of course, they do.
You must know someone
who can draw, right?
I mean, you have good artists.
I-I-I do.
I-I-I know this guy, David.
Right?
Like think about during
the holidays, and the kinds
of things you can do
during the holidays, right?
Thanksgiving would be great.
You could do like
a pumpkin logo on one of those.
Yes... okay, thank you.
Right.
This animator that you know,
I think this could
be a very important thing.
This Dave, you said
he could really...
I'm not promising
you anything.
Could we get it by Saturday?
Why-why don't you guys get
some sketches going of this,
just some ideas,
some characters, and possible
situations and bring them to me.
I would love to see some of
the stuff that you would create.
I would love to, Mr. mayor.
I have such a vivid idea
of mitty Mitchell in my head
right now.
Can I...
all right.
All right,
to batty Batterson.
Yeah.
Batty Batterson.
That's a terrible name
by the way.
We're the baseball kids
it's Saturday morning
we're the baseball kids
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
All day long.
We're the baseball kids
it's Saturday morning
we're the baseball kids
it's Saturday morning
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