Hey! I'm aII packed and ready to go.
That's right. Daddy and UncIe Joey are going on a trip today.
We're going to a conference in Barbados. Right? Can you say, ''Barbados''?
Barbados.
Okay. I've gotta say, it means so much to me that you guys are coming...
...aII the way over there to hear me give my speech.
And I have a surprise. I had to puII some strings...
...but I was abIe to get everyone passes to the entire conference. That's right!
These babies wiII get you into aII the paIeontoIogy Iectures and seminars.
Do you have anything that wiII get us out of them?
We're excited to hear the speech, but the rest of the time...
...we're gonna want to do isIand stuff.
David wiII probabIy want to hear a few Iectures.
-Right, because he's a scientist. -No, no.
He's been in Minsk for eight years. If he gets too much direct sunIight...
...he'II die.
-Okay, we'd better go. -Yeah?
-So we'II see you guys tomorrow. -AII right, Iet's do it.
A five-hour fIight with CharIie, have a coupIe drinks...
...get under that bIanket and do what comes naturaI.
It's a bIanket, Joe, not a cIoak of invisibiIity.
-Wow, this pIace is beautifuI! -Look at aII these paIeontoIogists!
I know. There are gonna be some pasty foIks by the pooI tomorrow.
-My God, I can't beIieve you're here! -I think I've been recognized.
-This happens aII the time. -Dr. GeIIer? I am such a huge fan.
That never happens.
I've been foIIowing your career for years. I can't wait for your keynote speech.
-Wow! This is very fIattering. -I wouId Iove your autograph.
WeII, sure.
-''Dear...?'' -Sarah.
''Sarah. I dig you.''
-''Dr. Ross GeIIer.'' -Oh, thank you so much.
Sure. Sarah, I'd Iike you to introduce you to my coIIeague, Professor WheeIer.
-And this is Joey Tribbiani. -Are you a paIeontoIogist?
No, God, no, no. I'm an actor.
You probabIy recognize me from a IittIe show caIIed The Days of Our Lives.
Dude, it's just Days of Our Lives. There's no ''the.''
Okay, Ross. Boy, you.... Yeah. No, no. I pIay Dr. Drake Ramoray.
-I'm sorry. I don't own a TV. -You don't own a TV?
What's aII your furniture pointed at?
-WeII, it was a pIeasure to meet you aII. -You too, Sarah.
Jeez, who doesn't own a TV?
WeII, actuaIIy, I don't.
Yeah, and mine broke two months ago and I stiII haven't gotten a new one.
WeII, didn't you two come to the right convention.
David, can you heIp me?
I'm trying to expIain to ChandIer how a pIane stays in the air.
CertainIy. That's a combination of BernouIIi's PrincipIe...
-...and Newton's third Iaw of motion. -See?
Yeah. That's the same as, ''It has something to do with wind.''
I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
I shouId go too. Now, tomorrow do you want to share a cab to the airport...
...or shouId Mike and I meet you?
Mike? Who's Mike?
-Mike's your ex-boyfriend. -That's right!
Oh, yeah. Wow, I had totaIIy forgotten about him.
-That's a bIast from the past, huh? -No, it's okay. Honest mistake.
It reaIIy doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know...
...Monica refers to ChandIer as Richard aII the time.
-She does? -Let's get you out of here.
WeII, at Ieast you took me down with you.
I'm so sorry. I just-- I keep thinking about Mike.
I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together.
Why? Why do I miss Mike? That's just-- That's gonna go away, right?
-WeII, I guess. In time. -Yeah.
I mean, my feeIings for Richard are certainIy gone.
You just did it again. ChandIer. Your feeIings for ChandIer are certainIy gone.
Boy, Phoebe's stiII pretty hung up on that Mike, huh?
I wouIdn't read too much into it.
StiII, a girI caIIs you by her ex-boyfriend's name...
-...that's not a good thing, right? -Let me stop you there.
Because I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice.
See, if you want advice, go to Ross or Monica. Or Joey...
...for advice about pizza toppings or a burning sensation when you pee.
I'm sorry, I just wish there was something I couId do, you know?
-WeII, you know Phoebe-- -SeriousIy, we're gonna do this?
I'm sorry, I just wish I couId make her forget about Mike aIready.
-Why did Phoebe and Mike break up? -Because his penis was too big.
I'm sorry. That's the kind of thing I do.
They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married.
What if you Iet Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
That's great. That's great. I'II propose to her.
What?
I was probabIy going to do it at some point.
-No, I didn't mean now. -WeII, why not? It's briIIiant.
''Goodbye, Mike. We'II see you at the wedding, feIIa.
WeII, we probabIy won't invite you to the wedding, but--''
-WeII, thank you, ChandIer. SincereIy. -WeII, you're weIcome.
GIad I couId heIp.
-How do you think I shouId propose? -I'm pretending to read here.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. How you doing? Hey, how are you?
You said you were gonna wear a thong. Where's the thong?
I didn't mean a thong. I meant thongs.
You reaIIy shouId have been more cIear about that.
You're never gonna guess who I just saw downstairs.
Britney Spears!
Yeah. She never misses these conferences.
-No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz! -Oh, my God!
-I know! -Did you taIk to him?
Oh, yeah. What am I gonna say to Kenneth Schwartz?
You couId say, ''Hey, Kenny, how come you're not Britney Spears?''
-You ready to go? -You're gonna go now?
-I thought we couId hang out. -I can't. I have seminars aII day.
I promised Ross I'd Iook at his speech.
But maybe we couId have dinner Iater? Out on the baIcony? It'II be romantic.
WiII you wear a thong?
I wiII if you wiII.
You got yourseIf a very weird deaI.
I'm good. I have dinner pIans.
-So you gonna be okay? -Yeah, yeah.
I got tons of stuff I couId do. I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimming.
Joe, have you Iooked outside?
No. Why?
-Oh, man. -There's an indoor pooI.
-You couId swim there. -Yeah.
I wasn't gonna swim. I was gonna dig a hoIe.
That Mike thing was interesting. I don't know what's gonna happen...
-...with Phoebe and David. -I do. Want a hint, huh?
I do.
Okay, I'm sensing this is some kind of wordpIay...
...because you are pink with bareIy controIIed gIee.
-David's gonna propose to Phoebe. -What? Why?
Because we were taIking about ways he couId beat Mike...
...and I toId him Phoebe wanted to get married.
ChandIer, we have taIked about this.
You are not supposed to give peopIe advice!
CouIdn't you have made some inappropriate joke?
I did!
A penis one!
Just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
They've onIy been going out for a few weeks.
Phoebe is compIeteIy hung up on Mike. I mean, she'II say no...
...David's heart wiII be broken, it'II be too hard for them to recover...
...and then Phoebe wiII end up aIone again.
Man, that's some bad advice.
Oh, hey. Thank God. You guys are here.
-What's going on? -Everything is upside-down here.
It rains aII day Iong and nobody watches TV, and Ross is famous.
I don't want to aIarm anybody...
...but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we Ianded.
Okay. When I go pIaces with high humidity...
...it gets a IittIe extra body, okay?
That's why our honeymoon photos Iook Iike me and Diana Ross.
I'II show you guys where to check in.
Oh, honey? Can you make sure we get a king-size bed?
Oh, David, get one for us too. Oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one.
And with mirrors on the ceiIing.
And make sure our room isn't next to theirs.
Oh, you guys are so Iucky you're here with peopIe.
I'd Iove to share this with someone.
Oh, honey, you have us. We Iove you.
Okay, which one of you is gonna sIeep with me?
You know, it's just such a romantic pIace.
I just wish I couId share it with a guy.
-Not Joey. -Not Joey. No.
-I was just Iusting after ChandIer. -Yeah, right.
So.... I'm proposing to Phoebe tonight.
Tonight?
Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond?
Oh, there it is.
Yes, weII, being a faiIed scientist doesn't pay quite as weII as you might think.
That's one-seventieth of a carat.
And the cIarity is quite poor.
Nice.
-Monica, can I taIk to you for a second? -Okay.
David's gonna propose to Phoebe tonight.
See what happens when you give peopIe advice?
-WeII, I hope you toId him not to. -That wouId be advice!
Okay, fine. I'II handIe this.
-Phoebe? -Yeah?
-I need to taIk to you. -Are you Ieaving the Supremes?
Okay, my husband just gave your boyfriend some very bad advice.
David's gonna propose to you tonight.
Wow, reaIIy?
That's fantastic!
What? Are you serious? You want to marry him?
-What about Mike? -Oh, okay, you want me to marry Mike?
Let's just gag him and handcuff him...
...and force him down the aisIe, okay?
I can just see it. ''Mike, do you take Phoebe?''
You know? It's every girI's dream.
Do you reaIIy think marrying someone eIse is the right answer?
Sure. Look, okay, bottom Iine? I Iove Mike-- David!
David! I Iove David.
Don't Iook at me that way, Roseanne Roseannadanna.
''By using CT scans and computer imaging, we can, in a very reaI way...
...bring the Mesozoic Era into the 21 st century.''
It's great.
Yeah, you reaIIy think so?
You'II be the hit of the conference.
It'II be even better tomorrow...
...because I won't be constantIy interrupted by Joey...
...checking to see if they put chocoIates on my piIIow yet.
-Hey, guys. -The chocoIates aren't here.
Damn it!
Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic.
Oh, is it on the computer? Because I'd Iove to give it a read.
If you want to check your e-maiI, just ask.
What? May I?
What's with the rain, GeIIer? I mean, when I signed up for dino week...
...nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.
-The wet season is June to December. -It's not the time, CharIie.
Oh, no. No, no! Dear God, no!
What, did someone outbid you for the teapot?
Secret teapot.
Your computer. I don't know what-- Everything's gone.
-What do you mean? -Must be a virus.
I think it erased your hard drive.
What? Oh, my God. What did you do?
Someone I don't know sent me an e-maiI and I opened it.
-Why? Why wouId you open it? -WeII, it didn't say, ''This is a virus.''
-What did it say? -''Nude--''
''Pictures of Anna Kournikova.''
-I'm so sorry. -What am I gonna do?
-My speech is gone! -It's not gone.
I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy?
No, I don't!
WeII, you must be pretty mad at yourseIf right now.
-It's reaIIy gone? -Yep.
I'd Iike to thank you guys for coming down here...
...to compIain about the rain and ruin my career.
-I just feeI awfuI. -Yeah, you shouId.
Nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? She's never even won a major tournament.
WeII, I tried BiIIie Jean King, but--
You know, you and Monica have the same I'm-gonna-kiII-you Iook.
I can usuaIIy make it go away by kissing her.
Get out.
You know, this happens aII the time to my computer at work.
-What do you do? -I usuaIIy go...
...pIay Tetris on somebody eIse's computer.
I can't beIieve this is happening.
I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow.
I have to stand up in front of aII these peopIe. What am I gonna say?
You can use a speech I memorized for auditions.
I don't think your monoIogue from Star Wars is gonna heIp me right now.
Ross, we can soIve this. I just heard your speech.
-We can re-create it. We've got aII night. -What, you reaIIy think we can do that?
Oh, wait. Joey and I are supposed to have dinner.
Don't worry about that. I mean, Ross needs you.
RacheI and I wiII stay and heIp any way we can.
AII right. Okay, Iet's do it.
WeII, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating.
And then I move on to what is cIearIy the defining moment...
...of the Mesozoic Era, the breakup of Pangaea. HeIIo?
And then there's the overview of the Triassic.
Any chance any of this happened in a gaIaxy far, far away?
-HeIIo? -Okay, Mike?
Enough is enough. You Iove Phoebe, and she Ioves you.
So get over your I-never-wanna-get-married thing...
...and step up!
Who is this?
This is Monica, Phoebe's friend.
Sure, Monica. So good to have you back in my Iife.
Listen, Phoebe is back with David.
He's gonna propose, and she's gonna say yes...
...but I know she reaIIy wants to be with you.
He's gonna propose?
I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through aII this damned hair!
If Phoebe wants to marry David, she shouId.
I'm not gonna stand in the way of that. Neither shouId you.
You don't teII me what to do. I teII you what to do.
Just caII her. She's at the Paradise HoteI in Barbados.
And whiIe I've got you, you've got curIy hair.
What do you do in the humidity?
Damn it!
-WeII, I hope you're happy. -I hope you're happy too, honey.
Phoebe's going to say yes to David.
-That's what happens when you meddIe. -Phoebe's gonna say yes? That's great.
No, it's not. She's stiII in Iove with Mike.
-There's no chance that wiII work? -No, I caIIed.
-It's not gonna happen. -MeddIer! MeddIer!
If you hadn't meddIed to start with...
...then I wouIdn't have had to go in and meddIe myseIf.
No matter how much we meddIe, we'II never be abIe to unmeddIe...
...the thing that you meddIed up in the first pIace!
This vacation sucks!
I'm so bored.
Stupid rain. We can't do anything.
WeII, I brought some books. We couId read.
Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
Hey, hey, hey, don't mind if I do.
I'm sorry, sir, these are for the pharmaceuticaI convention.
You feeI Iike going to a convention?
-We can't. We're not pharmacists. -I know we're not...
...but Frank Madaio and Eva....
-Kate MiIIer. -Kate MiIIer it is.
-Okay. -Oh, good--
And that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.
WeII, in that case, shouId I make sure it's on reaI good?
Thank you.
So, Kate...
...how's the pharmacy game treating you?
WeII, Frank, I teII you, it's rough.
I mean, is it me or is doctors' handwriting getting harder and harder to read?
I know, I know.
I teII you.
But on the pIus side, we get to wear those white coats...
-...and stand behind that reaIIy taII counter. -Oh, that's true.
You're Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives.
FinaIIy, someone recognizes me. Okay.
And it's The Days of Our Lives.
-Jackie, it is him. -Yeah, Jackie, it's me. Come on over.
Oh, my God, this is so exciting!
So why are you here?
I'm doing research for a roIe in a new movie about pharmacists.
Yeah, it's caIIed Prescription for Love.
-Nice. -Yeah.
This is my friend RacheI. She's in the movie too.
I'm an actress.
So, what's the movie about?
WeII, I pIay the handsome, macho pharmacist...
...and RacheI is my student...
...who wants to Iearn aII about...
...pharmacing.
And, see, I'm shy at first...
...but then, I take off my gIasses and become sexy, you know.
And there's some nudity, but it's very tastefuIIy done.
My nudity in the fiIm is not tastefuI at aII.
So you're doing research?
-Do you have any questions for us? -I sure do.
Where'd that guy get the big, pink drink?
Oh, and then you said that thing about bringing the Mesozoic Era...
...into the 21 st century.
WeII, yeah. That's it?
That's it. That's the whoIe speech.
-Yeah. -Oh, my God. We did it.
ActuaIIy, I did it, Ross. You remembered shockingIy IittIe of your own speech.
Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products.
Oh, this is amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much.
That's a pretty neckIace.
Thank you.
Hey, what do you say we ceIebrate? Champagne?
Yeah! Save the cork, and that way, we can fiII the bottIe with water...
...and put it back so they don't charge you.
Oh, my God, I Iove you.
This is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son...
...or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
-Your first marriage? -Yeah.
You've been married more than once?
No.
So why'd you break up?
Oh, it was--
It's compIicated, you know? She was...
...gay.
ActuaIIy, it's not that compIicated.
Oh, my God.
This is so cooI!
Okay. Odd thing to get excited about.
No, it's just that I was engaged to a guy who turned out to be gay.
Hey! High-five!
Didn't you feeI so stupid that you didn't see the signs?
My fianc� was aIways going on Iong weekends with his ''tennis partner.''
My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with every day for a year.
She didn't get any fitter.
-Everybody's Iike, ''I knew aII aIong.'' -I know.
If you knew, why didn't you teII me? I mean, caII, Ieave a note.
''Hi. Just dropped by to say your wife's gay.''
-I know. -And then--
And then you try to make the best of a bad situation...
...so you fIoat the idea of a threesome.
I didn't do that.
Me neither.
WeII, who knew? Pharmacists are fun.
I know. That oId Iady at the end was ready to take you home.
Not enough piIIs in the worId, Rach.
What about you, huh? You're the singIe one. See anybody in there you Iike?
WeII, Iet's see. There was that reaIIy big guy that I was taIking to...
...with the reaIIy nice breasts.
But what about back home? Anything going on there? Anybody you Iike?
No.
-There is. You're bIushing. -No, I'm not bIushing...
...and I'm sunburned.
From, you know, the rain.
You Iike someone. TeII me who.
-TeII me who it is. Come on. -No. Joey.
Who do you Iike? You're not getting away that easy.
-Who do you Iike? -Joey, come on!
It doesn't matter, you know? It's not Iike anything's gonna happen.
What? Why not? Rach, who can you not get?
Okay. Okay. You reaIIy want to know who it is?
-Yeah. Who is it? -Do you?
-Oh, hey. -I just Ieft you a message.
Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite...
...but now that you're here, we couId have that dinner.
Right! Of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Yep! We got it. We got it. Thank you so much.
-I had a great time. -Yeah.
This isn't over, because I reaIIy want to know--
Later. Later.
-So shaII we? -Yeah.
-Okay. -Good night.
Good night.
-Okay, good night. -Good night, Ross.
I can't beIieve she's gonna say yes to David.
She's cIearIy in Iove with Mike.
You know, it's very hard to take you seriousIy when you Iook Iike that.
CouId we have a bottIe of champagne, pIease?
And I'm kind of on a budget, so if you have anything IocaI...
...or Canadian.
Phoebe, I have something I want to say.
Oh, God, he's gonna do it. I cannot watch this. Let's go.
I think we have time. Have you heard him taIk?
''Phoebe, I wouId be honored if--'' Spit it out, David!
Phoebe.
You're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was unbearabIe.
Of course, the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't heIp.
Sure. Okay. Yeah.
But, weII, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart.
So to that end....
-Oh, my God, Mike. -It's David, actuaIIy.
No, Mike's here.
Oh, hey, Mike.
Hi, David.
ChandIer. Monic-- Oh!
It's the humidity!
-Hi, Phoebe. -What are you doing here?
I have a question I need to ask you.
I have a question I was kind of gonna ask her myseIf.
Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she reaIIy needs to hear this.
Okay.
-WouId you care for my seat as weII? -ActuaIIy, yeah, that'd be great.
WeII, that's fair, you've had a Iong trip.
Phoebe, I Iove you.
I've missed you so much these Iast few months.
I thought we were apart for a good reason...
...but I reaIized that there was no reason good enough...
...to keep me from spending the rest of my Iife with you.
Kind of steps on the toes of what I was going to say.
I'm sorry, David, but she reaIIy has to know this.
AII right, but after this, I want to see you outside.
If it stops raining.
You're the most incredibIe woman I've ever met.
How couId I Iose you? Now, I don't actuaIIy have a ring.
-I have a ring. -I wouIdn't brag about that, big guy.
But, Phoebe...
...wiII you marry me?
No.
I Iove you, but I never needed a proposaI from you.
I just needed to know we were headed somewhere.
-That we had a future. -We can have any future you want.
Okay, weII, I'm gonna take off.
David, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
Just so I know, if I had asked first...?
Yeah, I might have said yes, but that wouId've been wrong.
PIease, you don't have to expIain.
I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk...
...things wouId have worked out for us, and I wouIdn't have ruined my career.
Or Iost that toe to frostbite.
It was a good trip.
-Is it okay if I hug you now? -Oh, yes.
Because of our meddIing! AII right?
Oh, isn't this nice? It's so quiet. I couId just Iie here aII day.
Oh, I know.
-Open your drapes! Open your drapes! -So gIad we got adjoining rooms.
-The sun is out! -Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Go to the pooI and reserve chairs.
-I wiII get the magazines and the Iotion. -Ladies? Ross' speech is in 45 minutes.
-No! -Damn it!
WaIIs are pretty thin, guys.
''Then we have to weigh the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing...
...which caII into question information gathered from years of carbon dating.''
Look at the woman sitting out by the pooI getting tan.
She's aII Ieathery and wrinkIed. I'm so jeaIous!
''FinaIIy, factor in the profusion of new species recentIy discovered.
Giganotosaurus.
-Argentinosaurus.'' -Not to mention Coldsaurus.
''And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores.
Their heads are aIready too big.
Which is ironic, considering their stunted cerebraI deveIopment.''
ReaIIy?
''But aII kidding aside, in much the same way...
...that Homo ergaster is thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus....''
-What? -He said ''erectus.''
-You're kidding, right? -No, he reaIIy said it.
''And whiIe there are certainIy vast differences...
...between these Mesozoic fossiIs and the exampIe of Homo erectus....''
Erectus?
-Homo. -Right.
''In a very reaI way, we can bring the Mesozoic Era into the 21 st century.''
Thank you.
-ReaIIy great. -Oh, thanks, guys.
I thought it was wonderfuI. Jarvis OberbIau. CorneII.
I mean, the ideas you put forth, and from someone so young and....
Okay, now we're just hoIding hands.
AIrighty. We're gonna hit the beach. That was reaIIy great.
-Oh, thank you. -Yeah. Oh, and so funny.
-Take it easy. -AII right, thanks. Thanks so much.
I can't teII you how much it means that you were here.
You kidding? We wouIdn't have missed it.
I'm back.
Okay. WeII, excuse me?
-WeII? -You were incredibIe.
You bIew them away.
I can't teII you how great it was to Iook in the crowd and see your face.
I mean, did you know you were mouthing the words aIong with me?
-I was not. -No, it's okay.
It made me feeI Iike a rock star.
Oh, my God. I'm your groupie.
Hey, I better not find you naked in my hoteI room.
Look, I took it too far.
Hey, I thought you were going to the beach.
-It's raining again. -What?
WouId you Iook at that.
The onIy time the sun comes out the whoIe weekend...
...is the one hour I'm giving my speech.
Someone up there Iikes me.
But peopIe down here are pissed.
I can't beIieve it's raining again. It's so unfair.
WeII, on the bright side, now we won't have to see...
...aII these paIeontoIogists with their shirts off.
Not you guys.
You've got it going on.
-What wiII we do today? -They have a game room downstairs.
They have Ping-Pong and stuff.
Ping-Pong? Honey, they have Ping-Pong.
-Let's pIay. -I don't think so.
-Why not? -You know how competitive you get.
And whiIe I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm Iying.
-I'm not aIways that bad. -Oh, yeah?
What happened when we pIayed Iast time?
I punched you.
-And? -Phoebe.
-And? -I cIunked your heads together.
-There you are. -Hey. Listen.
As soon as it stops raining, we have got to go snorkeIing.
Some kid toId me about this sea turtIe. If you bIow bubbIes in his face...
...he chases you.
I'm sorry, I can't. I'm running a discussion group aII afternoon.
That's okay. I'II find someone eIse to do it.
I'd do it aIone, but...
...I don't know what happens if the sea turtIe catches you.
You know, I feeI so bad.
I haven't seen you this whoIe trip. EspeciaIIy Iast night--
Don't worry about it. It was fine. I had the best time with RacheI.
I just feIt bad for you, stuck in that room working on Ross' speech.
ActuaIIy, it turned out to be a Iot of fun.
Oh, weII, at Ieast we're both having fun, right?
-Is it weird that it's not with each other? -Yeah.
A IittIe bit, yeah.
I think we need to taIk.
Yeah, I think we do.
About what?
-Come on, you guys, it'II be fun! -AII right.
-I'II pIay if we don't keep score. -WeII, then how do we know who wins?
-Nobody wins. -So we're just four Iosers. Super.
-WeII, I'm not pIaying with her. -I'm out.
-I'II pIay you. -Okay.
-You don't know what you're doing. -She gets crazy.
This scar? That's from Pictionary.
I think I'II be aII right.
-You want to voIIey a bit for serve? -Sure, if you want to.
Oh, by the way, I'm awesome.
Oh, dear God, there's two of them.
-You ready to pIay? -HeII, yeah.
-Did you know this about him? -No idea. I thought he was soft Iike you.
-Want to make it more interesting? -How much you thinking?
-Ten bucks a game? -Make it 50.
-I'II make it 1 00. -One thousand--
Okay!
We'II fIip to see who goes first. You got a quarter?
No. Either of you girIs got a quarter?
Honey, try to focus the trash taIk on him.
-Monica, you caII it. -Heads. No, taiIs! Heads!
-TaiIs. -Oh, what are the chances?
-My point! -Oh, no, I don't think so.
Standard ruIes: If at any time a pIayer uses his nonracket-bearing hand...
...to touch the pIaying surface, he or she forfeits the point.
He was a Iawyer.
All the East Coast is having beautiful weather.
In New York, it's 7 2 and sunny.
Weather bitch.
It's open.
-Hi, Joe. -Hey.
-What? Is everything okay? -CharIie and I broke up.
No. Why?
WeII, she said we have nothing in common.
That's crazy.
No, it's not. We have nothing in common.
-Yeah, that's true. -Yeah.
I mean, she shouId be with someone more Iike Ross.
You know, I mean he uses aII those big words too.
-Man, smart peopIe are duII. -WeII, hey!
Okay, Rach.
I feeI so stupid, you know? Why do I keep going after the wrong girIs?
-What are you taIking about? -Oh, come on.
I mean, there's you, then there's CharIie. It's Iike.... What the heII's my probIem?
I just....
Okay. Maybe you're not aIways going after the wrong girI.
I'm teIIing you, Rach, CharIie is not right for me.
-I'm not taIking about her. -WeII, then, who?
The waitress I went out with Iast month?
-You know what? Forget it. -No, no, no, no.
-Who are you taIking about? -No, I don't--
I actuaIIy don't know who I'm taIking about, so....
-Okay. -Yeah.
WeII, I'm gonna go see if I can get a room for tonight.
-And I'II see you Iater. -Yeah, sure. Okay.
-You Iike me? -Okay.
-Let's not make a big thing about this. -It's a huge thing!
Okay, not working with me, Joe.
Look, here's the thing. LateIy, I have been having thoughts.
Musings, if you wiII.
-WeII, for how Iong? -Oh, onIy Iike a month.
-A month? -WeII--
DiaI it down. Listen, maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do.
I have been thinking about, you know, us.
-Okay, diaI it up a IittIe. -Oh, you're right. Okay.
-I just have a question. -Shoot.
-What the heII are you doing? -I'm not trying to do anything.
It's just, we have such a good time when we're together, you know?
And I mean, aren't you just a IittIe curious what it wouId be Iike?
Am I curious? I mean, I'm as curious as...
...George!
-Who? -Curious George!
You know, the monkey and the guy with the yeIIow hat.
-Of course. I remember. -He had a paper route.
Yeah, he did.
-See, this is what I'm taIking about. -No, I know. We're great!
But, Rach, no, this can't happen.
Can't it just happen a IittIe bit?
-No! It can't happen at aII! -Why not?
Because, Iook, no one wants this to happen more than me, okay?
I have gone over this moment in my head 1 00 times...
...and not once did I ever say no.
I couIdn't do it to Ross.
-But that wasn't gonna stop you before. -I know. I know...
...but I've thought about it a Iot since then, and it just wouIdn't be right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
-Oh, God, I shouIdn't have said anything. -No, no.
No, no, no, no. Hey, we'II be fine.
-Like you said, it's no big deaI. -It's not a big deaI.
-No big deaI. -It's so not a big deaI.
-I'II see you Iater. AII right, hey. -Okay, great.
Okay--
Oh, I'm sorry, I think-- I think that may have missed the tabIe.
-Oh, do you? -Yeah.
-Do you? -Yeah.
-Do you? -Yeah!
-You reaIIy find this attractive on him? -Oh, yeah.
Are you teIIing me you're not even a IittIe turned on by Monica right now?
This is the first time in our marriage that I've feIt Iike the more attractive one.
AII right, come on, Mike. You can beat her.
Knock that dog off her head.
-Damn it! -I sIeep with him!
-Game point. -Don't get too cocky.
Remember, I won the Iast one.
Oh, by the way, how did that feeI, Iosing to a girI?
You shouId Iook in the mirror before you caII yourseIf that.
-No! No! No! -And that's how it's done.
Okey-dokey.
You've each won a game, and I've Iost what's feIt Iike a year of my Iife.
Everybody goes home a winner.
-Best of three? -That's what I'm thinking.
ShouId I use my invisibiIity to fight crime or for eviI?
-Serve the baII, chump. -''Serve the baII, chump.''
Okay, better comebacks, Mike. Better comebacks.
I got it!
I'm fine, by the way!
I'm just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks.
If you ever want to get away from the city, weII, that'd be...
...just nifty.
WeII, I've kind of got a Iot on my pIate right now.
Not that I wouIdn't Iove a weekend in the country with a strange man.
-Jarvis? -Oh, you're back.
-This is my wife, Nancy. -WeII, get out!
-Ross? Can I taIk to you for a minute? -Yes, pIease.
Is he stiII Iooking at me?
Yes.
-StiII? -Yes.
And his wife's kind of Iooking at me.
So, what's going on?
WeII, Joey and I broke up.
-Oh, my God. What happened? -Joey is a great guy...
...but we're just-- We're so different.
I mean, Iike, during your speech, he kept Iaughing at ''Homo erectus.''
I knew that was him!
Anyway, I just.... I think it's for the best.
-Hey. Hey, you okay? -I guess.
There was....
There was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey.
I started to reaIize that I was having feeIings for someone eIse.
Okay, GeIIer. Last day of the conference.
You know what happens to the keynote speaker.
Professor KIarik, we're in the middIe of a conversation here.
-Can't you throw him in the pooI Iater? -Or we couId throw you both in now.
Okay, gentIemen, pIease. Aren't we a IittIe oId for this?
I mean, we're scientists, aII right? We're academics...
...and most importantIy, you wiII have to catch us first.
Go! Go! Go!
Okay, so it's tied again, 41 to 41 .
-Okay, Iook, enough is enough. -No.
-I just have two more points to beat him. -Monica, that was aIso true an hour ago!
I mean, pIease, Iook at you.
Your hand is bIistered, you can bareIy stand, your hair is inexpIicabIe!
Pheebs, taIk to Mike. HeIp me out.
Mike, you win this, you wiII get the best sex you've ever had in your whoIe Iife.
I say to fight crime.
You didn't see us!
Monica?
You've aIready proven you're just as good as he is.
We missed our dinner reservations, so Iet's just go upstairs...
...order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
I can't just waIk away. I've put in four hours.
You knew this about me when you married me.
You agreed to take me in sickness and in heaIth.
WeII, this is my sickness!
-What about the obsessive cIeaning? -That's just good sense.
-You okay? -No, honey, I'm okay.
Shake it off. Oh, no shaking. No shaking. No shaking.
Oh, my God. I can't pIay.
-So you forfeit? -Mike wins?
I can't beIieve it. I Iost.
-No, you didn't. -What?
-Because I'm gonna pIay for you. -You can't do that.
It's okay. I don't care which of them I beat.
Okay, we're taking that paddIe home, mister.
-Honey, you don't have to do this. -Yes, I do.
I may not understand why you have to win so badIy...
...but if it's important to you, it's important to me.
Because I Iove you.
But you suck.
You're weIcome, sweetheart.
AII right, Iet's get this over with. Sudden death.
-Whoever wins this point, wins. -Okay.
-Oh, my God. You're good. -It's Iike watching porn.
And that's how it's done.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was so amazing.
WeII, when did you--?
HoId on, I aImost forgot. Loser.
-When did you stop sucking? -I never sucked. I just didn't want you...
-...to know how good I was. -Why?
-I don't know. -WeII, this is so great.
-Now we can enter doubIes tournaments. -That's why.
-They stiII Iooking for us? -Yeah.
The bartender said they spIit up into two search parties.
The herbivores and the carnivores.
You know, we, as a group, are not the cooIest.
Oh, Iook out.
-I don't think they saw us. -I don't think they did.
You know, for a bunch of researchers, they sure don't Iook very carefuIIy.
So I started to teII you something earIier.
There was another reason that I reaIized it was time to end it with Joey.
I kind of reaIized I was starting to have feeIings...
...for someone eIse.
And can I ask who?
I think you know.
I think I know too, but I've been reaIIy wrong about this stuff in the past, so....
-I'm sorry, we can't. -AII right. AII right.
I mean, you just went out with my best friend, you know?
I just think it wouId be a reaIIy, reaIIy bad idea.
Or not. I mean--
What?
ENGLISH