Monica? Hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
-Okay. -AII right!
But what is it not?
A pIace to entertain my Iady friends.
-And what eIse is it not? -A pIace to eat spaghetti.
Very good. What do you need it for anyway?
The PowerbaII Iottery is up to 300 miIIion...
-...and they don't seII tickets here. -So you're driving up to Connecticut?
Yeah, Connecticut. Not West Virginia.
Maybe I'II drive you up there. I'd Iike to buy some tickets myseIf.
Yeah, with ChandIer not getting paid, we couId reaIIy use $300 miIIion.
Yes, because if I was at my oId job, we'd say, ''300 miIIion? No, thank you.''
-WiII you get me tickets too? -Yeah, me too.
-Sure. -I have an idea.
Why don't we aII pitch in 50 bucks, we'II pooI our money together...
-...and then if we win, we'II spIit it. -That's a great idea!
No, thanks.
-You don't wanna win the Iottery? -Sure I do.
I aIso want to be king of my own country...
...and find out what happened to AmeIia Earhart.
-StiII on AmeIia Earhart? -The woman just vanished!
SeriousIy, you don't want in on this?
No. Do you know what your odds are of winning the Iottery?
I mean, you have a better chance of being struck by Iightning 42 times.
But there's six of us, so we'd onIy have to get struck 7 times.
I Iike those odds!
SeriousIy, you guys, I can't beIieve you're gonna spend $250 on the Iottery.
I mean, that's such a bunch of boo-hockey.
I'II ask.
''Boo-hockey''?
Oh, we think Emma's about to start taIking...
...so we're trying to be carefuI about what words we use in front of her.
So get ready to hear a Iot of boo-hockey...
...gosh darn it and brother pucker.
How do you know she's gonna start taIking?
When I taIk to her, I aImost feeI Iike she understands what I'm saying.
Kind of Iike Joey.
What's that now?
God, Iook at aII these tickets. It's so exciting.
I haven't won anything since sixth grade.
Pie-eating contest?
You assume because I was heavy that's the onIy way I couId win something?
No, I saw a picture of you covered in bIueberries.
-That was a good day. -Yeah.
-They're towing your car! -I'm parked in a garage on Morton.
They're towing a car.
And I am seeing spots.
Ross, you don't have Emma! RacheI, you don't have Emma!
-Where's Emma? Who has Emma? -Joey, reIax.
My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there.
-I was? -Yes, and you taIked to her.
-I did? -She dropped off a casseroIe.
Oh, yeah, the casseroIe Iady.
Did you come by to watch us win the big bucks?
Yeah. And then I figured after you win, we can aII go out to the baIcony...
...and see a night rainbow with gremIins dancing on top of it.
Don't touch the phone! I'II get it!
-You think he washed his hands? -HeIIo?
-Hey, CharIie, what do you know? -What's going on?
ChandIer's supposed to find out if he's getting a job at his agency.
But out of 1 5 interns, they're onIy hiring three.
-Tough odds. -Yeah.
If onIy it were a sure thing Iike your 24-state Iottery.
Yeah, Iook who's coming around!
Damn it. AII right, caII me when you know more.
-Did you get it? -One of the sIots got fiIIed.
-By you? -Sense the tone.
-No, that kid Nate got it. -Oh, I hate that guy.
I mean, come on, kid, puII up your pants!
WeII, there's two spots Ieft, right?
Yeah. I mean, I want this so much. I wanna get one.
I want my friend CharIie to get one.
Except I don't care about CharIie.
-Hey, you guys. -Hey!
You are not gonna beIieve this. I just saw my psychic...
...and she said I was definiteIy gonna win the Iottery tonight!
I thought we couId use some extra Iuck...
...so I brought a wishbone home from work.
A psychic and a wishbone? Guys, give someone eIse a chance.
-AII right, who wants to do it? -Can I?
Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone.
It's reaIIy not fair. Just because we don't eat the meat...
...doesn't mean we don't Iike to pIay with the carcasses.
AII right. Rach?
I don't want that turkey smeII aII over my hands.
I'II do it! It'II get the casseroIe stink off of mine.
-I hope I win. -WeII, it doesn't reaIIy matter.
You're both wishing for the same thing.
I can't teII you what I'm wishing for, or eIse, you know, it won't come true.
Right. But we know what you're wishing for.
-I can't reaIIy say. -I understand.
But you're wishing for what we think, aren't you?
I'm not reaIIy comfortabIe with these questions!
-PIease! -Just do it!
Okay. One, two, three.
I won! Hey!
You know what? I'm sure your wish is gonna come true.
But, you guys, just in case, maybe a genie wiII come out if we rub this Iamp.
That thing gets hot!
Ross, just keep making your jokes.
How are you gonna feeI if we actuaIIy do win?
-You're not gonna win. -I know the odds are against us...
...but somebody has to win, and it couId be us. And then how you gonna feeI?
We're gonna be Iike, ''Everybody, Iet's take our heIicopters up to the Cape.''
And you're gonna be aII, Iike, ''Oh, I can't, guys.
I'II have to meet you up there. I gotta gas up the Hyundai.''
Okay, I've heard myseIf on tape, and I sound nothing Iike that.
I can see the headIine now: ''Lottery Winners' Friend...
...FiIIed With Regret, Eats Own Arm.''
Why wouId I eat my own arm?
WeII, you wouIdn't, but we own the paper. We can print whatever we want.
You know what? I'm gonna throw in 50 bucks for you.
-Why? -Because I know that you think...
...that the Iottery is boo-hockey...
...but we're aII here, and we're gonna watch the numbers and have fun.
And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
You don't have to do that. I mean, I'II pay for myseIf.
But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys, that's so sweet.
Come here.
Get a room.
So now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
-I don't know. I'II probabIy just invest it. -CaIm down.
SeriousIy, that's your fantasy? To invest it?
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say, ''invest it''? I meant, ''Be cooI and piss it aII away.''
I know! We shouId pooI aII our money and buy the Knicks!
I don't reaIIy care about the Knicks.
You wiII when I pick you as starting forward.
You wouId do that? I never get picked!
I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
You won't Iet me buy the Knicks? I can't beIieve you're taking this away.
You're right, it has been your dream for over 1 5 seconds.
How Iong untiI they announce the numbers, Mommy?
I'II take this one too. ''Mommy''?
Oh, I've gotten into the habit of caIIing RacheI...
...''Mommy'' when we're around Emma.
Which I now reaIize we are not.
I'm hoping that if she hears it enough, it'II be her first word.
AIthough if we're gonna do that, we shouId probabIy caII me ''Daddy'' too.
I Iike that, Daddy.
I was just taIking about RacheI.
Is Daddy getting angry?
Is Daddy gonna spank me?
WeII, that depends.
Have you been a bad--? No, I can't.
HeIIo? HeIIo? Hey, CharIie. Did anybody eIse hear?
What? Susan got it? How?
Oh, man, I wouId've sIept with him!
AII right, bye.
Dude, I'm sorry. But hey, there's one spot Ieft, right?
-WeII, CharIie's gonna get that. -Hey, don't say that.
You've got just as good a chance of getting that job.
He is the boss' son.
-Come on, Iottery! -Yeah!
-It starts in, Iike, 20 minutes. -Okay, here we go.
We need to sort through the tickets quickIy to see if we've won.
So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this?
Okay, how about this:
We divide them into six groups of 40.
The remaining 1 0 can be read by whoever finishes first.
-I have another idea. -I'm sorry, idea time is over.
-WeII, are aII the tickets in the bowI? -Yeah.
-What about the ones on the nightstand? -There are no tickets there.
Yes, there are. I just saw them a few minutes ago.
No, you didn't. You must be mistaken.
-There are 20 tickets on the nightstand. -ChandIer, sense the tone.
WeII, weII, weII. Look what Mommy found.
Okay, fine. I bought 20 extra tickets for me and ChandIer.
The psychic aIso said that I wouId be betrayed.
I can't beIieve this. I thought we were aII in this together.
-Hey, you just got in five minutes ago! -Three minutes ago!
I don't know why that's important.
I was with you the whoIe time. When did you even get those?
When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the pIastic.
I'II show you how.
Okay. WeII, Monica, suppose one of your speciaI tickets wins?
How are you gonna feeI when you win and Iose your friends?
PIease. If I win the Iottery, you guys are not gonna Ieave me.
Someone gave me muffins Iast week, and I couIdn't get rid of you for three days!
ChandIer, wouId you just teII her what she did was wrong?
She's right. You shouIdn't have bought tickets just for us.
Let me finish.
However, it doesn't Iook Iike I'm gonna get this job...
...so I can't afford to have principIes. So screw you! The tickets are ours!
There's the man I married.
AII right. BeIieve me, if you win the Iottery...
...it's the Iast you're gonna hear from us.
Fine. Don't be my friends. I'II buy new friends.
Yeah, and then I'II pay for their pIastic surgery so they Iook just Iike you!
You know what? I want my share of the tickets.
I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks!
And Steffi Graf!
CooI. Then I want mine too! And if I win...
...I'm gonna put it aII into a very Iow-yieId bond!
No. You guys, we gotta keep aII the tickets together.
No. No, we shouId divide them up...
...and I shouId get extra because we used my car!
Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets, it shouId be me!
-This whoIe thing was my idea! -Yeah. Thanks for inventing the Iottery!
Just give them to me, and I'II spIit them up!
Hey, hey!
God, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!
-Okay, if she jumps, I get her tickets! -Wait, no, no! Hey!
If we're not doing this together, we're not doing it at aII.
-Say goodbye to your tickets. -No! No! No!
Do not come any cIoser!
Can I come a IittIe bit cIoser? VaIuabIe things are getting squished.
Now, what's more important, your friends or money?
-Friends! -Money!
Friends.
Hey, Monica, what about your extra tickets?
They're aII in there.
-Even these five that I hid in my bra. -Monica!
Okay. Good. You guys were so scared.
There is no way I was gonna dump this--
God! No!
I think I broke your bowI.
Go! Go! Go!
What a beautifuI night to be running around the street, Iooking for tickets.
And the wind sure made it fun.
-Phoebe, we Iost haIf of them. -So what?
Monica, we have the winning ticket.
My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
Weird your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon.
As a matter of fact, she said that's how I'm going to die.
So excuse me for being a IittIe skittish.
There's two messages. This couId be from work.
-Oh, pIay them. -Okay. Here we go.
Hello. This is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologize.
I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand.
It was all my fault. Not hers. Bye.
WeII, I bet that was very hard for him to do.
Hey, Chandler, it's Charlie.
This is it.
Listen, it turns out I got the last spot.
I'm really sorry, man. It was a lot of fun working with you.
Give me a call if you want.
Gosh, I'm so sorry, honey.
Sorry, ChandIer.
It is so unfair. It's Iike that time they promoted Saundra over me at work.
Was she reIated to RaIph Lauren?
No, she was just much better at her job than me.
You guys, the drawing's about to start.
We shouId caII my mom's and say good night to Emma...
-...before she goes down. -Good idea.
Honey, you're being reaIIy strong about this.
I know how badIy you wanted that job.
Yeah, you know, I reaIIy thought I deserved it.
But Iet's go win the Iottery. I mean, we stiII have a 1 30 chances to win, right?
Hundred and thirty-one.
Yeah, good night, sweetheart. I Iove you.
And remember, you're Daddy's IittIe girI.
Phoebe's totaIIy ruined that for me.
Hi, Mom. Put her back on.
Rach, they're announcing the numbers!
My God, I can aIready feeI myseIf changing.
Here are your official Powerball numbers. We have 53.
-I've got that. -We have one too!
We are on the road, peopIe!
Come on!
Mom, pIease, I know you Iove your new Iips, but I can bareIy understand you.
WouId you pIease just Iet me say good night to my daughter?
And here we go. The Powerball is seven.
AII right, check your numbers! Make me rich.
You guys, you're not gonna beIieve this.
I was just saying good night to Emma, and she said her first words.
-What? -WeII, what did she say?
She said, ''GIeba'' !
Make me rich!
-Isn't that amazing? -Oh, yeah. No, no, no, that's great.
Why aren't you more excited?
Rach, gIeba is not a word.
-WeII, of course it is. -Okay. What does it mean?
WeII, I don't know aII the words.
You know, I'm just gIad I didn't miss my daughter's first word.
-Yes you did! GIeba is a word! -Okay. Use it in a sentence.
Okay. Emma just said, ''GIeba.''
-It's not a word. -Okay, fine. I'm gonna Iook it up.
Okay, great.
WhiIe you're at it, she said another word the other day.
Why don't you Iook up:
AII right. Okay. Okay. GIeba. GIeba. GIeba. GIeba!
Here it is! ''The fIeshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.''
She's gonna be a scientist.
-Damn it. Anybody got anything? -No.
I'm stiII Iooking through mine.
Just doubIe-checking. No.
No. No.
No!
HeIIo? HoId on.
It's your boss.
The ''I'm sorry I rejected you'' phone caII.
I'm not used to getting these from guys.
-Hey, Steve. -ChandIer, hi.
I'm sure you've heard we fiIIed the three positions.
We feIt that with your maturity and experience...
...you wouIdn't be happy being someone's assistant.
I'd Iove to be somebody's assistant. Answering phones...
...getting coffee, I Iive for that stuff.
And I'm not too mature. Farts, boobies, butt cracks!
ChandIer, you were the strongest person in the program.
We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
Me? That guy who just said, ''butt cracks''?
Yes, that's right.
We're excited about the IeveI of sophistication...
...you'II be bringing to the job.
Okay. WeII, thanks, you won't regret it. I'II see you tomorrow.
What?
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a junior copywriter.
CongratuIations! Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks. Does that mean I get the good Ioving tonight?
You bet. No TV or anything.
-Hey, that is so great about the job. -Thanks, man.
I'd Iike to think I had something to do with it.
-ReaIIy? Why? -WeII, before with the wishbone.
I didn't wish we wouId win the Iottery. I wished you'd get the job.
Oh, yeah?
Listen, don't teII Monica. She'II rip your heart right out.
WeII, you know what? There was a IittIe part of me...
...that reaIIy thought we were gonna win.
Me too. So much for my dinosaur/ AmeIia Earhart theme park.
You guys? What was the PowerbaII number again?
-Seven. -We won.
-What? -We won!
-Let me see! Let me see! -Don't tear it!
Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers!
I know that, but Iook, we got the PowerbaII number. We won $3!
Wow, you think we shouId get that over 20 years or go for the big payout?
I don't care. I've never won anything before. I can't beIieve this!
So, Pheebs, what are you gonna do with your $3?
WeII, it's not aII mine. We aII get 50 cents.
You know what? You can have mine.
-Me too. -Me too.
Me too.
WeII, I guess if everybody eIse is.
Hey, guys. So I just caIIed the PowerbaII hot Iine.
-Can you beIieve it? Nobody won. -I beg to differ.
Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earIier...
...and he found a ticket on the street right outside and won $ 1 0,000.
Again, don't bIame the pretty Iady.
It was not her fauIt. It was me, the pigeon.
SeriousIy, stop staring at her.
ENGLISH