This kitty is Mittens. This one is Fitzhugh.
And this IittIe guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
That's a Iot of cats, Jo Lynn.
SingIe, are you?
-I'II get it. -Okay.
ChandIer Bing.
How come you're answering your own phone? Where's your crazy assistant?
You're not crazy. You're not crazy.
Otherwise, why wouId you have aII those cats?
What's up, Joe?
What have we aIways wanted to do together?
Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
No. No. No. When you get home tomorrow night...
...you and I are gonna be at the Wizards-Knicks game, courtside!
-Courtside? Oh, my God! -Yeah!
Maybe MichaeI Jordan wiII dive for the baII and break my jaw with his knee!
That is so cooI. I'II Iet Monica know.
These need your signature.
Listen, Jo Lynn, that was my friend Joey. He caIIs everybody crazy.
-Hello? -Hey, hon, it's me.
Hi. How's the crazy cat lady?
Joey just caIIed.
He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.
But tomorrow night's the onIy night I get off from the restaurant.
If you go, we won't have a night together for a week.
But honey, it's courtside! The cheerIeaders wiII be right in--
That's not the way to convince you.
I don't wanna be one of those wives that says:
''You can't go to the game. You have to spend time with me.''
So if you couId just reaIize it on your own....
I know. You're right. I wanna see you too.
I gotta figure out a way to teII Joey. He's Iooking forward to it.
Tell him you haven't seen your wife in a long time.
TeII him that having a Iong-distance reIationship is reaIIy difficuIt.
TeII him that what IittIe time we have together is precious.
I'II think of something.
You Iook....
I mean, it's just.... That dress....
WeII, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.
They're good. It's just been a whiIe since I've seen you Iike this.
You cIean up good.
ReaIIy? WeII, thank you.
Okay, stop Iooking at me Iike that.
-Last time that happened, that happened. -Right, right.
So are you excited about your first night away from Emma?
Yeah, yeah. Phoebe and I are gonna have so much fun.
-Thank you for watching the baby. -It's fine.
ActuaIIy, I invited Mike over.
-Phoebe's Mike? -Yeah.
-I didn't know you hung out. -We don't...
...but I'd Iike to get to know him.
Maybe have a IittIe dinner, drinks, conversation.
That's so cute. Ross and Mike's first date.
It's not a date.
But if it turns out to be something more...
...I'II Ieave a tie on the door.
WiII that be awkward? What are you gonna taIk about?
I don't know. But you know, we have a Iot in common, you know?
He pIays piano. I pIayed keyboards in coIIege.
He's been divorced. I have some experience in that area.
-Yeah? -Hi!
GirI's night out indeed.
So I think Emma is probabIy down for the night...
-...but if you need anything-- -We'II be fine.
-You go have fun. -Okay, you too.
-Thanks. -And I hope you score.
-Okay. Bye. -Bye.
So, weIcome.
-I got beer. -I got bottIed breast miIk.
-Why don't we start with the beer. -Okay.
-So Phoebe teIIs me you pIay piano. -Yeah.
You know, I used to pIay keyboards in coIIege.
Do you have one here?
No.
Okay.
You know, I'm divorced.
Phoebe-- Phoebe says you're-- You've been divorced?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't reaIIy Iike to taIk about it.
That's okay. We'II taIk about something eIse.
-This is a nice apartment. -Thanks.
The moIdings are aII originaI.
I don't know if the moIdings are originaI in my apartment.
-So you're a paIeontoIogist, right? -Yeah.
My cousin's a paIeontoIogist.
WeII, he and I wouId probabIy have a Iot to taIk about.
-WeIcome home. -WeII, Iook at you.
Yeah. What do you think?
WeII, it Iooks great. It's just--
I'm wearing the same thing underneath, so....
You see what I mean?
Hey! How come your door's Iocked?
-Just a second! -No, no, no!
-Joey can't know I'm here. -Why not?
I didn't want to say I couIdn't go to the game...
-...so I toId him I had to stay in TuIsa. -So you Iied to him?
It's aIways better to Iie than to have the compIicated discussion.
Except with you.
Hey, open the door! What's going on?
-What are you--? -Hi.
Why are you dressed Iike that?
Because ChandIer's gonna be home in a coupIe of days...
...so I thought I wouId just, you know, practice the art of seduction.
I thought I heard a man's voice before.
No, I was just doing ChandIer's side of the conversation.
You know, Iike, ''Hi, how do I Iook?''
''ReaIIy sexy. CouId I be any more turned on?'' You know?
Okay. Wait a minute.
Why are there two gIasses of wine out?
Because one of them is for you!
Cheers! Okay, bye-bye.
You know, it's funny. I've been practicing the art of seduction myseIf.
-You might wanna keep practicing. -Yeah.
-It's Joey. -What?
-Hey, Joe. -Dude, come home!
-What? Why? -Come home!
Look, I can't. What's going on?
I don't know how to teII you this, but I think Monica's cheating on you!
I toId you, you shouIdn't have married someone hotter than you!
If you can't deaI with this, then I'm gonna.
-No! -I just heard him!
Can you hear him now?
No. AII right, I'm going in.
-No, wait! -I heard him again!
AII right, just stay there. I'm coming home.
I'II see you when you get here.
I'II wait out in the haII in case he comes out.
-Is that reaIIy necessary? -AbsoIuteIy. You'd do it for me.
Not that you ever have to, because I know how to keep my women satisfied.
-Yeah, Iisten, thanks a Iot. -Okay, bye.
He thinks I'm a sIut.
Oh, right, and you're supposed to be a fireman?
ShouIdn't the pizza be here by now?
I mean, they said 30 minutes or Iess. WeII, how Iong has it been?
EIeven minutes.
And now 1 2.
-So you wanna watch TV? -You think I haven't thought of that?
I mean, I wouId Iike to but the cabIe's out.
Didn't seem Iike such a big deaI untiI tonight.
-So you Iike the beer? -I do. I do.
AIthough, it's actuaIIy a Iager.
What's the difference between beer and Iager?
I don't know.
We couId Iook it up.
Things are about to get wiId.
Oh, God, remember the girIs' nights we used to have...
...sitting around taIking about you and Ross?
Oh, God! It seems Iike forever ago.
I know.
So, what's going on with you and Ross?
WeII, I don't know. I mean, for a Iong time, nothing.
But you know, actuaIIy, right before you picked me up...
...Ross and I had a IittIe thing.
Oh, my God! I Iove things! What happened?
WeII, first he toId me he Iiked how I Iooked.
And then we had a IittIe...
...eye contact.
Eye contact?
I hope you were using protection.
Excuse me, these are from the two gentIemen at the end of the bar.
Oh, actuaIIy, I can't have another one on account of my breast miIk.
Okay.
Hey, Rach, maybe there's a Iess disgusting way to decIine a drink.
ShouId we send them something back? Let's send them mashed potatoes!
No, wait! Don't do that!
That'II make them think they can come over.
So, what if they do?
We're not here to meet guys. You have a boyfriend. I have a baby and a Ross.
Yeah, but nothing has to happen. We're just having fun.
You know, not everything has to go as far as eye contact.
ChandIer, you have to teII Joey you're not in TuIsa.
Isn't it better for him to think you're cheating on me...
...than for him to think I'm cheating on him?
I heard it.
I don't want him to think I'm having an affair.
AII right, I've got a pIan. I'II go down the fire escape--
Because aII good pIans start with, ''I'II go down the fire escape.''
Hear me out, woman!
I'II go down the fire escape and wait.
Then it'II be Iike I just got back from TuIsa.
Joey and I wiII come in and see that there's no guy in here.
Aren't you afraid that Joey's gonna figure aII this out?
I heard it.
-I'm gonna wait. -The scary pigeon's back?
It's huge.
I can't beIieve you Iive in that buiIding. My grandmother Iives in that buiIding!
Ida Greene? No sense of personaI space...
...kind of smeIIs Iike chicken, Iooks Iike a potato.
-''Spuds'' is your grandmother? -That's my bubbe!
So we're on our way to a coupIe of parties.
Maybe we couId get your numbers and caII if we find something fun?
Yeah. I'm sorry, we weren't reaIIy Iooking for anything to happen...
...with you guys. I have a boyfriend.
-AII right. -It's no big deaI.
Just out of curiosity, which one of you was for me?
-That wouId've been me. -Nice.
Different situation, cowboy, and you wouId've had yourseIf a handfuI.
So she has a boyfriend. What is your situation?
WeII, it's compIicated. I don't actuaIIy have a boyfriend, but--
Then can I have your number?
I'm sorry, no.
Okay.
Oh, sure!
Oh, my God, you're giving your reaI number!
Okay, thanks. I'II give you a caII Iater tonight.
-Great. -Bye.
Bye.
So that's great.
You, BiII, Ross and Emma are gonna be so happy together.
What were you thinking?
I don't know. He was cute, and he Iiked me. It was an impuIse.
Like when I bought these shoes. They were cute and they Iiked me too.
But what about Ross? What about your moment?
We had a moment. We Iooked at each other.
Maybe if we Iive together for another 1 0 years, we may hoId hands!
But you were reaIIy excited about it.
-Don't you wanna taIk to him? -No.
No, because I know exactIy how the conversation's gonna go.
''Hey, Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before.''
''Yeah. Me too.''
''WeII, but I'm not sure I reaIIy want to do anything about it.''
''Yeah. Me neither.''
''ShouId we just Iive together...
...and not teII each other how we're feeIing?''
''Yeah, that works for me.''
Yeah, I see what you mean.
By the way, nice Ross imitation.
Your RacheI wasn't whiny enough.
-WeII-- Hey! -Better.
The point is maybe I shouId just stop waiting around for moments with Ross.
You know? I shouId just move on with my Iife.
So reaIIy, you're moving on from Ross?
I don't know. Do I have to decide right now?
You kind of just did. That guy is gonna caII you tonight.
Ross wiII pick up the phone, and that's a pretty cIear message.
Oh, my God, Ross!
Ross is gonna pick up the phone.
I have to get my number back. Oh, my God, he's gone!
''Oh, I have to get my number back! Oh, my God! He's gone!'' Dead on.
-You know, I'm gonna take off. -So soon?
-Yeah. -Okay.
WeII, thanks-- Thanks for the beer.
-You mean Iager? -Yeah. Good times.
-Okay. -AII right.
-HeIIo? -Hey, Mike, it's me.
Listen, is-- Is Ross near you?
No, I just Ieft.
And that, right there, is the most interesting conversation I've had aII night.
ReaIIy? Okay.
WeII, you have to go back in.
What? Go back? To the Iand where time stands stiII?
I'm so sorry, honey, but--
Okay, RacheI gave this guy her number...
...and she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.
So you have to intercept aII his caIIs.
I can't do that!
-He says he can't do that. -Give me the phone.
Hi, Mike. Hi, Iisten, I know that this is a Iot to ask, but you know what?
If you do this, Phoebe wiII do anything you want.
-SeriousIy, I'm taIking dirty stuff. -AII right. Thank you. HeIIo?
Hi, I'm sorry about her. But actuaIIy, she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
AII right, I'II do it.
But reaIIy, how much dirtier can it get?
Oh, Mike.
Bye.
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
-Can I come back in? -Why?
WeII, I was just thinking about how much more we have to taIk about.
But you Ieft.
That didn't take Iong.
I thought you said TuIsa was, Iike, a three-hour fIight?
WeII, you're forgetting about the time difference.
-You ready? I'm gonna go in there with you. -Thanks.
Just in case there's more than one dude in there.
-Again, thanks. -Yeah.
ChandIer, you're home!
That's right! Your husband's home! So now the sex can stop!
You know what I mean.
What are you saying?
Joey said you're here with another man!
There's no man in here! How dare you accuse me of that!
AII right. Then maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a Iook around.
He can't even see us!
-I kind of Iiked it. -Me too.
What's he doing?
I arranged some piIIows on the bed to Iook Iike a guy.
Bedroom's cIear. AIthough you might need some new piIIows.
AII right, weII, I'II check the guest room.
Why do I smeII men's coIogne?
I think that's you.
Oh, yeah. I rubbed a magazine on myseIf earIier.
There's nobody here, Joe.
I guess not.
I can't beIieve you thought I was cheating. You owe me an apoIogy.
-You're right. I'm so sorry. -It's an honest mistake.
It couId happen to anybody. See you.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
If you just got back from TuIsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
I cIimbed down the fire escape, and you can't put that in the cIoset?
So, with the exception of the fermentation process...
...beer and aIe are basicaIIy the same thing.
Fascinating, isn't it?
Maybe you shouId Iook up ''fascinating.''
I'II get it!
HeIIo? Ross' pIace. Mike speaking.
It's for you.
I don't understand what just happened here.
What's going on?
I'm sorry.
I toId you I was in TuIsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica...
...and I didn't know-- I didn't think you'd understand.
You think I'm too dumb to understand a husband needs to be with his wife?
You think I'm, Iike....
-Joey? -Yeah.
I don't know what to say. We shouIdn't have Iied to you.
I feeI so bad. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
You couId go to the game with me. Even though you said you couIdn't.
But then you Iied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
I'm sorry, that's the one thing I can't do. I promised I'd be with Monica.
AII right.
-You can go. -What?
You shouId go to the game. It's okay. I want you to.
-ReaIIy? You gonna be okay? -Yeah, I'II be fine.
You know, maybe I'II stay here and practice the art of seduction.
-You're gonna put sweats on and cIean. -It's gonna be so hot!
-Bye. -Bye.
Thanks.
Here's your ticket.
Thanks. Hey, Iisten...
...I'm never gonna Iie to you again, okay?
And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.
Thanks, man.
-Where you going? -Game's tomorrow night, Joe.
I'm gIad I got to taIk to your mom. She sounds nice.
Yeah, she's a peach.
Oh, God!
So gIad you're back!
So, what did you guys do?
You know, we just drank some beer.
Mike pIayed with the boundaries of normaI sociaI conduct.
It's true, I did.
-WeII, goodbye. -Okay.
-Bye. That was fun, Pheebs. -I know. It was fun.
See you, guys.
Lock the door! Lock the door, seriousIy.
Shoot, I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.
Wait, wait. Wait, sorry. Did he caII? Did that guy caII?
No, just his mom.
Around 8:30?
-Yeah. -Then again at 9:00?
Yeah.
HeIIo?
No, she's not here right now. Can I take a message?
BiII from the bar?
Okay, BiII from the bar, I'II make sure she gets your number.
So.... So how was it?
Did you guys--? You guys have a good time?
We had so much fun. It feIt so good to be out.
Rach?
Yeah?
Never mind.
-Hey, you guys. -Hey!
I'II be right back. I gotta go to the bathroom.
Stout. That's a kind of beer.
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