So, what's the big news you had us rush aII the way over here for?
It took you 45 minutes to cross a street.
Come on, guys. It's just one baby.
Oh, sure, now you guys cIam up.
Our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in TuIsa.
So as of Monday, I'm being officiaIIy reIocated.
-Oh, my God! -What? Monday?
-How Iong do you have to go for? -They said it couId be up to a year.
-A year? -WeII, do you have to go?
WeII, I kind of have to, don't I?
Because of this stupid thing.
There's nothing Iike the support of your Ioving wife, huh?
Wait a minute. Wait, you can't go to TuIsa.
Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets to the Jets game next week!
I'm sorry, but I don't think I'II be abIe to make it.
But we were gonna go see the Jets!
You can't go. I mean, you're the gIue that hoIds this group together.
-ReaIIy? -Not you.
This whoIe thing is gonna be okay.
They said they'd rent us a house in the suburbs. You guys can come and visit.
Oh, God, that is so not gonna happen.
I can't beIieve you guys are moving.
-I caII their apartment! -No!
-Here you go, Rach. -Thank you, Joey.
You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
I went through this with Ben and CaroI. One coffee won't affect your miIk.
Just to be sure, I'm gonna caII Dr. Wiener.
Every time?
You don't have to caII him whenever you have a question, okay?
-Trust me. I know this. -AII right. I trust you.
I can see you diaIing. I don't understand why--
I'm on the phone! Dr. Wiener?
It's so weird seeing Ross and RacheI with a baby. It's just so grownup.
I know, yeah. I feeI Iike we're aII growing up.
A person named ''Wiener.'' God, that kiIIs me.
-Look at you aII grownup. -WeII, actuaIIy, you know what?
I am, you know?
WeII, that whoIe thing with RacheI made me reaIize...
...that maybe I'm ready for a more serious reIationship, you know?
Like, I'd Iike to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded Iady.
And Iooks aren't as important as....
Nah, she's gotta be hot.
You know, I might know somebody.
How about you set me up with someone, and we doubIe-date?
I can do that. Yeah. How's Friday?
-Done! -AII right.
Good, reaIIy? Okay, Iet's see.
AII right.
You know who's great? Sandy Poopack.
''Poopack''?
Yeah. AII right. WeII, that ruIes out Lana TitwyIer.
-I've got good news. -You got out of the whoIe TuIsa thing?
Okay, I have news.
You don't have to move to TuIsa. You can stay here and keep your job.
That's great! How?
My boss and I worked out a deaI where I'm in TuIsa four days a week.
So the other three, I can be here with you.
So you're gonna be gone four days a week?
No.
I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?
No. I can't be away from you for that Iong.
-ReaIIy? -Yeah, you're my husband.
I won't Iive in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.
That's fast math. We couId use you in TuIsa.
Thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you go to TuIsa, I go with you.
You said that without gagging.
I know!
WeII, excuse me?
Oh, yeah? WeII, up yours too!
-Who the heII was that? -Dr. Wiener.
Rach, you can't caII peopIe at 3:00 in the morning.
You know what? You sound just Iike his wife.
Was there anything even wrong with Emma?
Yes, of course there is! Okay? I'm not insane.
What was it?
Hiccups.
I toId you, you can't caII him every time any IittIe thing comes up.
WeII, not anymore I can't. He fired us!
Can you beIieve that?
I couId beIieve it if he came here and hit you over the head with a copy of Highlights.
What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician.
Wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up...
...you Iiked your doctor. What was his name?
Dr. GettIeman?
Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good idea.
In fact, I think he's dead.
Why does everything happen to me?
I promise, first thing tomorrow, we'II find another doctor.
But I gotta get up earIy, and I'm not feeIing weII.
You're not feeIing weII? What do you have? RubeIIa?
Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
You know, come to think of it, it does feeI rubeIIa-Iike.
Wiener!
Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!
RacheI!
Great! Now he's gonna know it was me!
And the kung pao chicken.
UtensiIs and pIates for one.
And can you read the order back to me?
Great.
Yeah. Okay, thanks. Bye.
So how is this for our big doubIe date tonight?
Oh, my God.
Great. Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Yeah, so you found someone for me? You didn't forget?
Of course not. And you'II Iove Mary EIIen.
She's reaIIy smart and cute and funny and....
I can't teII you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.
AII right.
-So teII me something about my guy. -No.
Come on, give me something. What's his name?
I'm not sure I understand the question.
What do they caII him?
-Mike. -Mike. Okay, what's his Iast name?
Damn it! Is there no mystery Ieft in romance anymore?!
We'II see you and Mike at the restaurant in a coupIe hours.
AII right, great. See you. Bye-bye.
Why'd I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couIdn't I have said...?
There's no guys in there!
So this is being a parent, huh?
I think I can handIe this.
Too intense. Too intense.
WeII, I did it.
I toId my crew at the restaurant I'm heading off to TuIsa.
-Oh, yeah? How'd they take it. -Pretty weII. Yeah.
They were brave IittIe soIdiers.
Did their best to be stoic.
Some of them even high-fived each other to mask their pain.
It's impossibIe to find a good doctor. How do you know the good ones...
...from the ones who'II push their penis against your knee?
Excuse me?
I know what she's taIking about.
You probabIy aIso had the piano teacher with the wandering hands.
WeII, we've gotta find a new pediatrician.
Ross was getting sick Iast night, and Emma may have caught it.
-Why don't you see Dr. GettIeman? -Ross said he died.
He didn't die. I just saw his daughter Iast week.
She said he was fine. Her, on the other hand, botched Botox.
Great. WeII then, I'm gonna take Emma to see him.
I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Maybe he confused him with his chiIdhood therapist.
He saw a therapist?
He used to have a recurring nightmare. It freaked him out.
Wow, what was it?
That I was going to eat him.
Mike!
Yeah?
Okay.
I can't beIieve I'm doing this with you.
AIthough I did just end a nine-year reIationship...
...so I shouId be open to taking some risks.
That's good. Get aII that boring stuff out now.
Everything is gonna be fine. FoIIow my Iead, okay?
AII you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
-I am Mike. -Attaboy.
Here they come.
-I'm Phoebe. -Phoebe. Mike. How you doing?
-Nice to meet you. -Joey, this is Mary EIIen Jenkins.
So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other, anyway?
How do Joey and I know each other?
If I had a nickeI for every time somebody's asked me that.
-From schooI. -We met in coIIege.
I mean high schooI.
You guys go way back, then. So, what are you up to these days?
-WeII, I'm a Iawyer. -Mike, attorney at Iaw!
-ActuaIIy, I just gave up my practice. -What?
That's the kind of thing you usuaIIy run by me.
I want to pIay piano professionaIIy. If I don't do this now, I never wiII.
Great. I Iike that better than the Iawyer thing.
Which is why I waited untiI now to introduce you to Mike.
You thought he was stiII a Iawyer.
No, that's not what I meant. Let's get you a cocktaiI.
What are you doing?
Looking for restaurant jobs for you in TuIsa.
That's so sweet. Did you find anything?
-SIim Pickins. -Nothing, huh?
No. SIim Pickins. It's a barbecue joint.
They're Iooking for a cook. ActuaIIy, ''cook'' may be a bit of a stretch.
They're Iooking for somebody to shoveI mesquite.
''SIim Pickins''? That is so cheesy.
WeII, So Cheesy aIso has an opening.
Honey, that's okay. I know this woman, Nancy...
...who's a restaurant biz headhunter. She may know something.
Can I say how much I appreciate you coming with me?
When we get to TuIsa, I am taking you for a great dinner at SIim Pickins.
So Cheesy?
WhoIe Hog?
It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in TuIsa.
Hi, Nancy? Hi, it's Monica GeIIer.
I'm good. Listen, I'm Iooking for a job in TuIsa.
Yeah, weII, my husband's been reIocated.
Because I Iove him.
No, I don't want a job in New York.
Javu's Iooking? Oh, my God!
He asked for me personaIIy? Oh, my God!
Wow, this is reaIIy, reaIIy fIattering.
But I'm moving to TuIsa.
So, just, if you wouId teII Javu...
...I'II take it!
My name's RacheI Greene. I have an appointment for Emma.
Dr. GettIeman is finishing up with a patient. He'II be out shortIy.
I think you just have a coId. It's definiteIy not strep.
Thanks, doctor.
-WouId you Iike a IoIIipop? -Do you even have to ask?
He is aIive!
It's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so Iong...
...and I've never heard about you.
That's because we had a bit of a faIIing out.
Mike hit my mom with a car.
-No, I didn't. -That's okay. I have forgiven you.
Now we're friends again, and everything's great.
WeII, wait. Is your mom okay?
PIease, we're trying to have a conversation.
You're a Iot nicer on Days of Our Lives.
Days of Our Lives! That's why you Iook so famiIiar!
-What? -What?
What?
Do you not know each other?
Of course we do. He's pIaying a game we used to pIay in high schooI.
We pretend we don't know each other. We pIayed aII kinds of games.
You remember that one where I punch you in the face for not being cooI?
Let me ask you something: How many sisters does Joey have?
-Six. -No, he doesn't. He has seven.
What are you doing? I said seven!
Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Because I forgot about our date. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry too. And just to be cIear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
AIthough I'd Iike to be hit by one right now.
Yeah, no probIem.
You are unbeIievabIe. I spent so much time finding the perfect girI for you.
Mary EIIen is reaIIy smart and cute and Ioose.
Who are you kidding?
You find some guy off the street for me?
God, this is humiIiating!
I'm so sorry. If you don't Iike this guy, I can find you a better one.
Mike? Mike?
I'm out of here.
It was nice meeting you.
-You're Ieaving too? -I'II stay if you can teII me my name.
Have a good night.
We Ieave tomorrow, and you stiII have a Iot to pack.
You're right.
Maybe I shouIdn't go.
What?
So Nancy toId me about this job at this great restaurant, Javu?
But it's just a IittIe outside of TuIsa.
WeII, how far outside?
Manhattan?
And you're thinking of taking it?
Before, you said that being with me was more important than any job.
But I guess now it's oId job, me, new job.
I'm gonna miss this hand!
I know this is a Iot to ask...
...but, my God, this is a once-in-a-Iifetime opportunity.
What happened to ''you can't Iive without me four days a week''?
WeII, if you reaIIy think about it, I mean, four days is not that Iong.
I see you Monday before you go to work...
...and Thursday when you get back...
...and I aIways work Iate on Tuesdays, so reaIIy if you think about it...
...it's reaIIy just one day.
And weII, if we can't make it one day, we got reaI probIems, my friend.
-I think you shouId take the job. -ReaIIy?
I know it must be important to you when you start chattering Iike a monkey.
That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
It's your dream job. I can't make you pass it up.
Besides, I'm proud of you.
-You are? -Yeah.
And when I get to TuIsa and peopIe say, ''Where's the missus'' ...
...I'II teII them she's a chef at Javu.
And then, when they stare at me bIankIy...
...I'II make some offensive TuIsa joke, and thus, begin my isoIation.
-How was the pediatrician? -I reaIIy Iiked him.
Yeah, yeah. It was reaIIy, reaIIy, reaIIy good.
-You promised not to say anything. -I know.
Ross stiII sees his pediatrician!
I don't care.
Are you serious? You stiII see Dr. GettIeman?
He is a briIIiant diagnostician!
Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
SeriousIy, you gotta go to an appropriate doctor.
And not an orthodontist...
...not a gynecoIogist...
...and not a veterinarian....
Why? I know it's a IittIe weird, but he is a great doctor, okay?
He knows my medicaI history.
And every time I go in there, he makes a big deaI.
You know, ''Look, it's my favorite patient.''
Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushy?
I seem to remember someone bringing his security bIanket to coIIege.
That was not a security bIanket. That was a waII hanging.
It didn't spend much time on the waII!
Excuse me.
Hi. I was hoping to run into you. Can we taIk?
Sure.
Yeah. There's someone I want you to meet.
This is my best friend from high schooI.
I'm sorry, I don't think I know you.
How hard was that?
Look, I'm sorry, reaIIy. I'm so embarrassed.
PIease.
ReaIIy, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my paroIe officer.
ApparentIy, I'm not a funny guy.
WeII, why did you go aIong with that?
Because I was toId that I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't.
And that I'd meet a pretty girI, which I did.
That's true.
WeII, is anything you toId me about yourseIf true?
My name is Mike. And I do pIay piano.
-Prove it. -There isn't a piano here.
That wouIdn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Okay.
You are reaIIy good.
-I pIay a IittIe guitar myseIf. -ReaIIy? That's great.
-What kind of music do you pIay? -Like acoustic, foIksy stuff, you know?
But right now I'm working on a coupIe Iron Maiden covers.
Do you think that, maybe, sometime, I couId....
It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.
Okay. You think, maybe, sometime I couId take you out?
You just caught me off guard.
Yeah, that wouId be nice.
Look at this! My two best friends!
Excuse me. I don't mean to be a jerk...
...but the baby with the rash came in after me.
-The doctor wiII be right with you, sir. -I hear you...
...but do you have any harder puzzIes?
Mommy, I can't find WaIdo.
What page are you on?
What, the circus? He's behind the eIephant.
Wow. So your chiId's a big fan of the WaIdo books too?
Yeah, that's how I know.
-I'm Ross, by the way. -Hi, I'm SaIIy.
So no ring. Can I assume you're aIso a singIe parent?
-I am a singIe parent. -It's hard, isn't it?
There's no time for a sociaI Iife. Where are you gonna meet someone?
-WeII.... -Mommy, I can't--
Sea shore? Row boat.
Let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Rossie? We're ready for you.
Yeah....
Come on, Ross Jr. It's time to go in.
Mommy.
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Hey, I heIped you find WaIdo!
-Good, you haven't Ieft yet. -Where have you been?
I got heId up at Dr. GettIeman's office.
There was some guy that freaked everybody out.
I don't think I'm going back there.
You got here just in time. I reaIIy have to go, buddy.
Oh, man.
-Promise to caII me when you Iand? -Of course I wiII. I Iove you.
I Iove you too.
Watch the tongue, peopIe. We got a baby over here.
-Bye, ChandIer. -Bye.
-Bye, honey. -Bye.
-What's the matter, Joe? -I'm mad at you for Ieaving.
You know, you're nothing but a big Ieaver.
A big Ieaver with a stupid suitcase.
Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make aII of this easier?
Dude, you see right through me!
Okay, weII.... Bye, Mon.
Bye, Ross. RacheI.
-Bye, Emma. -Okay, bye-bye.
Have a good trip. Okay. Oh, my God.
Wait.
It goes oId job...
...new job...
...and you.
This is just something I have to do.
I know.
I Iove you so much.
I know that too.
Don't worry. I'II be back before you know it.
Yes, it wiII be the same.
Because I know, that's how.
I promise.
You doubIe promise?
CaII me when you Iand.
-Can I taIk now? -Okay, bye.
-Joey! -He had to board.
ENGLISH