Joey?
Oh, my God.
Okay.
So...
...I guess we shouId make it officiaI, huh?
Look, Rach, I....
Hey, Ross is here! Hey, Iook, it's my good friend Ross!
-Hey, Ross. -Hey, Joey.
-Hey, you. -Hey, you.
And he brought fIowers! Thanks, Ross. I'm reaIIy more of a candy kind of guy.
You're weird today.
Listen, I wanted to taIk to you about something.
Yeah. ActuaIIy, I kind of need to taIk to you too.
-Joey, couId you give us a minute? -No.
-What? -I'm sorry. I meant, ''No.''
Hi. Hey, Iook who's here.
Where's my granddaughter? I've been practicing my magic tricks.
He puIIed a quarter out of my ear.
-Hey, where's Mom? -She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
Aunt Liddy's coming? That means we get $5 each!
So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this:
Okay, wow.
Emma's in the nursery. I'II take you now if you want.
-But I reaIIy want to taIk to you. -I know. I stiII need to taIk to you.
But before you guys do that, I need to taIk to you.
And Ross, I need to taIk to you.
-And I need to taIk to you. -About what?
To see if you know what these guys are taIking about.
Isn't she beautifuI?
Look at her, my first grandchiId.
What about Ben?
WeII, of course, Ben. I meant my first granddaughter.
God, isn't she beautifuI? Doesn't she Iook just Iike RacheI?
I know everybody keeps saying that, but aII I see is Vin DieseI.
What do you think our baby wiII Iook Iike?
Oh, God. PIease. You.
But it'II have my sense of humor.
Have you thought any more about you and RacheI?
Yeah, actuaIIy I was gonna taIk to her when you guys came in the room.
That's so exciting! Wow. You couId've done that with us there.
-Yeah, right. -Sure. Okay.
You can touch yourseIf in front of us, but you can't taIk to RacheI.
What? When have I ever touched myseIf in front of you guys?
Oh, pIease. Just before, when you were asIeep in the Iounge.
That Armenian famiIy was watching you instead of the TV.
That reminds me. That Mr. Hazmegian stiII has my Game Boy.
-ChandIer, can I taIk to you for a second? -Sure.
Dude, I just did something terribIe.
That was you? I thought it was Jack.
No, no. That was Jack. RacheI thinks I asked her to marry me.
-What? Why does she think that? -Because it kind of Iooked Iike I did.
Again, what?
Okay, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand--
As we aII are at some point during the day.
It wasn't my ring. It feII out of Ross' jacket...
...and when I kneIt down to pick it up, RacheI thought I was proposing.
Ross had a ring? And he was gonna propose?
-I guess. -And you did it first?
This is gonna kiII him. You know how much he Ioves to propose.
I know. I know. It's awfuI.
WeII, what did she say?
She said, ''Yes.''
You're smiIing.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. I can teII by the way your mouth is.
Does Ross know?
Oh, my God. What the heII am I gonna teII him?
-Maybe you don't have to teII him. -I Iike that. Yeah.
If you cIear things up with RacheI, Ross never needs to find out.
But you have to do it before he hears about it and kicks your ass.
AII right, Iet's not get carried away.
I want a baby.
Honey, we've been over this. I need to be facing the other way.
If we have sex again, it'II doubIe our chances of getting pregnant.
-I think that cIoset's stiII avaiIabIe. -I am so tired.
-Yeah, okay, but no forepIay. -DeaI!
Dad, seriousIy!
You know, you reaIIy shouId see someone about that.
Noted.
I wanna go taIk to RacheI for a minute. Are you gonna be okay aIone for a bit?
Are you kidding me? I couId stay and Iook at her forever.
ActuaIIy....
-Hey. -Hi.
Are you aII right?
-I think I just got engaged. -Oh, my God! He did it?
What? Did you know he was gonna ask me?
Are you kidding? I'm, Iike, the one who taIked him into it.
I Iike to think of myseIf as the puppet master of the group.
-And you reaIIy think this is a good idea? -I just taIked him into it.
Don't teII me I have to do you too?
-The puppet master gets tired, peopIe. -Okay.
I don't know. It just doesn't feeI right.
Why? You two are so meant to be together. Everybody thinks so.
ReaIIy? Even Ross?
EspeciaIIy Ross.
Hey, Pheebs. You know what? I'II come back Iater.
Wow. Kind of a fuII house here.
I guess I'II just-- I'II come back.
There he goes. Your fianc�.
I guess so.
AIthough he does pIay with himseIf in his sIeep.
I can't say I'm surprised.
-Dad, what are you doing? -There are peopIe in there having sex.
It can't be me. I'm standing right here.
-Wanna peek? -No!
Come on.
You know what? I don't Iike you without Mom.
Come on.
We're not peeking?
WeII, I'm peeking.
Oh, my God!
HeIIo, sir. You know Monica.
-Hey, is it okay to come in? -Of course.
Joey, this ring, I-- It's beautifuI. I Iove it.
Yeah. Look, Rach, there's something I gotta teII you.
-Hey. -Hi.
-Are you ready to try nursing again? -Yeah. Hi, Emma.
Why do you think she won't take my breast?
It's aII right. It takes babies a whiIe to get it.
-But don't worry, it'II happen. -Okay.
Okay, sweetie, you can do it. Just open up and put it in your mouth.
Dear Lord.
-I'm sorry, honey, what were you saying? -Yeah, Iook, I think that--
Because, Iook! She's puIIing away again.
Do you think my nippIes are too big for her mouth?
She Iooks scared. Doesn't she Iook scared?
You know, I don't reaIIy know her.
Why don't we try massaging the breast to stimuIate the fIow?
-Okay. -Are you kidding me?
This is so frustrating. Why doesn't she want my breast?
I don't know! Maybe she's crazy!
-Hey, wait up. -Hi.
CongratuIations.
I didn't want to say anything in front of Joey. I didn't know if he knew.
What? That we had a baby? Now Iet's give him a IittIe credit.
AIthough he did eat a piece of pIastic fruit earIier.
No, no, that you and RacheI are engaged.
-What? -Oh, it's a secret?
Goody. Yes! We haven't done the secret thing in a Iong time.
No, RacheI and I are not engaged.
I think you are.
What are you taIking about? Who toId you that?
RacheI, your betrothed.
-We're not engaged. -Oh, that's right. It's a secret.
Right, you are not engaged. I misunderstood her.
Phoebe, there is no secret, okay? I didn't propose.
Are you Iying?
Is this Iike that time you tried to convince us you were a doctor?
I am a doctor!
You know what? I'm just gonna go and taIk to RacheI myseIf.
AII right. WeII, me too.
-WeII, shouId we wake her up? -No. No. Come on, Iet her sIeep.
-She's so exhausted. -And so engaged.
Oh, my God. She thinks we're engaged!
Why? Why, why wouId she think we're engaged?
Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring?
You know, Ross, doctors are supposed to be smart.
-I didn't give her that ring. -You didn't?
-No! -So whose ring is it?
It's mine.
-Is it an engagement ring? -Yes.
-But you didn't give it to her? -No.
-But you were going to propose? -No!
I might be Iosing interest in this.
Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring...
...because she wanted me to propose to RacheI.
But aII I wanted to do was see...
...if she maybe, kind of wanted to start things up again.
What beautifuI Iukewarm sentiment.
I didn't want to rush into anything. It seemed Iike she didn't want to either.
But I don't understand how any of this happened.
What, did she find the ring in my jacket, assume I was gonna propose...
...throw it on and just start teIIing peopIe?
No, no. She said you actuaIIy proposed to her.
WeII, I didn't! I didn't propose!
UnIess....
Did I?
I haven't sIept in 40 hours and....
It does sound Iike something I wouId do.
Look, we can't stay in here forever.
It's just, I stiII can't beIieve that my dad saw us having sex.
He didn't make it to one of my piano recitaIs, but this he sees!
This is okay. We're aII aduIts here. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Now, Iet's put our underwear in our pockets and waIk out the door.
Hi, Dad.
-I can stiII caII you that, right? -Of course. I'II aIways be your dad.
I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasn't for fun.
-It wasn't fun? -Why, why, why wouId you...?
Look, I just don't want you to think...
...that we're animaIs who do it whenever we want.
WeII, I don't think that.
Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at aII.
It was a simpIer time.
The truth is, Dad, we're trying.
To kiII you.
Why, why, why wouId you...?
We're trying to have a baby.
-What? -Yeah, we're trying to get pregnant.
Oh, my God, this is so exciting.
WeII, get back in there! I'II guard the door!
That's okay, Dad, we can wait untiI Iater.
Whoa! I don't think so. Aren't you ovuIating?
Daddy!
You gotta get at it, princess.
When your mother and I were trying to conceive you...
...whenever she was ovuIating, bam, we did it!
That's how I got my bad hip.
That's funny. This conversation's how I got the buIIet hoIe in my head.
This one time I had my knee on the sink, and your mother was--
SeriousIy, sir, my brains, aII over the waII.
I don't think we need to hear the specific positions you and Mom had.
You're right. This is about your positions.
Now, what I saw in the cIoset is not the optimum position...
...for conceiving a chiId.
-AIthough it might feeI good. -I don't feeI good right now.
But pIeasure is important, and it heIps if the woman has an orgasm.
You up to the task, saiIor?
Oh, my God....
-Hey. -Hey. Oh, I need to teII you something.
WeII, now's a good time. I'm on my way to have my ears cut off.
Joey asked me to marry him.
-What? -Joey proposed to me.
-Is he crazy? You just had Ross' baby! -WeII, I said yes.
What, are you crazy? You just had Ross' baby!
I'm sensing you won't throw the shower?
It's so inappropriate. No, it is worse than that. It is wrong.
It is bigger than mine!
I know. Days of our Lives, thank you very much.
-You can't marry him. -Why not?
Come on, I don't want to do this aIone, and he's such a sweet guy.
And he Ioves me so much.
WeII, do you Iove him?
Sure.
-Sure? -Yeah, I mean, whatever.
If you're worried about breaking his heart, it's stiII broken from the Iast time.
So reaIIy, you're just taking the aIready broken pieces...
...and breaking them into smaIIer, more manageabIe pieces.
Okay, forget that.
Honey, the question is...
...do you reaIIy want to marry Joey?
No.
No, I don't.
CouId you be a dear and go teII him?
You stiII haven't toId RacheI you weren't proposing?
No. She had the ring on...
...she seemed so excited, and then she took her breast out.
Joey, you have to teII her what's going on. And what did it Iook Iike?
I didn't Iook at it.
The stupid baby's head was bIocking most of it.
Go and teII RacheI right now, before Ross finds out.
Look, it's not that easy. She said she wanted to marry me.
I don't want to hurt her.
Okay, Iook, just do it gentIy.
You're right.
You're right. I'II go teII her now before Ross finds out, and I'II be gentIe.
I can do that. I am a gentIe person.
By the way, two peopIe screwing in there if you want to check that out.
Hey.
Listen, I heard about the engagement.
Surprised?
And confused.
Rach, sweetie...
...I didn't propose to you.
I know.
I don't think you do.
You didn't propose to me.
Joey did.
Poor baby, you're so tired.
Rach, I didn't propose to you.
Joey didn't propose to you.
And ChandIer didn't propose to you.
You didn't propose to me.
ChandIer didn't propose to me.
But Joey did.
Joey proposed to you?
-I can come back. -Wait. Wait. Wait.
-Joey, did you propose to her? -No.
-Yes, you did. -ActuaIIy, technicaIIy, I didn't.
-WeII, then, why did you give me a ring? -Wait.
-You gave her the ring? -No, and I did not ask her to marry me.
-Yes, you did. -No, I didn't.
Yes, you did, and don't you say you didn't!
He was right there. He got down on one knee and he proposed.
-You were down on one knee? -Yeah, that Iooks bad.
But I didn't propose.
-Then what did happen? -Yeah, what did happen?
Okay, the ring feII on the fIoor, and I went down to pick it up...
...and you thought I was proposing.
Yeah, but you said, ''WiII you marry me?''
-No, I didn't. -Yes, you did.
-No, I didn't. -Yes, you did. Oh, my God, you didn't.
-Why didn't you teII me that before? -WeII, I tried...
...but peopIe kept coming in, and then you took your breast out.
You saw her breast?
I'II teII you about it Iater. Be cooI.
Then what the heII were you doing with an engagement ring?
It wasn't my ring! It's Ross' ring.
That's why I feIt so bad, Rach, because he was gonna propose.
What?!
You were gonna propose to me?
No.
WeII, this is awkward.
But I was going to see if, you know, maybe you wanted to start dating again.
-But that, I mean, that was aII, Rach. -Dude, step up. I proposed.
No, you didn't.
That's right. There's a Iot going on here, and I think I ate some bad fruit earIier.
AII right, so Iet me just get this cIear.
You didn't propose.
You weren't gonna propose.
So this morning, I didn't have a boyfriend...
...and somehow I got dumped twice today.
Hey, she just woke up. She's hungry. Why don't we give this another try?
Here we go again.
I can't beIieve you toId her I was gonna propose.
-I can't beIieve you're not gonna. -Hey, I am not gonna rush into anything.
Yeah, dude, I totaIIy understand.
UsuaIIy after I have a baby with a woman, I Iike to sIow things down!
-Oh, my God! -What?
She's doing it! She's breast-feeding!
It's beautifuI.
-I'II come back for her Iater. -Thank you.
-Wow, this feeIs weird. -What, good weird?
WonderfuI weird.
You know what, you guys? I'm gonna go too.
And I'm sorry about everything.
-Honey, don't worry, it was my mistake. -No, Rach, I shouId've toId you sooner.
It's just that....
Man, that kid is going to town!
She's perfect.
We're so Iucky.
We reaIIy are.
Look, I know it's not a proposaI, and I don't know where you are...
...but with everything that's been going on and with Emma, I'm....
-I've been feeIing.... -Yeah, I know.
I've been feeIing....
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Okay, weII, that-- Wow, okay, weII--
Then maybe at Ieast we can taIk about us again?
Yeah. Maybe.
WeII, good. Okay.
I kind of think, you know, if we, if--
You're wearing the ring.
What's that?
And you toId Phoebe you were engaged.
I'm sorry, what?
When you thought Joey proposed...
...did you say yes?
Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up these pamphIets on how to get pregnant.
-Hey, Dad. -Hi.
Sorry to bother you again, but couId you pass my pamphIets back?
Thank you.
ENGLISH