All right, it's a new day. That stuff about Rachel?
You don't feel that now. It was crazy. You're fine. You're better than fine.
You are, as your friend Tony would say, "Great!"
Everything's normal. She's just your friend, Rachel.
Your friend, Rachel. Your friend. Rachel.
-Hi, sweetie. -Hey, it's your girlfriend, Rachel!
Are you..? Are you high?
I just had the most amazing bath.
-Really? I don't like baths. -You like them with me.
Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy. It's the wet, naked lady.
-Baths are so relaxing. -Really? What do you do?
You just sit in there, stewing in your own filth.
How dirty do you think I am?
If you had some candles and bubbles and music, you would love it.
It would take all of your stress away.
It's 2:00 on a Wednesday and I'm watching Road Rules.
How stressed do you think I am?
Hey, Chandler. You got a minute? I really need to talk to you.
Oh, yeah. Is this a cold-pizza talk or a leftover-meat loaf talk?
Well, neither.
Oh, my God, what's up?
I don't know. It's just..
Lately, I've been feeling..
Okay, here's what it is.
You know what? I feel a lot better. Thanks.
No. Come back here and talk to me, mon frere.
-Who? -Just come back.
Okay.
You and Monica, friends for a long time.
And sure, there are rules. But then you went to London.
But that's different. There are rules there too, you know what I mean?
Do you?
It was different for you guys. You were both in the same place, right?
-In London? -Yeah.
Yes, when Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.
You know what. This is a bad idea. Forget all about it.
And listen, do me a favor, this conversation between you and me.
If that.
How do I keep losing at tic-tac-toe?
Oh, no, no, honey. My circle always stays in the middle.
Oh, Ross, don't forget we have that doctor's appointment tomorrow.
-To find out the sex of the baby? -No. We don't wanna know.
All we care about is that it's happy and healthy.
Yep, happy and healthy. And cute.
-And smart. With an aptitude for science. -Popular.
Are you two talking about the same baby?
-Hey, have you thought of names? -Oh, yeah. I've come up with a bunch.
-Really? Me too. -Me too.
Really?
If it's a girl, Phoebe. And if it's a boy, Pheebo.
Maybe. But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup, you know?
-Rach, what were you thinking? -Okay.
I was thinking if it's a girl..
how about Sandrene? It's French.
That's a really pretty name for an industrial solvent.
-Okay, fine. What do you have? -It's for a boy.
I know it's a little out there, but..
Darwin.
Oh, my God. Our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
Yeah, by Sandrene.
You're saying that because I said no to your name.
I'm really, really not.
How about you each get five vetoes?
-That sounds fair. -I don't think you'll need it. Check this out.
If it's a girl, Rain.
-Veto. -Why?
Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain.
I have my own kiln, and my dress is made out of wheat."
I know her!
I bought a homemade soap from her at a Dead show!
-Okay. How about for a guy, Thatcher? -Why do you hate our child?
-Fine, you go. -Okay. James.
-But only if it's a girl. -Veto.
I like Ruth. What about Ruth?
Oh, I'm sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?
-How about Dayton? -Veto. Stewart.
Veto. Sawyer.
-Veto. Helen. -Veto.
Is it me, or is Veto starting to sound really good?
Boy, do I have a surprise for you.
Sex on the balcony?
No. But someone's not gonna get over that idea.
-What is it? -I drew you a bath.
I don't like baths. Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Please. Will you just try it for me. I used all my best stuff.
I lit candles, I put on music. I used bath salts, plus bubble bath.
And got you this little plastic Navy ship! So it's a boy bath.
-This does butch it up a bit. -I swear, if you try it, you will love it.
If I do this, can we at least discuss sex on the balcony?
Absolutely.
But I know how that discussion's gonna go.
All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flowery smell.
Which is okay, because I've got my boat.
I can actually feel my tension just melting away.
I could fall asleep in here.
I could drown in here.
Drowning.
-So? -Oh, my God.
I told you you were a bath person. Hey, maybe I can give you a facial.
I'm gonna need a bigger boat.
I don't think you had an open mind about the name Ruth.
I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller? How cute is that?
Oh, my God, I can practically hear the mahjong tiles.
Okay. All your tests look fine. Are you interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
-No, we're not. -But you have it right there in that file?
You could tell us whether it's a boy or a girl?
Dayton or Sandrene? Phoebe or Pheebo?
That's right. But if you don't wanna know..
-No, we wanna wait. Right? -Right. Right.
Oh, I'll be right back.
I know it's really not my place..
but please don't name your child Pheebo.
So which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
What? Rach, come on, that's terrible.
They're babies. They're all beautiful.
-Third one from the left? -Yeah. Why is it staring at me?
I think it knows I'm talking about it. Don't you..? You're looking!
-I didn't! -I saw you!
Fine, I did, but I didn't see anything.
Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!
-Okay. But listen to me, I didn't.. -Don't tell me! I don't wanna know!
I couldn't even if I wanted to, because I don't know!
I swear I didn't see anything! I don't want to know. It was just a momentary lapse.
Momentary lapse? Don't you have any self-control?
Okay. A couple months late on the lecture, Ross.
Hello?
I'm in the bathroom. Can you come in here? I think there's something wrong.
You know what? I think I'll wait out here.
I'm in the bathtub.
-What's wrong? -I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong.
The water's tepid, the salt didn't dissolve and is now lodged places.
And the scents I used don't compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomile?
-What? -Bath salts.
They're starting to effervesce.
It's different.
It's interesting.
Okay. Let's talk about something else.
Yeah. Sure. So, what was going on with you today?
I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey.
He was talking about rules and right and wrong.
-I had the same conversation. -You did? What was he talking about?
He hasn't had this much trouble getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth.
That was a long night.
All right, let's break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
He was talking about rules and looking at people differently.
-He didn't say that to me. -What'd he tell you?
He was asking questions about you, me and London.
And the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Okay. So you, me and London.
Looking at people differently.
Maybe he wants to do what you and I did in London with someone.
But what'd he mean by "rules"?
Wait. He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in.
-Because he was looking at her differently. -And Phoebe is his friend.
So he thinks that would be breaking the rules.
My God, he wants to do it with Phoebe in London!
-You guys? -Just a minute!
-That's Mrs. Tribbiani. -You don't say anything.
Why would I say anything?
That two of our friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives?
They would have me to thank. Then we could all start having babies!
-I'm not gonna let you say anything. -You just stay here.
Oh, God!
Hey, Monica, I brought back your iron.
Oh, you had that? I thought I lost it. I got a new one a month ago.
Oh, just as well. I broke this one.
-What? -Nothing.
I really shouldn't say. I'm really not supposed to.
Fine.
It's a humdinger.
Well, then it's really too bad that you can't tell me.
Somebody likes you!
Is it Chandler?
-No! -Then tell him to stop staring.
It's Joey.
Really? Joey? You don't say.
-Is it something you'd be interested in? -I don't know, I don't know.
You know, I mean, on the one hand, "Mother, may I?"
But, you know, on the other hand..
No. No, I can't. We're friends.
Oh, no. I don't wanna risk what we have.
I guess that makes sense. You think you're gonna talk to him?
Sure. I mean, it's Joey. I don't want him to get hurt.
Well, I must say, I am on fire! First Chandler, now Joey.
-Not Chandler. Just Joey. -Sure.
You know what? I've been thinking about it. I'm coming around on the name Ruth.
I think I would actually consider naming our child that.
Rach, I can't tell you how much that means to me.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. You hated the name Ruth. Why would you change your mind?
Unless you know we're never gonna have to use it.
You did see. You know it's a boy!
I didn't see anything. I actually changed my mind about the name.
I don't think so. You're giving me Ruth..
so you get to name him when it's a boy.
That's when you'll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
I would.. Sequoia!
-Veto. -Fine.
Unless..
you anticipated that I would figure all this out..
and you know that it actually is a girl.
And you really do want her to be named Ruth.
Well, I'm not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!
-But, Ross, you want the name Ruth. -Not like this!
What's up?
-Joey, I know. -What?
-I know. -What?
-I know about your feelings. -Oh, my God, you do?
I'm sorry. Things worked out for Chandler and Monica, but that's rare.
I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys.
I mean, it's Rachel, for God's sakes.
For God's sakes, it's Rachel!
I know! She's not only my friend, she's my pregnant friend.
She's my pregnant friend who's Ross 'ex!
Yeah, that's Rachel.
Beat me over the head with it.
What am I gonna do? I keep trying to get rid of these feelings.
I stayed up all last night and made a list of everything I don't like about her.
-You wanna hear it? -Yeah.
"She made me switch to light mayo." That's it! That's all I got!
You know what? Tastes the same and my pants fit better.
Joey, I think you're getting upset for nothing. This is probably just a crush.
You think?
Absolutely. You get this rush of feelings, but then it goes away.
Yeah, just a crush. That's all this is. It's a crush!
I'm Joey. I don't get deep feelings.
There you go. Crushes happen all the time.
I know I've had them for all you guys. Except for Ross and Chandler.
-And I'm sure you've had them for us. -Not really.
Throw me a bone here.
So I called the doctor.
-Now we both know the sex of the baby. -What?
That's right. The student has become the master.
-Ross, I swear. I don't know. -Oh, come on, you know it's a girl.
A what?
You really didn't know?
-We're having a girl? -No.
-That's what you said. -No.
-You said girl. -Yes. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm not! We're having a girl!
Sometimes I can't believe it's with you, but still, we're having a girl!
I know! You know what? I'm putting Ruth back on the table.
Yes, we'll have ourselves a little baby Ruth.
-Permission to veto. -Yes, please.
Do I smell essential oils?
Yeah. I'm gonna take a bath. I was just gonna get a magazine.
What do you think you're doing?
Leaving my troubles behind?
I know that you're new at this, but this is unacceptable bath decorum.
It's so hard to care when you're this relaxed.
Okay, fine. You can have the bath, but I am taking your boat.
Now you're just a girl in a tub.
Hi, bubbles. Manly.
I thought I would drop by and let you know how it went.
You told her?
She pulled it out of me! She's like a conversational wizard!
-How did it go? -You were wrong. He doesn't like me.
How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors' house..
and I told you he liked you and you went there..
and you found out that he didn't like you. How would you feel?
-I don't think I'd care. -Really? Lee Majors is hot.
-Hello? -We're in the bathroom!
-Why? -Because it's a relaxing and enjoyable time!
-What are you guys doing in here? -Oh, my God.
A friend he's looking at differently, but it's wrong.
-It's Rachel! -You like Rachel?
It's no big deal. Phoebe and I talked. It's a crush. It'll go away.
Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles.
Mazel tov.
Ross and I were looking for you.
What are we all doing in here? Oh, my.
-Honey, cover it up with the boat. -It's not an aircraft carrier.
Hello?
We're all in here, and we'd love for you to join us!
Well, hey! What's going on? Oh, cool boat. Oh, no.
-Did you tell them? -No. I was waiting for you.
-Tell us what? -We're having a girl.
Oh, wow! Really?
I'll get you later.
All right. It's a new day. And it's just a crush.
That's all. Just a little crush.
All that worrying I was doing? That was crazy.
Like my friend the bird here would say, "It was cuckoo!"
Everything's gonna be fine. It's just a crush.
-Hi, sweetie. -I love you.
It's nice to do this together, isn't it?
Yeah. And what you're doing feels so good.
I'm not touching you.
-You're not? -It's the salts.
Oh, sweet Lord, new realms of pleasure.
Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy.