Did you know that during pregnancy..
your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back?
Oh, my God! Let me see that.
You fall for it every time.
Hey! I brought you my old maternity clothes.
Oh, Pheebs, that's so sweet. Oh, those are so cute!
Look. See how they expand as the baby grows?
And after the baby's born they're great for shoplifting melons.
Good, you're all here. Thanksgiving, 4:00.
Guess who I invited? Remember Will Culvert from high school?
-No. -He was in Ross' class.
Marching band, was kind of overweight. Really overweight.
I was his thin friend.
I don't remember. Are you talking about your imaginary boyfriend?
No, that was Jared.
Wow. Haven't thought about him in a long time.
Will's here on business, and he didn't have a place to go, so I invited him here.
-That's nice. -Oh, he's lost a bunch of weight.
He looks good. Okay, I mean really gorgeous.
-I still love Chandler. -Wouldn't hurt you to say it once in a while.
Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year..
-What? -Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.
-Phoebe! -Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals.
No, they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious!
Plus, eating them is like a tradition.
It goes back to the first Thanksgiving when the Indians sat down with the cowboys.
Oh, right. That's when they had that big rodeo at Plymouth Rock.
It's not just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food..
-Rachel's having her aversion to poultry. -She is?
Yeah. Remember? I had to leave the other day when you had that chicken.
I thought that was because I put the whole thing..
on my hand and made it walk across the table.
It's not worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. It's a lot of work.
But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving with no turkey is like Fourth of July with no apple pie.
Or Friday with no two pizzas.
Fine, if it means that much to you. But there's gonna be a ton left over.
No. I promise I will finish that turkey.
You're telling me you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani! This is what we do.
We may not be great thinkers or world leaders..
we don't read a lot or run fast, but damn it, we can eat!
Four wide receivers. On third and 18.
Isn't it weird how next year there will be a baby at the table?
Rachel's. But good to know where you're at.
-Hey! -Hey!
-Happy Thanksgiving. -You too!
-Can I help? -Yes.
Chandler usually helps, but he's into the game.
Could you fold these napkins? I'm gonna go across the hall to check on the yams.
No, sweetie. No, not like that.
We're not at a barn dance.
Fold them like swans. I showed you at Christmas. Remember?
Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me.
-So how's the game? -I have no idea.
-What? -I'm pretending to watch..
so I don't have to help out.
I don't believe you! That is brilliant!
-And Monica has no idea? -No.
Once in a while, I just yell stuff at the TV.
Hey! What? Aw! Hey!
-Your team winning? -Anderson just scored again.
There is no Anderson.
I wanna get in on this. Hey, Mon?
I can't help you after all. I didn't realize this game was on.
-You like football? -Normally, I don't.
But, you know, Green Bay is playing.
-You like Green Bay? -It's only my favorite bay.
-Happy Thanksgiving. -Will, I'm so glad that you came.
You look great. You must've lost..
150 pounds. I'll be on one of those Subway commercials.
-A pie! -It's no fat, no sugar, no dairy.
-It's no good. Throw it out. -Meet some people.
This is my husband, Chandler. This is Will.
Oh, hey. I'd shake your hand but I'm really into the game.
Plus, it'd be better for my ego if we didn't stand next to each other.
-This is Phoebe. -Hi.
Hey. Wow!
Well done.
-Wanna give me a hand? -I can't get over how great you look.
-You look incredible too. You're so fit. -I'm watching the game, but I'm not deaf.
-I meant to tell you, Ross is coming. -Great, I love Ross.
Good. And Rachel Greene too.
-Is there a problem? -No. It's okay.
It's just.. God, I hated her.
-What? -I hated her.
She was horrible to me in high school.
But hey, that was a long time ago. I'm in a good place. Might be fun to see her again.
Got any cakes or cookies or something?
No, Will! No!
It's been a while since we screamed. Maybe we should.
-Oh, okay. No! -Come on!
Damn you, ref! You burn in hell!
What are you doing? You've got an entire turkey to eat.
Let me explain to you how the human body works.
I have to warm up my stomach first.
-Eating chips is like stretching. -Okay.
-Don't worry, Tribbianis never get full. -I'm here to tell you something.
You can eat and eat, but nothing will ever fill that void.
-Who the hell is this guy? -This is Will, from high school. This is Joey.
-Want some chips? -No.
-Will! -Ross!
Hey, you came! Man, you look incredible! Hot stuff!
-Hot stuff? -It's good to see you, man.
Yeah. You too. So, what are you up to?
-I'm a commodities broker. -That sounds interesting.
-Yeah, it's not. -Oh.
-But I'm rich and thin. -Oh.
I haven't seen you since Lance Davis' graduation party.
That was such a fun night.
Would've been good if we had gotten in, but still fun.
We were lame. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
-Yeah. -So, what do you do now?
So how long are you in town?
-Hi. -Hey, sweetie. Oh, good.
Rachel Greene.
Oh, that's right. Are you gonna be okay?
Oh, I'll be fine. It's just.. God, I hate her, Ross! I hate her!
High school was a long time ago.
Look at her standing there with those yams.
My two greatest enemies: Rachel Greene and complex carbohydrates.
Oh, my God. Who is that?
-That's Will, from high school. -Oh! I do not remember him.
Wow, really got that sexy smoldering thing going on.
Oh, my God. Look at the way he's just staring at me.
He's trying to mouth something to me.
I hate you!
-Okay, dinner's ready! -Okay!
-Solid effort. Solid effort. -Oh, so who won?
-Green Bay. -Detroit.
-What? -The Lions technically won.
But it was a moral victory for the Green Bay Mermen.
Hi! Will, right? Right, hi. I'm Rachel Greene.
-Oh, I remember you. -Really? Aren't you sweet?
I gotta tell you, I'm having the hardest time placing you.
Hang on! I think I remember you.
Did we fool around at Lance Davis' graduation party?
-You are unbelievable. -Thank you.
Rachel? Why don't you sit here? And Will, you sit way over there.
That's it? Even if nobody helps me, I can eat that. No problem.
-At least give me a challenge. -This is Chandler's chicken.
This is the turkey.
Oh. How big is that?
-About 19 pounds. -It's like me when I was born.
-Who would like some yams? Will? -You'd like that, wouldn't you?
What? Oh, can we please keep the chicken..
and the turkey on the other side?
-The smell is just.. -Typical.
-What? -I said it was typical.
Typical of you. Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in Rachel-land.
Seriously, who is this guy?
Sorry, do you have a problem with me?
-I don't know. Do I? Do I? -I think you do.
You were a little mean to him in high school.
-A little mean? You made my life miserable. -I had no idea. I'm sorry.
Well, you should be. Screw it. Bring on the yams.
But you worked so hard.
-Yams! -Okay.
I'm real sorry for whatever I did to you in high school.
It wasn't just me. We had a club.
-You had a club? -The "I Hate Rachel Greene Club"!
So you all just joined together to hate me?
-Who else was in this club? -Me and Ross.
No need to point. She knows who Ross is.
-You were in an "I Hate Rachel" club? -Yes, he was.
No, no.
-So who else was in this club? -That exchange student from Thailand.
But I don't think he knew what it was.
You guys were cool.
So, Ross, we went out for two years..
and you never told me you were in an "I Hate Rachel Club"?
You went out with her? We had a pact.
-It's not like it was binding forever. -It had the word "eternity" in it.
I'm thinking of joining an "I Hate Turkey Club."
Although, I do love a turkey club.
Monica? Did you know about this?
I didn't. Is that why you used to lock the bedroom door?
-Yeah. -A little relieved, I gotta say.
Look, Rach, I'm sorry, okay? I was a stupid kid, okay?
-The only reason I joined.. -Cofounded.
Cofounded.
Cofounded the club, was that I was in love with you.
I didn't handle it very well. If you think about it, the "I Hate Rachel Club"..
was really the "I Love Rachel Club."
Except that it was really the "I Hate Rachel Club."
So you'd get together and say mean things about me?
-We did a little more than that. -No, no, no.
What else did you do?
-We started a rumor. -What rumor?
Come on, Will, just take off your shirt and tell us.
-Ross? -It was no big deal.
We said that.. The rumor was that..
you had both male and female reproductive parts.
-What? -That's right. We said your parents..
flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
-Oh, my God! -You started that?
-You heard that? -Everyone at our school heard it!
Everyone at my school heard it. You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader?
Oh, no!
It makes sense now. This is why Adam Carter wouldn't go out with me.
Why Billy would just stay in this region.
Billy's gay now, so that one's not really our fault.
-Why didn't you tell me? -I thought it might be true.
I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
Stop staring! There's nothing there! It's not true!
I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof.
Come on, whip it out.
You are my Everest.
-You don't have to finish. -I do. Otherwise, what's next?
Today I can't finish a turkey, but tomorrow I eat half a PowerBar..
wrap it up and put it in the fridge? No!
I gotta change my pants. What was I thinking? Jeans have no give.
Guys, help me with the dishes. There's a lot of pots and pans.
Honey, I'd love to, but the second game is about to start.
Oh, yeah, the second game. More football for the Pheebster.
-Who's playing? -Los Angeles.
Last time I checked, Los Angeles didn't have a football team.
Did I say Los Angeles? I meant the team that used to be in Los Angeles..
and is now in St. Louis. I actually knew that.
Okay, quick, name three players on that team.
Gretzky..
Agassi..
I'm a pretty little girl.
Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year.
"Dear Rach, you're such a great person." Not girl, "person."
I think you're reading a little too much into it.
"You're a great person. Sorry about your teeny weenie."
What do you want me to do..
call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn't true?
-Yes. -Also, tell them I'm skinny now.
Oh! Me too!
I won't call anybody. It was a million years ago.
I don't care. You told people that I was half and half!
I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
That's not totally true.
-What? -What?
You did start that rumor about Ross..
making out with Mrs. Altmann, our 50-year-old librarian.
How did you know that?
-It's true? -No.
Yes, it is. I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog.
-Hey, what were you doing in the library? -They had magazines.
Mrs. Altmann? She also made out..
with Ta-Taka-Ki-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand.
In high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
-Hey, she didn't look 50! -Did she look 16?
There's a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
-Wow. -She didn't photograph well!
She probably wasn't familiar with the process..
having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings.
How did this happen? Did she lure you to an early-bird dinner?
I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us.
She needed some help with her word jumble.
And one thing led to another.
If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender.
May she rest in peace.
-Didn't she walk with a cane? -Only when it was damp!
I can't believe you told people about this. Everybody knew?
-You know what? I'm back in the club! -Yeah!
-Shall I call the meeting to order? -Is everybody present?
With the exception of Ta-Taka.
-I wanna join! -Phoebe?
I'm sorry, but I never got to be in a club. I didn't go to high school.
But three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French.
Fine, you can have your stupid, little club.
But what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you.
-You gave me a teeny weenie. -Yeah!
You're just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor..
you were one of the most popular girls. Everyone wanted to be like you.
One girl wanted to be like you so much, she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll.
Wow.
And Ross, if it weren't for her rumor, no one would've known who you were.
-She put you on the map. -As a romancer of the elderly.
Mrs. Altmann, you can tell, she used to be pretty.
The eyes did still sparkle.
This stuff is so way in the past. You've been through so much since then.
You got so much more important stuff going on in your life.
Can't you just let this go?
-She's right. -We are having a baby together.
Hold on.
-You got her pregnant? -Yeah.
-Are you getting married? -No.
So you knocked her up but you're not gonna marry her. Dude.
-Anybody? -Okay.
It's exactly how I imagined it would be.
All right, where's that turkey?
-Those are my maternity pants! -No, these are my Thanksgiving pants!
Well, that's it. I'm done.
Here come the meat sweats.
Well, Joey, we're all very proud of you.
I believe we can expect a call from the president any moment now.
-Anything we can do? -No. Just nobody press on my stomach.
You can keep those pants, by the way.
What you got there? What is that, pie?
-Yeah. You want some? -Just cut me a little sliver.
Little bigger.
Are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece!