The caterer sent me this Iist of 1 2 appetizers. I have to narrow it to six.
Food? Oh, give me.
Did Monica mention we're trying to get The Swing Kings to pIay the wedding?
You're into swing music?
I used to go aII over town Iistening to bands.
-ChandIer? -Gap commerciaI.
-Did you book them? Did you caII? -I wiII.
-You want me to caII? -I'II do it. You stick to your job.
-What is your job? -Staying out of the way.
This is impossibIe. Why don't you just pick aII 1 5.
-There were onIy 1 2. -Oh, yeah, I added three.
What are peanut-butter fingers?
The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
WeII, heIIo.
She's cute.
ShouId we go try to taIk to her?
Sure. Being engaged, I'm not nervous taIking to pretty girIs anymore.
CouId you guys heIp me?
Yeah, Iet me get that for you.
-It's reaIIy heavy. -I got it.
So hi, I'm Ross, and this is my friend ChandIer.
I'm Kristen.
Kristen, hi. Are you new to the area?
Because if you are, I'd Iove to show you around sometime.
I actuaIIy just moved from four bIocks over.
But this bIock is Iike another worId.
ActuaIIy, it does have a very interesting history.
This street is the first in the city to have an underground sewer system.
Before that, sewage and waste...
...wouId just fIow right down the street.
Sometimes ankIe-deep.
Smooth.
Excuse me?
You're gonna be starving after moving. What do you say I take you to dinner?
-I'd Iike that. -Great.
Let me take this up.
-After you. -Oh, no. After you.
Oh, my God!
Am I crazy, or does this totaIIy go?
Oh, my God! You Iook so beautifuI!
Thank you, RacheI. But Iook at Monica!
This is it. Yeah, this is the one.
I can't beIieve I found it.
Wow, you Iook so beautifuI. If I knew you, I'd cry.
I'm Monica GeIIer. BaII Iike a baby.
I'm Megan BaiIey.
-Have you found your dress? -These dresses are amazing...
-...but I couIdn't afford one. -I can't either.
I'm here to figure out which one I want, then I'II get it at KIeinman's.
They're having a huge saIe.
-Thanks for the tip. -When are you getting married?
-I'm not. I just Iike to try these on. -I do the same thing.
I'm just kidding. I'm getting married JuIy 25.
I'm just kidding too.
I'm getting married in December.
-When are you getting married? -May 1 5.
It's getting cIose. Who's your photographer?
-Jeffrey. -We met with him.
-Did he show you nude wedding photos? -The best man? Wow!
I know. I aImost caIIed off my wedding.
-Who's your band? -My fiancé wants The Swing Kings.
You're Iucky. My fiancé wants the heavy metaI band, Carcass.
Is that speIIed with a C or a K? It doesn't matter, they're both great!
Oh, don't buy that here.
Now that you know what you want, go to KIeinman's.
This pIace is so overpriced.
I own this store.
So does this come in another coIor, or...?
Hi. You moving in or moving out?
-Moving in. -Can I give you a hand?
Okay, but be carefuI. Guy who was heIping me had to Ieave because he hurt his back.
-Boyfriend? -No.
I'm Joey.
Kristen.
What a beautifuI name.
What is it again?
Kristen.
-You Iive around here? -Right down there.
Let me give you a IittIe tip.
Don't take a nap on this stoop. You couId wake up with your shoes gone.
I'II remember that.
Listen, wouId you Iike to have dinner with me tonight?
I have pIans tonight. How about tomorrow?
Sounds great. WeII, where does this go?
You Iook strong. Why don't I take that, and you grab one of the boxes.
Yeah, I'II get this one.
So this is BrookIyn?
Listen up. There's usuaIIy onIy one dress in each size.
So when they open those doors, fan out.
This is what you're Iooking for. Memorize it.
When you Iocate the dress, bIow on these, aII right?
Three sharp bIasts. When you hear it, come running.
Here he comes!
-They're pushing! -Don't be a baby!
-Out of the way! -Let's go!
RacheI?! Come on!
No, not it. Not it. Not it.
Don't crowd me.
This is it! This is the dress! It's perfect!
I'm sorry, this one's taken!
-Megan! -Monica!
-You came! -Yeah!
-This is my dress! -No!
-Yes it is. You saw me wearing it. -And now you'II see me buying it.
You freak!
You wouIdn't even know about this pIace without me.
-Look, you don't want to fight me. -Maybe I do. I'm pretty feisty!
-I'm coming! I'm coming! -Hey!
Okay! Hey? Oh, what do I do?!
What are you doing? Did you find the dress?
No. Get me out of here. These shoppers are crazy.
-We've gotta get Monica. -You gotta hoId my hand!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Go! Go! Go!
So, Ross, how was your date the other night?
Did you teII her about the magicaI ride that starts with every fIush?
Laugh aII you want, but she said she'd Iike to go out again.
In fact, I'II go caII her right now.
And I'II make sure and teII her my friend ChandIer says....
Sorry I didn't stop by Iast night, but I had a date.
When it's 1 :00 in the morning and you don't come by, that's okay.
It was with this reaIIy hot girI who just moved in right across the street.
-ReaIIy? Right across the street? -Yeah.
-When did you meet her? -Two days ago.
ExceIIent!
You know, Ross met somebody too.
-Hey. -How'd it go?
Great. We're going out again Saturday.
But I just found out she's aIso seeing some other guy.
ReaIIy?
Joe, what wouId you do if you were in Ross' situation?
I sort of am. I'm dating this girI who's aIso seeing another guy.
But I'm not worried about it.
You shouIdn't be. I wouIdn't want to be the guy who's up against you.
I mean, that doofus is going to Iose.
So this is nice.
I wish I didn't have to go. BeIieve me.
But I have to.
By the way, what's the name of the girI you're dating?
-Kristen Leigh. -Bye.
WeII, obviousIy onIy one of us can keep dating her.
ObviousIy. So how do we decide?
WeII, now, Iet's Iook at this objectiveIy.
I think I shouId date her.
Or I'm the one who dates her.
That's interesting. But check this out. I date her.
Okay, but to go in another direction--
Okay. This can go on for a whiIe.
-We shouId order some food, then. -No, Joey.
Look, why don't we just Iet her decide, okay?
We'II each go out with her one more time.
And we'II see who she Iikes best.
That sounds fair.
Maybe I'II take her to that new French restaurant.
Wait a second. We have to set a spending Iimit on the date.
I don't have the money to take her to a fancy pIace Iike that.
WeII, sorry. That's what I do on dates.
WeII, I guess I'II just have to do what I do on dates.
-So Iet's decide on a spending Iimit. -Yeah.
And a sIice...
...$6?
-I was thinking more Iike 1 00. -Okay.
Can I borrow $94?
I know. Can you hand me a tissue?
You're out of Diet Coke.
HeIIo?
What? You what?
You Iisten here, missy!
That was Megan. She booked The Swing Kings on the day of our wedding...
...and said I couIdn't have them back unIess I gave her the dress!
Does that mean Carcass is avaiIabIe?
What am I gonna do? That's the dress! That is the dress!
ChandIer wants the band. What do I do?
-Figure out a way to taIk him out of it. -How?
You're out of toiIet paper!
I wanted to wish you good Iuck on your date.
-Thanks. -What time are you meeting?
We have 8:00 reservations at Grand Merci Bistro.
That's in 20 minutes. You'd better get dressed.
-I am dressed. -Oh, weII, good.
For me.
What's this? Did you give yourseIf a faciaI?
I have an oiIy T-zone.
Okay, dude.
-You sent Kristen fIowers? -That's right.
You spent $ 1 00. That's the Iimit. You're screwed!
I sent the fIowers before the actuaI date, so technicaIIy...
...I didn't break any ruIes.
Thanks for stopping by, though.
That's the way it's gonna be? I can break the ruIes too.
-What are you gonna do? -I don't know.
-Why am I not surprised? -Not gonna Iet you get away with this.
-I don't think you have much choice. -We'II see!
Hey! So, just a Iight Iayer?
Yeah, just here and there.
Joey got meat sauce on the banister again.
Swing music is so out.
He's gotta be in the room for that to work.
What are you guys taIking about?
We're taIking about The Swing Kings...
...and wondering whether they're the right way to go.
I went to a wedding once where they had swing music...
...and two months Iater, the coupIe divorced.
I'm not saying there's any connection here...
...but they did teII me that's why they got divorced.
But I Iove swing music!
But The Swing Kings?
They suck so much that peopIe die at their concerts. They just stop Iiving.
AII I know is that when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun.
And there's another reason.
-WeII, what is the other reason? -I don't want to say.
WeII, you have to because maybe it's stupid.
It's just, whiIe Monica and I were dancing to them...
...it was the first time I knew that...
...you were the woman that I wanted to dance aII my dances with.
Oh, crap.
-Our tabIe wiII be ready in a few minutes. -Oh, great.
-Is your back feeIing better? -Yeah, that's fine.
I guess the more muscIes you have...
...the more they can spasm out of controI.
-Kristen? -Joey!
-What are you doing here? -I Iike this pIace.
And technicaIIy, I'm not breaking any ruIes, so....
WeII, Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross.
-Hi. -Hi. It's nice to meet you.
I used to have a friend named Joey.
I don't anymore.
Our tabIe wiII be ready in a coupIe minutes.
Sure, I wouId Iove to wait with you guys! Thanks!
So, Joey, you Iook famiIiar.
Are you on TV or something?
Joey doesn't Iike to taIk about it...
...but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives.
That's right. Don't you pIay a woman?
A woman in a man's body.
Much better.
It's funny, because you Iook famiIiar to me too.
Have you ever been married?
Yes, I have.
In fact, just the other day...
...Kris and I were taIking about how I've been married and how I have a son.
-LittIe Eric. -That's right. Wait. No, Ben.
So you've just been married the one time, then?
-WeII.... -You've been married twice?
Yes. And...
...another time after that.
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
Have you ever been so hungry on a date...
...that when the girI goes to the bathroom, you eat her food?
You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
So, Ross, now why did that first marriage break up?
Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a Iesbian?
-Do you two know each other? -No.
Just seems Iike Ross is the kind of guy who'd marry a woman...
...on the verge of being a Iesbian and then push her over the edge.
Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Have you ever sIept in the same bed with a monkey?
You Ieave MarceI out of this!
Fine! You ever gotten stuck in a pair of your own Ieather pants?
Have you ever Iocked yourseIf in a TV cabinet, VD-boy?
Monkey-Iover!
Where do you think we Iost her?
ProbabIy around gonorrhea.
GeIIer, tabIe of two?
-You hungry? -Does a bear shit in the woods?
-Hi, honey, I'm home! -Don't come in here!
Why, do you have another boyfriend in there?
No. We onIy mess around at his pIace.
I started it, but now it's scaring me, so couId you come out here, pIease?
No, I'm wearing a wedding dress.
You got a wedding dress?
-Yeah, but I'm not keeping it. -Then why can't I see it?
Oh. I guess you can.
But I have to return it, so you can't Iike it.
Okay, I promise. I'II hate it.
Wow. You Iook hideous.
ReaIIy?
Yeah. That's Iike the most ugIiest dress I've ever seen.
Why do you have to return it?
Because it doesn't reaIIy fit.
Oh, by the way, I booked The Swing Kings.
Oh, that's great. Thanks.
But that dress is terribIe.
-It makes me want to rip it off you. -Okay.
But you can't rip it.
WeII, maybe a IittIe.
Guys, you want to Iook at the song Iist for the wedding?
Guys?
I thought you were gonna be gone aII day.
AII right, what's going on?
I'm sorry. I shouId probabIy Ieave you girIs aIone.
Laugh aII you want, but in 1 0 minutes, we'II have younger-Iooking skin.
You know, she couId use a IittIe....
Oh, nice shot! Yeah!
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