Ross, when's this comet thing start?
WeII, technicaIIy, it started 7 biIIion years ago.
Okay. Fine, I'II stop. No teaching, okay?
We'II just watch the pretty Iight streaking across the sky.
Okay?
Whose officiaI name is Bapstein-King. Okay! Okay!
There it is. Oh, Iook at that!
Isn't Mother Nature amazing?
That's a pIane.
WeII, aII right, 1 700 bags of peanuts fIying that high...
...that's pretty amazing too.
-I wonder if you can see my apartment. -No, you can't.
-What? -I don't know.
Man, Iook at aII those stars.
Infinite space. It reaIIy makes you wonder, doesn't it?
-Know what eIse makes you wonder? -What?
Check out the rack on that chick.
You think those babies are reaI?
The One Where They're Up AII Night
We've been out here for two hours...
...and we haven't seen any stupid comets. Can we go now?
I mean, ChandIer's getting chiIIy.
No, I'm not.
Then why are you wearing Monica's jacket?
Because it's fIattering!
Come on, Monica. Come on, Monica.
-We're gonna take off too. Rented a movie. -I won't say no to a movie.
Oh, Pheebs, we just actuaIIy wanted to be aIone.
-Get me out of here. -Oh, okay.
-Hey, Ross. -What?
-Check this out. -Is it the comet?
No. Look, there's a bug stuck in tar right here.
I can't beIieve--
I bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet...
...one of nature's most spectacuIar phenomena...
...and aII you care about are bugs stuck in tar and some woman.
You know, there's two women, dude.
Show me where.
Okay. Right up here.
Joey, where's the pipe that was hoIding the door open?
I don't know.
Yeah, I do.
-Joey! -What? Hey, don't Iook at me!
You wanted to come up here and Iook for some stupid Burger King comet.
It's caIIed the Bapstein-King comet, okay?
Hey, Bapstein was a very weII-respected astronomer from--
No!
-Monica. -She's sIeeping.
I know. Just a quick question.
Which one was Deep Impact and which one was Armageddon?
Deep Impact was the one with Robert DuvaII.
Armageddon is what's going to happen to you if you wake me up.
Sorry, I just can't sIeep.
Where's that book you're reading with two women who are ice-skating...
...and wearing those hats with the fIowers on it.
Because every time I Iook at that cover, I'm Iike--
It's in the Iiving room, where there's aIso a Iight...
...and no one wiII kick you in the shin.
What?
PIease don't be a spaceship. PIease don't be a spaceship.
Oh, thank God.
How couId you be beeping? I just disconnected you!
I took out your battery! How can--? Don't interrupt me!
RacheI! Monica!
Come on!
I can't beIieve this!
AII right, weII, I guess we know what we have to do to get down.
Yeah, I guess we don't have a choice.
HeIp us! PIease heIp us!
We're stuck up on the roof, and we can't get down!
Ross.
I was thinking we'd just go down the fire escape.
I know. I wasn't finished.
But don't worry!
We're gonna go down the fire escape!
I'm sorry, I thought I'd make some warm miIk and it wouId heIp me sIeep.
With a wok?
Thought you were gonna read my book to put you to sIeep?
It got interesting.
Damn you, Oprah!
Here, Iet me make the miIk. I'm up anyway.
You know what we couId do now that we're up?
We couId just taIk to each other aII night Iong.
Like we did when we were first going out. It'd be fun.
-Okay, that does sound fun. -Yeah.
So how bummed were you when the second sister died, huh?
The second sister dies?!
No.
No, I was taIking about the book I was reading.
The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
That's correct.
Want to go in the bedroom? It's a IittIe more comfortabIe.
-Sure. -Okay.
Oh, wait, did you send those contracts to MiIan?
If this is your idea of sexy taIk....
Did you overnight the contracts I gave you?
What contracts?
PIease teII me this is just one of your jokes that I don't get.
Like what?
Like the thing when you put the phone in your pants?
Tag, I'm serious. This isn't funny.
Those contracts had to go out today.
You didn't give me any contracts.
Yes, I did. I put a IittIe Post-it on it that said:
''Must go out today,'' and I underIined ''today'' three times.
Then I put a IittIe heart in the corner because I didn't wanna seem too bossy.
You never gave them to me.
If we went to the office, you wouId see those contracts sitting on your desk.
No, I'd see you Iooking embarrassed because they are not on my desk.
Maybe I'd Iook embarrassed because you're taIking on the phone with your crotch.
You want to go to the office now?
Come on, it's Iate. We're not going down to the office.
Yeah, I understand. I wouIdn't want to be proved wrong either.
AII right, get your coat!
Oh! When did you unhook this? Nice work!
It won't go down any further. It's stuck.
We're just gonna have to jump.
Now, we're gonna have to make sure to Iand...
...to the right of that patch of ice, okay?
Not hit the dumpster on the other side.
And try to avoid that weird brownish-red stuff in the middIe.
So when you get down there...
...you go up to the roof and you Iet me in.
-Wait a minute. I have to do it? -You'II be fine.
It'II be just Iike bungee jumping, you know?
But instead of bouncing back up, you won't.
WeII, what if I smack my head on the concrete?
WeII, I'm not gonna Iie to you, Joey. It's a possibiIity.
I don't know. TeII you what, Iet's fIip to see who does it.
-You caII it in the air, aII right? -Oh, aII right.
-Can you see what it is? -No.
-Okay. WeII, you be carefuI. -No, Ross, stop it.
I'm not jumping.
Look, I have an audition tomorrow, and I can't go if I break my Ieg.
WeII, I'm not jumping. I have a son. He won't have a father if I die.
So it Iooks Iike we're even.
Okay, so this wire...
...is connected to this wire, which pIugs into here.
Okay, so to get the beeping to stop, aII I have to do....
WeII done, Pheebs.
What do you want from me?!
Here's your miIk. What do you wanna taIk about?
What? What? What?
Oh, were you sIeeping, sweetie? I'm sorry. Here.
Oh, that's so much better. Okay.
At least I can hear myself think.
God, stop singing.
Stop singing!
Okay. FeeI free to Iook...
...but I'm teIIing you, those contracts are not on this desk.
How couId you possibIy know? Look at this mess, Tag.
This is what I'm taIking about. You have to be more organized.
You've got newspapers, you've got magazines, you-- Oh!
And who's this chippy?
A IittIe young for you, but whatever.
That's my sister.
ReaIIy? Very cute braces.
Anyway, you know what? The point is, Tag, start Iooking...
...because you're gonna find those contracts on your desk.
So when do you imagine you gave them to me? Morning or afternoon?
In the afternoon. Mr. ZeIner came into my office after Iunch...
...he put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-it on it...
...that said:
''Must go out today.''
So you just keep Iooking in there, aII right?
They're not here.
PuzzIer.
Bit of a puzzIe.
Why don't you check the copy room. Maybe you Ieft the contracts in there.
-How couId I have Ieft them there? -I don't know.
How can your genitaIs make phone caIIs?
Okay? It's not a perfect worId. Just go, pIease?
-Fine. -Thank you.
HeIIo?
I stiII don't get it.
You stiII awake?
Yeah. You?
You do know that was me that just said that, right?
Hey.
As Iong as we're both up....
Yeah?
I hope you're not thinking about cIeaning the Iiving room.
Man, I'm starving. What the heII was I thinking at dinner?
''Do you want soup or saIad?'' Both, aIways order both.
You know, I'm Iooking, and I don't think anyone's home here.
I say we just break the window...
...crawI through...
...and you know, expIain Iater.
-No one's home? -I don't think so.
HeIIo?
So when you get in there....
Okay. This is where you and I part ways.
Noisy bitch!
Oh, what? What are you doing?
Do you know what just happened?
Yeah. We had sex, and then we feII asIeep.
No. We were in the middIe of sex...
...and you feII asIeep.
No. No, that's not true.
No, best time ever.
Yeah. You rock my worId.
-Monica? -What?
I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it.
So pIease wake up so we can do it right.
Okay. Okay. I'm ready.
-Come on, big feIIa. -Okay.
-Give me the good stuff. -Yeah.
No, no, no. Don't faII asIeep.
Okay, I'm going to make you some coffee.
WeII, I probabIy won't spiII coffee grounds aII over the kitchen fIoor.
Okay, I'm up. I'm up.
Hi. I got you some coffee to--
So you got anything for me?
-StiII no Iuck. -Oh, my God.
You checked your entire desk and aII the drawers?
-Want me to check again? -I wish you wouId.
WeII, no, it's not in there.
How about that drawer?
WeII, it's not out here. Any chance it couId be in your office?
I don't know.
I mean, Iet me check.
Any Iuck?
See you in my office for a minute?
You found them!
I'm not even gonna gIoat.
-I'm just reaIIy reIieved that this whoIe-- -You put these on my desk.
-I did not. -Oh, reaIIy?
They sIid out of your bottom drawer...
...crawIed across the fIoor, then jumped onto my desk?
How did you know they were in my bottom drawer?
I am so hot for you right now.
Oh, my God! How did you get back here?
Phoebe Buffay?
Fire AIarm?
Oh, hi, Officer Fireman. Can I heIp you?
We found your fire aIarm in the trash.
-That's not mine. -Yes, it is.
-How do you know? -Next time you dump a fire aIarm...
...don't use a bIanket that says, ''Property of Phoebe Buffay, not Monica.''
Do you have a search warrant?
Because the Iast time I checked, this was stiII America.
PIease reattach it. It's iIIegaI to disconnect them.
Fine. But pIease, God, teII me how to stop it from going off?
Press the reset button.
There's a reset button? Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Oh. There's a reset button?
My God!
Why didn't I see that?
Reset button. Reset button.
Where is there a reset button? Oh, here it is! Oh!
Fine, you Iive here. The rent is due on the 1 5th.
-Okay, you have a good grip? -Yeah.
I'm gonna start to cIimb down you now.
-AII right, just hurry up. -Okay.
Now, shouId I cIimb down your front so we're face to face...
...or shouId I cIimb down your back so we're...
...butt to face?
-Face to face. -I Iike face to face.
-Okay, here I come. -AII right.
Oh, my-- How much do you weigh, Ross?
I prefer not to answer. I'm stiII carrying a IittIe hoIiday weight.
When we taIked about face to face...
...I don't think we thought it aII the way through.
-What do you want me to do? -Just shimmy down me and drop.
-Hi. -Hi.
You know, maybe I shouId hang, and you shouId cIimb down me.
Yeah? Maybe we shouId taIk about that for a IittIe whiIe!
-It stiII Iooks pretty far. -It's not that far. Just drop.
Do not rush me!
My pants are starting to come down, and I'm not wearing any underwear.
My ankIe! I reaIIy hurt my ankIe!
I think I twisted it when-- A quarter!
That reaIIy was some of your best work.
I toId you.
I can't beIieve it.
I've onIy got two hours untiI I caII in sick for work.
I have to be up in seven minutes.
WeII, you're not gonna beIieve this, but if you have seven minutes....
ReaIIy?
You want to?
You get the vacuum cIeaner. I'II get the furniture poIish.
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