You have got to try this cheesecake.
You know, I'm not that much of a sweet tooth--
Oh, my God, it's so creamy!
That's the best cheesecake I've ever had!
Where did you get this?
It was at the front door when I got home. Somebody sent it to us.
This isn't addressed to you.
This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs!
Thief!
I didn't read the box before I opened it...
...and you can't return a box after you opened it!
-Why not? -Because it's too deIicious!
You stoIe this cheesecake. That's wrong.
No, it'II be okay because Mrs. Braverman wiII send for a free one.
That way, we aII win.
The onIy Iosers are the big cheesecake congIomerate...
...''Mama's LittIe Bakery.''
I feeI terribIe.
I'm a horribIe, horribIe person.
I'm sorry, what?
The One With AII The Cheesecakes
I shouId get going. Big day at work.
You know how I'm in a coma?
Today they do a test on me and it turns out I'm not brain-dead.
So--
Mr. Smarty Pants.
It's just my character that's not brain-dead.
Pheebs, stiII on for tonight?
-AbsoIuteIy. -I'II see you at 8.
What's at 8?
Dinner. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you.
Wow! Did not know that.
May I say how IoveIy you Iook today?
DuIy noted.
So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together?
-What are you taIking about? -Cousin Frannie's wedding.
You were invited?
No.
Oh, my God, I can't beIieve this.
I thought onIy Mom and Dad were invited.
From the ages of 7 to 9, Frannie and I were inseparabIe.
Maybe since the age of 9, Frannie's made some new friends.
Do you wanna make some new friends?
It's probabIy just a mistake. Let me caII Aunt CheryI.
Maybe you are invited and the invitation got Iost in the maiI.
You caII her and teII her that when we were kids...
...her precious Frannie tried to undress me severaI times.
If I hadn't stopped her, there wouIdn't be a wedding to go to.
She tried to undress me too.
I used to undress my cousin GIenn.
Joseph Francis Tribbiani, are you home yet?
I think he's stiII out. What's wrong?
I'II teII you, RacheI Karen Greene.
I had pIans with Joey, and he Ieft me this note.
''Pheebs, can't make it. Got a date. TaIk to you Iater.
Big Daddy.''
-''Big Daddy''? -That's a nickname we were trying.
Why didn't you guys try ''Francis''?
Francis is a cooIer name than ChandIer, isn't it?
You know what nickname never caught on? ''The Ross-a-tron.''
Here's Joseph Francis!
Wait, what are you middIe-naming me for?
I Ieft you a note.
That doesn't give you the right to ditch me!
You can canceI pIans with friends if there's a possibiIity for sex.
He's right. That is the ruIe.
-ReaIIy? -WeII, that's what I hear.
I've never gotten a chance to actuaIIy empIoy the ruIe.
I don't accept it. When we make pIans, I expect you to show up.
I'm not a way to kiII time tiII you meet someone better.
Boyfriends and girIfriends wiII come and go, but this is for Iife.
I'm so sorry. I had no idea it wouId bother you this much.
WeII, it does.
WeII, can I make it up to you?
I'm sorry.
How about dinner tomorrow night? I'II pay for myseIf.
Okay, you wore me down.
WhiIe you're over there, how about a beer for ''The Ross-a-tron''?
''Ross--'' Is that back?
The other cheesecake came.
They deIivered it here again.
Just bring it downstairs. What's the probIem?
I can't seem to say goodbye.
Are you serious?
We ate an entire cake two days ago and you want more?
WeII, I've forgotten what it tastes Iike.
It was cheesecake. It was fine.
It had a buttery, crumbIy, graham cracker crust...
...with a very rich...
...yet Iight cream cheese fiIIing.
Wow, my whoIe mouth just fiIIed with saIiva.
Know what? Forget it. We're just hungry.
We haven't had Iunch. We're just Iightheaded.
So Iet's go have Iunch and forget about the cheesecake.
We'II drop it off so we're not tempted.
-Where do you want to eat? -Mama's LittIe Bakery, Chicago.
MeI Tormé died.
Joey, that paper's Iike a year oId.
Does that mean the Sam Goody's saIe is over?
So I finaIIy heard back from Aunt CheryI...
...and apparentIy it wasn't a mistake.
There's Iimited seating--
Limited seating? I am just one tiny person!
Yeah, but she doesn't know that.
I mean, the Iast time she saw you...
...you'd have turned one of those IittIe wedding chairs into kindIing.
''Limited seating.'' That's such a Iame excuse.
That's not the reason she's not inviting me.
What's the big deaI? I wasn't invited to the ceremony, just the reception.
If it makes you feeI any better, Joan and I wiII just make an appearance...
...and then we'II Ieave earIy as a sign of protest.
-Joan? -Yeah, my date.
Assistant professor in Iinguistics. TaII, very beautifuI.
And despite what some peopIe say, not broad-backed.
Wait a minute. You got ''Ross GeIIer and Guest''?
I wasn't invited, and you got ''and Guest''?
Excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross' behaIf.
I think the ruIe appIies here.
Since he has a chance to get on broad-back--
Not broad-back!
Dude, I've seen her. She's Iike a biIIboard.
Wait a minute. You're bringing me.
I can't canceI on Joan.
-Why not? -Did you not hear me?
She's an assistant professor in the Iinguistics department.
They're wiId.
-Why do you want to come anyway? -Because...
...she's my cousin.
I mean, we grew up together.
FamiIy, you know? And aII that's important to me.
Okay, aII right. I'II take you.
I'II go caII Joan.
Oh, that's nice.
FamiIy shouId be there.
It's her wedding. Happiest day of her Iife.
We'II see.
WeII, thank you for Iunch.
Wait, I thought you paid.
ApparentIy, we don't pay for food anymore.
-Do you see what I see? -It's stiII there.
Mrs. Braverman must be out.
She couId be out of town. Maybe gone for months.
By then, it may spoiI. She can't come back to bad cheesecake.
-It couId kiII her. -Don't want that.
We're protecting her.
-We'II take it. -But quick.
-Why? -I hear her in there.
Go! Go! Go!
Do you think it's inappropriate to wear a white, Iacy dress to a wedding?
-Yes. -ExceIIent.
Oh, my God, that's David.
-Who? -David, the scientist guy.
David that I was in Iove with.
Who went to Russia and broke my heart, David.
Oh, my God!
Say their name enough, they turn around.
Phoebe.
David.
What are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be in Russia?
I'm just in town for a conference.
God, you Iook phenomenaI.
WeII....
Yeah.
You Iook great too. Did you get a haircut?
Yeah. WeII, I got Iike 30 of them.
Look, I got a confession to make.
I was hoping to run into you here.
I didn't know if I shouId caII. I was onIy in town a few days...
...and I didn't want to intrude on your Iife.
I reaIIy wanted to see you...
...but I didn't know if you wanted to see me.
Of course I wouId want to see you. I think about you aII the time.
ReaIIy? Because I think about you aII the time.
There's a statue in Minsk that reminds me of you so much.
It's actuaIIy of Lenin...
...but, you know, at certain angIes....
Anyway, do you want to have dinner tonight?
Yes.
Oh, no!
-What? -I can't.
I can't beIieve I have pIans. Can you do it tomorrow?
No, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the redeye.
Listen, next time you're in Minsk....
Phoebe? Can I taIk to you for a second?
What are you doing?
I have pIans with Joey.
So? He'II understand.
No, he won't. And that's not even the point.
I made a whoIe speech about how you do not canceI pIans with friends.
And now just because, potentiaIIy, the Iove of my Iife...
...returns from Russia for one night...
...I shouId change my beIiefs?
I shouId change my beIiefs!
No. If I don't have my principIes, I don't have anything.
You're so strong.
Or I shouId rush through dinner with Joey and meet David at 9.
Oh, my God, that is so good!
I'm fuII. And yet I know if I stop eating this...
...I'II regret it.
Hey, what have you got there?
Oh, it's....
It's tofu cake. Want some?
What are you doing tonight?
Dude. Dude.
Sorry.
I got pIans with Phoebe.
ReaIIy? Monica said she had a date at 9.
-What? Tonight? -That's what Monica said.
After that speech, she makes a date on the same night she has pIans with me?
She's trying to puII a fast one on Big Daddy.
-Now, if you'II excuse me.... -Dude, dude!
If I took off my pants right now, how wouId you feeI?
Like your cousin GIenn.
Here, I think this is us.
Limited seating, my ass.
Let's see who made the cut.
Hi. I'm Monica GeIIer.
-How do you know the bride and groom? -I worked with Frannie.
Used to work with her. Used to.
I'm a reIative and I didn't get invited.
A bIood reIative. BIood.
Stop saying ''bIood'' to strangers.
From the ages of 7 to 9, we were inseparabIe, and I didn't even get invited!
Then why are you here?
-I'm my brother's date. -Hey, I had a date, okay?
Joan Tedeschi, the Iinguist.
So how about you? How do you know the happy coupIe?
We went to coIIege with both of them.
Now we Iive next door.
Okay, you're fine.
You know, you wouId've Iiked Joan, she's very pIeasant.
There! There! Her back Iooks Iike that. That's not broad, is it?
Come on, Joey, you've got to be ready to order by now.
You know, I don't I Iike this tabIe either. Maybe we shouId move again.
No, we're staying right here. Excuse me, we're ready to order.
I don't work here.
WeII, then you shouIdn't be waIking around.
-Are you guys ready? -Yes.
I'II have a green saIad, house dressing and water's fine.
And for you, sir?
Yeah. This sIow-roasted saImon...
...how sIow are we taIking?
It's aIready been roasted.
Oh, then no. Maybe I shouId hear the speciaIs again.
We've heard the speciaIs three times.
There's prime rib, mahi-mahi and a very speciaI Iobster ravioIi.
-ActuaIIy, we're out of the ravioIi. -WeII, that changes everything!
You know what, Pheebs? You were right before.
Friends are so important.
Yeah, I'm very wise. I know.
Know what I reaIIy want?
-What? -Is to have a Iong, Iong taIk.
You know? Get Joey out on the open road and reaIIy open him up.
-Any progress? -Yes.
I wiII have the Iobster ravioIi.
God, Joey, this is taking forever.
-What's the rush? -WeII...
...I have an appointment.
And it's very important.
What is it?
WeII...
...it's a date.
A date? No, you must be mistaken, because you wouIdn't have a date...
...on the same night you have pIans with a friend.
Don't make me feeI badIy.
No, I'm gonna!
You made me feeI reaIIy guiIty about going out with that girI.
Like I did something terribIe. Now you're doing the same thing.
It's not! It's totaIIy different!
This is with David. Remember David, the scientist guy?
He's very speciaI to me.
My girI the other night was speciaI. She was a scientist too.
-She was? -WeII, she graduated high schooI.
Whatever. Know what?
He's onIy here for four hours and I'm gonna go see him.
-Fine! -Yeah.
What are you stiII doing here? I toId you, Iobster ravioIi!
I was about to Ieave. I didn't think you were coming.
I wouIdn't have missed this.
WeII, I'm very gIad you're here.
Oh, you're such a gentIeman.
Come on, we're going to my pIace.
Are you eating the cheesecake without me?
I wiII give you $ 1 00 to whistIe right now.
-How can you eat it without me? -What'II you do?
TeII Monica or Joey? No, you'd have to teII them everything.
We're dessert steaIers. We're Iiving outside the Iaw.
I don't trust you with this cake.
I got it first, and I'm taking it back!
-What? Oh, no. -Oh, yes.
You think I trust you with it?
No, we'II spIit it.
That's not fair. You had some.
I think Monica wouId be very interested to know...
...that you caIIed her cheesecake ''dry and meaIy.''
What do we use to spIit it?
AII right, pick a haIf.
WeII, this side Iooks bigger.
But there's more crust on this side.
Maybe if I measure it--
Pick a piece!
-AII right, I pick that one. -It's the smaIIer piece.
Okay. There you go.
Enjoy your haIf, my friend. But that is it.
No sharing, no switching, and don't come crying to me...
...if you eat your piece too fast.
-You gonna give me some of yours? -Oh, no.
No switching, no sharing. And don't come crying to me.
I may just sit here and have my cake aII day.
Just sit here in the haIIway and eat my--
Ross, sweetheart!
Oh, hey, Aunt MiIIie.
-Isn't it a beautifuI wedding? -Yes, it is.
Every time, on the Iips!
Why? Why on the Iips?
There's Frannie. Won't she be happy to see me?
You be nice, aII right?
I didn't bring you to ambush her.
Frannie was the one who showed your Playboys to Mom.
That bitch.
Monica!
What--?
Am I doing here? Surprised to see me?
Ross brought me. How do you Iike that?
Hi, Frannie. CongratuIations.
You invite my whoIe famiIy, and not me? Why?
Why wouIdn't you want me here? What couId I have done?
Stuart!
I beIieve you know my husband.
So it's reaIIy a question of ''who'' couId you have done.
I hate this, but I have to go.
I can't miss my fIight.
I bet there's another fIight to Minsk in--
JuIy.
That's reaIIy beautifuI. What does it mean?
''PIease cIean my beakers.''
I don't get out of the Iab much.
I thought it meant something eIse.
Yeah, weII, I reaIIy actuaIIy wanted to say...
...that.
But I figured I probabIy shouIdn't because...
...I have to Ieave.
No, you're right. Don't say it.
I do, though.
I do too.
WeII, bye, Phoebe.
Now's not the time, Joey. You can yeII at me tomorrow.
Wait, no, Pheebs. I'm not gonna yeII at you.
I just started thinking about you and David...
...and I remember how bummed you were the first time he Ieft.
Oh, Pheebs, come here.
-Are you okay? -No, I'm not okay.
The onIy guy I've ever been crazy about is going to Minsk...
...and I may never see him again.
You couId aIways visit him.
Right. Like they'II Iet me have a passport.
Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
WeII, now...
...if you achieve distiIIation of subatomic particIes before he does...
...then he couId come back.
I couId give it a shot.
Oh, Iook! There's a piece that doesn't have fIoor on it.
-Stick to your side! -Come on, now!
AII right, what are we having?
-Oh, wait, I forgot my wrap. -Oh, I'II wait here for you.
-I can't go back there! -Why?
Did you see the way Stuart was staring at me? I think he stiII wants me.
-Oh, my God. -Just go do it!
AII right, wait here.
Hi, sweetie! Are you Ieaving?
-WeII-- -Give us a kiss. Come on.
Why? Why on the Iips?
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