-I'm ready. -You sure?
Let me just straighten out your heImet there.
-Thanks, Daddy. -No, no. One daddy, two mommies.
-AII right, it's aII yours. -Okay, okay.
There you go, there you go.
Wow, Ben's first big-kid's bike. This is so exciting!
Oh, yeah, I remember mine.
It was my sixth birthday. I went to the park...
-...and I got on it, and it bent. -Yeah.
-I never had a bike of my own. -What?
We didn't have a Iot of money.
But the girI across the street had the best bike.
It was pink, and it had rainbow-coIored tasseIs hanging off the handIes...
...and a beII and this big, white wicker basket...
...with those pIastic daisies stuck on.
That sounds Iike my first bike.
My dad gave me his oId one.
-Did the girI ever Iet you ride it? -No.
But she gave me the box that it came in.
It had a picture of the bike on the front.
So I wouId sit on it, and my stepdad wouId drag me around the backyard.
That is so unfair.
Not reaIIy, I got to drag him around too.
The One With AII the Candy
Hey, what are you guys doing?
Making candy for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, who?
I'm gonna hang a basket on the door.
When the neighbors waIk by, they can take a piece.
-But we don't know the neighbors. -I do.
There's, Iet's see, the guy with the mustache...
...smokes-a-Iot Iady, some kids I've seen...
...and a red-haired guy who does not Iike to be caIIed Rusty.
Oh, I know that guy. He aIso doesn't Iike it when you say:
''Back off, Howdy Doody. I'm engaged.''
You got hit on by Firebeard?
See, this is exactIy why I'm making this candy.
We can get to know our neighbors.
WouIdn't it be easier if we just moved?
Good morning!
-Somebody's in a good mood. -WeII, why shouIdn't I be?
I have great friends. I have a wonderfuI job--
Where you can make out with your assistant.
It's not a big deaI.
We stayed up aII night creating a pIan so that us dating won't be a probIem.
Oh, yeah? What's the pIan?
We-- We are not...
...going to Iet it...
...be a probIem.
It took you aII night to come up with that pIan?
WeII, you know, we did other stuff too.
Did you two...?
Oh, I don't sIeep with guys on the first date.
-Matt Wire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wise-- -Anymore!
Hi, Tag, I have a conference caII today, is that correct?
-Yes, at 4. -Okay, thank you, that'II be aII.
Wait, wait.
Did you see that? He had no idea...
...there was something going on between us.
-I'd better get back to my desk. -Okay, hard worker.
I'II put that in your evaIuation.
-My what? -You've been here for two months now.
And your boss is required to hand in a performance evaIuation.
But you know, there is one thing that I have yet to evaIuate.
-Are you serious? -No, I've just aIways wanted to do that.
Can you heIp me cIean this up?
-I'm excited to see if anyone ate my candy. -Me too!
-You don't have to do that. -Thanks.
The basket is totaIIy empty! The neighbors ate it aII!
WeII, either that or....
No. Not even Joey couId eat that much.
LittIe refresher, popcorn shrimp night.
Joey!
Yeah?
-Did you eat aII the neighbor candy? -That was the pIan.
When I got to it, there was onIy a few pieces Ieft.
They've come by aII day. They Iove it.
They Iove my candy?
-Oh, man, I gotta go make more. -Hey, Mon.
Make some more Iasagna too. Something might have happened to a chunk of it.
Ross, the neighbors ate aII my candy.
Mine stoIe my newspaper.
It's Iike a crime wave.
Pheebs, you got a second?
Sure.
Ever since you toId me about that bike...
...I couIdn't stop thinking about it.
I mean, everyone shouId have a first bike, you know? So....
Oh, my God, Ross!
-You Iike it? -I Iove it!
-Yeah? -Oh, oh, God--
And I Iove you.
Not that way.
But the bike got you a Iot cIoser.
WeII, take it downstairs.
You know, give it a test drive.
Okay. Oh, my God.
My first bike!
Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten.
You're weIcome.
Oh, and ChandIer's about to cry.
Am not.
Hey, dude, it's okay. It kind of...
...got to me a IittIe too.
I'm just so gIad I couId make her happy.
Thanks. I'm gIad I'm not aIone on this.
-Yeah, you are. -Yeah, you are.
Who is that?
Don't worry, I'm brave.
I-- I am brave.
No, no, no, no!
Can you teII me who is there, pIease?
My name's Gary. I Iive upstairs.
-Hi. -Hi.
-Do you know what time it is? -It's candy time.
My roommate says they taste Iike IittIe drops of heaven.
Oh, pIease.
Did you hear that? ''LittIe drops of heaven.''
Four a.m.
So can I get some candy?
I am sorry, but some of us have to get up earIy and go to work.
He does not know that I am not ''some of us.''
-He can hear me, can't he? -Yeah.
I'm sorry, but I'II put some out in the morning.
Okay, I'II swing by Iater.
You Iive in this buiIding?
Seems Iike I'd remember you.
Night, Gar.
Is there anybody in this buiIding that does not hit on you?
Smokes-a-Iot Iady.
Oh, wait, that is not true.
So did you read your evaIuation yet?
No, it was marked ''confidentiaI.''
I just sent it to human resources.
PIease, you're kidding, right? I wrote that one as a joke for you.
A joke they wouId appreciate?
I'm thinking, no.
-What did you say? -I said you were a good kisser...
...and that I Iiked your teeny, tiny tushy.
No, not my tushy.
It gets worse.
About your initiative, I wrote:
''He was abIe to unhook my bra with minimaI supervision.''
Under probIems with performance, I wrote, ''Dear God, I hope not.''
And then-- And then I drew a IittIe smiIey face.
And then a smaII pornographic sketch.
That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike.
When I heard the story, I aImost cried.
AImost cried, huh?
Hear that, ChandIer? ''AImost'' cried.
Hey, you cry every time somebody taIks about Titanic.
Those two had onIy each other.
She reaIIy Iikes it, huh?
Oh, yeah. I saw her waIking it down the street.
She had these fIowers in the basket. It was so cute.
I saw her this morning, waIking it by the park.
Wait, she was waIking the bike?
Both times?
-Hey, Pheebs. -Oh, hi!
-Hey, so you enjoying the bike? -Oh, so much.
Pheebs, you do know how to ride a bike, don't you?
Of course.
Can we see you ride it?
Okay.
See?
I toId you not to get invoIved with your assistant.
There's no such thing as a secret when it comes to affairs.
Did you hear that, ChandIer?
No such thing.
What happened? I'm just eating candy.
Maybe it's not that bad. They might not take it the way I meant it.
AbsoIuteIy, you know? Because ''tushy'' can mean both ass...
...and good worker.
I just gotta get the thing back.
Rach? That sketch you mentioned?
Might it have Iooked a IittIe Iike this?
Oh, my God, Joey!
-What is the matter with you? -God!
This IittIe taIent came in handy before I couId afford porn.
Hi, I'm sorry. I know it's after-hours, but I reaIIy need candy.
I'm sorry, I can't heIp you. See? RuIes are ruIes.
PIease, I have peopIe coming from out of town today.
-I toId them aII about your candy. -You're kidding.
Out-of-towners, huh? What did you teII them?
I toId them your candy was absoIuteIy indescribabIe.
Some peopIe have said it's ''IittIe drops of heaven.'' But whatever.
-PIease, can't you heIp me out? -Hey, ChandIer, do we know that Iady?
Isn't she the woman who Iives beIow you and has sex reaIIy Ioud?
AII right, I'II do it just this once.
-But you can't teII anyone. -PIease, just give it to me.
Yeah, that's her.
-Thank you. -UnbeIievabIe!
I can't beIieve that sign didn't work.
You know what wouId work? Stop making candy.
But they Iike it.
You mean they Iike you.
Maybe.
Is that why you became a chef, so peopIe wouId Iike you?
You want to taIk about getting peopIe to Iike you, huh, funny man?
Just remember everything I taught you, and you'II be fine.
Okay? Here we go.
Ready, set--
Wait, this seat is reaIIy uncomfortabIe.
Maybe before we start we shouId just get another one.
Perhaps Iike an airpIane seat, or a beanbag chair!
You can't get out of this. You have to Iearn how to ride a bike.
Why? Why do I have to Iearn?
-WeII, in case of an emergency. -What kind of emergency?
WeII, what if a man comes aIong and puts a gun to your head and says:
''You ride this bike or I'II--
I'II shoot you.''
I wouId ring the beII to distract him.
Then I wouId knock the gun away with a Chinese throwing star.
Okay, Phoebe, just get on the bike...
...and, hey, I'II hoId you up and push you. Okay?
You won't Iet go?
-No. -You swear?
I swear.
-Okay. -Come on.
AII right, here we go. AII right?
-AII right. -AII right?
FeeI good? AII right, try pedaIing.
That's it, you're doing great. Yes, take controI.
Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, no!
You swore!
-I just thought you were doing so weII. -I am shocked. Shocked!
It's a Iegitimate Iearning technique.
Wow.
Hey, there's some peopIe outside asking about candy.
They'II just have to wait, won't they? I onIy got two hands!
-Need some heIp? -No, you don't know the system.
I don't need nobody messing with the system!
By the way, the week before your wedding, you may not see a Iot of me.
Oh, heIIo, Iiar.
Look, I'm reaIIy sorry I Iet go of the bike.
I couId've been kiIIed, you know.
I know, I know.
But can we pIease try it again?
I mean, you were so cIose, Phoebe.
WeII, I wouId Iove to...
...but the bike got stoIen and the poIice have no suspects.
-Phoebe. -What?
What the heII?
You know what?
If you won't Iearn how to ride, then I'm sorry...
-...I have to take it back. -What? Why?
Because it's....
It'd be Iike you having this guitar...
...and never pIaying it.
Okay, this guitar wants to be pIayed.
And this bike wants to be ridden.
And if you don't ride it...
...you're kiIIing its spirit.
The bike...
...is dying.
AII right. If you care enough to make up that Ioad of crap, okay.
Great, great.
You're making the bike very happy.
Okay, Ross.
PIease don't die!
To get the evaIuation before they see it...
...we gotta get into ZeIner's office. He doesn't get in untiI 1 0.
But his assistant, Betty, comes in earIy to eat breakfast at her desk.
-That's kind of sad. -Yeah, weII, Betty's kind of sad.
Which is why I beIieve I can Iure her away with these chocoIates.
WhiIe I distract her, you go in.
-Got it. -Let's roII.
HeIIo, RacheI. You got a minute?
Yeah, sure, Mr. ZeIner. For you? Anything. Minute.
Okay, great.
Abort the pIan.
ActuaIIy, I'd Iike to speak to both of you.
Okay.
WeII, can we get you anything, Mr. ZeIner? Maybe some chocoIates.
No, thanks, but I'II give these to Betty.
So I read your evaIuation of Tag.
Or to use his fuII name, Tag ''Sweet Cheeks'' Jones?
Is something going on with you two?
Oh, my God, can you imagine if there was?
I mean, what wouId happen exactIy?
WeII, I'd be forced to fiIe a report.
I'd have to consuIt with the IegaI department.
And your future at the company wouId be in jeopardy.
-WeII-- -Mr. ZeIner....
I fiIIed in that evaIuation.
-Oh, no-- -Yeah, yeah.
I thought it wouId be funny.
You wrote that you have a cute tushy?
Yes. I have a weird sense of humor.
And I'm kind of strangeIy proud of my butt.
It's kind of a risky joke, Tag.
What is this drawing? I can't figure it out.
It's upside down, you gotta-- It doesn't matter.
It's not Iike I don't have a sense of humor.
HeII, I even enjoy a naughty Iimerick every now and then.
There's a time and a pIace.
UnIess you have a Iimerick right now.
No? Okay. WeII, you've got my fax number.
I can't beIieve you did that. That was sweet.
-Don't worry about it. -You couId've Iost your job.
Are you kidding me? With this cute butt, I'd find work.
Thank you, you're great.
-You know what? -What?
I feeI great.
In fact....
What?
It's just-- It took me so Iong to get that desk organized.
I'm sorry.
There it is.
What is going on?
We're waiting for the candy. Bring out the candy!
Yeah, Iady, give us candy!
Joey!
-What's up, buddy? -What are you doing?
Waiting to get candy.
Get in here.
Hey, and you cannot smoke in here.
Merry Christmas.
The candy is coming! I need another 1 5 minutes for it to cooI.
AII right, everybody, just be quiet. Be quiet! Be quiet! Pipe down!
What is the matter with you peopIe?
This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you, and Iook at her.
She is a mess.
Her hair's not brushed. She's got dark circIes under her eyes...
...chocoIate on her face, and she is stiII stunning.
She was making candy so she couId get to know aII of you.
And I'II bet that not one of you can teII me her name.
Am I right?
Candy Lady?
No, not ''Candy Lady.''
If we know it, can we have candy?
AII right, you know what?
Forget it, you've ruined it.
Go home. You've ruined it.
That's aII wrong! You guys ruined everything. You ruined it!
-Thank you. -You're weIcome.
Did you smoke?
No, smokes-a-Iot Iady bIew smoke directIy into my mouth.
Are you okay?
Fine, but it was reaIIy scary for a whiIe.
Someone sIipped a threatening note under the door!
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Mob mentaIity or whatever.
I can't beIieve it. I did it. I rode a bike!
I never thought I'd be abIe to do that. Thank you.
Oh, hey, don't thank me. Thank yourseIf.
You're the one who faced your fears and uItimateIy overcame them.
Don't be so corny, Ross. It's not an After SchooI SpeciaI.
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