-Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving. -No, no, no.
What are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
We're pIaying a game I Iearned.
You have to name aII the states in six minutes.
What? That's Iike insaneIy easy.
It's harder than it sounds. You aIways forget one.
Or, in some cases, 1 4.
It's stupid and I wasn't pIaying against peopIe, so technicaIIy, I didn't Iose.
You forgot 1 4 states?
Nobody cares about the Dakotas!
Okay, time's up.
AII right, I got 48.
That's not bad. Pheebs?
I got tired of naming states, so I decided to Iist the types of ceIery.
And I have one, reguIar ceIery.
So RacheI's got 48, and Phoebe has the Iead in...
...vegetabIes. Joey?
Say heIIo to the new champ of ChandIer's dumb states game.
-Wow, how many you got? -Fifty-six.
The One Where ChandIer Doesn't Like Dogs
Hey, how is New EngIand not a state?
They have a sports team.
Does South Oregon have a sports team?
There you go.
How come we have one extra pIace setting?
You invited your assistant.
Oh, right, sorry. Tag's not coming.
His girIfriend came into town, so he's with her.
Why didn't you teII me?
I made him his own individuaI sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
I was going to, but then I figured...
...your food is so deIicious and perfect...
...you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
You'd think I wouIdn't enjoy that because it is so fake, but I stiII do.
ReguIar ceIery!
I aIready have that.
Done...
...with time to spare.
-This may be a new worId's record. -I hate to Iecture you guys...
...but it's disgracefuI that a group of weII-educated aduIts...
...and Joey, can't name aII the states.
You ever see a map, or one of those round, coIorfuI things caIIed a ''gIobe''?
MageIIan? You got 46 states.
-What? That's impossibIe. -Forty-six.
WeII, who's weII-educated now, Mr. I-Forgot-Ten-States?
I'm going to go turn on Joey's oven.
PIease, watch him. Do not Iet Joey eat any of the food.
I am onIy one man.
-Okay, time is up. -Now, just give me another minute.
If you don't know them by now, you wiII never know them, okay?
That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kiII yourseIf.
This is crazy. I can do this.
AII right, I bet I can get aII 50 before dinner.
Okay, but if you can't, no dinner.
You're on.
Don't Iook at my Iist, because there's a Iot on there that you don't have.
Did you know your oven doesn't work?
The drawer fuII of takeout menus is okay, right?
Ross, I'm gonna use yours.
ChandIer, give me a hand.
Joey, do not Iet Ross Iook at maps or the gIobe in your apartment.
Don't worry. It's not a gIobe of the United States.
I'm gonna go out and take a waIk.
Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
-Oh, it's not. -SeriousIy, it's moving.
-What the heII's in there? -It's just my knitting. That's aII.
Yes, I knit this.
I'm very good.
Ross' apartment is nice. How come we don't hang out here?
Maybe because it smeIIs a weird.
It's Iike oId pumpkins or something.
-That's my pie. -Which smeIIs deIicious.
-Uh-oh. Uh-oh. -What?
We Ieft Joey aIone with the food.
Yep, yep, I knew it.
There he is...
...feeding stuffing to a dog!
Hi, GeIIer-Bing residence. How can I heIp?
Why is a dog in our apartment?
I'm sorry, who's this?
There's a dog sitting on my couch.
TeII her I'm aIIergic, and I wiII sue!
-There's no dog here. -Yes, there is!
He's bIack and white and shaggy.
He's sitting next to Rachel and licking her hand.
Oh, my God! Where are you?
I'II be right there.
They're here aIready? How are they doing this?!
Hi, Tag. What are you doing here?
I wanted to see if your offer was stiII good.
WeII, sure. Come in.
WeII, what happened to your girIfriend?
We kind of broke up this morning.
-Oh, I'm sorry. -Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.
Ohio, thank you.
Where's the dog?
What dog? There's no dog here.
Yeah, that dog Ieft.
Wait a minute. I thought we agreed to say-- Your thing. Yeah.
Phoebe. Phoebe, open up.
There's no dog in here.
WeII, the hiding-the-dog pIan is off to a great start.
Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking.
No, that's just me coughing.
Oh, good. There you are.
Listen, I have a dog in my room.
What is it doing here?
I'm watching it for friends who went out of town.
Wait.
HeIIo, my name is KIunkers.
May I pIease stay with you nice peopIe?
I wish he couId stay here, but ChandIer's aIIergic.
ExtremeIy aIIergic, okay?
If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes...
...my throat wiII just cIose up.
That's odd. This dog's been Iiving here for the past three days.
ReaIIy?
If he's been here that Iong...
...and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not aIIergic to it.
It stiII has to go, right?
Why?
-Okay, it's-- -Don't do it!
-Don't do what? -I have to.
Okay? It's time.
Okay, I hate dogs.
-What?! -That's crazy? Why?
ToId you.
They are needy...
...jumpy, and you can't teII what they are thinking...
...and that scares me a IittIe bit.
You're right. They are scary.
She just ate a treat out of my hand!
So you're not aIIergic? I mean, does that mean you're not aIIergic to wooI either?
You bought me a pink turtIeneck sweater.
The guy in the cataIog puIIed it off.
Wait. Do you not Iike aII dogs?
I mean, not even puppies?
Is there a puppy here?
-You don't Iike puppies? -Okay, you are new.
Look, ChandIer, I toId you. Never teII anyone about this dog thing.
It's Iike Ross not Iiking ice cream.
-You don't Iike ice cream? -It's too coId!
It's just that dogs make me a IittIe uncomfortabIe.
Hurts my teeth.
And I don't want you guys to hate me...
...but I don't think I can be around that dog anymore, okay?
So either the dog goes or I go.
Oh, my God!
How can I not get this?
I'm a coIIege professor. I got 1 450 on my SATs.
TweIve-fifty.
Damn, I forgot you were here.
We're gonna take KIunkers to Ross' .
We'II be back in a minute.
Before you go, can I ask you a question?
When a guy breaks up with his girIfriend...
...what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
I'd say about a month.
ReaIIy? I'd say three to four.
HaIf-hour.
Interesting.
When it's your assistant, I'd say never.
AII right, Rach, the big question is, does he Iike you?
Because if he doesn't Iike you, this is aII a moo point.
A ''moo'' point?
Yeah. It's Iike a cow's opinion.
It just doesn't matter.
It's ''moo.''
Have I been Iiving with him for too Iong, or did that aII just make sense?
Don't Iisten to Joey.
Okay, wouId you Iook at him?
He's obviousIy depressed. He's away from his famiIy.
What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you.
-Okay, that's what I'm going to do. -Fine, take their advice.
No one ever Iistens to me.
When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
Okay, I'm keeping my end of the deaI.
Why is the dog stiII here?
-We're Ieaving. -Okay.
-Come on. -Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
I couId puII this off, right?
-Hey. -Hey.
How you hoIding up?
Not bad.
-I'm sorry about your girIfriend. -Thanks.
-Were you guys together a Iong time? -A year, on and off.
I kind of thought we'd end up together. I don't anymore.
-Now that she broke up with you. -Yeah.
It's weird.
I used to assume that I wouId meet someone and faII in Iove and be happy.
That aII that was just a given. LateIy, it's Iike, what if it's not?
Do you ever have that feeIing?
No.
Yeah.
AII the time. ConstantIy. It's terrifying.
But, you know, then I figure, it has to work out.
Why?
Because it has to.
-You reaIIy have aII the answers, don't you? -No, no, I do. I reaIIy do.
-Thanks for taIking to me. -Come on, what are bosses for?
Hug it out.
AII right, he Iikes you back.
ToId you, you shouId go for it.
What?
Street noise drown any of that out?
No? See you Iater.
Okay.
What did Joey say? I Iike you back?
You know-- WeII, see-- He--
Joey knows that I'm very insecure about my back.
And you were hugging me...
...so, obviousIy, you are not repuIsed by it. Yeah!
-Wait, that doesn't make any sense. -No?
AII right, here's the truth.
Joey said what he said...
...because I'm attracted to you.
Wow.
Yeah, I admit it.
I have a crush on you. I know that's crazy because we work together...
...and nothing couId ever happen.
The Iast thing I wanted to do was freak you out...
...or make you feeI uncomfortabIe.
Which is why it wouId be reaIIy great if you said something right about now.
Oh, my God. Those guys are steaIing my car.
What?
Right there. That's my car!
-Hey! -Okay, that's gonna take one minute.
Do you have anything eIse you want to get off your chest?
I can't beIieve this.
We stiII have time to taIk, and they're not even in the car yet.
Look, there they go.
Okay, Phoebe. We shouId probabIy go back now.
PIease, don't Ieave me. I'II be IoneIy.
Stop it. Stop.
-Okay, Iet's go. We can be strong. -Yeah, okay.
Did you hear that? She said, ''Monica.''
I can't Ieave her.
We couId sneak the dog back in, and ChandIer wouIdn't even know.
That's not gonna work.
I had that dog for three days, and ChandIer had no idea.
He's not so smart.
Hey. I didn't know either.
Yeah, but you kind of knew that something was going on, didn't you?
Yeah, I knew.
Where's ChandIer?
-Here I am. -Wash your hands.
How did you know?
Hey, what's she doing back here?
ReIax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream.
Hey, Iook, Phoebe. I Iaid out the states geographicaIIy.
We don't have time for this. We have to keep him away from my room.
-Yeah, but, Iook what-- -This is what we do not have time for!
-Where's Monica? -In Phoebe's room. You can't go in there.
Why not?
Monica's crying.
She's very upset about this whoIe KIunkers thing.
-WeII, I shouId go in there. -No, no.
No, she doesn't want to see you right now.
-Why not? -Because you sent away the dog.
-That's ridicuIous. -Oh, is it? Is it?!
Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover.
And one day, my dad decides he doesn't Iike dogs.
So Monica and her friend PhyIIis...
...take away the dog, and that was the Iast time we ever saw him. See?
This is just Iike that...
...onIy with a few detaiIs changed.
Okay, I'm in my sweatpants.
Bring on the food.
-What's the matter? -Monica's upset because of KIunkers.
So? Bring the dog back. You're a hero.
Yeah, I couId be a hero. I couId do that.
What if it attacks me?
ChandIer, it's Iike a big gerbiI.
And that doesn't scare you?
Ross, you need some heIp?
From you?
Yes, pIease.
First of aII, Utah?
Dude, you can't just make stuff up.
Okay, KIunkers, come here, you big gerbiI.
KIunkers.
Where's my KIunkers, my IittIe--?
No, no, no. I am not going to do that voice.
KIunkers.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Come back here, you furry, IittIe butt-sniffer.
Not you, ma'am.
I hate America!
When I finish this game, I swear, I am moving.
-Tag stiII taIking to the poIice? -Yeah.
Damn it. Why did I open my mouth?
''I have a crush on you. I'm attracted to you.''
I know that I freaked him out.
If you said it Iike that, you did.
What was I thinking?
I work with this man. I have to see him every day.
How'd this happen to me?
Oh, wait. That's right, it was because of you.
AII right, I think I can heIp you. You wanna know what you have to do?
-PIease, heIp me. -Okay, okay, okay.
Now, you're gonna want to taIk to him about this, right?
But trust me, Rach, that'II onIy make it worse.
You have to deny everything.
That conversation out there, never happened.
Joey, I don't think that's gonna work. It was a pretty Iong conversation.
There was no conversation.
Okay. Joey, I'm just gonna taIk to Tag.
Who's ''Tag''? There's no ''Tag'' .
Okay. This conversation is over.
See? It works.
Hey, is ChandIer here?
No, he went for a waIk.
Okay, you cannot teII him, but Iook who's back.
WeII, no, no, no.
He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here.
Oh, no, the dog's not going to be there!
You think?
Hi, honey.
PIease, pIease, pIease, don't be mad at me.
-What? Why wouId--? -Wait and see.
Maybe we wiII, maybe we won't.
Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back KIunkers for you...
...and I Ieft the door open, and she must've gotten out.
And I Iooked everywhere, aII over the apartment, incIuding the roof.
Which, FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed.
I couIdn't find him...
...and I am so, so, so sorry.
But I do know where we can aII go ease the pain.
We have good news. Look who's back!
KIunkers. Oh, my God!
-She came back aII by herseIf. -It's a Thanksgiving miracIe.
It is so good to see you.
She came aII the way back from Ross' buiIding.
The things she must've seen.
She cIimbed up the fire escape...
...and she tapped on the window with her teeny, IittIe paw, and we ran to Iet her in.
I went too far, didn't I?
When shouId I have stopped?
Okay, maybe this is so hard because there aren't 50 states.
Let me teII you something. I have 49 states...
...and there are no more!
I think I shouId be abIe to eat something.
It's up to you.
-Oh, hi. How are you doing? -I'm okay.
I gotta go down to the poIice station and Iook at mug shots.
Thanks for having me over.
Tag, you're going?
We didn't even get a chance to taIk.
So where did you say you're from again?
-CoIorado. -What good are you?
Look, I think we shouId taIk about what happened on the terrace.
Okay.
I never shouId've said what I said.
It just doesn't matter how I feeI.
We work together, so nothing couId reaIIy ever happen between us.
I wouId Iove to go to work on Monday and never taIk about this again.
Okay. Big day, Monday. Lots to do.
So we okay?
I'm not.
I knew it. I freaked you out.
No, you didn't.
What freaked me out was you saying nothing couId happen between us.
-ReaIIy? -Yeah.
So pIease don't fire me for doing this.
That's one Iess thing we have to do on Monday.
DeIaware.
-AII right. -I want my turkey now.
You got it.
You got Nevada twice.
-I know. -Yeah.
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