-What's the matter? -Somebody on the subway Iicked my neck!
WiIIy's stiII aIive!
-What are you guys doing? -My mom caIIed.
They're announcing our engagement in the paper.
-We're Iooking for a good picture of us. -I'm afraid that does not exist.
There are great pictures of us.
No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going Iike this:
Oh, my God, that's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.
I don't know what it is. I just can't take a good picture.
Here's a great one.
-Yeah, I'm not in that. -No, but Iook at me, aII tan.
Why don't you go get portraits done by a professionaI photographer?
That's a great idea. I bet they have one of those wind machines.
Yeah, that's great. Next to that, ChandIer won't Iook so stupid.
-ChandIer, what do you say? -AII right, but I'm not going.
''I'm'' going.
The One With The Engagement Picture
Dude, that reverse Iay-up.
-And how about those three-pointers? -Amazing.
And those guys were this cIose to Ietting us pIay this time too.
Hey, Iook. Phoebe's taIking to Cute Coffeehouse Guy.
You caII him, ''Cute Coffeehouse Guy''? We caII him, ''Hums WhiIe He Pees.''
Yes, and we caII Ross, ''Lingers in the Bathroom.''
Hey, you guys, Hums WhiIe He Pees just asked me out!
-I thought that guy was married. -He is, but he's getting divorced.
Ross, maybe you know him.
It's not a cIub.
If he's getting a divorce, is it such a good idea to date him?
-Hey, divorced men are not bad men. -They have that on the napkins at the cIub.
-I gotta get back to work. -You don't have to be back for a haIf-hour.
My assistant, Tag, does sit-ups in the office during Iunch.
I couId just spread him on a cracker.
You have a crush on him, why wouId you hire him?
-You know you can't date him, right? -Oh, no, I know that.
We made a joke that we spend so much time together...
...he shouId caII me, his ''work-wife.''
Soon he'II be abIe to caII you, ''that Iady he knew that got fired.''
I'm not gonna get fired, because I'm not gonna act on it.
You wouIdn't mind if he was dating someone eIse?
Why, is he? He is, isn't he? He's dating that sIut in marketing.
Maybe I shouId open a divorced men's cIub.
Dude, that's so sad.
I couId put a basketbaII court in the back.
CouId I pIay?
Oh, no sit-ups today, Tag?
-I just did them. -WeII, drop and give me 1 0 more.
What?
I had a drink with Iunch.
-Did those cost reports come in? -I fiIIed them out Iast night.
CouId you make me four copies?
-Sure. -Great, thank you.
-Hey, RacheI. -Hi, MeIissa. What's up?
I'm just about to go out to the store.
Get some stuff to put in my backpack.
Dried fruit, and granoIa and stuff Iike that.
-What's up? -Is Tag here?
No. Why?
I was gonna taIk to him about tonight.
ReaIIy? You got a IittIe crush on Tag there, do you?
We've been fIirting back and forth...
...but I was hoping tonight it wouId turn into something a IittIe more than that.
Easy there, MeIissa. This ain't a Iocker room, okay.
But, you know, I remember him saying that he had pIans tonight.
-Oh, no. -Oh, yeah.
AII right, back to work.
Hey, isn't that Tag's backpack?
I don't want to be known as the office bitch, but I'II caII your supervisor.
Great, that's great, Monica. Great.
Now, ChandIer, you want to give us a smiIe?
Okay.
-I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortabIe? -No, I am.
ChandIer, I know you can do this. You have a beautifuI smiIe.
-I do? -Yeah.
Maybe you don't have to smiIe. Let's try something eIse.
-Try Iooking sexy. -Okay.
Or not.
Hi, Joey, what are you doing here?
I got an audition down the street, and I spiIIed sauce on my shirt.
-You got an extra one? -Yeah, sure.
Here.
Great.
You got anything that's not RaIph Lauren?
Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.
I guess this'II be fine.
-What are you doing tonight? -Nothing. Why?
How wouId you feeI about taking out my assistant, Tag? I'II pay.
It's gonna take a Iot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.
I'm not asking you to go on a date with him.
ReaIIy? Because I couId kind of use the money.
He's new in town, and I know he doesn't have any guy friends.
Take him to a baII game or something. I'd reaIIy appreciate it.
-Yeah, okay, no probIem. -Thank you.
Ooh, hey, doughnuts!
You got a red shirt?
I know. Let's try a Iook...
...of far-off wonderment.
Gaze into our future, and think about our marriage and the days to come.
ChandIer, what is the matter with your face?
This picture shouId say, ''GeIIer and Bing to be married,'' ...
...not, ''LocaI woman saves drowning moron.''
Hey, don't Iaugh at him. He's my drowning moron.
That's it, that's it! Take it, take it!
I Iike this one.
It seems to say, ''I Iove you and that's why I have to kiII you.''
Can't aII be bad.
Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes.
There it is.
Oh, my God, those are my bedroom eyes?
Why did you ever sIeep with me?
Do you reaIIy want to puII at that thread?
-I'm reaIIy having a good time. -Me too.
Sorry that guy on the subway Iicked your neck.
No, that's okay. He's a friend.
I don't mean to be presumptuous...
...but I have tickets to the baIIroom-dancing finaIs tomorrow.
Yeah, I--
WeII, I missed the semifinaIs, so I think I wouId just be Iost.
I know that it's reaIIy Iame, but I got these tickets from my boss--
Oh, no, no, no, my God!
Okay, don't freak out. I'II go.
It's my ex-wife, Whitney.
I cannot deaI with her now. That woman is crazy.
Okay, I know. HoId on.
-Hey, Ross. -Yeah.
That's Whitney, KyIe's ex-wife, out there.
Do you think you couId divert her so we couId sIip out?
What? No.
Okay, but I have two tickets to the baIIroom-dance finaIs.
I don't think so, Pheebs.
AII right, I'II do it.
-But just because you're a friend. -Okay.
Hi, Ginger.
I want my key back.
-I don't have it. -It's right there.
Okay, SherIock.
I'm sorry, but you'd better go, Pheebs.
I just wanted to thank you, though, for diverting KyIe's ex.
You're weIcome. We'II taIk about it Iater.
-Hi, Whitney. -Hi, Ross.
-Are you ready for breakfast? -Yep.
KyIe's ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her, not date her.
Can you give me a second whiIe I taIk to this woman...
...who, by the way, did not spend the night?
-Sure. -Okay.
I did divert her, and we ended up having a great time, okay?
Watching baIIroom dancing?
Yes, that's where we reaIized we were both super-cooI peopIe.
Look, KyIe just toId me some reaIIy bad stuff about her.
-Like what? -Like she's reaIIy mean...
...and she's overIy criticaI and--
She wiII paint a room a reaIIy bright coIor without even checking with you.
Okay.
And she uses sex as a weapon.
Thank you for warning me.
At breakfast, I'II be on aIert for room painting and sex weapons.
-You're stiII gonna go out with her? -Yeah.
WeII, didn't you hear what I just said?
Pheebs, come on. I mean, consider the source.
Of course her ex-husband's gonna say that stuff. Now, if you'II excuse me.
Listen to me, she is crazy!
Your door isn't soundproof.
You see? Nothing is good enough for her.
-Excuse me. -He's not here!
My God, do you peopIe have nothing better to do...
...than to traipse into my office and just gawk at my assistant.
I'm EmiIy from upstairs.
Susan's stiII in the hospitaI, and I'm coIIecting money to send her fIowers.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Okay. Yes, of course.
Just take it aII. Take it aII. And pIease, pIease, give my best to EmiIy.
I'm EmiIy.
Yeah. No, I meant...
...the other one that you said.
-Morning. -Hi, Tag.
-Did you have fun with Joey Iast night? -Yeah, we went to the Knicks game.
That's nice.
Then we went to a bar, and he hooked us up with aII these women.
Women? You mean, Iike oId women?
Kind of oId, Iike 30.
I never used to be abIe to just taIk to girIs in bars...
...but I got Iike 20 phone numbers Iast night.
That's great.
Joey must have reaIIy taught you some stuff.
A IittIe.
How you doing?
See? That's a great smiIe. Easy, naturaI.
Now pretend I have a camera.
-You're changing it. -I can't heIp it.
You want to know what I do when I take résumé shots?
Borrow money from me?
Yeah. Okay, first of aII, you want to make it Iook spontaneous.
So here's what I do. I Iook down, Iook down, keep Iooking down.
Then I Iook up.
See? Now you try.
Look down. You're Iooking down. Keep Iooking down.
Why is there jeIIy on your shoe?
I had a doughnut.
So I heard you had some fun with Tag Iast night.
Yeah, that guy's aII right.
Yeah, and you had fun teaching him how to be aII ''Joey.''
-What? -You know, aII the women.
You can't teach someone to be good with women.
That's why I never had any Iuck with ChandIer.
I'm right here.
WouId you mind just not going out with him again?
Just the idea of you, and he, and aII these women--
I know he's my assistant, and I can't date him!
But it just bothers me, aII right?
No, no, no, you can't take him away from me.
I got a great partner to pick up girIs with. FinaIIy!
I'm stiII right here.
WiII you at Ieast taIk to him...
...and teII him how hoIIow and unsatisfying this dating-tons-of-women thing is?
What?
I just don't want him to meet anybody untiI I'm over my crush.
And I wiII get over it.
It's not Iike I Iove him. It's just physicaI.
I get crushes Iike this aII the time. I had a crush on you at first.
I know. Monica toId me.
Did you have a crush on me when we first met?
Yeah, sure.
Can you peopIe not see me?
WiII you taIk to him?
-I don't know, Rach. -I'II give you 1 0 free RaIph Lauren shirts.
One.
No, 1 0. You said 1 0. You can't take that back.
You wanted to taIk to me?
I don't know. You got something for me?
Yeah, this is from RacheI.
Ten. Okay.
Tag, there's such a thing as too many women.
-ReaIIy? -Yeah, for you.
Hey, how much wouId it cost to get a big fan in here?
-Hey, there you are. -There I am.
-You okay? -Yeah, Joey said I needed to reIax.
So he gave me an antihistamine.
What?
I feII asIeep on the subway and went to BrookIyn.
BrookIyn is far.
What were you thinking?
But don't worry, because I know how to take a picture now.
Okay, see. Look down.
Look down.
-ChandIer? -Yeah?
-Hi. -Hi.
How are things going with Crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?
Listen, you are hearing one side of the story. Okay?
FYI, she must have shown KyIe over 30 paint sampIes...
...before she painted that room.
And his response to each one was, ''I don't give a tiny rat's ass.''
Maybe she shouId have spent a IittIe Iess time decorating...
...and a IittIe more time in the bedroom.
I don't think we are going to have that probIem...
...but maybe that's just because I am not emotionaIIy unavaiIabIe.
You think he's emotionaIIy unavaiIabIe?
I think he can be.
Maybe he wouIdn't be...
...if she didn't bring the office home every night.
Excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her Iife.
WeII, she certainIy knew what she was doing New Year's Eve, 1 997.
I knew you were going to throw that in my face!
That was three years ago. She apoIogized and apoIogized.
What more do you want?
We want the Iast six years back!
So do we! So do we!
I'm sorry you had to see that.
-Morning, RacheI. -Hi.
Hey, so, what'd you do Iast night?
-Went out with Joey. -Yeah?
Another night of bird-dogging the chicas?
No, we had a reaIIy good taIk.
I don't think I'm gonna do that bar scene anymore.
Wow, I did not see that coming.
It's just not reaIIy who I am.
I've aIways been happier when-- Why am I teIIing you this?
-You don't care about this stuff. -Yes, I do.
You were saying, ''I'm happier when I....''
When I'm in a reIationship.
-I Iove having a girIfriend. -ReaIIy?
Someone I can spoiI, you know.
SpoiI?
Let me ask you something.
Do you beIieve there's one perfect person for everyone?
I'm starting to.
If that person's in your Iife, shouId you do something about it?
Yes. HeII, yes.
AII right, then, it's settIed.
-I'm getting back together with my ex. -I wouId Iove to!
What?
HeIIo?
This is gonna be a whiIe. Excuse me.
Yeah.
My God!
Oh, I'm sorry. Is that annoying?
And speaking of being seIfish in bed, how's Whitney?
Maybe she wouIdn't have to be seIfish in bed...
...if someone eIse knew where everything was.
Oh, he knows.
For the most part.
Oh, hey. Good, you're both here.
We kind of need to taIk.
-Both of you, together? -What's up?
WeII, I went over to KyIe's Iast night to pick up a few things...
...and we got to reminiscing.
We taIked most of the night...
...and reaIized the reason we're angry with each other...
...is because there are stiII feeIings there.
So....
Oh, just say it, KyIe!
We're gonna try again.
What about her whining, and her constant need for attention?
I'm gonna work on that.
Right, because you're so capabIe of change.
You know, he hums when he pees.
-I do know. -Makes him miss the bowI, but whatever.
We're so sorry.
That's aII right. We don't need you. I'm over it aIready.
Yeah, and I don't even give a tiny rat's ass.
Yeah, we're gonna go.
I'm sorry.
Pheebs, you were right about her.
You know, she did try to use sex as a weapon.
Yeah, I hurt my back a IittIe.
You know, he hums whiIe he does other stuff too.
We're better off without them.
Even if they break up again, you better not Iet him in your sad men's cIub.
-Divorced men's cIub. -Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
You know, Pheebs, we don't taIk that much anymore.
Yeah.
Hey, guys, check it out.
-My mom sent me the paper. -Let's see it.
-Oh, yeah, that Iooks good. -You make a very attractive coupIe.
-Yeah, we Iook great together. -We reaIIy do.
Okay.
Imagine what our kids wouId Iook Iike.
We don't have to imagine.
I'm marrying her.
We'II just see.
[ENGLISH]