God, that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
You should know. You bought, like, a billion of them.
You didn't get one.
-Tonight's the big night. -How you gonna ask her?
We're gonna go to her favorite restaurant.
I'm gonna get her favorite champagne. She'll know how expensive it is.
When the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast, I'm gonna propose.
It sounds perfect!
-You'll mess it up. Let me do it. -I won't mess it up.
-lf she says no, can I have the ring? -She won't say no.
If.
-Sure. -What about me? I want it too.
-She won't say no. -I'll let you borrow it.
Hey, Monica.
-Give it. -It's gone.
Phoebe.
Hey, Monica!
We're practically kissing.
The One With the Proposal
Anyone free tonight? My boss is hosting a charity event for kids.
The more people I bring, the better I look. Monica? Chandler?
We can't go. We're going to dinner. Remember?
-Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. -What's the big deal?
I get mad when Rachel doesn't remember where we're going.
Where are you going?
-How about you guys? -Open bar?
-I think so. -I can do that for the kids.
I'll come. I'm making money. It's time I give some back.
You could give back the money you owe me.
Okay. Have a benefit.
Ross, can you go to a charity event tonight?
I have plans with Elizabeth.
You're already doing your part for the kids.
It's our last night before she leaves for camp. To be a counselor.
I have a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going?
All jokes aside? I didn't agree to that.
-Do you see this as long-term? -I don't know.
-You are 12 years older than her. -Who's counting?
Well, she is. She's this many.
Ross, she is really young.
Does everyone feel this way?
-Yeah, sort of. -Sorry.
I thought you were just making jokes. I had no idea.
You guys are wrong. Yes, there is a chronological age difference.
But I never notice it, because she is very mature.
It doesn't matter what you guys think. I'm dating Elizabeth, not you.
Not what she said last night.
See, now, he could date her.
Will you marry me?
Hey, you marry me.
-What's going on, little elves? -It's the big night. We wish you luck.
-You have the ring? -In my pocket.
-Phoebe. -Wha..?
Will you guys get out of here? This is a surprise.
Yeah, you guys. Get out of here.
Hey, guys.
-You look beautiful. -Thank you.
What's going on?
We're just really...
excited about this charity event we have to go to.
-Here. -Thank you.
-So, what's going on here? -Well, this is a silent auction.
They lay the stuff here. You write down your offer.
Then the highest bid gets it.
I know what a silent auction is. What's going on with your hair?
-Why? -No, it's nice.
Nice to see you. So glad you brought someone.
Someone? I brought people.
Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. He's the head of my department.
-And I also brought my friend Joey. -Shrimp toast!
You know, I don't know where he is.
I hope you'll bid.
Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip to Paris.
-Nice choice. Good luck. -Thank you.
Okay.
Twenty dollars.
Shut the door! Shut the door!
-What's going on? -Guys are throwing water balloons.
Call the cops. That's what I did to kids in my building.
No, it's a water balloon fight. We started it.
I stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight.
It's excellent. The director is..
-Who drank all the kamikazes? -Nobody. We put them in here!
You want some?
-Could I talk to you for a second? -Yeah, sure.
So this play, what do you think?
-It's gotten great reviews.. -Attack!
-Put your balloons down! -You put your balloons down!
Everybody put their balloons down!
Now, this is a nice suit!
If you'll excuse us...
I would like to speak to Elizabeth alone for a moment.
Whoa, Liz. Your dad's a bummer.
Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris.
It goes to Emil Alexander with a high bid of $2300.
So close!
Guys, look. Got me some drinks.
-What are you doing? -Open bar.
Well, now it's an empty bar.
You can't stand anyone else enjoying themselves, can you?
Finally, our biggest item.
The 22-foot Gentleman's Daysailer sailboat.
The winning bid was a whopping $20,000.
I won.
That was my guess.
-What? What? What? -I guessed $20,000.
Joey, it is an auction. You don't guess. You buy!
What?
I don't have $20,000.
Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey, sit down.
Forget her. You enjoy this.
What are you doing?
"One nation...
under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
I remembered it. The champagne is here.
-You okay? -Yes. I'm good. Are you good?
Is everything..? Are you perfect?
Yeah. I'm okay.
Actually, I'm a bit cold. Can I have your jacket?
No, you can't have my jacket.
Because then I would be cold.
If you thought you'd be cold, you should've brought a jacket.
But, other than that, are you okay?
-Are you sure you're okay? -Yes. I'm fine.
In fact, I've been fine for a long time now and I think...
the reason is you.
That's sweet.
Before I met you, I had really little life.
-And I couldn't imagine growing old.. -Oh, my God.
-I know. But let me say it. -Richard.
What? I'm Chandler.
Oh, that's Richard.
Maybe he won't see us. Richard!
Monica. Chandler.
I don't know why I did that.
-Good to see you. -You too. You let your hair grow.
That's right. You always wanted me to.
-I see your mustache is back. -Well, my nose got lonely.
You don't have a mustache, which is good.
Chandler. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.
-Hi, I'm Lisa. -Hi.
I'm sorry. Lisa, Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Richard, no one's supposed to know about us.
See? I did it again.
-Chandler, sit down. -I'll sit down.
-Good to see you. -Your table's ready, sir.
Good to see you guys.
If you prefer, this table's available.
That might be fun.
-What were you thinking? -I didn't know it was an auction.
I figured I'd take a guess. Help a charity. Free boat!
Why would a charity give away a boat?
I don't know. Charity?
Well, just buy the damn boat.
Don't you think you've had enough to drink?
I'm just helping the kids.
How is you drinking helping the kids?
Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.
Mr. Tribbiani, your contribution brings us...
a step closer to building the youth center.
-I'm so happy you brought him. -So am I.
I'm curious. How much is that boat worth?
-I think it was valued at 19,000. -Hey, I was pretty close.
So, bad news.
I can't buy the boat. I don't have any money.
Joey! Joey, good one. He's silly.
Good! Very good!
-So I think I'm gonna take off now. -You can't leave, Joey!
You agreed to buy that boat. It's a contract.
Plus, if you leave, my boss will kill me.
I don't have that kind of money.
I know. Okay, okay. This is what we'll do.
We'll let the next highest bidder buy it.
Then you'll pay the difference.
Okay. I don't know why the kids need a youth center anyway.
They should just watch TV after school like I did. I turned out fine.
Not great.
I'm helping the kids so much I think I'm gonna throw up.
So we're hiding in the bathroom...
I get out. But before she can, her parents come in.
I hide in the shower. They start going at it on the floor.
Oh, my God!
I got a good one.
I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
It's so great seeing you guys again. I'd like to make a toast.
As a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship...
Let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures.
In the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
What?
Oh, my God! You guys!
Have we got a story for you. Guess who we bumped into?
-Who? -Richard!
Right, that's Richard's favorite place too.
-Oh, you knew that? Good. -Weren't you going out with Elizabeth?
I was. She was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Sometimes grownups have commitments they can't get out of.
Maybe she is too young for me.
When I was over there, I felt like I was a babysitter.
I see what you were talking about. I don't know what to do.
Weigh the good stuff about her against the bad.
That's what I did when I first started... weighing stuff.
Okay, bad stuff. I'm 12 years older than she is.
The school could fire you.
-She's leaving for three months. -For camp.
Okay, good stuff.
Well, she's sweet and pretty and..
And the sex is probably great, huh?
It's tender and respectful, if that's what you mean.
The only thing you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?"
Do you see yourself marrying her?
My God. You married her, didn't you?
No, I didn't do that. It's just...
Okay, honestly, no. I don't see a big future with her.
Okay, I think that's your answer.
I gotta talk to her. I hate this part.
Forget Elizabeth. If you're not careful...
you may not get married at all this year.
-Weren't you supposed to do something? -Good luck with Elizabeth, my man.
My God, Phoebe, how many have you had?
1, 2, 3... Seven times three.. 21!
-You must be just wasted! -I'm a little tired.
-Next highest bidder is at table one. -Great.
The guy with the Paris trip is at table four.
-Why do you care about who won? -It's a trip for two.
Excuse me.
Is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
-That was me. -Enchante.
-Is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table? -That's me.
Well, hello. This is your lucky day, Mr. Bowmont.
The Gentleman Daysailer has become available again...
and I believe you made a bid of $18,000.
You have to pay that. It's not just a guess.
I was relieved I didn't win. My wife would've killed me.
You kidding? She'll love this boat!
-What is your wife's name? -Pam.
Just imagine this: The Pam.
I don't think she'd like that.
Okay. Imagine this: The Mr. Bowmont.
-I don't think so. -Let me paint you a little picture.
You are setting sail up the Hudson. You've got the wind in your... arms.
You get all that peace and quiet you've always wanted.
You get back to nature. You can go fishing.
You get one of those hats. People call you captain.
And then when you're old, Cappy.
-It's for a good cause. All right. -No way! It's mine!
What?
-The stuff you said, I want that! -But you don't have $20,000!
Who cares? I'll make payments! I want the Mr. Bowmont!
-Oh, my God. You're back. -Let me see it. Let me see your hand.
Why do you wanna see my hand?
I wanna see what's in your hand. I wanna see the trash.
It's all dirty. You should throw this out.
-What did you just do? -What happened?
-Richard was there. I couldn't do it. -Oh, no.
I was gonna surprise her tomorrow.
-Now you've ruined it. -We didn't.
Who walks in a room and asks to see a person's hands?
A palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor...
-Glove salesman. -Good one!
This is terrible. What will I do?
She only suspects something. So just throw her off the track.
I'll pretend marriage is the last thing on my mind.
Convince her you're scared of commitment, that you're a coward.
I can do that. I've had years of practice.
Being you is finally gonna pay off!
Some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes.
That guy is still doing that?
Oh, my God. Let me see your hand!
You're too late! She already took out the trash!
Look, Elizabeth, we have to talk.
I have never had such a healthy breakup.
She was such a grownup about it.
She didn't seem too immature for me.
Did I just make a huge mistake?
Ross! Wait!
Elizabeth, thank God. I was just thinking about..
You suck!
What?
Breakup's still on.
Here she comes. Do I look like I don't wanna get married?
And, also, a little like a French guy.
I never noticed that before.
-What are you up to? -Hanging out. Talking about websites.
We saw this interesting website about marriage...
and how unnecessary it is, a way for the government to keep tabs.
Yeah, Big Brother.
That's a bit crazy.
Although I am glad you're looking at other things on the lnternet.
Got me thinking. Why would anybody want to get married?
To celebrate the relationship, solidify the commitment...
declare your love for one another to the world.
Well, that's good to know.
The Mr. Bowmont is here!
A diner wants to compliment you. Shall I let him in?
Sure. I love this part.
-Come on in. -Hi.
-Richard. -I'm not here to compliment the chef.
I hate when people come back to compliment the chef.
Like I have nothing better to do.
So, what's up?
It was great seeing you the other night.
Good to see you too.
-You came to tell me that? -I came to tell you something else.
I came here to tell you I still love you.
What? What did you..? What?
I still love you.
I know I shouldn't even be here telling you this.
You're with Chandler, who I like.
If you say he's straight, I'll believe you.
After seeing you, I knew if I didn't tell you I'd regret it.
Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
You're really not supposed to be back here.
I'm sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place...
but I had to tell you.
I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you.
I wanna have kids with you.
Oh, my God. Why don't they put chairs back here?
Look, I know this is crazy, but am I too late?
You're too late. Where was all this three years ago?
I know. I was an idiot.
I tried to forget you. I really did.
After our last lunch, I spent six months in Africa trying to forget.
-What did you do there? -Work with blind kids.
What are you doing to me?
Look, I...
I'm sorry, but this is not gonna happen.
That's fine. I'll walk away. I'll never bother you again.
Only if you say Chandler's willing to give you everything I am.
Well, he is. I mean...
marriage is all he talks about. My goodness!
In fact, I'm the one making him wait.
You are? Why?
Why?
Because of the government.
Isn't it incredible?
Monica and Chandler are getting married.
I know. They'll be so happy together.
How often do two best friends fall in love?
-Not that often. -No.
-I'm so happy for them. -Me too. So happy for them.
I'm so happy and not at all jealous.
Oh, no! God, definitely not jealous.
I'm probably 98% happy and maybe 2% jealous.
-I mean, what's 2%? That's nothing. -Totally.
-I'm like 90/10. -Yeah. Me too.
Have you guys seen Chandler?
No. But you know who was looking for you?
Tennille.
The marriage stuff you were saying yesterday? You don't believe that.
Sure, I do. In fact, I think the concept of marriage is unnatural.
Look at pigs. Let's take a second here and look at pigs.
Pigs don't mate for life.
A pig can have 100 sexual partners in a lifetime.
That's an ordinary pig, not even a pig that's good at sports.
Yeah, but that's pigs, not people.
If marriage worked, I'd be for it. Do you know the divorce rate?
Ninety-seven percent!
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me you may never want to get married?
-Who's to say? -You! You are to say!
Never say never, but, probably...
yeah, never.
Oh, my God. Then what are we even doing? What is this?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is all this pressure?
Is this some new strategy?
Why don't you put down your copy of The Rules, huh, mantrap?
You know what? I gotta go.
It's okay. I got a plan.
-We're gonna find love. -Definitely.
Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that.
That's what makes it so easy to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler.
-A guarantee would be nice. -What do you mean?
Some friends make a deal.
Like if neither of them are married by 40, they marry each other.
-A backup? -Exactly.
Yeah, I've got that.
You do?
-Who? -Joey.
-Joey? Are you serious? -I locked him in years ago.
Wait. So if neither of you are married by 40, you'll marry Joey?
Yep. We shook on it.
But believe me, that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.
Oh, seriously?
I think his exact words were..
Charming.
He's just a backup.
-Hey, Monica. -Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror?
-It's for my boat. Pretty cool, huh? -Yeah, it's great.
What's wrong? Talk to the captain.
Just realizing I'm in a dead-end relationship.
-Chandler being difficult? -I don't want marriage tomorrow.
But I wanna know we're going somewhere, that I'm not wasting time.
-You know Chandler. -No, I don't know Chandler.
Not anymore. It's like something's changed.
-Maybe you changed. -I didn't change.
Maybe that's the problem.
-What? -Chandler is a complex fellow.
One who is unlikely to take a wife.
Is that some kind of boat talk?
I haven't totally decided how to talk on my boat yet.
Does he think I'll wait around for nothing?
Face it. Chandler is against marriage.
And always will be.
There's some people who do wanna marry me.
-There are? -Yeah. Richard.
Richard said he wants to marry you?
-And Chandler says he hates marriage? -That's right.
Chandler loves marriage!
You just said he hates marriage!
"He's a complex fellow who's unlikely to take a wife"!
"He's against marriage and always will be"!
You got that from what I said?
After the Cretaceous Period, the dinosaurs were gone.
What happened, you guys?
-Rach. -Hey, you.
-Come on in. -Thank you.
I'm so sorry to hear about you and Elizabeth.
Thanks. I really thought we'd be able to make it work.
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Yeah. Love. It's a tricky business, isn't it?
-I guess so. -So, what do you say we make a pact?
If you and I are both single by 40, we get married.
I mean, we know each other, we like each other...
we've already slept together, so there'll be no surprises.
No, like, "What's that?"
-Oh, you want me to be your backup. -Exactly.
Yeah. I already have one.
-What? Who? -Phoebe.
Phoebe?
But she just said Joey is her backup.
Oh, I don't think so.
We just spoke. She said that she and Joey made a deal.
That's impossible. We have had a deal for years. We shook on it.
Although, believe me, she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Gunther, it's Joey. Is Chandler there?
Listen. What kind of muffins do they serve at sea?
Where the hell have you been?!
I was making a coconut phone with the Professor.
Richard told Monica he wants to marry her.
-What? -I've been trying to find you.
And I would have if these damn boat shoes wouldn't keep flying off!
-Oh, my God! -I know! They suck!
He's not supposed to ask her to marry him! I am!
-I know! -What..?
You know what I'll do? I'll go over there and kick his ass!
Will you help me?
Look, I don't think us getting our asses kicked is a solution, okay?
-Look, just go and find Monica. -You're right.
Okay. I'm gonna get the ring...
I'm gonna go find her and I'm gonna propose!
Dude! Dude! Dude!
That coconut phone might be good for the boat.
Hi.
I don't know why I'm here.
I didn't ask.
-You wanna come in? -I don't know.
Oh, okay.
I'll just leave the door open and sit on the couch.
-Chandler is such an idiot! -Drink?
-Scotch on the.. -Rocks with a twist?
I remember.
You still smoking cigars?
No, no. That's art.
If it bothers you, I can put my art out.
No, that's okay.
So, Monica, let me ask you a question.
Since we broke up, do you ever...
think about me?
Actually, I thought about you a few months ago.
-Really? -But it's because...
I had an eye exam, and I don't like my new eye doctor.
-Who is it? -Edward Nevsky.
He's no good.
Do you ever think about me...
-in a non-eye-doctor way? -No.
Because getting over you was the hardest thing I've ever done.
I never let myself think about you.
Wow.
Phoebe, you picked Joey and Ross?
-You can't have two backups! -Of course I can.
It's good sense to back up your backup.
-Look, I've already lost Chandler. -What?
Hey, Phoebe! We're both your backup?
How could you do this to me?
Why are you complaining? You were both aware of the situation.
-I was not! -No, we weren't!
This kind of backtalk won't fly when we're married.
You can't have both. Pick one.
-Pick me! -No, pick me!
-I don't wanna end up an old maid. -All right. Well, let's see.
Ross is a good father.
But...
Joey has a boat. This is hard.
This is crazy. I wanna switch to Rachel.
-I wanna switch to Rachel too. -No, wait. Just wait.
Wait, guys. Don't make any rash decisions.
Just remember my promise:
If we get married, three times a week.
Oh, my God. Phoebe...
I'm talking about massages.
No, I'm not.
I know how to settle it. We'll do this.
I'm gonna write "Joey" on one napkin...
and "Ross" on the other napkin and we're gonna pick one.
That person will be our backup. Okay?
-Sounds fair. -All right.
Good. Switching them up.
-Pick one. -Left.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
-Ross. -Joey.
-We should switch. -Absolutely.
I missed you, you ugly flat-faced old freak.
Excuse me?
Him.
I missed this apartment. Now, this is a grownup's apartment.
I should be with a grownup, you know?
You're saying you need to be with someone more mature.
Maybe someone with...
a license to practice medicine.
Or a mustache.
Let's face it. I'm not a kid anymore.
I need someone who wants the same things.
Coming to my work and telling me you love me, I want that!
Talking about pig sex over lunch, I don't want that!
I think that's fair.
Please, don't even talk to me about fair.
Fair would've been you wanting to marry me then.
Or Chandler wanting to marry me now.
Believe me, nothing about this is fair. Nothing.
-Nothing! Nothing! -It's okay.
Nothing.
I don't know.
I know.
I have to figure some..
Some stuff, before I can...
I understand.
Take as much time as you want.
Ten, even 20 minutes, if you need it.
I'll be here. Not smoking.
Where is she?
I'm not scared of you.
She's not here. And please come in.
Scotch on the rocks...
with a twist, on a coaster.
Monica?
Okay, she was here. But she left.
Where did she go?
She said she had to think things over.
Oh, my God. I can't believe this. I thought you were a good guy.
Look, nothing happened.
Nothing? So you didn't tell my girlfriend you love her?
Well, all right, one thing happened.
You know what you did? My girlfriend is thinking things over.
You made my girlfriend think!
Well, I'm sorry.
-What's to think about? I love her. -Well...
I'm willing to offer her things that you aren't.
I'm willing to offer her those things. I had a plan...
to throw her off so when I offered all these things, she'd be surprised.
If it helps, it worked very well.
It was working till you showed up, you big tree.
This isn't fair.
You had your chance with her, and you blew it!
This is my chance. I won't blow it, because we are meant for each other.
And this has all just been one stupid mistake!
I was gonna propose tonight.
-You were gonna propose? -Yeah, I even...
got a ring. Did you get a ring?
No, I don't have a ring.
You go get her, Chandler.
And can I give you a piece of advice?
If you do get her...
don't let her go.
Trust me.
You know, Richard, you are a good guy.
I know.
I hate that.
-I've gotta find Monica. -She's gone.
-What? -She had a bag and she left.
-What? -She was all crying...
She said you guys want different things.
-Why didn't you tell her it was a plan? -I told her everything.
-But she wouldn't believe me. -Well, where..? Where did she go?
To her parents'. She said you shouldn't call. But if I were you, I would.
-I can't believe I ruined this. -I am so sorry, man.
You wanted it to be a surprise.
Oh, my God.
Chandler...
in all my life...
I never thought I would be so lucky...
as to fall in love with my best...
My best...
There's a reason why girls don't do this!
I'll do it. I thought...
Wait, I can do this.
I thought that it mattered...
what I said or where I said it.
Then I realized...
the only thing that matters is that you...
You make me happier than I ever thought I could be.
And if you let me...
I'll spend all my life trying to make you feel the same way.
Monica...
will you marry me?
Yes.
I knew you were likely to take a wife!
Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!
Come in! Come in!
We're engaged!
This is the least jealous I've ever been.
Oh, no, wait! This is wrong! Ross isn't here!
Hell, he's done it three times. He knows what it's about!