Can you help me pick an engagement ring?
I can't figure this out. Should I get her a Tiffany cut or a princess cut or a..?
Paper cut!
-Have you told anyone else? -No, I don't want Monica to find out.
You told me.
Because I trust you and we're friends...
and you saw me looking at ring brochures.
Once again, not knocking pays off.
-I wish you hadn't been on the toilet. -Me too.
Let me see. Is there such a thing as a Monica cut?
Because that would be you best bet.
-Want to go to the coffeehouse? -Oh, all right.
We were just gonna see if you wanted to go.
Well, we don't because we got the other place.
How rude.
Sorry. Want a bite?
The One With The Ring
So how are things going with Paul?
Good.
Although, you know, he's a private guy.
I wish I could get him to open up, share some feelings.
You just have to think of him as a jar of pickles that won't open.
I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
That's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
-Watch this. -Okay.
-Hey, Paul. -Hi, Phoebe.
How are things going with you?
Can't complain.
-Hey! -Hi.
-Great to.. -Ross, good to see you too.
You take care.
What was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
That was so weird, huh?
Why did you do it?
I didn't do it. It was Chandler.
He's mad at you.
-What? Why? -Oh, please. I think you know why.
I can't think of anything.
Come on. You're a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.
Is it because Joey and I didn't invite him to that Knicks game?
Is that something he'd be mad at you for?
-I guess it could. -Well, then I think that's it.
If he's angry, he shouldn't hide it. I wish he'd just tell me the truth.
You should run him under hot water and bang his head against the table.
Honey, I made a reservation at China Garden. Is that okay?
Yeah, that's great.
But first, talk to me. Talk to me. Tell me about your day.
It was fine.
Okay.
What are you thinking right now?
That you are looking really fine in that dress.
Yeah, that's great, Paul. But, you know....
I want to know what.. Wow, those are really great!
I just want to know...
what is behind this strong, silent exterior?
They say that still waters run deep, and I want to swim in yours.
Are you talking about having sex?
No, Paul.
I don't know anything about you. Tell me about your childhood.
Normal.
Then how about puberty? Come on! That's always a painful time.
Your friends have a slumber party and stick your hand in warm water...
while you sleep, so you pee in your sleeping bag.
No, that never happened to me.
You're lucky you never met that bitch, Sharon Majeski.
Anyway...
The rest of your life. Any regrets?
Nope.
I'm not asking for a lot here.
Just give me something. Anything.
-Okay. -Okay.
When I was 6 years old, I wanted a Big Wheel.
And instead, my parents got me this little...
plastic chicken that you hop around on.
It was embarrassing. Kids made fun of me.
That was a tough year.
That's great! See?
I already feel like I know you a little better.
Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Let's go!
It was horrible.
They called me "Chicken Boy."
In fifth grade, I got in a fight. Well, not really.
Richard Danville bit me.
I still have a little scar right here. You can see it.
Yeah, yeah. I see the scar.
I think this is really great that, you know, you've shared your feelings.
It's really... It's beautiful.
But what do you say we go share some food?
No, I couldn't eat now.
What are you talking about? You love their Kung Pao chicken!
Chicken?
-Chicken Boy! -I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
This is the nine millionth ring store, and I can't find the perfect ring.
Ugly ring, ugly ring, ugly ring...
It's a beautiful selection.
So maybe you don't get her a ring. Maybe you do something different.
An engagement bracelet or an engagement tiara!
An engagement Revolutionary War musket!
I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.
Imagine getting down on one knee...
and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
I'll stick with the ring.
This one's nice. I like it. Sir?
Kind sir, can I see this one?
This is why you brought me. I know how to haggle.
-Let me handle this from here. -Can I help you?
-I would like to see that ring. -Or not. Whatever.
This ring is from the 1920s.
It's a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires.
Sir, could I ask you...?
Could you hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?
-Okay. -Okay.
Will you marry me?
Oh, my God, that's it! That's the ring!
-How much is it? -I will handle this.
How much is it?
$8600.
We will give you $10.
-Are you interested in this ring? -Yes.
But I can only pay $8000.
-Okay. I can let it go for 8. -We stand firm at $10.
-How would you like to pay? -Credit card.
Oh, no! I lent my credit card to Joey.
I'll go get it. You guard the ring.
-Why did you give your credit card to Joey? -To buy some Knicks tickets.
Then the jerk didn't even invite me to the game. But I'm over it. Whatever!
Listen, I'm sorry about before.
Do you have anything here for $10?
Yes. I have these two rather beautiful...
five-dollar bills.
I'll give you $1 for them.
Remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
No.
-Remember, you were eating pizza? -Yeah.
Chandler's angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game.
We were supposed to just get him one? That guy's always mooching off of us.
Anyway, I still think we should try to patch things up.
We could get tickets to another game and invite him.
That's a great idea. And I still have his credit card.
Here you go.
Hey, hey. I got this one. Here you go.
Sometimes I just don't get Chandler.
We do stuff all the time without you, and you don't get all upset.
-All the time? -All the time.
I'm sorry, it was rejected.
That's impossible. Let me see that.
This one's mine. Here you go.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-Still crying? -Like a little girl.
I know, I know. This is all my fault.
I wanted him to open up.
I didn't know that I was gonna unleash...
this weepy, clingy, moist monster!
I only know of two ways to shut a man up. One of them is sex.
-What's the other? -Don't know. Never had to use it.
I'm just saying, if we're having sex, he's not talking.
That's right. You're the talker.
Anyway, great idea.
I gotta buy him some more tissues.
-We have some here. -No, you don't!
Okay. I'd also like to try on the tiara.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
What do you think? Too much?
A tad.
Take the tiara back...
and let me hold the musket again.
Something's missing.
Let me see the ring that my friend picked out.
-Where's the 1920s princess-cut ring? -I just sold it to that gentleman.
Oh, my God!
Wait, no!
Let me out! Now!
Rachel?
No.
-How are you, Paul? -Okay.
Chandler...
-did your dad ever hug you? -No. Did he hug you?
No! No.
It's just that my dad never did.
I miss my dad.
You can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads.
-Hey, Chandler? -Yeah?
Would you...?
Would you hug me?
-I'm a little busy here, Paul. -That's what my dad used to say.
Okay. A quick one. Come on, hug it out.
There you go.
Okay.
-Five more seconds.. -Okay!
-Joey! -What? Hey, what..?
Hi. Paul, is it?
-Do you have my credit card? -Yeah. It's in my...
In my pocket.
-My back pocket! -Thank God.
-I got tickets to the Knicks tonight. -I can't go.
It'll be fun.
Me, you, Ross and Paul, probably.
Look, I don't have time for this, okay? I gotta go.
That was mean.
Yeah, I know.
-Get in here. -Yeah.
Chandler, I found the perfect ring.
I'm gonna go with the one I picked first.
Oh, wake up. The one you picked is gone. It's over!
What?
Some guy bought it. I tried to stop him, but they put me in jail!
-They put you in jail? -The little jail between the doors!
-I asked you to guard the ring! -I know. I'm sorry.
But this ring is better. And Monica never saw the other ring.
Yeah, but when he proposed to me with the ring, I got goosebumps.
-Maybe it was the guy. -It was the ring!
-Was he excited about the tickets? -No! He blew us off!
-What? -I know.
I can't believe it.
Can I tell you something?
I'm a little mad at him now!
Can I tell you something?
Me too!
He didn't want to talk to us about being angry.
Maybe we don't talk to him at all!
-Freeze him out. -Right!
-I like it. -We'll show him.
From now on, it's gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends.
We'll be the new Joey and Chandler.
What?
You think you and Chandler were closer than me and Chandler?
Hey, don't get angry.
We turn on each other, he wins.
Hi, I'm back.
I've written down more to tell you!
Oh, that's great.
No, actually, that's...
That's great. That's really great.
You know, I gotta tell you, writing, all that writing, it gets me...
It gets me kind of hot.
Wait, wait. Listen to this:
Know what I wanted to be at that age?
A lover?
-A surfer. -A surfer?
-I wanted to be one with the waves.. -Hold on.
Let me just get a little more comfortable here.
Wait a second.
-This isn't too revealing, is it? -No.
Whatever happened to that little dude?
So full of dreams.
I don't care about the little dude!
I can't! I cannot listen to any more of this!
The only one who'd listen is a mental health professional!
That's only because they get $100 an hour!
Do you know how much money I could have made listening to you? $2000!
Know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
I can't believe you're trying to stifle me when 14 hours ago...
we figured out that's what my mother was trying to do!
I'm sorry.
I don't mean... I didn't mean to stifle you.
This is all just a little overwhelming.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to overwhelm you.
It's just that when those gates open...
it's hard to close them.
But they are closed now. Believe me.
I'm so glad. I'm so glad you shared.
And I'm glad that you're done.
So what do you say we....
I'd like that.
That was so good!
Oh, oh.
I can't believe you talked me into this gumball-machine-looking ring.
It's not a gumball-machine-looking ring. It's a beautiful ring!
No, it's not.
When I looked at the other ring, I could see Monica's face...
and I could see her saying yes. Looking at this, I only see a ring.
Unless I look at it really closely, and then I can see my own eye.
This is the most important thing I'll ever do. I want to make it perfect.
Maybe we could get the other ring back.
I heard where the guy was gonna propose.
-Maybe we could get him to trade rings. -I can't do that.
You certainly can't give her that stupid gumball ring.
-All right. Where was he going? -Yeah, it's a restaurant...
-The Rainbow something. -Rainbow Room?
Rainbow Grill?
Somewhere Over the...?
-L'Espace. -Rainbow L'Espace!
No, just L'Espace.
I'd love to know how you got from rainbow to L'Espace.
No, you wouldn't.
You don't wanna get in here.
There he is.
He hasn't proposed yet. She has no ring on.
Wow, you're good! After this, we should solve crimes.
Okay. Go get him.
Oh, okay.
Excuse me. Could you come with me? You have a phone call.
-Who is it? -It's your office.
-Do you know who at my office? -John.
Oh, John! Great!
-There he is. -Hi. Okay.
There was a mix-up at the store.
The ring you have was supposed to be held for me.
I'm gonna need to have that back.
In exchange, I'm willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring.
Wow, I would trade.
It is beautiful, but I'm gonna use this one. Excuse me.
This is my fiancee, and her heart was set on that ring.
Do you want to break her heart?
Yeah. Do you want to break a dying woman's heart?
You're dying?
Yeah, she's dying...
of a cough, apparently.
It's my dying wish to have that ring. If I'm not buried with it...
my spirit will wander the netherworld..
That's enough!
Oh, I don't know.
-Let me see it. -Great. Okay, here.
-All right, I'll do it. -Thank you.
And you are about to marry a wonderful man.
Hey, I'm marrying a dead woman!
Guys?
I've got something important to tell you.
Guys?
I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
I think we gotta end the freeze-out.
Wait. Is this for real?
Yeah. Check out the ring.
Oh, my God!
So you two are really serious?
Yeah, pretty much.
You're gonna get married?
We're gonna be brothers-in-law! Come here!
And we're gonna be friends again.
What?
-Water under the bridge! Forget it! -Okay.
I was gonna wait till it was official, but I had to tell you guys.
You're my best friends.
-I can't believe this. -Me too.
I was planning on having a conversation with you about your intentions.
I think I'm gonna cry.
Oh! No more crying!
I just dumped one crybaby. I'll dump you too.
I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Oh, my God!
Oh, Chandler! You guys are gonna be so happy!
-I know. -Where's all the tissues?!
-Check out the ring. -Oh, nice. One and a half carat, easy.
-Hey. -Hey, Phoebe.
-He's gonna ask Monica to marry him. -I helped pick out the ring.
You told her before you told us?
She walked in while I was looking at brochures. You can understand that.
Guys?
God, that ring Chandler picked out was so beautiful.
You should know. You've bought like a billion of them.
Humor based on my pain.
You know what's funny?
Of all of your wives, I'm the only one who never got a ring.
This a big issue for you?
No, but it would have been nice to have a little memento...
of our married time together.
Something other than the divorce papers and the hangover.
Ross is obviously not gonna get you a ring.
But ask for a musket. Ask for a musket!
When we were married, do you know what I never got?
Sex.
Well, yeah. No ring, no sex. Big surprise.
Get me a musket and we'll talk.