Okay, Rach, that's muffin and espresso, $4.50.
Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25.
And Phoebe, herbal tea, $1.25.
All together that's $12.75.
This coming from the man who couldn't split our $80 phone bill in half.
How much do I owe you?
That's on the house, courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Great. Well, tell him thanks.
And since Joey seems like such a nice guy...
maybe we could go out?
He's not used to women being so forward...
but I could check with him. He says it's okay.
Great. Thanks. Bye-bye.
How come our stuff isn't free?
It will be when you look like that in a tight skirt.
I'm getting more dates than ever.
You're only giving free stuff to the pretty girls?
Joey, that is so gross!
How about a scone on the house, baby?
I'm pretty.
The One With Rachel's Sister
-Hey, does anyone have any gum? -I do.
Here. Sorry.
Oh, you know what?
No.
Wait a second.
-I know it's in here. -You know what? I'm good.
Sorry, I guess it's in my big bag.
Say, does anybody have a goldfish?
Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?
They sent me home. They said I can't work if I'm sick.
-Sorry you're sick. -I'm not sick!
I don't get sick. Getting sick is for weaklings, it's for pansies.
No one thinks that you're a pansy...
but we do think that you need a tissue.
I have not been sick in over three years.
I think you're sick because that used to be in your nose.
I'll get tissue.
I don't need a tissue. I'm fine-d.
When you put a D at the end of fine...
you're not fine.
I'm fine-d.
It's a really hard word to say.
-Yes? -Hi. Is Rachel here? I'm her sister.
Oh, my God, Jill!
Oh, my God, Rachel!
Oh, my God, introduce us.
This is Chandler. And you know Monica and Ross.
And that's Phoebe. And that's Joey.
-How you doing? -Don't!
Honey, what are you doing here?
Which sister is this?
Is this the spoiled one or the one that bit her?
Daddy cut me off.
Never mind, I got it.
You know what I said?
I said, "I'll hire a lawyer, sue you, take all your money...
and cut you off!"
Wow. What did he say?
That he wouldn't pay for my lawyer.
Then he told me to learn the value of money...
from the one daughter he's actually proud of.
Did you hear that? My dad's proud of me.
-Rach? -Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Honey, so what did you do that made Dad cut you off?
Okay, I bought a boat.
You bought a boat?
It wasn't for me, it was for a friend.
Boy, did we make friends with the wrong sister.
I knew it was stupid and I shouldn't have done it...
but she bought me all these CDs and said I had a cute haircut.
And your daddy didn't understand?
I know, and usually I just cry and say I'm sorry and he forgives me.
Oh, yes, good criers, the Green girls.
I mean, the Green sisters.
Man, no matter how you say it...
it still sounds like you're talking about green people.
I'm at rock bottom.
This is the best thing that could've happened to you.
You've needed to get out on your own.
When I did it, at first I was scared, but then look at me now.
I am the only daughter that Dad is proud of.
I can't believe him. How does he expect me to buy stuff?
Maybe, you know, you won't buy stuff for a while.
I don't understand.
This is what you'll do. You're gonna get a job.
You're gonna get an apartment.
And then you will live off the money that you earn.
Okay, I know this is what you did...
but that doesn't sound like me.
Okay, but it can be. It can be you.
And you can stay with us. Right, Phoebe?
-Of course, yeah. -Oh, that's so great!
Okay, I'm really gonna do this. I don't know how to thank you.
Oh, I like cars.
-You all finished? -Yes.
Great.
Okay, here are the tips for this morning.
Jen gets 50, 50 for me and Joey owes 8 dollars.
-What? -For all the free food you gave away.
If it's free, how come you're charging me for it?
We don't give anything away unless it's a birthday.
What if they came in third in a modeling contest?
No.
Sorry.
I just had the hardest day. Some of these are so heavy.
How did you pay? I thought your dad took your credit card.
I memorized those numbers when I was 15.
But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got!
This is my "Please hire me" sweater.
And these are my "Don't you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
Charging clothes to your dad doesn't qualify as making it on your own.
Oh, Mr. Scientist has to get all technical.
Rachel's not gonna think it's a good idea.
-So who made her queen of the world? -I would love that job!
What's going on?
Jill!
Did you shop?
No.
They did.
Yeah, we went shopping!
You went shopping?
Then you came here and paraded it under Jill's nose...
when you know she's trying to quit. That's terrible.
Sorry, Jill.
So, what'd you get?
Oh, well, all right. Thank you.
I got this, you know, "I want a job" sweater.
And then I got.. These are apartment pants.
Apartment pants?
You've never heard of them?
Of course I've heard of them.
Ross, what'd you get?
I got this...
This.
-A pashmina? -Yeah!
I love these babies.
Really?
What's a pashmina?
It's a rug.
Jill?
I'm sorry, Rachel.
You think that's gonna work on me? I invented that.
Right! But I am sorry.
It's okay. One little setback is okay.
-But don't let it happen again, okay? -Okay.
Now, since Daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away.
But I'm just gonna take the pashmina.
And the pants.
I'll take it all, because that way, you'll learn the lesson.
Alrighty.
I'm gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner.
She took all my stuff.
Yeah. Everything but the little blue one.
That's the best one!
Oh, my God. Thank you so much!
Well, hey.
Oh, my gosh, that was so lame. Like a pashmina could be a rug.
Oh, yeah? How about you with the "I'm sorry"?
Shut up! I wasn't like that at all.
What about what I said about the apartment pants? How dumb was l?
-Were you this cute in high school? -Oh, stop.
-No, you stop. -No, you stop.
Why don't I sit here and then you'll both stop it?
Okay. So, what do you want to do?
Let's do something crazy.
I know, let's rest and drink lots of fluids.
Okay, I'll rest.
But if I'm going to bed, then you're coming with me.
See, that would be impossible to resist if you weren't all...
drippy here.
Are you saying that you don't want to get with this?
I don't think you should say that even when you're healthy.
Come on.
Don't take this personally.
I just can't have sex with a sick person.
I'm with you. I can't have sex with a sick person either. Disgusting!
But I'm not sick!
Let me prove it to you.
We are two healthy people in the prime of lime.
See, that's the thing, I would like to stay in the "prime of lime."
Oh, okay, now I'll do it.
Hey. What's up?
I think there's something you should know.
Better not be about the apartment pants.
I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.
No. It's just, I was...
I was with Ross and Jill after you left...
and I'm pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
-What? -I mean, it's probably nothing.
But I wanted to warn you that there might be something.
-With Ross and Jill? -Yeah.
With Ross and my sister?
With my sister Jill and my ex-boyfriend Ross?
-Oh, there is no way. -Okay, then.
Oh, my God! I cannot believe that!
I don't like it when he dates anyone, but my sister?
Isn't that incest or something?
And they're gonna have sex.
Oh, no! What if he marries her too?
This is just terrible. This is just terrible.
And I can't stop it. I don't own Ross.
And Jill should be able to do what she wants to do.
Oh, my God, I can't believe Ross is marrying my little sister.
This is the worst thing that could've ever happened to me.
But great news about the apartment pants, huh?
That'll be $3.85.
What? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay.
It's just, I can't, because my manager said that I..
Happy birthday to you
-Happy birthday, dear Annie.. -Amy!
Amy
Happy birthday to you
That's weird, today's my birthday too.
Not in here, it isn't.
Sorry I'm late. What's up?
I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.
No. But I walked past three sales and didn't go in.
How strong am I?
That is great.
You know who doesn't have to job-hunt? Ross.
-He works at the university. -Yeah?
So you guys talked? So you get along? So you're gonna go out?
Me go out with Ross? No.
God, no. What would make you think that?
Phoebe...
said she thought she saw something between you guys.
I mean, he's nice.
He's the kind you're friends with, but not the kind you date.
He's the kind you date, because you did. But me?
Not so much.
Oh, not so much. What do you mean? Is there something wrong with Ross?
No, no, no. He's just...
I don't know. You know, he's just a little bookish.
Are you saying he's a geek?
You think so too?
No. Ross is not a geek.
Then let's just say he's not my type.
Handsome is not your type?
Smart, kind, good kisser.
What, those things aren't on your list?
Ross is great. You'd be lucky to be with him.
If it means that much, then I'll ask him out.
Oh, no. That's not what I meant.
You know what? You're right.
He has been really nice to me.
Yeah, but he's not your type.
But maybe that's good.
I'm doing all these different things.
Maybe I should just try dating a geek too.
Yeah, but you don't want to try too much too fast.
You remember what happened to the little girl who...
tried too much too fast, don't you?
What?
She died, Jill.
Chandler!
What is it, honey? You need some tea? Some soup?
Calling Dr. Big.
Dr. Big to the bed.
Jeez, honey, I thought you were asleep.
How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room?
I was asleep.
No, honey. You know what's sexy? Layers.
Layers are sexy.
And blankets are sexy. And hot-water bottles are sexy.
Get into bed. I want to prove I'm not sick.
I want to make you feel as good as I feel.
Would you please get some rest?
I'm fine.
-You're coughing. -No, I'm not.
No, I'm not, I'm laughing.
-At what? -Just something I heard before.
-Tell me. -No, I don't want it to spoil the mood.
Happy birthday to you
-You're paying for that. -No, it's her birthday.
You've sung "Happy Birthday" to 20 women today.
You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins.
Damn it!
Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
-Well, yeah. -Oh, wow! I mean, wow.
I think she's cute, but...
I never would've thought of going out with her. Never!
Really?
But after you said it's okay, I figured, "Why not?"
Oh, so not really "never."
I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am.
I mean, after all we've been through.
I wish I had a brother to reciprocate.
If you ever date Monica, you have my blessing.
And mine.
Chandler?
I think I'm sick.
Really?
Struck down in the "pribe of libe."
Okay, fine, I admit it. I feel terrible.
Will you please rub this on my chest?
No, no, no. You are not getting me this way.
Come on, I really need your help here.
-Fine, I'll rub it on myself. -Okay.
So you're just kind of rubbing it on yourself?
-Yeah. -It's nice.
You kidding me? Is this turning you on?
Yes.
Is it the rubbing or the smell?
It's all very, very good.
So you want to go...
mix it up?
-Not now, I'm sick. -Oh, come on, you big faker!
What about never sleeping with sick people?
Well, that was before all the vaporizing action.
Okay, if you really want to have sex.
Worked like a charm.
Why are you here?
This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think?
I don't like it.
-Really? -It's kind of slutty.
It's yours.
Yeah, well, I'm a slut.
Me too.
Hi, Jill.
Hi...
Rachel.
You're not at home, you're right here.
Yeah, I know.
And I bet you thought it would be weird. But it's not.
Okay.
So, well, I'll...
I'll have her home by midnight.
Why aren't you home yet?
Is someone there?
Oh, yeah, it's me. Sorry.
What are you doing here?
I'm just looking out your window...
at the view.
What are you guys doing?
We got some vapor rub in some places.
He brought her back to his apartment.
Who?
Is that your sister?
She is a slut!
Ross is on a date with your sister. How weird is that?
Oh, my God, he's taking off her clothes!
He's taking off her coat.
Oh, this is just terrible.
Oh, no, it's not. It's a first date. I'm sure that nothing is gonna...
He's gonna get some.
Of the glare...
from the streetlight out of his apartment.
You know, so he's closed the drapes there...
so he can have a nice, pleasant...
conversation with your little sister.
Well, I'm off to bed.
I don't feel good.
You better not get me sick.
I need some fruit or some juice or some....
Or some nothing.
There's nothing in here. Who took our food?
Can I interest you in a slice of lasagna or a drumstick?
-No, thanks. -Are you sure? It's on the house.
-No, thanks. -How about going out with me Friday night?
-No, thanks. -What are you gonna do.