-Previously on Friends: -l don't feel like l have a girlfriend.
You want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?
-ls this about Mark? -Oh, my God.
-Okay, it's not. -Oh, my God.
l cannot keep having the same fight with you!
Look, maybe we should just take a break.
Fine. You're right. Let's take a break.
Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
No.
A break from us.
Then we had this big, stupid fight, and l said l wanted to take a break.
l don't want to take a break.
This is crazy.
Don't you think we can work on this?
What do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody.
ls that Mark?
Honey, look, he just--
Yeah. Got it!
Hey, come dance. What, are you married?
Because that's okay.
How was the big anniversary dinner?
Well, we never actually got to dinner.
Nice.
No, we kind of broke up instead.
What?
My God, Monica! lt's on the ceiling!
That's okay.
This is more important than fruit...
...on my ceiling.
You broke up?
Yeah, but it's okay because when Ross left, Mark came over.
-Oh, no! You and Mark? -lt's okay. Calm down.
Mark and l talked...
...and l realized how much l love your stupid brother, and...
...yeah, we got our problems, but l really wanna make it work.
Morning!
The One the Morning After
Hi, it's me. I've been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful.
Please, Ross, you've gotta know there's nothing between me and Mark.
This whole breakup thing is just stupid.
I'm just so sorry I put you through it.
And I don't want to get back together over a machine.
-So I love you. -l love you.
And you know what? I'm gonna go to bed now...
...but on my way to work tomorrow, I'm gonna stop by around 8:30. Bye.
Chloe, how's it coming?
What kind of puppy do you think l should get?
You know, l don't know. How about a big one?
-But my apartment's so-- -Well, then a small one.
-Listen, we have to go. -Wait! Where's my shoes?
You sure you need shoes?
Do l know why we're rushing?
Yeah, you know the girlfriend l told you about?
Well, it turns out that she wants to get back together with me.
l found it!
That's so great for you guys!
You must be so happy!
Yes, l am. One of the many things l'm feeling.
-Good luck with your girlfriend. -Oh, thank you.
-You got my message? -You are right on time!
So, what do you say? Can l be your girlfriend again?
Yes, you can. Very much.
-Why are you mopping your ceiling? -There's banana on it.
l have the spirit of an old lndian woman living in mine.
So then you know.
The mailman was downstairs, so l brought up your mail.
-Oh, good. Thanks. -Now, what is Fabutech?
All right, don't judge me too much, okay?
But l saw this infomercial, and l swear to you l have never, ever...
...bought anything on TV before.
Except for this mop.
But there was this stuff on leg-waxing. lt looked so amazing.
Waxine!
Yes! Have you seen it?
lt's incredible! l so want to be a Waxine Girl!
l know!
Do you think it really doesn't hurt? Because how can they do that?
Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rain forest?
They have the best stuff in there.
Oh, my God!
We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone home to make up with Rachel.
Which is probably what you should have done, huh?
You think?
God, l'm in hell. l mean, what am l gonna do?
Rachel's all like, ''l love you,'' and ''Let's work on this'' ...
...and all l can think about...
...is what is she gonna do when l tell her what l did?
Before we answer that, we should address the more important question:
How dumb are you?
What? Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right?
How am l supposed to do that without being totally honest?
Ross, look, l'm onboard about the total-honesty thing. l am.
Just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
He's right. Nobody's gonna benefit, and you're just gonna hurt her.
Yeah, and there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.
Don't you think--?
Look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait till the timing's right.
And that's what deathbeds are for.
-Yeah, okay. -All right.
Okay. Now, we just have to make sure she doesn't find out some other way.
Did you think about the trail?
What trail?
The trail from the woman you did it with...
...to the woman you hope never finds out you did it!
You always have to think about the trail!
l don't think there's any trail.
Chloe works with that guy, lsaac.
lsaac's sister is Jasmine, and Jasmine works at the massage place with Phoebe.
And Phoebe's friends with Rachel, and that's the trail! l did it!
''After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one--''
-Did that! -Okay.
''Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy-grab tab...
...and pull it off in one quick, pain-free motion.''
Was it not ''pain-free''?
No, it was pain-ful!
Oh, my God, they should call it ''Pain-zine, now with a little wax.''
The girls in the satin nighties on the commercial...
...don't seem to think it's that bad.
That's because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid.
But, hey, you know, if you don't believe me, please, be my guest.
Oh, my God!
Now aren't you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?
Chloe, hi.
ls this about me taking your watch?
-You took my watch? -l'm sorry. l do that.
You keep it. Listen, did you tell anyone about us?
Oh, no. l feel like it really isn't anybody's business, you know?
Exactly. So you didn't mention anything to lsaac, right?
-Oh, l tell lsaac everything. -You do? Of course you do.
Hi, lsaac. You know, we haven't actually met.
You dog!
Yes, l suppose l am a dog. But see, l happen to have a girlfriend.
Oh, right, that Rachel chick from the coffee place.
Yeah, that's the one. Listen, l don't want to hurt her.
Oh, hey, man, l know. lt doesn't matter how much we love them.
Monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Yeah. Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?
Oh, no problem, dude. We gotta look out for each other.
We're the same, you and me.
Actually, no, we're not.
Yeah, we are.
No, we're not.
Yeah, we are.
No, we're not.
-Okay, we're not. -Right.
But we are.
Fine. l just need to know that you're not gonna tell your sister.
l can promise not to tell her again.
Jasmine? We met at Phoebe's birthday party. l'm Ross Geller.
You did a bad thing!
-Yes, l did. -Very bad!
-Very bad. -Very, very bad!
l'm agreeing with you.
Listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
-No. -Okay, Jasmine...
...please. Please don't.
l love my girlfriend very much...
...and l want more than anything to just work it out with her, okay?
All right.
Thank you. Thank you.
But you should probably talk to my roommate.
l told him, and he knows Phoebe too.
Who's your roommate?
Gunther!
Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel...
...about me and the girl from the copy place.
l'm sorry.
Was l not supposed to?
Okay, l got an idea. Why don't you pull off mine, and l pull off yours?
Or, you pull of yours, and l will leave mine on...
...because l think l can make this look work.
Come on, Phoebe. We can do this.
-All right. -All right.
Okay.
-What is it? -What's going on?
-We're all right. -lt's okay. lt's okay.
-We were just waxing our legs. -Off?
For your information...
...this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.
l don't think you can make that statement unless you've been kicked...
...in an area God only meant to be treated nicely.
l think women just have a lower threshold for pain than men, that's all.
l mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Oh, yeah? Come here.
Oh, that's mature.
Okay, fine. So now what, l just pull it off?
That's right.
Okay, Tin Man.
Rachel, come on. Talk to me. Please!
Talk to you? l can't even look at you right now.
What?
Nothing. Nothing.
-Rachel said everything was okay. -What are they talking about?
-Just get away from me! -l made a mistake, okay?
A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?
Where did he put it?
Ross, you had sex with another woman!
Oh, my God!
l knew something had to be wrong...
...because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
Yeah, well, l guess they had a fight, and he got drunk--
You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?
He has sex and we get hit in our heads!
Know what? l want you to leave! Just get out! Now!
l want to stay. l want to talk about this.
Okay. All right. How was she?
-What? -Was she good?
Don't answer that.
You said you wanted to talk about it. Let's talk about it. How was she?
-She was.... -Awful.
-She was not good. -Horrible. Nothing compared to you.
She was different.
Good different?
Nobody likes change.
-Just stop! -What? Okay! Okay! Okay!
Should we do something?
Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel.
l'm sorry, okay? l'm sorry. l was disgusted with myself...
...and this morning l was upset...
...and then l got your message and l was so happy.
And all l wanted was to get her out of my apartment--
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute.
What time did your little friend leave?
Oh, my God. She was there? She was still there?
She was in there when l was in there?
Listen, the important thing is, she meant nothing to me.
And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship!
l didn't think there was a relationship.
-l thought we were broken up. -We were on a break.
That, for all l knew, could last forever. That, to me, is a breakup.
You gonna get out of this on a technicality?
l'm not trying to ''get out'' of anything, okay?
l thought our relationship was dead.
Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.
You know what? l don't think we should listen to this anymore.
What are you doing? We can't go out there.
Why not? l'm hungry.
Because they'll know we've been listening.
God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!
Like l wanted him to tell you?
l ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen!
Oh, that is so sweet.
l think l'm falling in love with you all over again.
l think we can go out. They have more important things to worry about.
We'll be fine.
Look, Rachel, l wanted to tell you. l thought l should. l did.
And then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to!
Wax the door shut. We're never leaving.
Hi, it's Phoebe. Listen, someone has to take my 9:00 with Mr. Rehak...
...because it's 9:1 5 now, and l'm not there.
No, l'm in the middle of a huge relationship fight, so....
Oh, that's all right. lt's not mine.
Don't you realize none of this would ever have happened if l didn't think...
...at that same moment you were having sex with Mark?
All right.
Let's say l had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Yes, l would.
You'd be okay if you knew...
...that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me...
...and made love to me?
Yes.
lf you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were--
Okay, okay. Yeah, l would have been devastated...
...but l would still want to be with you.
Because, l mean, it's you.
What?
Come on, Rachel, tell me what you're thinking.
l'm thinking...
...l'm gonna order a pizza.
Order a pizza, like...
...''l forgive you''?
Oh, man!
Pizza?
l like pizza.
Put olives on the pizza.
We could eat the wax! lt's organic!
Oh, great. Food with hair on it.
No, not the used wax.
Because that would be crazy?
Could l get in on that? Because l'm kind of hungry myself.
Fine.
Hi, yes, l'd like to order a large pizza.
-No anchovies. -With extra anchovies.
That's okay. l'll pick them off.
And could you please chop some up and just put it right in the sauce?
You can have the last piece if you want.
Well, l should think so. You slept with someone.
They're gonna get through this, aren't they?
Yeah. Come on, it's Ross and Rachel.
They've got to.
What if they don't?
You think l need a new walk?
What?
Well, you know, l've been walking the same way since high school.
You know how some guys walk into a room and everybody takes notice?
l think l need a take-notice walk.
Are you actually saying these words?
What, now you're not even talking to me?
Look, Rachel, l'm sorry. l'm sorry. l was out of my mind.
l thought l'd lost you.
How insane must l have been to do something like this?
l don't cheat, right? That's not me. l'm not Joey!
Yeah, okay.
Hey!
lt's 3 in the morning. They don't know that l've come home yet.
You notice how neither one of them are wondering where l am?
Yeah, you know, people can be so self-involved.
You know what? l'm not the one that wanted that break, okay?
You're the one that bailed on us. You're the one...
...that ran the moment things got a little rough.
-That's-- -That's what?
-That is neither here nor there. -Here we are...
...in a tough spot again. What do you want?
How do you want to handle it? You want to fight for us or bail?
Look, l did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing, okay?
And l'm sorry. l wish l could take it back, but l can't.
l just can't see us throwing away something we know is so damn good.
Rachel, l love you so much.
No, Ross! Don't!
You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away.
lt doesn't work that way. lt doesn't just make it better.
Okay. Okay.
l think you should go.
What?
l really think you need to go now.
Okay. Okay.
This morning you said there was nothing so big we couldn't work past it.
What the hell did l know?
There's got to be a way we can work past this.
l can't imagine my life without you. You know? Without....
Without these arms...
...and your face and heart...
...your good heart, Rach, and....
No.
l can't. You're a totally different person to me now.
l used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me.
Ever.
God, and now l can't stop picturing you with her.
l can't. lt doesn't matter what you say or what you do.
lt's just changed everything.
Forever.
This can't be it.
Then how come it is?
They've been quiet for a long time.
Maybe she killed him.
Let's go.
ls that your new walk?
No. l really have to pee.
[ENGLlSH]