Oh, come on!
Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too.
You know, instead of watching football, you could help.
We know.
Hey, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles.
No, Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles.
l want to do this.
Every year.
The One With the Football
To the ten, to the five. Touchdown, Giants!
You know, for once l am gonna sit down and try to watch one of these things.
Halftime.
Who wants to throw the ball around?
-Get a little three-on-three going? -That would be so much fun.
-Can l play too? -l've never played football, like, ever.
Great! You can cover Chandler.
No, no. l don't really want to play.
You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
That's not true. l wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day.
l wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say l don't have goals!
Chandler, you have to start getting over her, all right?
lf you play, you get some fresh air. Maybe it'll take your mind off Janice.
lf you don't play, everyone will be mad at you because the teams won't be even.
-Come on. -All right, l'll play.
But l don't like you.
-Let's do it! Ross? -What?
Wanna play football?
Monica and l aren't supposed to play football.
Says who? Your mom?
-Yeah. -Yes.
''What do you mean?'' she asks her boyfriend...
...really scared to hear the answer.
Every Thanksgiving, we used to have a touch football game...
...called the Geller Bowl.
No, no, no. You say that proudly!
Anyway, Ross and l were always captains.
lt got kind of competitive, and one year, Geller Bowl Vl...
...l accidentally broke Ross' nose.
lt was so not an accident.
She saw l was about to tag her, so she threw...
...her big fat grandma-arm elbow in my face...
...and just kept running.
To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
You did not win the game. The touchdown didn't count...
...because of the spectacularly illegal, and savage, nose-breaking.
l won the game.
Oh, yeah? Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
There was a Geller Cup?
Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game.
But our dad said nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting.
So he took the trophy...
...threw it in the lake.
And was the curse lifted?
Anyway...
...that's why Mom said we were not allowed to play football again.
You know what? l think we should play a game.
l mean, come on. lt's been 1 2 years.
Can l see you for a second?
-Wuss! -All right, we're gonna play.
Wait. How are we gonna get there?
Because my mom won't let me cross the street.
Pheebs, here you go.
-Okay, let's bring it in. -Wait.
Honey, throw it to me!
Here you go.
That almost hit me in the face!
All right, we have to pick captains.
And then Tennilles.
Okay, so how do we decide that?
-Well, why don't we just bunny up? -What?
-Bunny! -Bunny!
Okay, looks like Ross and l are captains.
There must be a place in heaven for people who hung out with you in high school.
Okay. So l bunnied first, which means l get to pick first. Joey.
-Thank you. -Monica!
l'm your best friend.
Sweetie, don't worry, you'll get picked. Chandler.
-Ross! -Phoebe.
Sweetie, now l pick you.
You don't pick me. You're stuck with me!
Okay. All right. So let's see.
Let's play from the trash can to the light post, right?
Two-hand touch. We'll kick off.
All right, people, listen. l've got exactly 28 minutes...
...before l have to baste again.
Wow, just like in the pros.
Come on. Huddle up!
-All right, huddle up right over here! -Wait for me! Wait for me!
Oh, cool! This is my first huddle.
-Okay. -Okay.
So what do you guys really think of Chandler?
-You know what you're doing, right? -Yeah.
Joey's going to catch it.
-And you and l are going to block. -What's block?
-l thought you knew what you were doing. -l thought you meant in life.
Break!
The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice.
Son of a--!
-Come on! -Sorry. l'm sorry.
You know what? We're just gonna throw it.
l got it!
Go, go, go!
Score! Seven to nothing!
Okay, honey, just so that l'm clear on this.
You said in the huddle that if Joey caught the ball, you'd be the one to stop him.
Now, you didn't. So is that like a football strategy?
Yeah, it was part of my plan to fall instantly behind. So....
Come on. Let's go.
Losers walk.
Yeah? Losers talk.
No. No. No. Actually, losers rhyme.
Forty-three.
Seventy-four.
-You wanna go shotgun? -Yeah.
-Hike. -One Mississippi, two Mississippi....
Over here! Over here!
l almost caught that one!
Great. Now the score's 7 to almost 7.
Okay.
On this play, l want you to do a down-and-out to the right, okay?
-Break! -Wait. What am l gonna do?
You?
You go long.
Well, how long?
-Until we start to look very small. -Okay.
Break!
-Hike. -One Mississippi, two Mississippi--
Switch! Switch! Switch!
Hey. Thanks for stopping our ball.
You are playing American football?
Yeah. Wow! You're, like, from a whole other country!
l'm Dutch.
Hi, l'm Joey.
l am Margha.
l'm sorry, Dutch. l didn't get that last little bit.
Hey, Joey, you wanna play football or-- Hi, l'm Chandler.
Hello, Chandler.
Her name is Dutch and also Margha.
Margha.
-Margha. -Margha.
Mar-hon.
Margha.
Yo, flirty boys. We're in the middle of a game.
Come on, guys! Let's go! Come on. Second down!
-Hello? lt's third down. -No, it's not. lt's second.
-Wow. -Wow what?
How it just amazes me that you're still pulling stuff like this.
-Pulling what? lt's second down. -Okay, it's second down.
Take all the second downs you need.
-l heard that. -Well, l said it loud.
lt is okay if l stay and watch?
l can't go home just yet.
My roommate is forshlocking a big American businessman.
-Just sit right there. -Yeah, why don't you stick around?
-Well, that went well. -l think so.
You know, l was thinking about asking her for her number.
Thanks, man, but it makes a stronger statement if l ask for it myself, you know?
No. l was thinking about for me.
As part of that whole getting-over-Janice thing you talked about.
Oh, yeah. That.
lf it means that much, l'll let you have her.
Thanks.
Let me have her?
What do you mean? lf you didn't, l wouldn't have a shot?
l don't like to say it out loud...
...but yeah!
Don't feel bad, man. We all have our strengths.
-You're better with numbers and stuff. -Math? You're giving me math?
All right, you know what? Forget about it.
You go for the girl. We'll see who gets her.
Chandler, l want you to run a post-pattern to the left. And, sweetie--
Yeah, l know. Go long.
You know, it's like all l'm doing is running back and forth from the huddle.
Well, you wanna just stay out there?
Can l see that for a second?
-Okay. -Okay, let's go.
-l got Chandler! -Hike!
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.
Fumble!
What the hell's the matter with you? This is my favorite jersey.
Well, now you have two.
Hey, l am good at math!
That's it. l was still gonna let you have her.
But now forget about it. Prepare to feel bad about yourself.
Hey, well, l've been preparing for that my entire life!
Or something about you that's mean!
All right. Come on, guys. Let's go.
Tie score. We're running out of time.
Forty-two, 38, hike!
l got it!
Oh, broken boobs!
-Pheebs, run! -Run, Phoebe, run!
Touchdown! Touchdown!
Hello, the buzzer buzzed. lt doesn't count.
-After the snap. -Before the snap.
-After. -Before.
-Now, does it really matter? -Yes!
But l made a touchdown. lt was my first touchdown.
Pheebs, that's great. Doesn't count.
-Does so count. -Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.
Oh, my God!
You know what? That's fine. Maybe you haven't grown up, but l have.
-Oh, okay. -Dead leg!
Okay, fine. You want to win by cheating, go ahead, all right.
Phoebe, the touchdown does count. You win.
No!
l'm not going to go through this again.
l wanna beat you when you can't blame...
...it on the broken nose or the buzzer or the fact that you might have mono.
All right. Let's just call this tie score and it's halftime.
First, l don't play with cheaters.
And second of all, you know l had swollen glands!
You know what? l think you'll play.
Oh, really? Why's that?
Because the winner gets this.
The Geller Cup!
ls everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two-by-four?
Okay, good.
Okay, where the hell did you get that?
When you went to the hospital for your nose...
...l swam into the lake and fished it out.
That cup is mine!
No, it's not. You want it, you're gonna have to win it.
All right. So are we not having dinner at all?
Hey, could you please set the timer, Margha?
Okay, Beefy.
Come on, Phoebe, let's go. Come on, it's time to get serious. Huddle up.
Joey, keep your head in the game.
lt's hard, you know? His huddle's close to the Dutch girl.
Look, if l take Chandler out of the running, will you be able to focus?
-What are you gonna do? -Just make sure he catches the ball.
-l'll do the rest. -Okay.
-Come on, you wuss! -Okay, come on.
-Go, Chan-- -l got it!
Come on! This way!
Hi!
Look out!
Tackled by a girl! Bet you don't see that every day, do you?
What's with the tackling?
What?
l just touched him and he went over.
Okay. You wanna play rough? We can play rough.
Let's get ready to rumble!
-Go, go, go! -Get her! Get her!
l love this game!
Hey, where'd you get that?
l went really long.
Forty-two to 21 .
Like the turkey, Ross is done!
No surprise. You got to pick first, so you got the better team.
You're pathetic! Why can't you just accept that we're winning...
...because l'm better than you?
Oh, what a great argument. Exhaling!
You know what? l'll prove it to you.
l'll trade you Joey for Rachel and l'll still win the game.
Oh, that's great. There goes my last shred of self-esteem.
What? The guys against the girls?
See that's ridiculous, Monica, because l'm only down by three touchdowns.
Oh, then bring it on!
Unless, of course, you're afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Fine. Fine. Rachel, you're with Monica. Joey, you're with me.
l cannot believe you are trading me.
You are going to lose.
And you are going to lose.
And....
Help me out. l've never done this before.
That's good. Lose.
Lose!
Come on. Let's see what it's like to be on a winning team for a change.
You're gonna let me play?
All right, then!
The game is over? We eat now?
The game's not over. We're switching teams.
Yeah. Chandler finds me so intimidating that it's better if we're on the same team.
All right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.
Hold on a second, Joe.
Where do Dutch people come from?
Well, the Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
And the other Dutch people?
They come from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Nice try.
See the Netherlands is this make-believe place...
...where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
Oh, my.
Enough with geography for the insane, okay. Let's play some ball.
-No. l'm not playing with this guy now. -Fine with me.
Okay, l've had enough of this. Let's just cut to the chase.
Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
What are you doing?
Which do l like?
Yeah, for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill?
Well, if l had to choose right now...
...which, by the way, l find really weird...
...l would have to say Chandler.
Yes!
Wait a minute. She obviously didn't understand the question.
Well, why don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her?
l'm sorry, Joey. That is my truth.
You hear that? That is her truth, Mr. l'll-Let-You-Have-Her!
l win! You suck! l rule all!
Mini-wave in celebration of me!
l am now thinking l would like to change my answer to no one.
What?
l now find you shallow...
...and a dork.
Bye-bye.
Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
You know what? lt doesn't matter, because she picked me. Me!
Now l get the dates...
...and you stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Save the breakthroughs for therapy. The clock is ticking.
We have no time and we are losing to girls.
We're not gonna lose to girls.
lt's 42 to 21 !
This sucks! l was just up by that much!
Look, let me put it this way.
lf we lose, they will never let us forget it.
Okay, and worse than that, they'll never let the women you date forget it.
Hey! Are we playing football, or what? Come on, you hairy-backed Marys!
We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere.
Okay, just think about every lousy date you ever had.
Every guy who kept one eye on the TV while you were making out.
Oh, my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?
Come on, okay? This is for all womankind. Let's kill them!
Yeah! Kill them!
All right, well, l want to kill them too.
But they're boys.
You know, how are we gonna beat three boys?
We still have a minute and a half left, and we're down by two points.
Two points, ladies.
Phoebe, you do a buttonhook again.
Rachel, you go long.
No, don't make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.
Honey, there's a reason.
Monica, l'm not lame, okay? l can do something. l can throw.
-Let me throw. This is my game too. -Come on, Mon. Let her throw the ball.
Rachel, sweep behind, l'll pitch it to you. You throw it downfield to Phoebe.
Thank you.
-Break! -Break!
-All right, here we go. -Okay.
Thirty-two, 7 1 , hike!
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi!
Go, go, go!
Mon, catch!
-l'm so sorry. Are you okay? -No, l'm not okay!
l'm sorry. They were coming at me and l didn't know what to do.
Thirty seconds left on the timer.
You are the loser!
Okay, okay. So we get to take that stupid troll thing home.
Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time.
-Huddle up! -Okay.
Oh, this is our last huddle!
All right, Phoebe, get open. Rachel...
...go long.
Okay.
Break!
l did it! Touchdown! We did it!
You know? Rachel, funny thing, actually. The end zone starts at that pole.
So you're 5 feet short. So...
...we win!
Yes, yes, yes!
Wait, so explain something to me, though.
lf nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going?
-Let me in, let me in! -No way! Let go!
Let go?! l'm a tiny little woman!
Guys, guys, come on. lt's Thanksgiving! lt's not important who wins or loses.
The important thing is, the Dutch girl picked me!
Me, not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!
We should definitely play football more often.
Maybe there's, like, a league we could join or something.
lsn't there, like, a national football league?
Yes. Yes, there is. They play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Oh, shoot! l work Monday nights.
This stuffing is amazing.
-Should we should bring them some? -When they're hungry, they'll come in.
-Let go! -No, you let go!
How come it's always us left on the field, holding the ball?
l don't know. l guess the other people just don't care enough.
Hey, it's starting to snow.
-Give it to me! Let go! -Let it go! Come on!
There was a time tonight that l started losing the feeling in my toes.
-l know. -That's when l realized...
...there's more important things than beating you at football.
Things like feet.
Yeah, l know. This thing has caused us too much pain and suffering.
-Yeah. -lt's time.
We'll just call it a tie.
-lt's a tie. -All right.
Here.
Okay.
-Good night. -Good night.
Pheebs, did you get it?
-Yeah, l got it. -Oh, great.
Bring it up. There's champagne in my apartment for the winners.
-Ross! What are you doing down here? -Nothing.
[ENGLlSH]