My name's George. and I'm a werewolf.
This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature.
It's from Lauren. Vampires film themselves making a kill
and then they pass it on. You made me this, Mitchell!
What was she like? Annie?
She was kind, funny and she was mine.
GEORGE: 'Love should be the opposite of death.
'It should be our biggest reason for wanting to be here.
'I mean, what else have we got?
'Football? Shoes?'
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Are you all right?
'But love gets complicated.
'It gets twisted up with other things, like possession
'and heartbreak, lust... ..and death.'
Whoa, whoa, we can't go in there, it's not safe.
It's PMT, she wrote it on the calendar.
How could she possibly have PMT? She's a ghost.
I don't know, but it's not worth the risk. Let's go to the chippy.
Mitchell, I have two steaks in the fridge that go off if I don't eat them today. And I'm bloody starving.
If you want, I could grab the steaks and we could just make a dash.
No way! I'm not eating raw meat like an animal
just because a ghost is ovulating.
Annie, are you OK?
This was a engagement present... and now look at it.
Just an unused kitchen utensil in the back of a drawer,
in a rented house that nobody loves.
I've always wondered what that is.
It's a mouli grater...
For shredding parsley.
Owen liked parsley sauce with boiled ham, it was his favourite.
Do you know what Thursday is?
It's the day we set for our wedding.
Oh, no, you poor thing... You should have said.
I don't want to think about it, I don't want to make it real!
To think that he'll be spending it with her, Janey Tango-face Harris, and...
she'll be cooking him...
parsley sauce and boiled ham!
Annie, Owen's moved on with his life. You need to as well.
I'm dead, in case you hadn't noticed.
But you've still got loads to offer, to the right...
person. Mitchell, I'm a ghost.
No-one can even see me. You know what, I think you need to meet some kindred spirits.
Right, we're taking you out.
No, no, thank you, I still have lots to do. I haven't even started on the cupboards yet.
OK, fine, if you want to sit here
and cry over a mouli grater...
Oh...
No, OK,
maybe we can go out, but just for a bit.
Nice one. George, get your lead.
MUSIC: "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell
Mitchell, it's '80s night.
Oh, hello, love!
What are we even doing here? I hate this music! You'll see.
Annie, this is Gilbert.
Gilbert... Annie, my house-mate.
All right. Nice to meet you.
Is it? How can he see me?
Like I said, he's a kindred spirit.
So you're, are you...?
Dead, yeah. Since 1985.
We're just going to get a drink. Come on.
How long have you...? What's it like...
What's it like living with Mitchell and his mate?
George! Yeah, it's great, it's great. I'm really grateful for the company actually.
You don't find it a bit...violent?
Violent? What do you mean?
You know, when they...
kill people? Oh, no, they don't do that.
Mitchell's on the wagon, and George, he restricts himself to the odd rat
or squirrel in the woods and he never brings it home.
Still, it's death for no reason. Death for no reason's murder.
I'm a vegetarian.
Hang the DJ! That tune came out in 1990!
Sorry. Who are you,
the '80s police?
No, no, just someone with taste. Right.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
This is what she needs, to meet someone with the same condition.
Anyway, it'll take her mind off Owen.
No, fair enough, it was such a success the last time
you encouraged one of us to meet someone with the same condition.
George, my friend, I do believe we're being checked out.
You don't have to do anything. Not unless you want to.
Of course I want to, I just can't.
I'm not safe.
I never know with you whether it's Jewish guilt or werewolf guilt.
They're pretty much the same thing.
What if I go and chat them up, and one of them likes me, and invites me
in for a coffee and I get tempted to smash the granny out of it?!
Hello, hi...
Smash the granny?
Yes, I'm sorry, that slipped out. It's my time of the month.
It's the same for you though, isn't it? If you sleep with someone, you might end up killing her.
I can control myself. Yeah? Uh-huh.
So what are you waiting for?
I'm just not in the mood.
You're just a bad penny, aren't you?
I wanted to make sure you got your present.
I was thinking of you the whole time, thinking of you watching me.
You know when I was a kid, my mum, my brothers, everyone said I was pretty enough to be in films.
Guess I finally did it. Yeah, they'd be so proud.
You did this to me.
You made me what I am. And I'll take responsibility for that.
But everything since then, everything you've done,
that was you. He was horrible, the guy that they picked.
He was cruel and he hurt me.
What do you mean? The guy who picked?
Herrick and the others, they made me do it, I didn't want to.
They thought that if you saw the film, you'd want me and you'd
come back. They thought that you wouldn't be able to stop yourself.
Yeah, well, they were wrong. I nearly threw up.
Tell me what to say to him, so he'll know that I've tried.
He got so violent the last time I came to you.
That's when he made me do the film.
I'm afraid of what he'll make me do next.
He's strong, you know, he's powerful.
I don't know what you want from me, Lauren.
I can't help you any more.
I can barely help myself.
Please, Mitchell, don't do this!
Don't keep walking away from me!
Well, I made it.
Came all the way on the No 17 bus by myself. Sound.
So why did you want me to come here?
What's the big surprise? Come on.
Gilbert, where are you taking me?
You'll see.
I've never seen it before.
It's beautiful. Beautiful?
I was 22 years old!
I had my whole life to live.
I was happy and I was in love. Yeah, well you can be happy now. How can I be happy?
I've lost the only man I've ever loved more than anything in this
world, and the children that I wanted, that feeling of...
Are there two Es in "fiancee"? Yeah, there are, yeah.
Annie, you're beyond that now.
Human needs, cravings, all that.
But the beauty of the world, I mean, it's all still here for us.
It's a better place, Annie. A better place?
Isn't that where we should have gone?
No, no, no, see that's what I used to think, right, but then I stood by my grave
and I felt the peace.
You know, and the stillness of it, and I knew this is where I wanted to be.
Forever. Forever?
Well, yeah.
Unless you find some kind of resolution.
To what? Your life,
your death even, you know...
You're still here for a reason, Annie.
MUSIC: "Girlfriend in a Coma" by The Smiths
Those are mine.
And where have you been, young lady?
I met up with Gilbert.
We went to the cemetery. He knows how to show a girl a good time.
No, it was really nice, actually.
Because it made me realise something, about why I'm still here.
There's clearly some unfinished business, something that I didn't do in my life, something unresolved.
And when I figure it out, I can move on.
LOW GURGLE
Oh, don't ask. The tap.
I've contacted our landlord.
Again. So what needs to be resolved?
Well, if I knew that, it wouldn't need resolving, would it? Keep up.
So what are you going to do?
Aha.
You don't know, do you? No, but I'm pretty sure that it'll involve some highlighter pens and a pad of paper.
What's that face?
It's just my face. I think that's a good thing, don't you?
God only knows what she could uncover. Why do you think I've never said any of this to her?
Now you're doing a face. I think you've grown attached to her and it's clouding your judgement.
She needs an answer, Mitchell,
one way or another.
MUSIC: "Ghost Town" by The Specials: # This town is coming like a ghost town
# All the clubs have been closed down... #
Hiya. Hi. I brought that Marc and the Mambas tape over for you.
Oh, great.
It's nice to see you again, Gilbert.
Is it? (He's a bit tense.)
Mm, isn't he?
So what are you two crazy kids going to do today?
Um, you know, just hang out, have fun.
This is fun?
Fun is such a bourgeois concept.
Oh... Right.
Ha... Twat.
We'll see you later. Hello.
Hello.
Gay da! Hiya.
Hello, hello. Do you see what you've done?
You've turned us into a "Hello, how are you?" programme, with the whole sodding neighbourhood.
We're valued members of the local community. Yes, till we inadvertently kill one of them.
Jesus, lighten up, will you?
# Over there is the picture we took when I made her my bride... #
It's sort of a mix of Euro Goth and French Chanson.
Marc Almond described it as "attempted suicide put on vinyl".
Gosh. Crikey.
I know.
Gilbert, I wanted to talk to you.
That thing that you said yesterday about me needing to finding a resolution,
it got me thinking.
That's what I need to do.
Finish my unfinished business, so that I can move on. Oh, I see.
So what I thought was...
well, what I wanted to ask you was,
would you help me?
What, me? Really? Yeah.
It could be like a task, or a project that we do together.
Like collecting every Echo and the Bunnymen Japanese import?
Yeah.
So if I did this with you,
we'd probably spend quite a bit of time together, wouldn't we?
Yeah, I guess so.
Is that OK? Yeah...
I could live with that.
A projector caught fire during an art history lecture at the language school.
Most of them were asleep, apparently.
Yes, that's German, Italian, Spanish and Russian.
And can you ask them to hurry up with the translator for the Israeli girl, she's in a lot of pain.
Thank you.
Right, does anyone here speak Hebrew?
What about you George, you're Jewish?
What? No, only shiksa or meshuganah, I'm afraid.
You're all right, you're all right. Look, I can speak German and Spanish, if it's any use.
And Italian. And French.
And Croatian. Croatian?
But my Russian's pretty basic, I'm afraid.
Sort of "two beers, please", "my girlfriend's allergic to dairy products", that sort of thing.
But I can get by.
Tell me about Annie.
Well. OK. Owen and I met at college.
I was studying design and he was studying computing.
Then we dated, he proposed,
I said yes, and then he got this job and we moved to Bristol.
It was our first place together and that was really exciting, but I guess
I missed my friends and my mum and my dad and my sisters, but we had email and everything, so it was fine.
And, yeah, it was just me and Owen.
It was very romantic! And then I fell down the stairs and died.
The end.
Well, that was the dullest story I've ever heard.
Nobody should ever make a film of that.
Thank God you met me.
It's time you had some fun, girl.
I thought fun was a bourgeois concept.
Oh, no, I'm talking about Gilbert fun.
MUSIC: "Tunnel of Love" by Fun Boy Three
Fascist dictator scumbag!
Sorry, are we actually having Gilbert fun yet?
CLANGING
This has been going on for months now. I don't understand why you won't just fork out for a plumber.
I told you, I can do this.
If it was your house, you'd have someone round to change a bulb.
That's different, sweetheart, that's electricity.
This is much more straightforward.
I'll just get a book from the library.
I hate this place. I didn't ask you to come.
You like coming round here, you like hanging around with those blokes, pretending you're a teenager again.
The first time you came round, I smelt beer on your breath after.
You're not their friend.
Let them get pally and they'll take advantage.
Look what happened to my cousin, she got all matey with that scuba diver.
Next thing you know, she's got a condom full of heroin shoved up her special place.
OK, let's go.
Are they gone?
Yeah.
Change of plan.
I don't think it's about me having Gilbert fun any more. Why not?
I'm still in love with my fiance. But he's still alive.
I know. It's crazy, we may have no future together, he's probably got
another 50 years of life left!
And even when he does pass over, he might prefer to spend it
with that filthy orange...pleb.
But... I can't let him go.
He must be very special.
Yeah, he is.
Not that you're not special too!
It's just,
I know that's why I'm here now.
I want to be Owen's wife. I want to love him and cherish him, and look after him.
So that's what I've got to do, right,
if I want to find peace?
Thanks for coming with me.
Well, this is nice.
We were going to get a shoe rack like that for our hallway.
I saw it in the IKEA catalogue.
Right.
First thing I'm going to do is put that there for Owen's keys.
He was always losing his keys.
Every day, he was like, "Annie,
"where's my fucking keys?
"I'm late for work!"
And I'd be like "Oh, they're on the fridge, where you left them, Tiger."
How will he know what it's for?
I'll tell him...
suggest it to him.
I'd like to be like his guardian angel, and stop anything bad from happening to him.
Can you stop him listening to Michael Buble...?
Hang on a second...
Permanently?
You're moving in here permanently?
I'll see how it goes.
You can't keep turning up here, someone might recognize you.
I'm clean. I haven't had any blood. But I don't know how much longer I can last.
Lauren... I need you to stop me from killing.
I just know I'm going to kill tonight.
You can't. Listen to me, you've got to stop yourself.
I killed my first boyfriend last week.
I didn't make him one of us,
I just drank,
like I could bring back some of my innocence.
It's all I can think about!
When I can kill again, when I can feed.
It's this screaming pain, in my blood and nerves, right under my skin.
And it gets shorter and shorter, the time I feel good, after I've killed.
There must be something you can do!
I need something to keep me going, please.
Thank you, thank you.
All right, look, meet me after work.
Just don't kill anyone.
I'll help you, I promise I'll help you.
Have you got a light? Cheers.
Is that an ironic, post-feminist fashion statement?
No, it was the only kind they had at the off-licence.
What's the deal with you and George?
Every time I see you, you're together. It's like you're attached at the hip.
Are you checking me out or him?
You know, he worries about me getting harassed in the workplace.
Don't worry, you're not my type.
Not any more. What about George, is he your type?
George...
George is... weird. No-one's denying that.
But once you get past the weirdness, he's actually the nicest bloke you could ever meet.
In fact, he'd like to invite you over for dinner tonight.
And I should mention, he's a really excellent cook.
Is he now?
Yeah. But it has to be tonight. He was pretty adamant about that.
Wh-wh-what... No. Why would you do something like that? Because you like her.
And for some bizarre reason she likes you. Maybe she's got a thing about hairy backs.
Play your cards right, you might find out. I told you, there can't be any of that.
It's just a simple meal between colleagues, and then she's out. Anything else is just too risky.
Maybe we need a bit of risky. No, we most certainly do not!
Really, I cannot believe you've put me in this position.
We've no food in the house.
I'll have to buy wine and proper, proper, proper coffee.
Coffee, risotto rice...
Oh, I could try that new River Cafe recipe.
No, hold on, hold on. We need to set some ground rules here about guests. Like what? Like...
don't kill them.
Such a bourgeois concept.
Keys!
HE SINGS
# I don't care just where you go
# As long, as long as it's with me
# And I don't mind just what you do
# As long, as long as it's with me too
# Oooooh oooooh
# Ooooooh oo-oo-oo-ooh ooooh
# Oooooh oooooh
# Ooooooh oo-oo-oo-ooh ooooh... #
Oh, for fuck...
# ..Get a taste in my mouth
# As desperation takes hold
# Is it something so good
# Just can't function no more... #
What's going on? I'm making parsley sauce for Owen.
Why?
Because it's my unfinished business.
PIPES CLANK
See, I realized that I never got to be a proper wife to Owen, I never got to do all those
loving little things to show him just how much I care about him.
Like making parsley sauce.
Not just parsley sauce... There's boiled ham as well.
I'm going to put it in a casserole dish and I'm going to take it round. Right.
OK, well aside from the fact that's a mental idea
on so many levels, do you think you could do it another night?
Only, I have a friend coming over for dinner, a female friend.
Oh, OK, so I'm contemplating resolving my death so that I can move on to the next dimension,
and you're worrying about getting your leg over?
I do not want to get my leg over!
Christ, why does everybody...?
It's just a meal between colleagues,
a simple risotto with frutti di mare, and I just...
I just want everything to be normal, for one night. Please?
She can't even hear me, let alone see me.
Oh, Annie, I really like this woman, and it would be so nice to spend an evening with her,
without worrying about her discovering the existence of the spirit world, as well as what I am.
Loads of people have had an experience with a ghost, and if they haven't they know someone who has.
It is a lot more socially acceptable than you may think.
They talk about it on Loose Women all the time.
DOORBELL
Agh! Look, loo... Just go in there!
Get out of the kitchen!
Please!
No.. no, no... Fine!
Annie! Over there.
# And I start to cry... #
No smoking.
Over there, please. Over there.
And this - this stays off.
MUSIC STOPS
For God's sake... Phrg!
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
Hi.
Er...come in, come in. Erm, this is for you.
Oh, it's a red, 2006... Portugal.
HE WOLF WHISTLES
Is it all right? Yes, it's... Erm, go through to the kitchen, please.
So, erm, er...
Oh, are you OK?
I'd like to say I made it... Did you not?
No, I did, I did.
I've never really gone into it, you know -
the reason why I'm still here.
I'm just so happy that I am.
Are you? Yeah!
I mean,
there is a light that never goes out.
I even thought about trying to resolve it once, you know,
cos it'd be sort of like "ghost suicide", you know.
But, you know, I just really like it here...especially now.
What happens?
Has anyone you know ever passed over?
Right, this mate of mine, he used to haunt the VIP toilets
at Leyton Orient Football Club, singing Andrew Lloyd Webber's Variations - famously composed
because of a bet he made with his cellist brother on an end of season match against Hull City in 1977.
Anyway, they brought in this exorcist, to speed up his spirit into the after-life.
And did it work?
One minute he's giving it, "Tell Me on a Sunday", the next... Pff!
Pff...
Is it just you and Mitchell live here?
Yeah...
So... He's gone out for the evening.
I guess that means we're alone.
I guess it does.
MUSIC STARTS
I guess that means Mitchell's back.
No, no. It's the, er...stereo,
it's on the blink and just keeps coming on at...
random, really inconvenient times! Nice music, though. Oh...you...
No. Oh, OK, I'll just go and turn it off...
MUSIC STOPS
Ah, sorry about that!
OK.
Erm, right... coffee?
Yeah.
PIPES CLANK AND GURGLE
Argh!
MUSIC BLARES
Shall we go upstairs?
Yes, please!
Look, it's a full moon.
No, not until tomorrow...
..apparently.
I've had a really lovely evening.
THEY PANT
Did you really throw up at the DVD?
Only the first dozen or so times.
HE GROWLS
HE GROWLS MORE LOUDLY
Oh, God, oh, God!
What? What's wrong, what is it?
No, no... nothing.
I just... I just... I just...can't.
Can't... can't what?
Look, do you fancy me, or not? I do.
Oh Jesus, I do.
Desperately.
But I just...can't.
You mean you've...got a problem?
OK, well what is it?
Look, I'm a nurse, it's not going to be anything I haven't seen before.
You're a man... You ARE a man, aren't you?
You have always been a man?
I'm...
Oh, God, it's...
I have trouble containing myself.
We can't keep doing this.
Now is not the time to tell me you're married.
I need proper blood, human blood.
We don't have to kill, we could get it from the hospital.
You think no-one's ever thought of that?
That kind of blood doesn't work, not completely.
The only way to do this is to go clean. To stop altogether.
And I will, I promise!
I just need this to get me started.
Just this last time and then I'll stop, I promise. Please, Mitchell.
We can do it together, we can keep each other strong.
Maybe it's something about love that's keeping me here.
Cos I never was in love in life.
I didn't believe in it.
I just thought love was just a miserable lie.
But since I met you...
You're thinking about Owen, aren't you?
I'm sorry, Gilbert.
I need to go.
I need to be with Owen.
Hey, I'll come with you.
Make sure you get there safely, eh?
No, no, no. I got two, Wincey got one.
All right, I've got to go, bye.
Happy anniversary.
Mmm, someone's in a good mood!
I just want you to know, I really appreciate all the stuff you've been doing for me lately. What stuff?
Aw, come on.
All those sweet little things you've been doing.
They mean a lot to me.
They make me realize how you're always thinking about me.
You mean when I put that lace teddy on?
SHE SOBS
Hang on, so you didn't put this shirt out for me either? No!
You know I hate that shirt.
So who's doing it, then?
LOUD BANG
'They're on the fridge where you left them, tiger.' Owen? What is it?
It's fine! It's fine...
What are you doing? I said it's fine!
Sorry.
Sorry, Owen.
Why are you looking at a poster about gonorrhea?
That's just great...
No, I was hiding from someone.
So that's it?
You've written off the possibility of having a relationship
with anyone, ever, or of ever having sex again?
Well, haven't you?
KNOCK ON DOOR
KNOCKING
Hello?
Owen!
George?
Mitchell?
PIPES GURGLE
All right...
GURGLING
To detach the...
Jesus! Urgh.
What are you doing, Owen?
What is that? Got ya.
The thong.
FROM THE HALLWAY: You fucking bitch! Bitch!
No, Owen! Please, Owen!
Think I'm a fucking mug? No... Is that what you think?
I've never said that! You're cheap, Annie!
You're a fucking little whore, you know that? Don't say that!
It's embarrassing, it's tragic!
Please, Owen! You're pathetic, you know that?
Ow! Owen, please, you're hurting me!
Did you wear this for him? No, I promise, no! Did he make you come, Annie, was he good?
No, no.. Did you enjoy it, you cheap bitch! Owen, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Owen, please don't...
You fucking bitch!
Oh...
KNOCKING
KNOCKING CONTINUES
DOOR SLAMS
Anybody home?
Annie, are you there?
Sorry, I let myself in.
Annie?
What's wrong?
Owen killed me.
Give it to me. Jesus, can I get in the door?
Just fucking give it to me!
What's wrong with it? It's...
it's not right! I told you. It's not the same.
That kind of blood won't work. Not for long, anyway. Why not?
It's not fresh from the kill.
Should I... should I heat it up? It won't work! It's not there any more, there's not enough life left in it.
It might numb the pain for a while, but that's all.
Do you not think I'd have a fridge full?
Let me drink from you again.
You need to stop, Lauren. We had a deal! You were going to help me!
I am trying to help you! Or I'm just going to help myself!
You know, I don't really see where this relationship is headed any more.
You can't do this on your own. So maybe I won't.
You want a lift?
Come on, Lauren. You need to feed, come with me.
HOWLING
George! George, wait, wait!
I need to talk to you. Nina, I'm really sorry, but I just need to be somewhere right now.
Look, please don't be embarrassed about last night and, you know, your condition...
I'm not... No... I am. But look, can we talk about this another time?
I just need to be somewhere. Where?
Erm, er...it's a thing. It's just, er...just a thing, but it's quite urgent, so...
Oh God, is that the time? George, come with me. No, really.
Yeah, I was just...
It will literally take a minute. No, Nina... Come on!
It's nothing to be ashamed about, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't have a good sex life.
You know, there's all kinds of fun stuff you can do.
Hrrrhmm.
Sorry. Just clearing my throat.
Carry on.
OK, it explains in here how there are many ways
of giving a woman pleasure, for example, erotic massage.
You can use this technique to achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation.
Chrriisst... And you know, if you ask the woman to show you how she
gives herself pleasure when alone, you'll realise that it's possible
for her to be sexually satisfied without, you know, having to reach full penetration.
HE YELLS
I wasn't offering a demonstration, George! I'm on duty!
Bloody hell, it's always the quiet ones...
SHE SQUEALS
He must have flushed it away, but it's like the house held on to it.
He got so angry.
He wasn't like that when we first met.
I mean, he was a bit moody, and sometimes he'd...
he'd...
But maybe that was me.
Maybe I am just so annoying and so...
pathetic...
No.
Of course you're not, Annie.
Christ...
..you're amazing.
But the man I loved killed me.
Am I really that hard to love back?
Ey, ey! Come on,
you are loved.
By loads of people.
By me.
What?
I love you.
I really love you.
Hang on.
That door wasn't there.
What is it?
Death.
Well...
do we go through it?
What happens? Don't go near it!
No, no, it's for me.
It's come for me.
Come with me.
I can't.
I don't want to go on my own.
No, I mean, I can't.
This isn't for me.
This is your death.
I just needed to meet you.
All this time,
I just needed to meet you.
DOOR CLOSES
HE YELLS
I guess we've, er...
cured your, you know,
premature, um...ejaculation thing.
DOOR SLAMS
Oh, you're a dead man.
At least now, I know.
I had sex with Nina last night and it was bloody marvellous!
Annie was killed by Owen.
Five minutes.
Could I have not just had just five minutes with The Biggest News?
Hey.
Are you all right?
You know what I think?
The house was telling us.
All that stuff about the pipes and the taps.
It's like it was all part of you.
It was your...
memories. They were... Affecting the plumbing?
It's stopped now, hasn't it?
Now everything's... known.
Well, that's something.
Yeah.
I find out the love of my life killed me, but it's OK, because at least now we can wash up!
But he wasn't though, was he? Yes, he was!
He loved me.
And I was in love.
It felt like he owned me.
Nobody owns you, Annie.
Nobody can.
So why didn't I go?
Being with him wasn't it.
Finding out what happened wasn't it.
So what now?
What's left?
I guess that's what we'll find out.
How did she...? She's a poltergeist. Take control, Annie! But I don't know how!
We've been deluding ourselves we could ever be accepted here, by proper human beings. We...
are monsters. We deserve to be cast out.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk