ROY ON CELLPHONE: How´s it going?
AGATHA: Well, Carsely Advertiser
have taken photographs for a feature.
And, uh, the reporter has been bribed with enough champers
to guarantee an outrageously good review
for Barfield Hall as a wedding venue.
Great! Charles Fraith happy?
AGATHA: Client happy?
Client ecstatic.
-You don´t sound as ecstatic.
Well, it´s either because I´ve got sciatica
from a yoga class that this one signed me up for...
Namaste. That´s yoga for "You´re welcome."
Very good.
Or it´s because I hate weddings.
-She don´t mean that. -Oh, I think I do.
Bye, Roy.
Looks like the bride might hate weddings too.
If it´s any consolation, I cried my whole wedding day.
Really?
And you´re still together? Please say you are.
Yes! We are.
Children. Grandchildren.
Mr. Raisin and I couldn´t be happier.
You all right, hon?
I am now, babes.
Thanks to this kind lady.
Oh, and Jo Jo, thanks for the lend.
No worries. Something borrowed, eh, babes?
Catch you later.
You don´t look old enough to have grandchildren.
Oh, I´m not.
Well, I am, obviously,
because of what I said.
CHARLES: So now I´ll hand you over to Mr. Bernie Barrington.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
Please, a toast to the bride and groom.
Kylie and Zac.
-Kylie and Zac! -Kylie and Zac!
...and Zac.
Now, I´d like to thank Kylie´s mother
for asking me to give her away.
Freda, it was an honor.
I haven´t known Kylie all her life,
but I have known her all her working life.
And, uh, Zac, she hates working.
I give it a year.
No, strike that. Six months.
Oh, stop it.
Seriously.
She was in a right state earlier.
Look at him.
Looks like he´s waiting for...
The bus.
It must have been so difficult, Freda,
bringing up a child on your own.
This beautiful young lady.
That´s God, that is, telling you to stop being so depressing.
Agatha.
That´s my name.
I think you´ve been avoiding me since we kissed.
No, I haven´t.
Oh, James, you know, it´s fine. You can relax.
I was a bit emotional,
and you were a shoulder to cry on, literally.
Doesn´t need to mean anything.
No, no. That´s how I feel.
Good.
Agatha.
Um, drive carefully.
There´s been some flooding in Evesham.
Right.
What happened?!
Come on! Have a look!
What´s going on?
Oh, no.
Kylie.
And ready, set, lift.
It´s awful.
They´ve just taken the poor girl´s body out of the water.
Oh, Roy, this is...
A P.R. nightmare for Barfield Manor -- I know.
Look, call Charles Fraith and tell him not to worry
because you´re gonna look into it.
Mrs. Agatha Raisin.
What are you doing here? As if I didn´t already know.
Excuse me a minute, Roy.
You don´t know. I was just passing.
Course you were.
This is a police matter, so do not start investigating it.
Do start investigating it.
Seriously, Agatha. Best leave this one alone.
I definitely will.
I absolutely won´t.
Bill.
I was at this girl´s wedding.
You should question the groom, Zac Leeson.
He looked like he didn´t even want to be at his own wedding.
I can´t arrest a man
for looking like he doesn´t want to be at his own wedding.
A jury generally prefers evidence.
I will find evidence.
I mean, you will find evidence.
I´ll just get on with my life.
The groom would be too obvious.
And anyway, all the signs are this is suicide.
There´s no murder to investigate.
Ohh!
I don´t think I can do it.
It´s not even natural, anyway.
Come on.
-Brilliant. -Oh, uh, Aggie.
Rita knew Kylie.
I did.
She and her mother came to my Saturday classes.
Really?
Really? Um...
Can I ask you a question?
What was Kylie like?
Very supple.
Sorry. You mean...
Oh, she was lovely.
Did she ever seem depressed to you?
No. She was very happy to be getting married to Zac.
His dad, Terry, owns Rave, the nightclub in Evesham.
Oh, Rave! I love Rave.
I did most of my teenage snogging in Rave.
Right. Do you know --
Good old Rave.
Finished raving about Rave? Thank you.
Do you know where we could maybe find her mother?
Carsely police are saying that my Kylie killed herself.
She´d never kill herself.
Not on her wedding day or any other day.
Oh, it´s really difficult to say this, but...
Were they happy?
I told here she was too young to get married,
but she never listened to me.
I was 22 when I got married.
To my ex-husband.
I´d really like to help, Freda.
I was wrong about Zac.
That does not look like the face of a man
who´s about to murder his wife.
Maybe it was suicide.
Look, can we stop talking about this?
I thought we were having a business meeting.
Oh, I´m sorry, Charles.
I mean, what is a mother losing a child
compared to you having three weddings canceled?
What?
BILL: I wanted to say sorry before you saw it on the news.
Kylie Stokes didn´t drown.
She disappeared after her wedding,
and at some point after that she was killed,
and then her body was deep-frozen,
then dumped in the river.
You were right.
It wasn´t suicide. It was murder.
What
Her body was deep-frozen and dumped in the river.
GEMMA: Deep That´s horrible.
I have to talk to Zac.
-And to Kylie´s friends. -No.
I just think, uh, you shouldn´t talk to anyone.
Just leave it to the police.
And what about your precious wedding business, Charles?
Look, forget about my bloody business.
I´m asking you, Agatha,
please, not to get involved.
It´s unlike Charles to get so emotional, isn´t it?
The only thing Charles is so emotional about
is his bank balance, whatever he says.
Oh, here we go. Look.
I´m here with Kylie Stokes´ brokenhearted bridesmaid.
Now, Sharon, can I ask for your reaction
to the police announcement that Kylie was murdered?
Yes. It´s just awful.
I worked with Kylie at Barringtons, like we all did.
I loved that girl.
And can I ask your name?
Phyllis Heger, purchase ledger clerk.
And model.
Kylie had two bridesmaids. I met the other one briefly.
I need to talk to her.
And Zac. And that awful Phyllis creature.
But without Wilkes knowing about it.
Simples. Right?
You saw how desperate they were to be on TV.
We could say that Roy is the producer
of a new reality TV show
about what it´s like to be young in the Cotswolds.
Answer -- Dreadful.
They´ll tell you everything
if they think they´re gonna be famous.
No, I like it.
"The Only Way is Evesham."
-"Made In Moreton-on-the-Marsh."
I´ll say I´m doing P.R. for your production company.
Yeah, and I could say that, um,
I´m one of the stars of the show,
like, um, sexiest cleaner in the Cotswolds.
I mean, I won´t say that.
In you go.
Hey.
What have you come has?
-TV producer.
Oh, they´re your own clothes, aren´t they?
Yes.
Aww. Can´t believe I´m back in Rave.
I think I´d go after that barman back in ´02.
Look. Zac´s dad. Over there.
But where is Zac?
Mm!
She´s the one I spoke to at the wedding. Look.
We´d like to order two of our friend Kylie´s, who died,
favorite cocktails.
Two screaming orgasms, please.
You would look great on camera.
What about me?
Hollywood.
So if we do this show of yours,
what I want to know is...
Will you get paid?
Will I be able to release my own perfume?
For defs.
This is a high-profile show,
especially with all the media attention the town´s getting
over the Kylie Stokes murder.
Oh, s-she was our friend.
I was on TV about that.
Yeah, do you know, I was at the wedding
doing a little bit of P.R. for another client.
Anyway.
And I don´t want to gossip, but it did not look to me
as if Zac Leeson was particularly enjoying
his very special day.
What do you mean, gossip?
Look, I don´t want to be on TV about anything.
Kylie was my best friend.
And Zac too.
And we´re both heartbroken that she´s gone.
-Oh! -Such a shame.
Shame. Tragic.
´Cause we were thinking, um, a tragic love story.
-I was thinking that. -"Romeo and Juliet."
-It would make great TV. -Stands the test of time.
It would be.
-It would be totes emosh. -Totes.
Kylie definitely loved Zac and knew he was the one.
It was so romantic --
apart from when Phyllis threatened to kill Kylie
for stealing Zac off her.
That wasn´t so romantic.
Oh, so Phyllis and Zac were a couple?
I thought they were best friends.
Phyllis has a lot of friends.
She hated Kylie.
Phyllis...
...is a psycho.
I want you to leave.
You´re upsetting Joanna with all this talk
about my daughter-in-law, and you´re upsetting me.
Sorry.
It´s just that my client here is
about to embark on a new reality television show,
and we were hoping to feature your club.
And therefore we´d need to talk to you and to Zac.
My son´s in no state to talk to anyone.
You leave my son alone.
Now would you kindly go?
Well, Zac looks just fine to me.
I mean, really quite fine.
GEMMA: Look at his dad, though. He looks well dodge.
AGATHA: Maybe he´s just playing the protective-father card.
Either way, were gonna have to talk to that Phyllis girl.
MAN: Agatha.
Can you hear me?
Agatha.
Are you all right?
What are you doing here?
I was following you.
I told you I was worried about you
getting into danger, and I was right.
Come on.
Okay?
Yeah.
Agatha, you need to drop this case
before you get yourself killed.
Come on.
CHARLES: You sure you´re okay?
AGATHA: Yeah.
What´s he up to?
-Bye, Agatha. -See you later.
Oh!
You okay? What is it?
Come on. Let´s get you inside.
Okay.
Come on. Let´s get you inside.
Did Charlie call the police?
No. Didn´t even suggest it.
Ridiculous.
-Well, I will. -No, no. Don´t.
Don´t tell Wilkes.
I told him I wouldn´t get involved.
Plus, with this whole TV-scam thing,
I could very well be charged.
I´m not giving up.
I´m clearly onto something, and I have to solve this one, James.
I need to talk to Zac if I´m to rule him out.
And that awful Phyllis Heger creature.
I´m coming with you.
Oh, no, it´s okay. Charlie said that he --
Well, he´s not. These are dangerous people.
And unlike Charles, I was a soldier.
You´re gonna be in very safe hands with, uh, James here,
who is our head of talent.
Oh! Like a posh Simon Cowell.
AGATHA: Yes. Like a posh Simon Cowell.
Um, anyway, we, Phyllis, are looking for a star.
You´ve found her, babes.
The search is over, Posh Simon.
JAMES: Hooray.
Big freezer.
Yeah, what I was gonna say,
from a P.R. perspective,
as soon as someone new is in the media,
the tabloids, they are gonna start digging.
-Digging for secrets. -Let ´em.
I´ve got no secrets.
I´m an open book, me.
AGATHA: Good.
Well, while we´re on the subject,
did you threaten to kill Kylie Stokes?
What?
What´s that got to do with the TV show?
I just told you.
Yeah, I threatened her. She stole my Zaccy.
I loved him.
But enough to kill Kylie? No.
Miss Stokes made a few threats of her own, I can tell you.
-Mm-hmm.
Do you want to tell us?
Little tart had an affair with our boss, Bernie Barrington.
Bernie Barrington?!
Bernie Barrington who gave her away at her wedding?
PHYLLIS: Exactly.
And when the old perv wanted to finish it,
Kylie threatened to tell his wife unless he paid her off.
Do you think you could get a body in that freezer?
You think Phyllis did it?
Well, I think she´s guilty of being a brainless tart.
But a murderous brainless tart? Who knows?
What about Kylie blackmailing Barrington?
I know!
Phyllis is more than capable of making that up.
Well, if she didn´t make it up,
then Barrington is our prime suspect.
And a dirty old man.
But I´m hoping that Kylie´s best friend Joanna
can tell me the truth about that.
Freda gave me her address, so I´ll go and see her now.
Alone.
Don´t want you to scare her off.
But thank you.
Your help was very much appreciated today.
Nice hanging out with you, Posh Simon.
See you later, Agatha.
Hi. I-I want to apologize about the other night.
I know that you don´t want any involvement in the show,
but, well, if Kylie´s story comes up --
and it is bound to --
I just want to make sure that it´s dealt with properly.
Thank you.
Fields. Is that the family business?
Was. It was my granddad´s old shop.
It´s a bit spooky living above it,
but it´s so close to Barringtons -- to work.
Agatha wants to ask some questions about Kylie.
No, I´m -- I´m so sorry.
You should have asked me to come back another time.
I really don´t want to disturb --
Oh, no, no. You´re not disturbing anything.
We were just looking at the albums.
Thank you.
That was the year we started school.
Oh, it´s lovely.
I was the one that started them. I kept them up.
I´m the nerd.
Kylie was busy living life.
Me and the six-year-old Zac Leeson.
He asked me to go out with him at morning break.
By lunchtime he dumped me and went back out with Kylie.
Heartbreaker even then.
No, they´re in order!
For God´s sake, it don´t matter.
No.
Sorry.
I´m a bit on edge at the minute.
We all are.
What did you want to ask us about Kylie?
Oh, it can wait. Really.
No. It can wait.
You look after yourself, Freda.
There was something you wanted to ask, wasn´t there?
Oh, no.
Now is not the time.
No, please, Agatha. I want to know.
Okay.
Well, there is a rumor that -- that Kylie
was having an affair with Bernie Barrington.
"You lying perverted bitch, Raisin.
GEMMA: Coming!
You are just jealous because she was young and beautiful,
you dried-up old spinster."
You´re not dried up. Or old.
Technically you are a spinster.
-Hello. -ROY: Hi, Bill.
What?
We´ve had a complaint from...
Freda Stokes. Yes, tell me about it.
Well, I´m going to.
She wants you to stop meddling in Kylie´s case.
To be fair, Bill, she very much wanted me
to meddle in Kylie´s case.
I know, but that has to stop now.
Also we´ve been getting reports of TV people
asking a lot of questions about Kylie´s murder.
Oh! Vultures.
You see, that´s the media for you.
No shame.
Producer´s an effeminate man in his 40s?
40s?! No, he´s not. Is he?
I mean, I´ve worked in the media for a while,
and I would say a producer of a TV show like that
would be quite butch, probably in his early 30s.
Anything else you´d like to tell me?
No.
Right.
Well...
You should have told him about Barrington and Kylie.
After we´ve talked to Barrington ourselves.
No, you can´t talk to Barrington, remember,
or anyone else about Kylie´s case.
No, I can´t. But you can.
You need to talk to him and flatter him
into taking part in the television show.
Not on your own.
Barrington could be a killer. I´ll go with you.
James, no offense --
I mean, you may have been an exemplary soldier --
but you are the least convincing
fake reality-television producer ever.
Oh.
This is a job for an accomplished liar,
someone with absolutely no morals or scruples whatsoever.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Every show needs a precinct --
a Central Perk, a Queen Vic, a Rovers Return.
Or something that isn´t a pub or a coffee shop could work too.
Like the offices of a company
that sells computer software to accountants.
Like Barringtons.
Could be good for business.
You know, Bernie, I see you as a Cotswolds Alan Sugar.
You´re fired.
Actually, you´re not fired, little lady.
You´re promoted.
And I am gonna slip you a great big bonus.
GEMMA: Mm.
Agatha, I was wondering if you´d like to come over to Barfield.
-Have a bite of supper.
Update me on the case.
Charlie, this isn´t another of your lame excuses
to get me over to your house
so you can make another pass at me, is it?
Because I´m telling you, you are wasting your time.
-Charlie loves a challenge. -Yes, I know he does.
Although thanks to Freda Stokes
I seem to have bumped myself off the case.
All right! I´ll see you later.
-Hi. -Hi.
Okay, I´ll get straight to the point.
We are having an exhibition
of old photographs of Carsely and Evesham,
and would you mind helping out at the tea stall?
Everyone else has said no.
Why has everyone else said no to that?
No.
Oh! Agatha.
You´re always moaning about
being made to feel like you´re an outsider.
Well, you always will be
unless you get involved in village life.
Oh!
Okay.
That´s the spirit.
You´re fired.
-You´re funny. -Oh. Ha ha.
Oh! She´s a tease.
Ciao for now.
Psst!
What? He didn´t see me.
I just wanted to see how you were getting on.
How did you get on?
I told you he could be a killer,
and I wanted to make sure that Gemma and Roy had protection.
Well, once he´d finished trying to feel me up,
I gave him the whole "You can´t have skeletons in the closet
if you want to be the Cotswolds Alan Sugar" line
and asked him if it was true that Kylie was blackmailing him.
-He denied it.
Ohh!
Our frozen bride Kylie couldn´t blackmail Barrington,
because his wife already knew they were having an affair.
In fact it was his wife´s idea to give Kylie the 15 grand.
As a wedding present.
And as a thank-you for having sex with Bernie
so that she didn´t have to have sex with Bernie.
Freda, before you say anything,
firstly I want to apologize for any hurt
that I may have caused you.
And secondly I think that you should hear this.
There it is. 15 grand from Barrington.
Oh, Kylie, what were you thinking?
So who killed my girl?
I don´t know.
No.
The day before the wedding,
she received five grand from Charlie Fraith.
JAMES: You need to tell the police.
Charles is one of my oldest friends.
I can´t believe he´s a murderer.
Well, exactly, which is why --
But old friend or not, it´s not looking good.
He was all over the place
when you told him that Kylie was murdered.
He kept badgering you to drop the case
and didn´t even call the police
when you got mugged in the street.
And he gave the victim £5,000.
Listen, I´m sure there is
a perfectly innocent explanation for that money.
Well, there´s probably a very guilty explanation,
but I´m pretty certain it doesn´t involve killing anyone.
So I am going to go to his house,
we´re gonna have dinner, and I´m gonna talk to him about it.
But surely him inviting you to dinner --
Isn´t that suspicious in the first place?
Well, not really, no.
It´s just a ruse to get me over there
so he can make a pass at me.
So, James, how do I look?
Really lovely.
Thank you.
AGATHA: Oh!
Oh, you´re good for me, Charlie Fraith.
Well, I think I´d rather be bad for you.
What are you like?
Mmm. This is really delicious.
What is it?
I don´t know. Just something I got out of the freezer.
-Yeah.
I think I need some water.
No, it´s okay. I-I...
I need to go to the toilet, anyway.
-Just twist. -Yeah.
-Ah! Oh!
What are you doing in here?
I was just, uh...
Pop-Tarts are great, aren´t they?
I need to go and get some Pop-Tarts right now.
Well -- But you haven´t had your dinner.
And, um, you can have those Pop-Tarts.
I only bought them for my nephew.
I-I´d quite like to have my own Pop-Tarts.
-I´m funny like that.
You should probably get that.
I don´t want to.
JAMES: Charlie?
Charlie?
I-I was just in the area,
and I suddenly thought maybe Agatha needs a lift home.
And you were right. So, well done.
Your car´s just there. And you´ve only had one drink.
But I was predrinking. "Prinking."
I probably shouldn´t have driven that car.
Bye, Charlie.
So, what are we looking out for?
Anything out of the ordinary.
Suspicious behavior.
What´s the matter?
It´s...
I don´t know.
Something familiar about Joanna´s dress.
Whiskey?
Oh, I, uh -- I think I might have something to eat
before I start on the whiskey.
Surprised that Freda could afford Barfield for the wake.
She couldn´t.
I gave it to her for free.
Did you? That´s very kind of you.
To be honest...
...I´m feeling guilty.
Why do you feel guilty, Charlie?
Something borrowed.
I´m sorry?
-AGATHA: Joanna. -Oh, not now, please.
I was just gonna say it´s a beautiful dress.
Yeah, it is.
Local designer from Cheltenham. My favorite.
It´s, uh, very similar to Kylie´s wedding dress.
The fabric. The detail, even.
Is that the something she borrowed from you?
Sure, um...
Freda didn´t have enough money for a nice dress,
and I wanted Kylie to look beautiful on her big day, so...
Aww.
Why did you have a wedding dress?
Have you been married before?
No.
Well, almost.
I bought it when I thought that this man loved me enough
to ask me to marry him.
Turns out he didn´t love me at all.
Ohh.
Who was that, then?
Sorry, I probably shouldn´t have asked that.
You´re right. You shouldn´t.
But?
It was Terry Leeson. Zac´s dad.
But, please, it´s a secret.
Terry would hate Zac to know
that he was sleeping with one of Zac´s friends.
AGATHA: Mm.
-Yeah, you´re right. -You know it makes sense.
Charlie, I owe you an apology.
You´re clearly in some kind of trouble,
and I should be helping.
But the truth is,
my feelings for Agatha
are getting in the way.
Sir Charles Fraith.
Acting on information supplied anonymously,
we are arresting you on suspicion
of the murder of Kylie Stokes.
-I called them in.
I´m sorry, but I had to.
-You´re making a mistake. -No, you´re making a mistake.
Unless you want to be arrested for withholding evidence.
ZAC: Agatha Raisin.
Don´t turn around. My dad´ll see.
I need to talk to you.
I´ve got to talk to someone.
Meet me at the church tonight around 11:00.
Please, just be there.
It´s a big shock. It´s a big shock.
BILL: The mike should be live now.
Can you hear me, Agatha?
Yes. Testing, testing.
Ground control to D.C. Wong.
Can you hear me, D.C. Wong?
Okay, the Reverend and Mrs. Bloxby should leave now.
It´s almost time.
The Reverend and Mrs. Bloxby should leave now,
for it is almost time.
Thank you for turning my church into a crime scene, Agatha.
I didn´t ask Zac to meet me here, Your Holiness.
I shall put some money in the little envelope.
Jez is a vicar, not the pope.
Semantics. Your Grace.
-Oh! God.
Sor-- Oh, sorry.
Station had a call from Terry Leeson.
He´s reported Zac missing.
Terry.
Can we talk?
You´re the last person I want to talk to.
I´m calling the police.
No, no, no. Please, don´t do that.
You know that Zac had asked to speak me last night?
They told me, yeah.
Right, any ideas about
what he may have wanted to talk to me about?
I have no idea why anyone would want to talk to you people.
I know about you and Joanna Field.
What?
She told me. Yesterday.
That you and her had had a relationship.
Me and Joanna had a relationship?
You crazy?
I used to pick that kid up from nursery.
What kind of perverted nonsense are you making up now?
I understand why you wouldn´t want Zac to know about --
You come near me or my son again,
and I promise you, I will hurt you.
SARAH: Where are you?
You promised to help out with the tea stall
at the photo exhibition.
Ohh!
I can´t believe I´m at some dismal photography exhibition
when I should be out cracking the case.
Terry Leeson´s up to something. I know it.
Leave the police work to the police, Agatha.
Anyway, speaking as a historian,
I find the exhibition fascinating.
AGATHA: Really?
Well, speaking as a normal person,
I find it profoundly dull.
Agatha, Mr. Green would like to give you a personal tour
as a thank-you for helping out.
What a very nice thank-you that is, too.
-I will have my revenge. -I know.
And here is the old town library,
which, interestingly, was on a different site
to the new town library.
That´s amazing. Who´d have thought it?
Right, let´s talk me through this one, then, shall we?
No, I haven´t finished talking you through this one.
I think you have.
Oh, that? No particular interest there.
Wyvern Street, Evesham, in the 1970s.
Featuring the old Barringtons building.
The old what? What
Now, if you don´t mind, I should probably be packing up.
Not so hasty, Mr. Green. Wait a minute.
-That´s Fields.
AGATHA: Fields.
Yes, Fields. Family butchers.
Though, to be honest, I used to prefer
Dowies on the high street.
Oh, their sirloin was wonderful.
Butchers have freezers, Mr. Green.
-Butchers have freezers!
Well, yes, I would hope so.
Otherwise, the threat to public health
would be unimaginable.
TERRY: Joanna?
Joanna?
Joanna.
Joanna!
Oh, please, God. Let it just be Pop-Tarts.
Aah!
Oh! Oh!
I knew something wasn´t right at the club
when you started asking questions about Kylie.
And then Freda tells me
the famous Agatha Raisin is investigating Kylie´s murder.
I tried to shut you up then.
It was you.
You that hit me in the street.
Did you kill Kylie Stokes?
I loved Zac.
He said he loved me.
And then that little tart stole him from me,
like she´s stolen everything from me
ever since I was in kindergarten.
So, yes.
I killed Kylie.
The great thing about your granddad being a butcher,
apart from the free sausages,
is you learn how to use a knife.
To cut up a carcass.
Or even a body.
Straight to voice mail.
Let´s go to Fields.
Wait!
If anyone could, uh, get a snap of Fields,
I should be very grateful.
JOANNA: You know, me and Zac were having an affair
right up until the day he asked her to marry him.
And a good few days after.
I said to him,
"Oh, I hope I don´t get too drunk at the wedding
and tell all of your guests
that you´ve been shagging one of the bridesmaids."
Which is why he was looking so shifty.
´Cause he thought you were gonna spill the beans.
JOANNA: Poor, gullible Zac.
Him and Kylie came over the day after the wedding
to return the dress.
Smug bitch crowing about the happiest day of her life.
22 years of being second best.
I snapped.
I went for her. Zac pulled her off me.
Whack!
She hits her head.
Zac knew it looked bad for us,
but of course he wants to go to the police.
I said, "Yeah, sure, okay.
You go to the police,
and I will tell everybody about our affair
and that you did it deliberately."
And then that night, when the floods came,
we dumped her in the river.
In your wedding dress.
Nice touch, eh? That was my idea.
-Aah! -Oh!
And then yesterday Zac comes ´round,
and he tells me that he´s gonna see you and tell you everything.
So I pushed him in here and froze him to death.
-Get back! -Drop the knife!
I´ll do it! I´ll kill her!
JAMES: Calm down. Calm down.
-Get back. -Put the knife down.
-No! -No!
No!
Kylie came to see me a week before the wedding.
But for someone wanting to talk quotes from caterers,
she was wearing very little.
Uh, she made a pass at me, and, uh, I couldn´t resist.
Well, you could. But you didn´t.
Well.
So we were kissing and getting a little fruity,
and suddenly she´s shouting, not in a good way.
She´s saying I´ve assaulted her
and that the only thing stopping her going to the police
is if I promise to reduce the price of the wedding reception
by £5,000.
Well, at £5,000, that was a very expensive snog.
To be honest, we might have got a little bit further than --
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That´s enough.
Spare the ladies the gory details.
No, this lady wants the gory details.
No, better not.
Oh. Okay.
This lady´s putting the kettle on, then.
And this gentleman´s gonna come with you.
I´d just like to say that, um...
...I don´t have any feelings.
Yes, I think we all know that, Charlie.
I mean, at least not like the ones we were talking about.
So...
Good luck.
What was all that about?
Absolutely no idea.
-How old -- -Do --
Um, no, I was just gonna say,
how old were you when you got married?
Me? Old enough to know better.
Do you have any regrets?
I don´t really believe in regret.
I think if you make a mistake,
you should just try not to make it again.
Yeah. You´re right.
I´m gonna stay single forever.
Right. Where´s that tea?